


The secret heard all around the world

by Snowflake0913



Series: Dreams do come true... Sort of [2]
Category: Norman Reedus - Fandom
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Comic-Con, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Friendship, Hotel Sex, Oral Sex, Public Humiliation, Secrets, Sex, Sextape, Social Media, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:45:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 129,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflake0913/pseuds/Snowflake0913
Summary: One Con wasn't enough but shit is about to hit the fan and Mr. Reedus is faced with a lot more than he bargained for. All they wanted was an uncomplicated relationship based on nothing else but sex. They both got so much more...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [benevolent01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/benevolent01/gifts).



> This is the second part of this short (?) series. And I decided to give the female character a name and a background this time around. it makes it easier to write and will make more sense later one in the story.

It’s been 3 days, 12 hours and 25 minutes since I watched him walk away. And here I am again. I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted but I can’t go to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it. Him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I mean I did think about him a lot before too. Daydreaming. But now when I’ve some actual real memories of my own I can’t stop them from flooding my brain every fucking night.

Leaving wasn’t really the problem. And traveling back home was easy too. But finally getting home and face my BFF, Kristin, was the final nail in the coffin for me. She comes picking me up at the airport although I’ve a bus ticket and she just hands me a bar of chocolate and tissues and tells me start talking. And I tell her. I tell her everything and I break down again and again. It’s so surreal. It’s still surreal and so hard to grasp that I actually did this 3 days and like 11 hours ago.

I pick up my phone and take a look at the10 + selfies and I remember that it is real. I’m still debating whether or not I should post my photo ops online. Friends and family have been asking since the day I got back. Probably because I talked about it so much before I left and made promises about loads of pictures. This far the only thing I’ve shared with my very modest clam of followers (572 to be exact) on Instagram, are my walk to the venue and queuing for the first day.

I open up my gallery and start going through the 100 somewhat pictures and try to pick out those who turned out the best. A selfie with Tom. A few panel photos. An overview from the balcony while waiting in line the second day. And all my photo ops make’s the cut. Although I’m not so sure about my photo op with Norman. But I really love the picture! And it’s not like he’s going to care anyway with already like a half a million of them out there. Screw it! I add it again.

_Here’s finally my pictures from #walkerstalkerlondon this past weekend. A surreal experience in so many ways but one of the best weekends of my life ♥ #wsclondon #normanreedus #photoop #jdm #gatecrashing #selfiewithjesus #panels #teamneganorteamdaryl_

Out of habit, I tag the actors in my pictures. I don’t really care about the amount of likes I get but I know it helps other people find my pictures. I really need to try and get some sleep! I turn on an audiobook and pray it’s going to help tonight as I’ve an early meeting at work in the morning.

My son wakes me up. I hear him in the bathroom singing and I wonder what the hell he’s doing up at this hour. It’s 3 in the morning. But I don’t have the time to call out to him before he’s back in his room again. I’m listening to make sure he’s in bed before trying to go back to sleep myself. My phone distracts me however, telling me I’ve a bunch of notifications to attend too. I try to ignore them but give up after just a minute. I’m too curious for my own good.

Of course there’s mostly comments to my Instagram but there’s also a few pm waiting for me. The first 4 are from jealous fans who more or less tells me to go fuck myself for taking a picture with Norman. I report and delete them all without really reading them.

The 5th on makes me sit bolt up right in bed and my heart starts racing.

_Never thought I would find you again, girl. Very happy that I did. Just wanted to make sure you’re ok. I miss fucking you ;)_

Is it really him? The account is not his official one but I guess he has a private one as well. It’s his picture in the profile with Mingus.

_Who do you think you’ve found?_

I need to proceed with cation here. Before getting too worked up I need to know it’s really him.

_Don’t be like that, Ems. You know it’s me_

_No I don’t_

_What can I do to convince you?_

_Tell me who you think I am_

_I know who you are, babe. I know you gave me one hell of a blowjob in a bathroom at #wsc, Saturday. Then we continued back to my hotel room and you spent the night and I fucked you in the shower and you screamed my name a few times I believe._

What does he want? Seriously, what is his deal? And I’m not really 100 % convinced it’s him. I get that it has to be him but it’s still weird that he writs to me. Why? WHY?! I most have been silent for a little too long for his liking because he sends me another pm, this time with a selfie, holding up some British newspaper with today’s date.

_Believe me now?_

_Fine… Yeah. Hi, Norman._

_Hi Ems. How are you?_

_Tired. It’s in the middle of the night. Shouldn’t you be asleep too?_

_Probably… Harder to do when I’m alone though. Why u up?_

_Search me…_

_I still want to see you this weekend_

What the hell? Just stop! I can’t! but I want to. I want to so fucking bad to see him again. Well, fuck him again to be honest. The conversations were fun, sure but the sex was fucking awesome!

_Why?_

_What do you mean why? Isn’t it obvious? I remember you telling me you’d never have anyone better_

_And I meant it_

_So what’s the problem girl? Fly out and come see me! I’ll pay you_

_Speaking of money. What the fuck was up with the cash? 1000 £?! Are you insane?!_

_U expected more? I can give u more_

_NO!!! WTF! I wasn’t expecting anything! The sex was enough compensation._

_It was more for not spilling the beans_

_I get that but who the hell am I going to tell? I don’t even believe it myself_

_I’ve the video if you want to see it ;)_ _Been watching it pretty much every night_

_Why?_

_Coz you’re so fucking hot! Please come to Germany ♥_

_And do what?_

_I could make u one of my volunteers. That way I get a chance to look at u all day_

Ok, he needs to stop this! What is he playing at? I know there’s no feelings involved so why the fuck does he make it sound like he actually wants to be with me? Other then fuck me?! I made it clear, didn’t I? I don’t want to involve feelings or some other scary shit! And he doesn’t know me!

_I thought this was just about sex_

_It is. Why u think I want u close? So I can watch your sexy ass all day! And then fuck u through the night_

_It is pretty tempting I’ve to say_

_Good. I really want to see u again. U don’t have to think about a thing, I swear. I’ll take care of everything. Please baby_

_What about your gf?_

_Still MIA. Don’t worry about it_

_I’ve to check with my son_

_Of course_

_And I’ve to leave Sunday night, gotta be home Monday morning_

_I’ll check flights. I’ve been stalking u IG now so I know were you live ;)_

_It kinda feels like you’re stalking me_

_I AM! And I will keep stalking u until u say yes to cum see me_

_Cum?_

_Oops… Sorry. Fucking phone…COME see me_

_Fuck u!_

_Yes please_

_OMG! Stop! I’m going to go to sleep now…_

_Alright. I’m glad I finally found u cause I really, really, really want u again_

_I want u too_

_Good. Sleep tight and dream of me ♥_

_Jeez Norman what’s wrong with u….? good night!_

Before he has time to send another replay, I turn off the phone and put it back beside me, turn to the other side and force myself to go back to sleep.

                                            --------------------------------

I’ve never got hit by a car but I imagine this comes pretty close to what it most feel like. Like you are being crush at the same time as you can’t believe this is happening to you. The shock and confusion as you try to grasp what is going on with your body and mind. Thankfully there’s no physical pain involved and I’m not actually getting hit by a car, just the extremely weird and confusing human being that is Norman Reedus.

Once again as I check my phone after dinner, there’s a new pm from him. Just like pretty much every single time I’ve picked up my phone since the day before. He keeps asking, no begging me, to just come and see him. This time however he seems to have taken it a step further and he asks if I can leave tomorrow afternoon from my hometown. There’s a screen dump of a flight plan from here to Munich for a 14:45 flight. I check my schedule although I know I’ve already finished work by this time. It’s Friday and Kristin has already assured me she will pick up my son after school.

He of course, had no problems with me going away again. Especially not when I told him it would be to go see Norman again. So I know there’s no excuses left. But yet I hesitate. Why? Why can’t I just go and have crazy good sex for 2 days? What is it really that holds me back? I’ve been trying to find an answer to this since getting home but the only thing that keeps coming back is that the feeling of something going wrong. Very wrong. My guts keep telling me shit is going to get a lot more complicated if I see him again. I’m not sure why because we both know were we stand. We made that clear, right? It is just sex. No feelings. Just physical needs and nothing else. But he’s more than sex to me. He has been for the past 2 years and it’s so fucking weird that I’m having sex with a person that I look up to and admire.

“Mom!”

I drop the phone in my hand and I realize I’ve been gazing at the same screen for probably minutes now. I look up and Kevin is standing right in front of me.

“Yeah?”

“I’m going outside to ride my bike.”

“Ok. Do you want me to come with you?”

He’s already halfway towards the hallway.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Just around the house.”

“I know, mom.”

“I know you know, but sometimes you forget.”

I say and catch up to him when he puts his shoes on. He turns with a sigh and grabs his helmet.

“I’m not going to forget. I’ll be around the house.”

“Set a time on your phone.”

I ask and he quickly takes out his phone from his jacket.

“How long?”

“30 minutes.”

“Mom, come on! An hour.”

“45 minutes. You need to take a shower before bed tonight.”

 “Fine. 45 minutes.”

“Good.”

He puts the phone back into his jacket and grabs his keys and exits the apartment. I walk straight out on the balcony and wait until I see him by the bikes. He gets so easily distracted that he sometimes gets stuck in the elevator and keeps going up and down. But not today. He makes it to his bike and I watch him get on before heading back inside.

I ignore the papers I need to grade that’s occupying the living room table and I fall into the sofa and turn my focus back to Mr. Reedus who I’ve been overlooking all day.

_I’ll be on that flight_

_Awesome!_

_On 1 condition_

_Anything_

_This is still just sex, right? And you’re not going to do some crazy shit, right?_

_Not sure what you mean with crazy, thought this was pretty crazy already_

_It is… but it’s just sex. Nothing else_

_Of course, no feelings or other scary shit ;)_ _just 2 consenting adult who fuck each other very well_

_Ok, good. Just want to make sure we’re on the same page here. How do I get from Munich to wherever you’re at?_

_I’ll have someone meet u at the airport and drive u to the hotel_  

_Alright_

_I need your personal info, passport and all that_

_Right…_

I get to my feet and collect my passport from the bag I still haven’t unpacked from London.

_If u use this info for anything else I’ll bite your dick off!_

I write down all the info he needs to book the tickets and I wait a few minutes for his replay and I guess he’s booking the tickets right away.

_Ouch…! Wouldn’t want that… No worries, babe. U’re safe in my hands_

_I’m not so sure…_

_I would never do anything you wouldn’t like to do_

_I know that_

_So what are u saying?_

_I don’t know. I just have this feeling shit will get a little too complicated_

_Why? Don’t think too much. It’ll be fine. It’s just sex, right? I don’t want anything else. U don’t want anything else. There’s nothing complicated about this Ems_

_U know my real name is Emma, right?_

_Of course, u just look like an Ems to me ;)_

_Fair enough_

_All done with the tickets. Check your e-mail and just print it out and I’ll see u in a like 24 hours_

_U’d realize this is just as fucked up as the first time, right? That hasn’t changed_

_No argument there, babe. I’ve never done this before._

_Ahhh, am I your first? Wow, now I feel really special_

I can hear the irony in every word when I write and I hope he does too because I’m actually lying here giggling to myself. I don’t really believe him but then I don’t really care if I’m the first or the 140 women he has done this to.

_I can hear u roll u fucking eyes from here!_

_What? Me? No! Would I ever do that…? Don’t pretend u know me, Norman cause u’ve no clue_

_Damn, girl don’t be so hostile! I meant nothing by it. U intrigue me and I know I don’t know shit about u. Not really but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get to know u. And not just on a physical level_

_Why?_

_I just said! U intrigue me, there’s something about u… I can’t put my finger on it_

_Don’t strain yourself_

_Why not?_

_Cause this is will not get past anything else but sex_

_Of course not_

_So why bother?_

_Cause I want u to be able to still go to a con and come and see me without just seeing an asshole who u fucked_

_U were just an asshole when u stopped fucking me ;)_

_LOL_

_Let’s just see what happens tomorrow, k?_

_I know what’s going to happen and it’s going to be so fucking good!_

_Fine… See u tomorrow then I guess_

_Can’t wait ♥_

_I can’t believe I’m going to do this…_

_I promise u won’t regret it_

_I know I won’t but it’s so fucked up_

_And so much fun!_

_Yeah_

_Keep in touch tomorrow so I know u’re ok_

_Will do_

_Great! Take care of yourself and say hi to Kevin_

_U remember his name?_

_Of course!_

_♥ thanks. I will_

_Did u show him our photo op and selfies?_

_Had to. He threatened to drown my phone if I didn’t_

_Smart kid_

And with that our conversation is over as the one true love of my life comes through the door and curses the fucking rain at the top of his lungs.


	2. Chapter 2

I’m late! I’m so fucking late! And there’s traffic! Why is there traffic now? And here? Why here? We’ve like the smallest airport in the country. I keep watching the minutes tick by and we’re not getting closer. I’ve 45 minutes before the flight leaves. 35 fucking minutes! 30 minutes and the cab finally pull into the drop-off area. I’m out before he stops and I already have the bag out the door as I pay.

I pray I’m not too late. I don’t have any bags to check in and I already have my boarding pass and passport in hand as I sprint into the airport. This is actually the only good thing about having the smallest airport ever! There’s no people there and the line to security check point is pretty much empty.

I get a lot of confused and irritated looks as I rush out what flight I’m on and ask if I’m too late. I get no real answer and are just told to go ahead and go through security. I run. Well, try to but there’s no way I’m allowed to really run. I still need to take of my jacket and hat and bag and dig out the fucking liquids. 20 minutes. I’m through security. I don’t bother to put my jacket and hat back on, I just throw it onto the bag. There’s 2 gates at this airport and there’s no people besides 2 at one of the gates.

“Munich?”

“Yes!”

I stagger to a halt in front of the flight attendant and my lungs are burning in my chest and I can hear my own heartbeat inside my head. I really need to work on my cardio…

“Your boarding pass please.”

“I made it? I’m not too late?”

“Yes you’re but we’ll let you get on anyway.”

“Thank you!”

I want to kiss the woman in front of me but better not risk it as she is already annoyed as hell.

“Just get on the plane and take the first seat you find.”

She hands me back the papers and I grasp everything a little tighter and rushes through the gate and out on the tarmac where the plane is waiting. Up the stairs where another flight attendant greets me and take my bag straight out of my hand and tells me to sit down in the second row. I sit down and it doesn’t even take 5 minutes before the plane starts moving.

While in the air and the seatbelt sign is swished off I start breathing again. I’m actually on the fucking plane and I’m going. I’m going to see him again. My silly, overexcited inner teenager is doing jumping jacks inside my head. The inner bitch on the other side is also very excited but still very cautious and protective. We all need to play along for this to work out. I can’t lose my nerve like I did the first time around. I know I’m most likely to fail that miserably the minute I’m alone with him. But the bitch is ready to fight!

But first she needs to grade some history papers for a bunch of 8 graders…

                                            --------------------------------------

My name is on a white sign in the hands of a familiar looking guy when I finally make it through to the arrivals area at the Munich airport. I think I saw him in London too. He obviously remembers me because he’s already approaching me before I spot him.

“Miss Blom?”

“Yes.”

He takes my bag out of my hand and tells me to follow him. I do as I’m told and he takes me to a parked, expensive looking black car and opens the door just as I reach out for it.

“Thanks.”

I climb in and I hear my suitcase being loaded into the back.

“All set?”

He asks as he gets in and looks at me through the review mirror. I give him a nod.

“Yeah. How long is the drive?”

“A little over 3 hours, Miss.”

My phone buzzes then and I finally have a connection again and it’s welcoming me to Germany. Next second the messages start poring in. One by one. All of them from Norman.

_I know u got on the plane_

That I did, Mr. Reedus.

_I know you’re going to be stuck there for 2 hours but I wished u’d pm me_

Well, I was a little too busy trying to make the damn flight in the first place!

_I want u_

I want you too but it will have to wait a little while longer.

_I’m watching our little video. Again. Ain’t helping…_

Why the hell would you do that? He really is insane and so damn weird.

_It really isn’t helping at all. Now I just want u here even more_

What the fuck you expect?! It was a pretty steaming sex tape we made.

_Your flight has landed. Like 10 minutes ago. Answer me girl!_

You really are a bit desperate, aren’t you?

_Where’re u at? 1 of my handlers are picking u up. Has a sign and all ;)_

Yup, I’ve found the guy, thanks very much.

_Seriously? Answer me damnit!_

Easy, cowboy I’ll answer you. We pull out into traffic and I get in a little more comfortable and start to form my first replay to the needing man.

_OK, so now I’m finally on solid ground again. And I found your guy and we’re on our way to wherever u are_

_About time girl! Thought u got lost or something_

_Nope. Just took a while to get through security_

_Glad you’re here ♥ I’m really happy u decided to come, I promise u won’t regret it_

_I hope so too_

_I’ve a few interviews in a minute but that guy, his name is Jackson btw, will make sure u get where u need to be_

_Sounds good_

_Just make yourself at home and I’ll try and join u as soon I can. Call room service if u like, if u get hungry or something_

_Oh I will_

_Good :)_ _see ya later_

_Yeah_

_Glad u’re here_

_I heard u the first time_

_Just wanted to make sure_

My head is shaking in disbelief at this man that is a damn mystery to me. I can’t figure him out. I thought I knew who he was. I thought he had principles. I realize now of course that it’s all bullshit. He is kind and carrying sure, but there’s a lot more going on behind the scenes then I think even the most hardcore fans knew nothing about. And can’t even being to imagine. I don’t know him. I began to scratch the surface in London but I know there’s so much more to Norman Reedus than meets the eye. I wonder why he’s doing this. Really why. If it’s just sex or some other reason. I’m not the kind of fan that started digging deep into his girlfriend’s life as soon as rumors started. I don’t care who he dates. I’m just glad he’s happy. Is he though? Do happy people in a relationship fuck other people? It’s not like I’m the right person to ask because my answer is a big fat NO! But then I’ve learned it’s never just black and white. There’s so many different facets to the world of infidelity and it all boils down to the reaction of the person on the other side. If his girlfriend doesn’t care he fucks me, or someone else, it’s not cheating. Right? But then I’m pretty damn sure she would have a different reaction if she actually saw the thing and not just heard about it afterwards. Fuck! That would be some messed up shit! I’ve to remember to ask him about where she is. Not to obvious, just let it slip in somewhere. I do not want the girlfriend walking in on us! I’ve had enough drama to last me a lifetime thank you very much!

A knock on the window wakes me up and I don’t know if it actually wakes me up from sleeping or just drifting away in deep thoughts. I look up, shaking my head and the man that is named Jackson is standing outside the door and when he sees me, he opens it.

“We’re here, Miss.”

“Already?”

Where the hell did the time go? Didn’t he say 3 hours?

“You fell asleep 20 minutes into the journey, Miss.”

He says and holds out my suitcase for me. Shit! This really is a lot more stress full than I realize. At least my body seems to know what to do to handle it. Quickly I gather all my stuff and get out on the quiet street and I spot the name of one of the biggest hotel chains in the world. It looks like a really nice hotel though and the lobby has all glass walls.

“This way, Miss.”

The man asks me to follow him and I do. He’s fast though, seems to be in a hurry and I’ve to run a little to keep up with him. He nods towards the reception as all three of the staff gives a friendly greeting but he doesn’t stop and we continue straight to the lifts. This gives me intense flashback from London, especially when we once again don’t share a word on the way up to the top floor. He takes me right outside the lifts and has the door open for me before I catch up to him.

“Mr. Reedus will be with you around 7. Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s a keycard for you on the desk if you want to leave. There’s a gym on the 6th floor if it’s something you’d enjoy.”

“Great. And thank you for picking me up.”

“You’re welcome.”

He turns and leave, letting the door fall shut behind him as he goes and silence surrounds me. I step into what most be like a junior suit or something and I take a look around the room that has a separate bedroom. I find the keycard on the desk in the living area but leave it there for now. The bathroom fascinates me and I open the glass door and step inside. The wall is made of glass so no chance of hiding when taking a shower. Weird. And at the same time very intriguing. I will be able to lay in bed and watch him take a shower in the morning. Thankfully there’s another door to the toilet and I breath a little easier when I don’t have to pee in front of him.

After taking the short tour around the suit, I find the best thing in the room. There’s the most comfortable looking bay window behind grey curtains. Big fluffy pillows and blankets and all overlooking the city outside. I can definitely spend the reminding 1,5 hour here, catching up on some reading. But first I quick shower and I need to change my cloths. I always feel so yucky after a flight and seeing how stressful this one was, I really do need that shower really bad.

I take my time. The waterfall shower feels really good and I take the time to shave too. Not there’s not much to shave but it feels like a good idea. Once I’m done in the bathroom I make my way over to my suitcase. I search through the cloths and I realize I’m not even sure what is in the damn thing. I was in such a hurry when packing. I find my Harry Potter shirt that I wore in London and smirks, thinking it will do the same to him when he sees it. I also find one of the books I’ve been meaning to read for a long time while searching the bag. I don’t bother to put on pants, just underwear and I crawl up into the bay window. The view really is spectacular and I sit and admire it for a while.

Once again it strikes me how fucked up this is. Once again, I’m sitting in his hotel room and wait for him to get back from whatever he’s doing. I put on some music on my phone and start singing along to the soft tunes of Ed Sheeran and opens up the book.

I get lost in the book and the time flies past a lot faster then I expect and I’m not at all prepared when the door opens and he walks through. I drop the book on the ground by the sudden sound and I try to catch it as it falls, but misses.

“Shit…”

“Hi!”

He sounds happy to see me. Genuine happy and he has a smile on his face as he walks quickly across the floor and grabs me by the arm and tugs me to my feet. As I’m on my feet, he pushes me hard against his chest and kisses me. He wraps one arm around me and the other grabs the side of my face. And I’m a fucking marshmallow again! I just give in to his needs. Fuck! My needs too. I just want him. Plain and simple. Now! I want him inside me right now! And he hears my silent begging, thank God! Quickly he spins me around, bends me over and I grab the edge of the window. He simply tugs my underwear aside and pushes himself inside me with a fast and har thrust. How the fuck did he get so hard so quickly?!

How the hell cares? He’s inside me again and we both moan. He curses and his fingers dig into my hips as he starts moving. I push back against him and it gets hard and rough in the matter of seconds. And neither of us can really control it. Doesn’t want to. We just fuck. Hard and quick and passionate. It’s over in less than 5 minutes. It’s the hottest and probably best 5 minutes of my life as far as sex goes. Once he’s done, he grabs me around the waist and brings me down on the floor with him. He slips out of me and I sit in his lap, facing away from him and we both try to catch our breath.

“Hi.”

It’s the first thing out of my mouth and he cracks up in a small giggle.

“Yeah, hi.”

“That was some welcome.”

“It’s the German way, baby!”

“Is that so…? Well, in that case I’ll come see you everytime you’re here.”

“Deal!”

He says quickly and he moves a little and moans when his dick graces my ass. I move down a little and sit down on the floor between his legs and put both my legs over one of his. His fingers find my knee and he gently begins to draw small circles.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“How was your flight?”

“Fine. The flight was fine. It was getting there on time that was the trouble. I made it with like 5 minutes to spare. I got stuck at work.”

“But you got through alright?”

“Yeah, no problem. And your… Friend?”

“I wouldn’t really go that far. He’s on my security team everytime I come over here.”

“Alright, well he picked me up and knocked me out with his badass driving in 20 minutes. Or maybe it was the fact that I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“I would go with the later.”

“Me too. What about you? Interviews?”

“Yeah, this damn press tour goes on forever. I’m getting fucking sick and tired of answering the same questions.”

“I can imagine.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I could probably eat, yes.”

“Good, cause I’m starving. Just…”

He nudges me a little and I get his attention and get to my feet.

“Let me go clean up first and we can order some room services.”

He says and follows right behind me. He gives me a soft kiss before getting into the bathroom. I feel my panties getting wet but I’ll have to take care of that after he’s done. Instead I grab the guest tablet from the desk and quickly find the food menu. And I’m craving everything at the moment! Omelet. Pasta. Hamburger. Fish. French-fries. Ice cream. Everything looks really good.

“Find anything good?”

I look up from the tablet and he’s already done. Damn, he’s fast! He’s in nothing but his underwear and my eyes travel straight to his crotch and I get distracted at once. I hear him chuckle and I snap out of it just as he walks up to me. He takes the tablet out of my hand and grabs my jaw.

“I promise you, I’m not done with you yet. But let’s eat first.”

Fuck! He saw that. He knows what I’m thinking. All the dirty thoughts that goes through my mind at the sight of him. But he doesn’t mind. He likes me looking at him and maybe, just maybe I should take advantage of that. I smile back at him and moves away from his touch.

“Think you can handle that, Mr. Reedus?”

I ask and take a step aside and begin to step towards the bathroom. I let my hand grace his still sensitive dick and he moans quietly. On my way, I step out of my underwear and deliberate stop in the doorway and bend to pick them up.

“Fuck…”

I hear him gasp and curse and at the corner of my eye I see the reaction I’m hoping for. He swallows hard and stares at my ass.

“I want the chicken burger with fries, no bacon. And a cider or two. Pear. And whatever they have for desert as long as it’s chocolate.”

I say as I walk through the door and continue straight to the toilet and shut the door. I hear him mutter to himself and I’m so happy with myself, I sit there grinning to myself. I’m not the only one losing a little bit of self-control tonight! I listen to him make the call before finishing up. I stop by the basin and wash my hands before walking back out to the sound of him thanking whoever answered the phone. He hangs up and throws the tablet down beside the phone and collapses in the middle of the bed. I feel his eyes following me and instead of crushing down by my suitcase I stick my ass out for him and he groans again. I move my hips a little as I search for a new pair of underwear.

“No need to put on a pair, they’ll just come off anyway.”

I chose to ignore him and put on a pair anyways before climbing into bed too but I stay at the other end instead. I cross my leg and scrutinize him and he does the same to him. We sit in silence for a while and just watch each other.

“Tell me about your family.”

“My family?”

“Yeah. Do you have any brother or sister?”

“A little brother. He’s 2 years younger than me. He’s in the Philippines at the moment, he works there 6 month a year. Diving instructor.”

“Wow! That most be the most awesome gig ever!”

“Yeah, he loves it. This is the 4 year he does it so I guess he most like it. It really sucks though when he’s gone. Kevin really misses him and so do I.”

“I beat. How’s he? He didn’t mind you leaving again?”

“Not at all. When I told him that I was going to see you again he asked me to leave right away. And when I told him he would be staying with Kristin for the weekend, he pretty much jumped through the roof.”

“She’s your best friend?”

“Yeah. Well, family really. We grow up together.”

“Why’s that?”

“Her parents had drug problems so she pretty much lived with me and my family once she was old enough to chose for herself. I mean, my parents never legally adopted her but it was pretty much the case from when she was like 12.”

“So, she knows about this?”

“Every excruciating detail.”

“Damn, tell her I’m sorry about that.”

He laughs and moves into a sitting position and puts one hand behind his head. I laugh too but shake my head.

“No need, she just told me to tell you not to pull any crazy shit.”

“What does that mean?”

“For her? Pretty much don’t hurt me or she will kill you. She’s older than me, 10 days to be exact but she’s very protective.”

“I would never hurt you. Not intentionally anyway.”

“And I’m not going to take your word for it.”

“I don’t you expect you too.”

“Good.”

What the hell does that even mean? How did we get into this conversation? He shouldn’t even care. I shouldn’t care. This is just sex so there’s no reason to have this conversation in the first place. There’s no feelings involved that can get hurt so why does he feel the need to tell me he won’t hurt me. And why did I just tell him Kristin would kill him if he did? She has no reason to hate on him.

“Is there anyone you trust?”

“Other then my family…? Not really. Right now I don’t even trust myself.”

“Why?”

“Cause of you. You mess me the fuck up, Mr. Reedus.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I’m not sure yet. The past weekend in London was really… Weird and I went through so much emotions I didn’t even know I had about the whole thing and… It was just surreal. Like something out of someone else’s life. A fucking fanfiction or some shit.”

“It’s just weird because of what I do, right? I mean, things like this happens all the time. 2 people meet somewhere, hook up and fuck and then go their separate ways for a while before hooking up again. And maybe again and then it becomes a steady thing. In a sense.”

“Friends with benefits…? Yeah, sure it happens. But this…”

I gesture to the both of us.

“This does not happen in real life. This doesn’t even happen in the fairytales.”

“I’m pretty sure Cinderella fucked the prince too.”

For a whole 5 seconds I stare at him and he stares right back. I crack first but he follows right after and the hysterical laughter that starts, makes my eyes tear up. Who the hell says something like that? He’s pretty funny. I didn’t expect him to crack jokes and make me laugh. Not like this. And I think we’re both laughing just as much at the joke as our reaction to it.

“What is wrong with you? That’s fucked up, Norman! You just destroyed my childhood!”

“What? The prince in Snow White is a goddamn necrophiliac. Who the hell finds a dead chick in the woods and starts making out with it?”

“Who the hell hooks up with a random fan at a convention?”

“You’re not random, baby. You stand out of the crowed. Come here.”

He moves suddenly and reaches out and grab me by the arm and tugs me forward. And simply by his touch, he makes me give up on all the things I promised myself. Like how I wouldn’t let him control everything that happens. But here I am, getting to my knees and crawl into his lap, straddling him and we’re chest to chest, nose to nose.

“How do you do that?”

I’m all breath and my voice sound all weak when I speak and the kick in my ass that I need right now is light years away. He takes away my own free will just by staring at me.

“What?”

He asks, sounding really confused and his hand is on my face again and he tugs a strain of hair behind my ear and leans in to kiss my neck.

“This… I had a plan.”

“What was the plan?”

His lips continue kissing and sucking at my skin and I’m lost. I just let him take me. Fuck, I want him to just claim me.

“Not to go all weak like this.”

“There’s a difference between being weak and letting go of control. You’re not weak, Ems. Far from it.”

His lips reach mien and he kisses me just as I start to form some kind of replay to his words. I’m not sure what it is but it doesn’t matter. He’s right. This is just me letting go my control and hand it over to him. It’s scary as hell because I can’t trust myself with him but he does it so fucking well. The make out session just starts to turn into first class foreplay when there’s a knock on the door and a man call out for room service.

“Fuck…”

He curses as we both pull away at the same time and I begin to move away from him. He tightens his hold around me though and holds me still.

“Don’t.”

He says and his intense eyes burn a hole through my brain. I stay, my chest heaving in pants and I feel his erection poking me and I want to tell the guy at the door to go fuck himself and leave us the hell alone. Norman has the same idea but takes the lighter approach.

“Leave it inside the door!”

He calls out. It takes a moment but the door finally opens and we listen to the man walk into the room and leave what I’m guessing is a service cart inside.

“There you go, sir. Enjoy your meal.”

“Thank you.”

The same second the door closes again, I find myself on my back and he’s halfway down my body with hands and lips.

“Woo! What’re you doing?”

I try to sit up but I lose the battle the second his fingers slip inside me and his tongue joins in as well. I bounce back on my back and my hands fly towards his head.

“Do you really want me to stop?”

“`NO!”

I call out my protest a little too loudly and I hear him giggle but I don’t care. I just want him to do what he does best. I want him inside me. I want him to make my legs shake. He forces my legs further apart and adds another finger. He starts of carefully and although I love how he wants to take his time, right now is not the time. I just need to cum. Again. I can’t believe how many times this guy has made me climax! He’s extremely selfless in bed and I still can’t believe I’m on the receiving end of his skills.

“How about this?”

I her him speak but it gets a little lost in between my own moans. I wonder what the hell he’s talking about but his intentions become clear as he in the next heartbeat moves one finger to my second hole. My body jerks a little and tenses but quickly relaxes as he continues his pleasure of my pussy.

“Would you let me fuck your ass?”

He’s not playing fair at all! Fuck you, Norman Reedus! I’m so close to exploding and he wants to talk?! What the fuck? I can’t focus on a conversation right now. But he asks again and I’m forced to try to find an answer.

“You’re not sticking your dick in my ass, no.”

“You haven’t tried it?”

“I have and I like it but your cock is too big.”

He chuckles somewhere between my legs and the vibration makes me cry out his name and my fits clutch the pillow above my head.

“I would be careful. Really gentle.”

“Please…”

I’m not listening anymore. I can’t focus on his words anymore. All I feel and want to focus on is his fingers inside me and his tongue. The intense feeling starts at the tip of my fingers and toes and spreads through my entire body and I lose control of my body again. I start to shake and my body tries to get away from his touch, although all I want is more. He holds me steady though and as he fucks me two ways with his fingers and play hard with my clit, I explode. The haze comes over me again and all I hear is my own curses mixed with his name.

And he doesn’t stop! Why doesn’t he stop?! I can’t do this again! Not right now! But he’s still right there and he works for more. He’s insane! He really is insane! Anyone else would just stop, some don’t even bother, but he really loves this. He moves both fingers to my ass and keep stretching me and the mixture of the slight pain is a perfect balanced to the pleasure of having his tongue inside me and at my clit.

I come undone again and this time I need to get away from him. I seriously can’t handle this kind of intensity again. Not right now! Somehow I managed to swing my leg over his head and turn around to my belly and move a little bit away from him. His fingers vanish from me and I lay panting, eyes shut tightly while I try to catch my breath. My pussy keeps pulsing and the wetness is most likely staining the covers.

He’s on top of me before I can even force the second breath through my body. He puts his entire weight on me and starts kissing my neck. My hand moves at once as I feel his hand on my ass and I wrap it around his wrist.

“I can’t…!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch your incredible wet pussy right now. I just want your ass.”

He slips his hand out of my grasp.

“Lay down.”

I’m not aware of being so tense but as he gently whispers in my ear I realize my hips are actually hoover a little bit over the bed. I lower myself to the mattress and welcome the feeling of having him surround me. His weight helps me find my focus again and recover a little quicker. Well, it would if he wasn’t playing with the small of my back and ass. Having him kissing my neck and throat and feeling his breathing being pretty labored too, makes me feel things. Know I turn him on is so fucking hot! And a bit impossible to get into my head.

“You’ve such a gorgeous ass, Ems.”

He smacks me hard as he speaks and I moan in response. Come on! Really?! I’m suppose to be the one in control here! Not him. But then I know I can get an upper hand pretty easily. I just need to play along. I relax my body and spread my legs a little more and push back my pelvis a little. He moans and I know he can see my pussy and ass as I spread my legs a little more. He hits me again and I moan in response this time too. He sits back between my legs and I move my hips a little side to side for him.

“Gorgeous.”

His hands move across my ass gently and I tilt my head to the side and look back at him and smile. Taking a deep breathe I start to relax as he continues to caress my backside. He takes me by surprise when he continues up my back with both hands. Massaging gently as he goes he makes sure he touches me everywhere before he stops at my neck.

“Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

He says close to my ear and kisses my jaw quickly. I nod and try to hid my surprise at this sudden stop. I expected him to go on and fuck me but apparently he has better self-control than I think. I roll over as he leaves the bed and I take a deep breath and close my eyes for just a moment and rearrange my brain for this change of event. I am hungry so I really don’t mind that he stops. I’m just surprised that he does.

I spot my panties at the edge of the bed and reach out and put them back on as he vanishes from view, on his way to grab the food. I move to the head of the bed and move the pillows behind my back.

“Hope you’re hungry.”

He says as he comes back, pushing a cart overflooding with food. I gap with my mouth wide open and wonder how the hell we’re going to finish all this food.

“I said I wanted a burger.”

“I know. But I couldn’t decide what to get so I got a little bit of everything. Here you go.”

He hands me my plate of food and I dig in at once, feeling ravenous all of a sudden. He picks out his own plate and joins me on the bed after placing two drinks on the bedside table.


	3. Chapter 3

“How did it go shooting Ride over in the U.K.?”

I try to start a conversation before he gets the chance. I’ve the feeling he’s going to question me more and I’m not really in the mood tonight for that kinda of conversations. Talking motorcycles and filming should keep him going for a while, right? His face does in deed light up at my question and I finish my whole meal while he talks about the ride he and Melissa and also Jeffrey and Andy did the week before.

He’s fascinating to watch while he talks. Especially about this, something he’s very passionate about. See him on panels and doing interviews isn’t quiet the same. He moves a lot while he talks and he uses his whole body and trying to eat at the same time. This he isn’t that skilled at. Multitasking is clearly not one of the things he’s top of the class in. I remind him a few times to eat too and he does but forgets it again the next minute. He’s like Kevin once he gets starting on his obsession. But although I try to keep asking him questions about the ride and his work, he still manages to sidetrack me.

“Did you travel when you were over in the States? How did you end up spending a year in the States to begin with?”

“I didn’t know what I wanted to do once school was over. You know, if I was going to go straight to university or work. I just wasn’t feeling it. Any of it. And I’ve always wanted to go to America so I started looking into maybe working over there.”

“When was this?”

“I graduated back in 2001. Anyways, I found this au pair program and got in contact with a family in Ohio and I left home in the fall of 2001 and spent 14 months in the US.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes! It was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned a lot about myself. just traveling alone is something I had never done before. Now-“

“Now, you’re a pro.”

He says and winks at me and get up to clean our plates from the bed. He returns with several plats of different deserts and sweets and I dig in right away. I’m in the need of sugar.  

“Yeah, now I’m kinda use to it. It’s so much easier traveling alone. But yeah, I did a little traveling in the States while I was there. Made the trip to New York and Washington. As well as Florida.”

“Alone?”

“Just Florida. I did the other two with some friends but they wanted to go out west instead of Florida so we split up.”

“What’s in Florida?”

“Disney World!”

“Of course.”

“I’m a real sucker for amusements parks.”

“Florida sure is the place for that.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you been back?”

“To the States? Yeah, I celebrated my 30th birthday in New York with Kristin and my mom.”

“That’s awesome!”

“Yeah it really was a great trip. We do something like that every year. Usually we stick to Europa but since it we both celebrated 30 and mom 55 we decided on something bigger. Most be a whole other thing to live there though?”

“Yeah, of course. I love coming back to New York but the past years it’s also very nice to leave, you know. I’ve gotten so use to Georgia and I really love it down there.”

“I would love to do that sometime too. Walker Stalker Atlanta and the tours and Senoia and all that.”

“You really should…. Hey, you could come stay with me and bring your son! It would be awesome!”

“Yeah, sure that would be something, huh? Trying to explain that to your girlfriend how exactly?” 

“That won’t be a problem.”

“Come on…! You’re one weird human being, Mr. Reedus.”

I don’t get him. Not at all. Is he serious? He looks serious and even very enthusiastic about his proposal. Like he’s just asking a friend over for a sleepover or some other normal thing one asks a friend.

“Why?”

“Do you hear what you’re saying?”

“Na, I don’t really think things through. Ever.”

He says, without a care in the world. And I love how easy going he is about this. I hope I’m kind of the same but it’s so much in my life that I have to control and can’t change just as I please. My Goddamn meals are decided 2 weeks ahead because of Kevin.  

“I’ve noticed.”

“It doesn’t have to be weird. I mean we could be friends, right?”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yeah! Why the hell not? You’re cool, I like hanging out with you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I’m beginning to. Or is all this just some sham? Is there another you?”

“Fuck no. I don’t have time for that shit. I’m having a hard time keep up with one version of myself. What you see what you get. Then I’ve different personality depending on the circumstances.”

“Yeah, of course, we all do.”

“What? You too? You don’t go around set in Senoia and fuck your co-workers?”

“I tend not to, no.”

I’m glad to hear him giggle and not take me so seriously. Or himself for that matter. It’s pretty wild that I can be so relaxed around him. It’s easier this time around and although he still makes me lose it as soon as we move towards sex, this part is easier. We’re just sitting in bed, talking and sharing deserts. I guess like friends.

“How about we start?”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me get to know you.”

“How?”

“Like 20 questions or something. There’s gotta be an app or something, right?”

“Most likely.”

He starts his search and I finish my drink while he looks and talks quietly to himself while he does. Finally, he seems to have find something he likes and straightens up a little and ask for his glass. I hand it over and grabs the last of the brownie and sit back against the pillows.

“Ready?”

Not at all but sure go ahead. If you want to get to know me this is probably the best idea because I’m not good at sharing unless being asked.

“Shoot.”

“Are you named after anyone?”

“Not really. My middle name comes from my mother’s grandmother though if that counts.”

“Yeah, sure.”

I’m starting to ask how it is that he knows my middle name but then remember that I gave him my passport info and it’s on there.

“When’s the last time you cried?”

“Last night.”

“Why?”

He looks concerned as he watches me.

“Not because of you this time, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just came across something online that really hit home.”

“With your son?”

“Yeah.”

“What is the first thing you notice about people?”

“People or you?”

“Start with people in general.”

“I’m very good at reading people and if they’re honest or not.”

“You did figure me out really quickly… What about me? What’s was the first thing you noticed about me?”

“I knew Daryl Dixon first. I had no idea who you were, I just noticed Daryl and how much story there still were to tell in that first episode. I just got really attached from the beginning and then I found out who you were and it was the same thing with you as with Daryl. I just wanted to know more and try to figure you out.”

“Have you? Figured me out?”

“Sure. The public person that’s Norman Reedus but now, after what happened in London and being here now… I’m at a complete loose. Some things are the same but most of it…I don’t know this part of you.”

“What? That I like sex? Who doesn’t like-“

“Sex with other people other then your girlfriend.”

“Its not like I’ve to share everything that’s going on in my private life.”

He tries to hide the fact that this conversation starts to piss him of but I can hear it in his voice. And his eyes narrow just a little and I realize I need to steer my way carefully through this conversation.

“Of course not. You’re a very private person and you’ve all right to be. Your sexlife and private life is no one fucking business but all I’m saying is that the public side, for me, turned out to be a lot different from what I expected… Whatever this is.”

“What is that that you think this is?”

Damn, he’s pissed. How did this happen? What is it that he’s pissed about? I can’t really see a reason for it. I take a look at him and although he’s glaring, although trying to hide it at the same time, I know I’ve seen that look before. This is the games guys play. The blame game. Whenever they feel bad about something they have done themselves, they try to somehow transfer that to their significant others. And I’ve had enough of that shit from my ex, thank you very much, Mr. Reedus!

“Hey, listen I don’t give a fuck what’s going on with you and your girlfriend. I don’t care what deal you have so don’t try to drag me into any of that shit. If your bad conscious just kicked you in the ass for whatever reason, I’ll leave if you ask me too and we don’t have to see each other again. But don’t you fucking try to blame me for this because this was your choice, not mien.”

He falls silent, pressing his lips tightly together and looks at me for a whole minute. I look straight back at him the whole time and try to figure out what is going on inside his head but he gives nothing away. Second by second his face softens and finally he looks away, hangs his head in defeat and although his hair hides his face, I’m pretty sure he tears up. And I can’t help myself but feel bad for him.

“If it helps, I don’t want you. I mean, not like that. I could never date someone like you. It would just never work. I really, really like the sex but there’s nothing else I want from you. If you want to be some kind of friends that’s fine too.”

I hold my breath, waiting and wondering. What if I crossed the line? What if he throws me out, head first and asks me to go to hell. My guts tell me no but he doesn’t say anything. But I’m not going to apologize if that’s what he’s waiting for. I’ve nothing to be sorry for. I’m not the one in a relationship.

“I could never be in a relationship with you either…Could you imagine the line of women I would’ve to screw cause I would never see you?”

He’s joking. A really bad and tasteless joke, but he at least tries to ease the tension. And maybe he’s apologizing. What is it with men and saying sorry?! What is it that is so fucking hard?!

“No, you wouldn’t cause I could never move. At least not without brining my whole family. Kevin would never forgive me for leaving mom and dad and Kristin behind.”

“And his dad…?”

“No, he couldn’t care less about his dad, I’m afraid. He’s not an important person in my son’s life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For that and… I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”

“Wow, you’re actually capable of apologizing. It doesn’t really come easy for your kind, does it?”

“What kind is that?”

“Men.”

He lifts his head and look up at me and start laughing. A carefree and genuine laugh that is infectious and I start to laugh too. He really can get pissed really quick and without reason but he’s just as quick at dropping it. Although I’ve to admit I get a bit of a whiplash from this quick change of emotions. He really doesn’t have all his shit completely together, that’s for sure.

“Yeah, what the fuck. All I need is a woman like you, who isn’t afraid of speaking her mind and I turn back to a disobedient little school boy again. I would not like to be one of your students and try to pull something like this off.”

It’s not that hard! Doesn’t he have people around him that has the ability to say enough is enough? Just because you’re a superstar doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole. He knows that. Right? Well, even if he doesn’t, that’s not going to happen on my watch. The bitch in me has woken up and she’s there to stay.

“They only try once.”

“I sure as hell hope so…! But really, Ems, I apologize, I was out of line and I don’t want you to leave. It’s my shit and I’ve to deal with it. It’s just… Complicated.”

“I don’t need to know as long as you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I want to but I shouldn’t… And like you said, it ain’t something you need to get involved in and if I start telling you, I will just say too much and you’re a part of it. I need this more. Something uncomplicated and just… Sex. Just sex and- Let’s just focus on you, please? Can we do that?”

“Absolutely.”

The questions start to bubble inside my head and despite myself, I started to get curious about his relationship to his girlfriend. But I’m more interested in what was going to happen in hopefully not too long. I want more of him and I’m confident he’s far from done fucking for the night. I’m sure as hell are ready for more! But let’s get going with the questions. As my mind drifts off for half a second, he has moved and out of nowhere he’s suddenly right beside me and he lean in and kisses me gently before settling in beside me with a bottle of beer.

“Horror or drama?”

“Ohh, that’s a hard one. There’re so many really bad horror movies-“

“Like what?”

“Like _House of Wax._ And the remake of _Psycho_ was just terrible.”

“Not gonna argue with ya there.”

“I’ll have to go with both.”

“Alright. What did you wanna be when you grow up? Was teacher always the goal?”

“No, that didn’t come until after USA. It was always something I considered, half my family are teachers so it’s I kinda had not to consider it. I wanted to be a journalist when I was younger. I had a period in my teenage years where I wrote a lot. Diary, poetry, novels, articles, just a lot of different thing… I still like to write but it’s more of a hobby today.”

“So, what made you decide to start teaching?”

“Once I got back I couldn’t find a job I wanted so I started to fill in on the school my father worked at the time and I noticed that it was pretty fun and that I was actually good at it, believe it or not.”

“Oh, I believe you, girl. No doubt at all. How long did it take?”

“For me it took 5 years because I gave birth with 6 months to go to graduation so I did that in one year instead.”

“What do you teach?”

“History and English for 110 students and 22 out of those I also mentor daily.”

“Holy shit! How the hell do you do that? 110 students!”

“I’m not alone. Well, in the English class it’s just me but we’re two teachers in the history classes. It’s a lot of work, sure but it’s manageable most of the time.”

“Do you like it?”

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t stay. I mean, it’s not like I do it to become a millionaire because the money is seriously crap but I really love my job and the students I work with are amazing.”

“What do you make?”

“A year? Probably what you make an episode.”

“Seriously?”

“It’s probably less than that.”

I tell him and I hope I don’t sound too bitter. A small frown on his face tells me I might not have done that well but he choses to ignore it and moves on.

“What’s your favorite animal?”

“Tigers on land and Orca’s in the sea.”

“Quite quick answer there.”

“Well, it’s been the same since I was like 8.”

“How many countries have you been in and which one is your favorite?”

“There’s been a few. Mostly Europe of course but my brother and I traveled Asia for 2 months before I started university and we went to Bali and its hands down the most amazing place I’ve ever been.”

“I haven’t been.”

“What’s yours?”

“Costa Rica. Paradise on earth, baby. You really should try and make it there someday.”

“I’d love to.”

“You and your brother, are you close?”

“Yes, very. We haven’t always been but after I got back from the States both of us still lived with mom and dad and we started to hang out a lot more and rediscovered how much we actually have in common. Especially our love for traveling.”

“2 months together though… I don’t know if I would survive living and traveling with anyone for 2 months straight.”

“It was fine for the most part. When we got sick of each other we just booked 2 hotel rooms or bungalows or whatever and spent a few days apart.”

“Do you want more kids?”

“ _A kid_ , sure I could maybe do that if everything else worked out.”

“What do you mean?”

“For starts, it would be nice to actually have a father to said kid.”

He laughs and nods agreeing.

“Yeah, of course.”

Shit! I can’t believe I’m telling him this. I’ve barley talked to Kristin about this, just mentioned it in passing but this might get a lot deeper. He’s so good at this, just listening and he really pays attention to what I’m saying.

“But you’re not looking right now?”

“For father material? Fuck no! No, I’m not looking for anything right now. Just some quick and good sex. Never expected to find you though.”

“No, I guess that came as a surprise.”

“You could say that.”

“Does Kevin want a little brother or sister?”

“Yeah. He’s been asking me for a little sister the past 4 years. Kristin has 3 kids and she just had her youngest before Christmas and he adores that baby.”

“But you want a steady relationship first?”

“Yeah…. I wouldn’t want it to be just this random guy that I fucked and I got knocked up. I mean it doesn’t have to be all hearts and flowers and shit and I’ve been looking into doing it alone, because I knew I could but it’s just… It’s not the way its suppose to be, you know? I just rather go to a clinic then have a one night stand that just happened to result in a pregnancy.”

“Was he planned?”

“Kevin? Yes. Well, sort of. We talked about having a kid a year after we met and since I was on the pill we figured it would take a year or two before anything happened. But it just took 3 months and I was pregnant.”

“You’re not…? I mean, we didn’t…I didn’t…”

He chokes a little on his words and I get very confused. What is he trying to say? He’s actually blushing! Why? What is it that he finds so hard to- Oh! It takes me about 2 seconds to figure out what he’s trying to say. I chuckle and reach out and put a hand on his knee.

“Come on, Norman you’ve had sex for what…? 35 years? It shouldn’t be that hard to talk about protection, right?”

He looks up at him and shrugs with a small chuckle.

“Fuck, no I know but it’s… I should’ve asked you the first time around, not now.”

“Yeah I guess that’s true but if I hadn’t been protected I would’ve told you the first time around.”

“Really? Cause I feel like I didn’t give you the time to really say anything the first time around.”

“That’s true. But you don’t have to worry. I’m on birth control and I got tested last month.”

“Ok, good… As we’re on the subject, how about I get to know you _really_ good?”

I’m not sure I like the way he gets his groove back on so quickly. He smiles a million-dollar smile with a teasing twinkle in his eye and he moves a little closer.

“I’m not sure I like that.”

“Oh, come on it’ll be fun. And I’ll even answer the questions too if you like.”

I know where this is going. Here come the sex questions.

“First things first. How and when was the first time?”

“I was 16, the guy like a year younger, a friend of my brother’s and it was just a regular party in the middle of the summer.”

“How many partners have you had since then?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Serious boyfriends? 7. Not serious or just one-night stand? Maybe 20 different guys.”

“How long did those serious boyfriends last?”

“Usually about a year. With the exception of Kevin’s father of course.”

“How did you guys meet?”

“A blind date set up by mutual friends.”

“You haven’t dated anyone since you split up?”

“None that would classified as a serious boyfriend, no.”

“Seems like a waste…”

Excuse me? Where the hell did that come from? What does that even mean?

“Sorry?”

The word comes out a little louder than usual and I move away from him a little without really thinking about it. He quickly shakes his head and rises his hands in defense.

“No, no, no I didn’t-I meant that it’s… Fuck, I just… I’m just really sorry that someone hurt you like that and if it was up to me, he should be castrated and thrown to the dogs. I get that it fucked you up but-All I’m trying to say is that it’s a damn shame that you’re not letting someone gets close because of what he did to you. There’s someone out there for you and if you just give it shoot… I know it’s not my place and I guess it’s easy for me to say but everyone deserves to be happy.”

This man has so many different sides to him and he confuses me and fascinates me at the same time. His words are caring and although I’ve little to none trust in people I’ve just started to know, I’ve some strange faith in him and what he says. He reaches out for me and I move back closer to him and he takes both my hands and kisses the top.

“Right now my happy place is my son. I will hopefully get to a point where I’m ready to let someone into our lives again but I’m not there yet… But thank you for saying that.”

I say and really mean it. He’s a very kind and carrying man and he’s one of the first in a very long time in my life. I put my palm to his face for a brief second, just wanting to make sure I really appreciate his words. A bit confusing and incoherent perhaps but I get what he’s trying to say. It’s just easier said than done to let someone new into my life after everything that has happened.

“Lighter subject… Have you had sex in public and if yes, where?”

“A lot lighter subject.”

I say and laugh and are glad that we can both let go of pervious subject.

“A lot more fun too.”

“Yeah… I’m not sure it was very public because there were no people around but it was a public place.”

“Where?”

“Well, it’s been a few different places. In the woods, by some lake. In the middle of town, late at night. In the car. Places like that. And since you ask and I get the feeling you’ve story, you’ll just have to share it.”

I challenge him and I’m not expecting an answer but I still need to try. Again, he surprises me and smirks.

“Airplanes.”

“Of course. But lavatories on airplanes aren’t actually pu-“

“No, not the lavatories. In the actual seat.”

“Seriously?”

“There’re some perks of flying first class. A lot more space being one of them.”

“But how?”

“There’re ways to keep it hidden. Sort of. I’m sure we got caught but people just looked the other way and pretend not to have seen. And it’s not like we were loud and showy about it.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It was. What’s your personal record for the number of times you’ve had sex in one night?”

“Like in a 12-hour period?”

“Yeah.”

“Probably 6 or 7 times.”

“And climaxed everytime?”

“Hell no! No, this was… This was with a guy that didn’t mean shit. I just did it to… I don’t know, prove a point or something.”

“What does that mean?”

“It was shorty after I split from Kevin’s father and I was just heading down a very distractive path and fucked everyone who asked. I didn’t care about my own pleasure it was all about the guys.”

“What assholes!”

He’s mad again. But this time it’s different, he’s really upset about this. I’m not sure why though and I frown a little at him.

“Not everyone is as considerate at you are. Actually, no one has ever been.”

“Damn, girl you’ve really struck out through the years. That’s half the pleasure! More than that if I’ve someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Someone who doesn’t hold back. Watching you cum, feeling you cum, is one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.”

Really? Honestly? I want to ask but it feels a little rude and I’m afraid he’s going to get pissed again as he clearly wants me to trust him. So instead of question this, I look up at him from underneath my eyelashes and give him a small, shy smile. And he attacks the second our eyes met. He knocks me over and it feels like I’ve no air left in my lungs and as he latches his mouth to mien, our teeth collide but we don’t care. Our time to talk is over and finally it’s time for what I actually flew out here for. Fuck.

And he does not disappoint. Not for one second. He tares my cloths off in no time and I return the favor. His skin is flaming hot against mien as our naked bodies meet and his hands are all over me. It’s like he can’t decide what he wants to do. But I do. I need to repay him. I grab his shoulders and pushes him back against the pillows. I try to break free from his kisses but his hold on my head is so strong. I see no other way but to use force and my nails dig into the side of his neck. He whines and let me go and I make my way down south at once. I want to take my times as I never really go the chance before. He gives in once he seems to figure out what I want to do and I’m pleased to find him getting comfortable. I stop when I get to his heart tattoo and I can feel his gaze at the back of my head. He looks back at me when I lift my head and the intensity in those eyes sets my whole body on fire and it’s hard to stick to my plan.

I feel his heart beating too fast under my hand and his chest is heaving rapidly, telling me to go on without having to open his mouth. Shit, I would’ve kept going even if protested. But then, why the hell would he?

“Do you belong to the group of fans that went bananas when I got this?”

“I belong to the group of fans that doesn’t give a shit about what you do to your body, who you fuck, who you hang out with, what you drive or who you date as long as you’re happy.”

I say and trace the heart with the tip of my index finger and places my head to his chest. Carefully start to kiss my way down his body, taking my time to trace as much skin as I possible can. He tastes salty and sweet at the same time and with a hind of cigarettes. Finally I reach my destination and I take his rock solid dick in my hands.

“Yes…! Fuck, Ems yes!”

My mouth closes around him and I taste him with the tip of my tongue. Slowly I let him slip further into my mouth and I suck gentle at first. His hips jerk under my touch and I give in to his curses and moans and close my lips harder around him and start to move.

“Let me-Shit…! Let me… I want your pussy.”

I pick up on his request between all the other noises he makes. I’m not really done though, Mr. Reedus. I’m enjoying this a little too much. Probably because it’s a challenge to actually blow him due to his size and it’s really turning me on, hearing him lose control because of me. I grab him again with both hands and blow from the base to the top of his cock as I look up at him. He gives up his attempt to push himself up on his elbows and bounces right back down with a loud moan.

“Holly shit…!”

“You were saying?”

Playing games is fun. Especially these kinds and with him. He shows so much emotions in everything he does and fucking is not an exception to this rule.

“I want your pussy. I want to eat your pussy like a fucking-Shit, shit, fuck!”

I play with his head and I’m a little bewilder about his response to this. Sure, I know I’ve had nothing but positive comment about this piratical skill but Norman _really_ loves my blowjobs. And although it’s not really something I can put on my resume or brag about left, right and center, I’m silly proud of this moment. I don’t think he will be able to hold on for a lot longer though and I’m not ready for this to be it yet. So I stop. I do as I’m told and I turn around, hoovering over him with my pussy over his face. He grabs me at once and wraps his arms around my hips and pushes me down.

“Fuck…!”

I have to brace myself on something and the only thing I find is his chest. I put both hands on him and shut my eyes as he begins to do what I hope he’s pretty damn proud of too. He should be because I start to shake within seconds. He is so fucking good at this and for one wild second I wonder how the hell I’m ever going to be able to stop seeing him.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s a strange thing to wake up and not be alone. Maybe it’s strange because it’s a normal thing but not for me. It shouldn’t be strange or weird but to me it is. I’m not use to waking up and having an arm around me. It’s even stranger and scarier when I open my eyes, realize that he’s spooning me and I like it. All this in the 2 seconds it takes for me to wake up and actually open my eyes. And I stop breathing. I can’t do this! I can’t react like this to him. I don’t want anything else but sex from him! I don’t want him to make me feel safe…

Fuck, but he does! He makes me feel safe. His arm around me hold me tight and secure, as though he wouldn’t let me go for anything in the world. But I know that’s not true. He knows that’s not true. He has another life. One I can’t be part of. One I don’t want to be part of. Upon waking however, I suddenly remember my dream. A dream where he has no girlfriend, no fame, no fans, he’s just Norman. And he’s mine. Just mine.

And it’s all a fairytale that can never come true. A part of my dream has come true. But the rest, the happily ever after, will never be anything else but a dream. I can live with that. I’m totally fine with that part not coming true. A lot of fans probably wants it all but I’m too realistic for that shit. I know I could never stand being away from him. I know I could never stand that herds of fans that want a piece of him. And I’m pretty sure I would grow sick and tired of his overprotecting side after half a week. Because although I have only known him for a week, I know this is something he holds very close to his heart; protecting and looking after those he loves. Not saying he loves me or anything but those he cares about. And for some fucked up reason he has started to care for me.

He doesn’t say it but he shows it. Especially right now, where he doesn’t seem to want to let me go before Christmas. He’s so close I can feel his slow breathing in my neck. Our legs are entwined beneath the thin blanket as well and I don’t want to wake him so I stay still and just listen to his breathing. I’ve no clue what time it is, it still might be in the middle of the night. But I feel pretty well rested. Might because of the endorphins though. Having too many orgasms you actually stop counting, will do that to you.

I feel a little soar though. Especially my ass. In a weak moment where he made me climax 2 times in a row, he asked again about fucking my ass and I let him as long as he promised he’d be careful. He was and the whole thing was really good but I’m still soar as I knew I would be. But it was so worth it. He gives so much more back than he takes.  

A sound from the door freezes every vein in my body. There’s someone at the door. Someone with a fucking key to the room! But I can’t move! He’s pinning me down and I think my body just shut down! What the fuck do I do?!

The lock klicks and the door open and heavy steps follow. The door closes hard and the steps that most belong to a man comes closer.

“Rise and shine, Reedus!”

Holly motherfucking shit almighty! It’s Jeffrey! He walks past the bed and straight to the curtains and opens them up. Sunshine fills the whole room and he turns towards the bed and sees me. To my astonishment, he looks straight at me and smiles and takes a seat in the window, calm as can be. Like this happens every day. Fuck, maybe it does happen every day…

No time to linger on that right now though. Norman begins to stir behind me and he snores and coughs all at once in my ear. I try to make myself even smaller and crawl together under the covers and pull it up to my nose and try to avoid looking at the intimidating man in front of me. He keeps smiling however and when I feel Norman disentangle our legs and stretch a little, he finally looks away from me.

“Slept well?”

Norman grunts and hugs me tightly, one hand landing heavily on my naked belly and he caresses me gently. He yawns and I feel him move his head.

“Very well, man. How about you?”

“Just fine, dude. I was hoping we could do breakfast together.”

“Sure, let me just…”

Another yawn.

“Wake up first.”

He finishes.

“No need to be afraid, baby.”

Jeffrey moves his gaze back to me and I stop breathing again. my heart is beating out of my chest and I’m at a complete loose as to what to say or do.

“Oh, right. I never introduced you, did I?”

“No but I recognize you. You were in London too, weren’t you?”

I nod, not trusting my voice at all.

“Jeff, this is Emma. Emma, Jeffrey.”

“I’m not going to make you get up cause I’m guessing you’re pretty much naked under there. But there’s no reason to be afraid or worried or whatever you are. I know all his dirty little secrets. Although, I must say, man this is pretty bold, taking things a lot further than you’ve before, right?”

Norman moves up on one elbow behind me and his hand slid to my hip and halfway down my ass. He sniggers and bends down to kiss my shoulder.

“Well, can you blame me, bro?”

“Not at all. You’re one beautiful woman.”

Ok, it’s time to wake up now. For real. Just wake the fuck up! I pinch myself hard and gasp by the pain. Fuck! I’m really awake. This is really happening. He’s real. Not just Norman, who moves behind me and gets out of bed. Jeffrey’s real too. My ringing phone saves me and I somehow manage to get my brain working again as Kristin calls. Quickly, I move into a sitting position, still tightly wrapped in the white sheet and answer the phone as calmly as I possible can. But I think my voice shakes and I keep glancing at the newcomer with wary eyes. Why is he here? Doe he usually does this? Just walk in on Norman?

“Hey, sorry to wake you.”

“No worries, I’m up. Sort of.”

“Ok, good.”

She sounds to be in a hurry and I can hear the kids in the background.

“We’re going to the aquarium today. Kevin as an annual pass, right? Where is it?”

I can’t think.

“Emma?”

She says my name but I can’t focus on the woman. Jeffrey is burning a whole in my head as he keeps staring back at me.

“Hey! Emma! Get a grip on yourself!”

I tare my gaze away from him and it helps at once.

“What…? Fuck, sorry. Yeah, what?”

“His pass? Where is it?”

“On the desk. It’s pinned on the board next to the laptop. Just make sure you take his and not mine. There’s names on the back.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“And Kev has the ke-“

“I’ve a key too, sweetheart. I’ve had one for the past 10 years. Are you sure you’re really awake?”

“I sure as hell hope not.”

“Do you need to talk?”

“No, I need to slap myself and try to wake the fuck up.”

“What did he do?!”

She’s suddenly furious.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine. I think. It’s… Just weird…”

Both men are looking at me. Norman is putting on cloths while he keeps his eye on the conversation I’m having and although I can feel and see the sheet covering me, I fell like I’m standing in the middle of the room butt naked.

“Let me talk to him!”

She demands but I protest at once, suddenly very awake.

“Hell no!”

“Why the fuck not?!”

“Why should you?”

“Let me talk to him now, Emma! I’ll call you every minute of the hour until you pick the fuck up and let me talk to the fucker. And you know I will do it!”

Fuck! I hate her sometimes. She’s so damn stubborn. I know she’s not making empty threats. She will call every minute of the hour. She has done the same before. Right now I want to kick her ass for being this protective but at the same time I love her to bits and piece for it.

“You’re a fucking pain in the ass, Kristin!”

“Just give him the damn phone. Now!”

“I fucking hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

I take the phone away from my ear and holds it out towards him. He looks puzzled and I roll my eyes at the celling.

“She wants to talk to you.”

He grabs the phone and the conversation is short and without many words coming from him. He just nods and agrees to whatever she says. I know she’s going to lecture him about not hurting me and what he will have to deal with if he should. Less than a minute later, he hangs up and gives me back the phone.

“Sorry about that but she would’ve kept calling until I let her talk to you so I figured it’s better to get it out of the way.”

He chuckles and shakes his head.

“No worries. She’s a good friend, looking out for you. Although…”

He puts one knee on the bed and lean in and grabs me by the neck and kisses he hard.

“You’re capable of taking care of yourself.”

He finishes and leans away just as quickly and turns to Jeffrey and ask if he’s ready to go. Before I can full grasp what just happened, he has turned and taken Jeffrey with him they walk towards the door, calling out that they’re just going to grab a smoke and be back in 10 to 15 minutes. The door closes and the only sound is that of my frantic beating heart in my ears. His last words catch up to me and I start to move at once.

10 minutes! I’ve 10 minutes to get dressed! And I need a shower! I’m in a desperate need of a shower as I can feel Norman’s sticky body fluids stick to the inside of my thighs. I notice how soar I’m actually are as I start to race towards the bathroom. Turn on the shower. Grab two towels. Make sure there’s shampoo and soap. Grab my face scrub from my bag. Get in the shower. Fuck it’s cold! Well, at least I know I’m actually awake. I’ve no idea how long it takes me but I hope it’s around 5 minutes and I’m all done and I turn off the water and step out. Quickly I wrap my hair in one towel and start to dry myself with the other one. Dumping it on the floor, I rush back out into the bedroom and put in black panties and a matching bra before rushing back into the bathroom and start my usual morning routine in front of the mirror.

“Well, well, well, Miss Blom.”

I jump and drop the brush in the sink as I suddenly hear him speak behind me.

“Fuck…!”

I look up and see him in the doorway through the mirror. He’s leaning against the doorpost and looks me up and down but I’m not really in the mood and glare at him over my shoulder.

“What the fuck was that?”

I grab the brush again and curse to myself as I apply some new foundation and continue with the make-up. He walks up to me and comes to stand right behind me and he puts both hands on my hips and pulls me against him.

“What? Jeffrey? Don’t mind him. He’s on the phone right now, won’t be coming back for a while.”

Don’t mind him?! Are you fucking kidding me? And at that moment, I can’t control the bitch anymore and I pierce him with angry eyes through the mirror and snarl through clenched teeth.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t mind him?! What the fuck, Norman?! What the hell happened to not getting anyone else involved in this?! This fucked up situation is hard enough to handle with just you!”

He takes a step back and let his hands drop from my body but I can’t stop now. There’s so much I want to say to him.

“You say you want to be friends and I’m fine with that, I like that too but this was way out of line. I’m lying fucking naked in bed and he just strolls in. Did he know I was here? What have you told him? I thought this was between us, that no one else was to know. I get that you talk to him, he’s your best friend but this… I would just have liked a little heads-up and have some fucking cloths on before you start to introduce me to your friends. This is fucking insane, Norman! Don’t you get that? We just fucked the hell out of each other last night and hours later fucking Negan walks into the room and wants to have breakfast! Just try to wrap your pretty little head around that for a second and just maybe you can understand a fraction of what this is like for me! I woke up next to Austin Amelio last weekend in London! And now I’m yelling at Daryl fucking Dixon in a hotel room in Germany a week later and-“

At this point he has had enough and he steps forward again, grabs me around the waist and forces me around to face him. I’m actually afraid that he’s going to start yelling back and this time he’ll throw me out. But this man just keeps surprising me over and over again and gently he grabs my face with both hands and kisses my lips.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I should’ve told Jeffrey to wait for us and not walk in like that. He usually does when I’m alone but I didn’t tell him not to do it this morning. He knows about you, yes. Just like you talk to your best friend, so do I. Jeffrey and Andy are the only once who I’ve told more in detail about this though. And they will be the only once that I’d tell about you. I’m sorry for putting you into this situation, Ems.”

He drops his hands to my waist and once more pulls me close to his body. And I melt into him and everything else I want to yell at him, vanishes from my mind. A part of me knows he’s using sex as a way of making it up to me but I don’t give a fuck. I just give in when he kisses me again and deepens it at once and start to feel me up. I drop my hand to his crutch and I feel him grove under my touch as I rub his jeans. He moans into my mouth and hurries to open up the jeans for me and I drop to my knees as he takes out his erection for me. I waste no time and show him no mercy this time. He doesn’t deserve the slowly building and more intense pleasure this morning. He tries to make me stop a few times and I think he tries to tell me he wants to fuck me but I don’t let him go and finally he gives in and he climaxes in my hand and the towel I snatch up from the floor. He roars my name and it echo’s in the small space. When I get to my feet, wiping my hand as I do, I come face to face with his hazy eyes and he sways slightly and hold on tightly to the sink behind me.

“Don’t let it happen again.”

I tell him and turn to the sink and wash my hands before walking past him and back to the bedroom to start getting dressed.

                                            ------------------------------------------

Breakfast is a weird event. There’s really no other way to describe it other than weird. I’m still partly convinced that I’m dreaming. I sit crawled up in the window and eat my breakfast quietly, while listening to the two friends chat. I can’t really focus on their conversations though, it just feels wrong. Weird. I go through my phone at the same time and I only pick up on half the words coming from the men and it doesn’t make any sense at all. And I don’t mind. My brain is not equipped to handle everything that has happened during the course of one fucking week. This started a week ago! How things can change…

“Here. You’ll need this.”

His hand on my knee makes me tens and I drop the phone between my legs.

“You’re jumpy today, are you alright?”

“Fine… I’m fine.”

I pick up the phone and noticed that he has placed the red volunteer shirt at my feet. And I also noticed that Jeffrey is no longer in the room with us.

“We’re alone.”

He says, reading my confused look around the room very well. I nod and get to my feet after pocketing my phone and grab the shirt.

“So, how will this work?”

I change my shirt and remember that I’ll have to pack a bag. He sits down on the bed next to my bag while I search for everything that I need.

“You’ll just go with Sean up to the table and talk to the other volunteers, they know someone else is coming too. Just hang out and help out.”

“You know, I suck at German. I can count to like 10, that’s it.”

“You know more than me then.”

“Your girlfriend is German!”

I say and laugh in disbelief at him. But he just looks back at me and raises his eyebrows.

“So….?”       

“Fine, never mind… So just show up, hang out and help out and then what?”

“Well, is there anything you’d like to do? Anyone you like to see? Do a photo op with?”

I get slightly uncomfortable at this question and stop in the middle of packing to look at him.  

“It really doesn’t feel right to ask you for that.”

“Come on, I said I’d pay your weekend, didn’t I?”

“It just feels weird for you to payed me to meet your friends.”

“I want you to have fun.”

He says and smile and his eyes sparkle and beg at the same time. He wraps a hand around me waist and tugs me aside and I come to stand in between his legs. I sigh and put my hands on this impossible man’s shoulders.

“Fine…! The two duo photo ops. And I’d like to see Ross, Alanna and Khary, since I missed them in London because of my little melt down.”

“Which I was responsible for, so it makes sense that I would make sure you’d be able to do that now, right?”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“No problem. And I’m counting on you to come and do another photo op with me too.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s not like you can show your son or friends and family all the picture we took last night. Figured we do have to make some child friendly pictures too so you’d have proof you were here.”

“Shit…!”

I totally forgot about that part of last night. Shit! What the fuck did we do? He starts to giggle as I feel the panic spread to my face and I dig out my phone. He wraps his arms around my waist, lifts up my shirt, leans in and start to kiss my stomach. I complain and try very feebly to make him stop while I fire up my gallery.

There’re a couple of dozens of pictures from the night before that I will most definitely not be able to show to Kevin or anyone else but Kristin for that matter. I think he took most of the pictures but now I remember I was the one suggesting it. Why the fuck would I say something like that?! I groan and want to kick myself. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. But at the same time, I love them. He has a way of capturing the moment without it just turning into porn. It’s sexual and exotic and he has captured my body very well for the most part.

“You’ve a beautiful body, Ems. It’s worth taking pictures of. You’re very photogenic.”

I stop at one picture and feel my breath catch in my throat. It most be in the middle of a climax because I can literally hear myself yell his name in the picture while I arch my back towards where he’s kneeling between my legs, fucking me to an orgasm like no other have been able to.

“You’re a good photographer.”

I’ve to give him credit for that. I could never get the right angle or timing like this.

“Thank you.”

There’s a knock on the door and we both give up an annoyed sigh. Now was not the time to get interrupted. But duty calls for both of us apparently today and he gives me one final kiss at the side of my belly before I step back, grab my bag and walk towards the door. I stop to put on my shoes. I’ve to stomp twice to get my foot into it and when I straighten up, he’s looking at me like I’m a damn alien.

“What?”

“Shoelaces are made to be untied too, you know.”

I roll my eyes at him and walk pass him and open the door while calling back to him that tying shoes are a one-time thing right after you buy them and then ever again. Sean is outside the door but he simply gives me a short good morning before directing his attention to Norman and they start talking about the schedule for the day.

_I’m going to send u a pic, don’t show it to ANYONE!_

I text Kristin. I have to. That’s what best friends do, right? And I’m actually maybe a little too proud of a few of these pictures not to share it with her. At first sight and thought it really was a bad idea and it probably still is but I like them. After looking at them both twice and three times on our way down to the lobby, it feels better. They’re some hot ass pictures!

  _What did you do?_

I receive a replay as I jump into a car without really paying attention. I send her one of the more clean-cut pictures where he has taken a selfie of the two of us and his tattooed hand hold on to one of my boobs.

_For fuck’s sake, Emma! Please tell me this is the only 1…_

_Nope_

_What’s wrong with u?!_

_He’s really good at taking pic_

_But do u have to be fucking while he takes them?!_

_This way I might actually believe it though_

_Fine, I get that but still… Just be careful_

_I am_

_I know u are but I’m not so sure about him. Don’t get yourself into some complicated shit, like actually falling in love with him. I mean more than u already have…_

_I’m not in love with him!_

_U’ve had a crush on this guy for 2 damn years!_

_That’s not the same. U’re the same with that guy from GoT. Crushes are fun ;)_

_I haven’t fucked my crush though_

_I’m fine and I’m not getting myself into some complicated shit, I promise. It’s not like that, he knows that too. It’s just sex_

_Still very good sex?_

_Hands down the best I’ve ever had, yes!_

_Damn, I’m actually a bit jealous_

_U should be_

_I want to see it!_

_See what?_

_His dick!_

_Seriously? U want me to send you dickpic?_

_Yes!_

_I’m not sending u a pic of his dick!_

_Why not? I wanna see it after all those other pic u showed me!_

_Fuck no!_

_Emma_

_No! I’ll show u when I get home_

_Fine… When’s that?_

_Sunday night. Like after midnight I think_

_U want me to come pick u up? Or have Jasper do it?_

_No, don’t worry about it, I’ll just take a cab_

_Ok sure. We’re ready to leave so talk to u later_

_Yeah. Tell Kev I’ll call him later today. Thank u for doing this, I love u_

_Of course :D_ _Love u 2_

“Why Kevin?”

The words are close to my ear and I jump by the sudden noise. Fuck! Again? Really? What’s up with me today? And why the hell does he feel the need to sneak up on me like this? Next I process his question and I realize that he probably have been following my entire texting with Kristin over my shoulder. Sneaky bastard….

“You gotta stop doing that!”

I complain and turn around and hit his forearms that are resting against the top of my seat. He sniggers but doesn’t move away. I notice that my protest has made everyone else look up from their phones. I’ve to pay more attention to what I’m doing when I’m with this guy! Jeffrey and Sean are sitting in the back with Norman and Sean’s girlfriend is beside me but I never saw either of them get in the damn car with me. When noticing that it’s nothing to be alarmed about, however, they all return to their previous browsing of their phones.

“Why Kevin what?”

I ask and put my phone away.

“Why did you name him Kevin?”

“He’s named after my grandfather who passed away 6 months before Kevin was born.”

I explain and can see at once that it’s not the answer he had expected and his face falls a little.

“I’m sorry.”

He reaches out and somehow wraps his arms around me from behind and hugs me.

“Don’t be, it’s fine. You couldn’t know and I don’t mind talking about it. We had time to prepare for it. He had cancer.”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s really fine, Norman. Don’t worry about it.”

I say and turn to give him a reassuring smile just to make him feel better. He nods and moves his hands a little and put me in the nice kind of chokehold. I grab his hand and squeeze and hope I can convince him that way. Physical contact seems to be something he responds to.

“What kind?”

“It started in his stomach but spread too quickly and there was nothing they could do, other than to ease the pain. It took 4 months. But Kevin is really proud of his name and he knows where it comes from. We talk a lot about grandpa and visit him whenever we have a chance.”

“How old is your son?”

The question comes from Jeffrey but as Norman still holds me tightly, I’m not able to turn to fully look at him but still try and move my head a little.

“He’s 10. Turns 11 later in the summer.”

“He’s your only one?”

“Yes. Congratulations on your baby girl by the way. I never got the chance to tell you in London.”

“Thank you. And just so you know, if this guy should get on your nerves today, you can come hang at my table.”

At these words, Norman losses one of his arms around me and aim a swing at his friend but it doesn’t sound like he hits his target. Jeffrey laughs a rumbling laugh that makes me grin too, but Norman’s suddenly as close as he can possible be and my laughter dies out when I feel his breath in my ear and he hiss with a husky voice that sets my blood on fire. How the hell is that he can use nothing but his fucking voice to get me going? Has anyone ever been able to do that before? At the moment I can’t name a single guy but him.

“You’re all mine.”

The whisper is low and for my ears only and my answering _of course_ is delivered with a smile on my lips and although I can’t see him, I feel him smile back and quickly and I think and hope without anyone noticing, he presses his lips to my neck.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Walker Stalker Germany is a lot smaller than London. But it’s same excitement and hype among the fans. I can’t understand much of what they’re saying but love is a universal language.

Damn, am I getting poetic all of a sudden? Not like me at all. What is with this man that brings out so many different sides in me? But just as I remind myself that I need to pull my shit together, Sean’s girlfriends call out to me to keep up and I run to catch up to her.

We’re already inside the venue and fans have started to fill in but there’s no time to have a look around right now. I’m on strict order to get to Norman’s table and start acting like a normal volunteer. Whatever that means? I’m so in over my head. What was it that he told me again? Be helpful? I can do that. Right? I know how to handle people. Well, teenager the best and my son but this shouldn’t be so different. Why the fuck do I doubt myself all of a sudden?! If I can handle 22 15-year-old plus a 10-year-old with special needs, a bunch of German fans should be a piece of cake!

I see his table and the 3 female volunteers that are already there, minding the first wave of fans that has already started to lining up. And I find myself alone, I force a deep breath through my body and find my inner teacher. I can do this! Those girls can’t be much older than my students. This will be fine. I’ll have fun.

The first thing I notice after introducing myself are a whole clan of fans from London that I’ve spoken to a lot online and met in passing last weekend. They see me at the same time and call out, leaving me with no option but to go over and say hi to them.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?”

“I didn’t know I was coming. It was a last-minute thing.”

“Are you volunteering? How did that happen? Did you apply?”

“I did but I got rejected but then they got a lot of drop off I guess and they called earlier this week and asked if I’d still be interested. How are you guys?”

I need to try end this conversation before I let something slip and I blow this whole thing. Thankfully one of the women clings to my question and they start talking about their flight over here, which apparently was _a fucking nightmare._

We stick to the topic for a fair amount of time and I’m beginning to relax and feel that I might actually be able to pull this off.

“Where are you staying?”

Before I can think about an answer I blur out the correct answer and everyone gasps. What the fuck?! Keep your fucking mouth closed, idiot!

“That’s where they’re staying! How did you get a room there? I heard it was fully booked. Well, they weren’t taking anymore guests and 3 guesses why…?”

“Really? I had no problem getting a room. Are you sure that’s where they’re staying? It’s not that great.”

I need to find a way out of this.

“I saw Austin and Jeffrey there last night. They came straight to the hotel from the airport and to that hotel, I’m sure.”

Well, damn aren’t you Miss Super Spy?! I’m not getting out of this and I start to sweat bullets as I’ve 4 pair of hawk eyes on me, demanding an answer. And like a fucking super hero, Mr. Reedus sweeps in and safes my ass by showing up. I quickly excuse myself and head to the start of the que where I’ve been instructed to guide the fans forward and help with questions.

The excitement among the fans get to me at once and I forget all about being nervous about making this. It’s just fun to chat with everyone, although the language barrier sometimes gets in the way. But for the most part I’m able to communicate very well with the once that needs a helping hand. Most are just too focused on getting to Norman, which I totally get. I can’t even remember if there were, although I know there was, volunteers around in London.

I notice an extremely nervous looking girl about an hour into the signing and I can tell at once that she’s going to be in full blown panic as she gets in front of the line. She’s twisting and squirming in line and seems not to know what to do with herself. She’s probably around 15, 16 and she’s alone. She should’ve brought someone with her. I excuse myself as I make way though the line and up to her. It takes me two tries in asking how she is doing but finally she looks up with wide eyes but she doesn’t say anything. Fuck, maybe she doesn’t speak English at all. Well, let’s just wait her out then. I stand close by her side, trying to let her know I’m not going anywhere as we move forward a little bit. It takes maybe 10 minutes of me just standing beside her and follow her but finally I feel her hand search for mine and I take it and hold her tightly. She moves in closer to my side.

“Thank you.”

British! Thank God!

“I’ll go with you if you want.”

“Yes please.”

“Is it your first time?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’re you from?”

“Liverpool. I missed out on London because I was on vacation with my parents.”

“How nice. Where were you?”

“Indonesia.”

“Wow! I’ve been there. What did you think?”

I thank higher powers for this and latches on to the subject at once and try to make her think of something else. It helps and she launches straight into her stories and I tell her about where we were and we compere experiences for the next 10 minutes. Then she’s suddenly the first in line and she’s so more relaxed and not terrified but excited instead. Nervous but in a good way.

“Do you still want me to go with you? I’ll just be right behind you.”

She nods quietly and hands over her voucher to Sean’s girlfriend without taking her eyes off the man in front of her as he starts to wrap it up with the fans ahead of her. Quickly, I lean in to the girl and ask her for her phone.

“No pictures allowed.”

She says quietly back but I just wink at her as I take her outstretched phone.

“I’ll be sneaky.”

I say. Her hands are shaking and she is rotted to the spot as the fan in front of her says her final thank you to Norman and walks away. He looks up, seeming a bit confounded about why no one is coming up next but upon seeing me and then the young adult by my side, he grasps the situation really quickly. I’m guessing he has had this happening quiet a few times through the years. He leans forward over the table and holds up his hand towards her and puts on his most charming smile. Shit! I just want to start an insane make out session with him right there and then! Now!

But first I’ve a mission to complete. I put my hand on her back and nudge her forward. She takes the first careful step, hesitates but he gives her a killing _hi_ and she is won over and takes the last steps quickly. I follow but stay back just enough to not disturb their conversation. The phone is well hidden and filming beneath the table while they share a hug, he holds her hand and sign her print and make small talk. And I’m grinning like a damn fool the entire time. Sort of like the emoji with huge popping hearts for eyes. I mean, come on! How great can a guy get?! It’s not even fair to the rest of the male population that he exists. I’m glad though to see that I’m not the only one that turns into marshmallow in his presence. It’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just as insane as everyone else.

Finally, he wraps up their conversation and leans over to give her another hug and I end the filming and start walking as she does. His hand flies out and grabs my hand just as I’m about to hand back her phone. Both of us halt and I think both of us look equally terrified for half a second then he grins and winks at me as he grabs the phone from me and opens up the camera again. The crowed of course goes wild as he starts filming himself and everyone, including me and the owner of the phone. And although it only lasts for 10 second I know, this will be the most cherished thing on her phone for years to come.

“Thank you.”

He reaches out and give me a hard embrace as he hands back the phone. I hug him back but are not really sure what he’s thanking me for.

“For what?”

“Helping out.”

He says and kisses me swiftly on the cheek before letting go and I turn straight to the girl and he turns to the next fan in line.

“How are you feeling? Are you alright?”

I hand back her phone and she nod quickly and are not able to lose the smile on her face. She clutches the phone for dear life in both hands and beams at me. And I’m done for the day. If this is all I’ve done to help today, it’s enough. This is reward enough and she throws herself at me and hug me hard and long and keep thanking me over and over again.

                                            -----------------------------------

_Where did u go???_

Seriously? He’s really starting to turn into stalking material. I’ve been gone for 20 minutes and in that time had time to do the photo op with Alanna and Christian and on the way back I stopped to pee. I pull down my pants and sit down when my phone buzzes and my Instagram tell me I’ve an incoming PM from Norman.

_Peeing_

_Seriously?_

Yes! What the hell does he expect?

_Yes seriously. U want some fucking proof?_

_Yes please ;)_

Challenge accepted. I know he wants me to send him an intimin picture but I feel like messing with him right now. He does not need to know where I am every minute of the day just because I agreed to come out and see him. So I take a picture of my shoes and send it to him.

_WTF?_

There’s your proof, Mr. Reedus. I’m done and get to my feet and put the phone back in my pocket before leaving, wash my hands and make my way back to his table. My bag is placed behind the table at the end and after making sure the security recognizes me, I slip behind and place my photo in my folder.

I feel a movement next to my crouching body and he’s right beside me and I curse in surprise and lose my balance a little as I jerk away from his closeness. Why does he have to be so fucking close?! And does he like to scare me?!

“What the fuck…?!”

He reaches out and grab my shoulder and steady me and we’re sitting crouching behind the table and he tugs me back into his personal space again.

“Where did you go?”

“To do the photo op with Alanna and Christian.”

“Oh…Right. How did it go?”

“Great.”

I refocus on my bag and start looking for my water bottle but quickly realize it’s not there. Fuck! I need some fluids in my system. I look again just to make sure although I know it’s not there.

“You ok?”

“I just need something to drink but I forgot the water back at the hotel.”

I sigh, really annoyed with myself right now.

“Why did you just say so? Come on.”

He takes me by the hand and pulls me to my feet, takes a few steps back to the center of the table and reaches out for a bottle of coke that is half full.

“Here. Chill for minute.”

He says and gives me the bottle and some funky looking granola and chocolate bar.

“Maybe I need-“

I start to say, thinking that I might actually need to get back to what I’m here for but he cuts me of quickly.

“You’re not even supposed to be here, remember? They’re fine.”

He says and puts his hand on my back and he ease my stress levels by just a simple touch and a few words. I nod back at him and open the drink and finish half of what’s left. The sugar is very welcome and I feel some new energy fill my system. I’m not even aware of being so low on energy until I finally refill a little.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Just stay here and reboot a little.”

“Ok.”

He cares way too much about my well-being. And I like it too much that he cares about me. It’s not what I signed up for. Quick, easy and above all, emotionless sex is what I want from him. Not this. Not that he wants to know where I am and how I’m doing. Maybe I should just get my things and leave. Go home and forget all about this. But then I turn my head and look at him and he’s talking to another fan and I hear him laugh and talk and I know I can’t leave. Not now. But then when is that going to happen?! When will I ever be able to get out of this mess if we keep seeing each other? I’m already into deep in this shit! I’m fucking addicted to him now! He’s my personal drug. Well, honestly, his dick and mouth mostly but he’s sort of a packaged deal in the end.

I start eating the bar slowly, picking it to small pieces as I comprehend my options about this. And I can’t come up with anything at all. I could just say ‘thanks and goodbye’ once this convention is over but there’s no going back from this. I realize that now and I also realize it would’ve been so much easier if I had never accepted this. One weekend with him, I could’ve managed to walk away from. But now? There’s no way. I can’t get enough of him. How the hell do I ever find someone that even come close to him?! What the fuck have I gotten myself into?!

I’ve finished my snacks and are just trying to get my brain in order before going back to duty when I’m being attacked again by the impossible man next to me. All of a sudden I’m sprayed with blue and green silly string and I my hands fly out at once in pure reflex to cover my head. I try to get away from his attack but he follows me when I try to get away in the little space that’s left for me to move. Then I remember something my football loving brother always tells me. The best defense is a good offence and find my target at once when I start to look for it. I launch for another can on the table, get it open and attack back with pink silly string.

His are finishes before mine and I managed to get in closer and he shrieks and cowers. Out of nowhere, he moves in closer to me and grabs me around the waist and try to wrestle the can out of my hand. I’m laughing so hard my stomach starts to cramp up and hearing him do the same so close by, makes a very unexpected warmth spread through my body. It’s not just sexual attraction. It’s something else that I can’t really place. He makes me drop the weapon and it rolls out of reach for the both of us and he presses my body close to his for just a moment that hopefully does not catch everyone around. We straighten up together, still giggling and I turn around and punch him on the shoulder while trying to get the colored strings out of my hair. I break down laughing again though as I come face to face with him and his hat and shoulders are covered in pink string.

“It suits you.”

“What does?”

He asks and help me get it off.

“The pink, you should make it your new haircut. Pretty in pink.”

“Oh, shut up…!”

He takes his hat off and places it on my head instead and tells me to get back to work. Which I do, since I’m being all professional and shit.

                                                                  _______________________________________

“Come with me now.”

He takes the plate of food out of my hands and puts it back on the buffet table as he sneaks an arm around my hips and pulls me away. I turn at once and follow him, holding his hand as we make it through the pretty empty green room. It’s late and most guests have already had lunch and he’s already late but it doesn’t seem to really matter right now. He takes me to some kind secluded resting area where he shuts the door quickly behind us. While he does that I move over to one of the launching chairs and start to undress at once. And then he’s back and he’s right up in my face and grabs me hard and continue to tare away cloths.

“Get on.”

His voice is demanding and needy as he instructs me to lay down. I follow orders and he tares my jeans down around my ankles without removing my shoes.

“Payback time, baby.”

He says and dives straight at my pussy with tongue and lips and fingers and he’s merciless. I yell out his name and grab his head and try to make him to slow down but there’s no use. And I know that I probably deserve it after this morning’s blowjob in the bathroom. He’s all over and inside me and he licks my clit so hard I explode to his touch within seconds of entering the room. My hands clutch his hair tightly and he curses and yanks his head free.

“Damn, girl.”

“Fuck you!”

I yell back at him as he starts fucking me with three fingers, clearly far from done with me. He puts a strong hand on my belly and pushes me back as I try to wriggle away from his intense touch.

“Not until you cum.”

He says and continue this incredible sweet torture that he does so damn well. And by those simple words and his expert fingers, I cum again. Harder than before and I start to shake and convulse. And somehow he has undressed while pleasing me and he kneels between my legs and are inside me while I’m still cuming. He grabs hold of my thighs and pulls me as close to him as he possible can and starts to move. I find his gaze in the middle of repressing my screams of pleasure and when he looks back at me, he leans forward and puts his weight on me and kisses me hard. I wrap my arms around him and we set a slow but deep pace.

We cum and collapse together and he snuggles in his head in my neck and holds on tight while he breaths hard in my ear. I drift off to some kind of dream state for an amount of time that I can’t really place. 1 minute? 10? Half an hour?

“What the fuck are you doing to me, girl?”

“I’ve no idea. What am I doing to you?”

“You mess with my fucking head, Ems.”

“Ditto.”

I say as he slowly begins to stir and he kisses my neck before pushing himself up and out of me. I groan but release him and move my head to one side and watch him while he finds a box of tissue on a table and cleans himself quickly before pulling his jeans back up.

“I think it’s better if I just go home tonight.”

I’m not at all convinced it’s the right thing to do, just that it’s the smartest thing to do before things get too weird. He freezes in his movement and stares at me with wide eyes and some kind of panic starts to show on his face. Why is he panicking? He has no reason to get upset about this. He knew it would end after this, right?  

“No, please don’t.”

“Why not? This is mess up, Norman.”

“Fucking?”

“That’s the easy part. It’s everything else that starts to get weird.”

“Why? Why can’t you try too?”

“Try what?”

“Being friends.”

“Is this what this is? This is how you make friends? Text them and being worried? Playing games? And then fuck’em?”

“Don’t make shit so complicated, Ems.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do here! Leave before things get complicated for real.”

“So, you don’t want to be friends?”

“Come on, Norman! Can’t you see how fucked up that could be? I met you for the first time a week ago and we fucked each other senseless for 2 days and now… Now we’re doing the same thing again. I just don’t get what you’re doing here, Norm. I get fucking whip lashes from all the different turns you make.”

“Yeah, ok I can get that.”

“Good.”

“But please don’t go home. Not yet. Stay until tomorrow night. We’re going out for dinner after this, I want you to come. As a friend. I promise, no sex. At least not then.”

“Who’s we?” 

“Just Jeffrey and me. Have dinner and a few drinks and just have a good time. Ok?”

I know I’m going to stay yes even before he asks me. He really messes with my head. What’s wrong with me?! I’m usually very good at keeping to my decisions. But apparently that does not apply when I’m around Norman Reedus.

“Ok.”

“Good. Thank you.”

He hands me the box of tissues as well and I make sure to clean up the mess we’ve made. He waits this time and are not in a hurry at all.

“I’ve a question.”

I’ve been chewing on this one for a while and if he really is serious with becoming friends, he should be able to answer this.

“Yeah?”

He asks and I zip up my jeans.

“Why does your manager hate me?”

“Sorry?”

“Sean. Why does he hate me?”

“He does not hate you!”

He protests loudly and walks straight up to me and picks up the red shirt as he goes and hand it over to me. I hope he notice that I’m not convinced at all because I’m not but I refuse to ask again because he should’ve noticed this too. Finally he sighs and I put the shirt on.

“Fine… But he doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t really trust people that easily.”

“Something we have a in common then.”

“Yeah but… He just gets a little paranoid I guess. I think you really stepped up the trust ladder like 10 giant leaps today though. He was really impressed how you handled that teenager this morning.”

“Why aren’t you paranoid too? What makes you so sure I’m not going to go home, my phone full of picture of the two of us fucking and sale every last picture to the highest bidder?”

“Are you?”

He asks and once more show no respect for persona space whatsoever but walks straight up to my face and pierce me with his intense blue.

“No.”

“I know that.”

“How?”

“Cause I’m good at reading people too. And you’ve a son and family.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Do you really want your parents to see you give me a blow job when they’re reading their morning paper? They would choke on their fucking breakfast faster than I make you cum.”

So fucking true. Well played, Mr. Reedus. I shake my head slowly and he smirks back and kiss me deep before telling me it’s time to finally get some solid food into our bodies and we leave the room.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s exhausting to do volunteer work! I collapse on the bed the second I see it and I don’t want to get up again. I hear Norman chuckle somewhere behind me before he makes his way to the bathroom. I need that too. But first I just need to shut my eyes for 2 seconds and enjoy the silence.

And my phone rings. An incoming call on Messenger demands my attention and for the space of a heartbeat I want to ignore it but then I realize it’s probably Kevin calling back. I dig out the phone from my jeans and it is indeed his face on the display.

“Hi, baby.”

I start the video and put on the speaker but can’t find the energy to get up.

“Hey, mom!”

“How are you doing?”

“We just got home. We went to the aquarium and then Kris had to shop and we ate at the mall.”

“Did you have fun at the aquarium?”

“It was awesome, mom! We watched them feed the crocodiles. Can we get one?”

“A crocodile…? No, they’re not allowed to keep as pets, sweetie. Sorry.”

“Probably for the best though. It would probably eat the cats.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“What are you doing, mom? Where’re you?”

“I just got back to the hotel. I’ve been on the convention all day.”

“Did you see Norman?”

“I did.”

“Hi, Kevin!”

Seriously, he has to stop doing this! Just creep up on me and throw himself at me out of fucking nowhere! The bed moves and he’s right next to me and he waves at my son. Kevin is absolutely still for 5 whole seconds, just staring and then he finally waves back and a smile spreads over his face.

“Hi.”

He says back.

“Your mom did some awesome work today, you should be proud of her, buddy.”

I curse the man beside me and get really annoyed at him but can’t help but feeling very proud at the same time. And before Kevin can start fire away 10 million questions, I translate what Norman just said to my son. Our three-way communication goes on for another minute where Norman tells my son about our day but then something suddenly caught Kevin’s attention on the other line and he says a quick goodbye and hangs up before I get to finish telling him, I love him.

“Don’t take it personal.”

I tell him and put the phone away and tilt my head to the side to look at him. He shrugs and smiles.

“He’s a kid. I’m impressed he called you back at all. I would never have done that at his age.”

“He wants to check in once in a while. But it’s usually very short and he just wants to know everything’s alright and he’s fine.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Sure. I’m good. I had a great day. Thank you for taking me.”

“Of course.”

“I really should take a shower though. I still have some of the fucking silly string in my hair.”

He chuckles and move on top of me.

“Woo…”

I gasp by the sudden movement but the surprise quickly vanishes as he leans down to kiss me and I feel his hand get lost in my hair.

“How about I join you for that shower?”

“How about we try and met Jeffrey on time? He said half an hour. It’s already been 5. What are the odds of us making it though a shower in 20 minutes if we do it together?”

I don’t expect this argument to work but to my surprise he sighs, nods and roll off me.

“Fine. I’ll just lay here watching you then.”

“You do that.”

I get to my feet take the shirt of and toss it at his head. He gives up a long groan and presses the red shirt to his face and rolls over to his stomach.

“You smell really good. Even after a day of Walker Stalker.”

“I feel yucky though.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling but I’ll just change cloths. Unless you changed your mind.”

He pulls down the shirt just down below his eyes and batts his eyelashes at me like a damn Disney Princess. And I can’t resist him! He’s so fucking impossible and annoying and wonderful!

“Fine! But keep your hands to yourself.”

“I can do that.”

I continue to the bathroom but stop when I hear a thud and a curse. Of course he falls out of bed! Does he do this on purpose? I don’t even bother to turn around and I hear him groan and cruse as he pulls himself up from the floor.

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Do what?”

He’s inside the bathroom as well and when I turn around his head is stuck in the shirt and I step into the shower and turn on the water.

“Make me feel sorry for you?”

“It depends.”

“On what?”

“If it worked or not.”

“Well, you’re in here with me, aren’t you so obviously it worked?”

I’m already completely soaked when he finally joins me and I feel him stand behind me and although I can’t see shit for the water in my eyes, I know he’s watching me. He clears his throat and presses himself against me.

“I need some water if I’m actually going to get clean.”

He says and I move a little to make some room for him. He mutters a low ‘thanks’ and I grab the shampoo and try to focus on the task of actually getting clean. It’s hard though. Especially when something is actually getting hard behind my back. He sure as hell does not have an impotence problem. And although my vagina is protesting for not giving in to her needs, I surprise myself by standing strong. And so does he.

“See? We can be responsible.”

“Yeah, I’m really impressed.”

I tell him as we’re both out of the shower and dry ourselves off. He sniggers and throws his wet towel at me and walks out of the bathroom. I end up in front of the mirror and I watch my reflection. The woman looking back at me is familiar but yet a stranger. I never thought I’d end up here, doing something like this. The woman standing naked in front of the mirror would never have done this a year ago. I would never have had the confidence to even talk to him a year ago. Now I’m standing here in his hotel room and I see him watch me while I dry my hair and put on some make-up.

“You don’t need all that stuff, you know that right? You’re beautiful anyway.”

He says from the doorway and bottoms up a grey shirt. I drop my gaze at his words, not really sure what to say to this. I’m not use to this kind of compliments. Because I really do take it as a compliment. I rather not use too much make-up but sometimes I find it necessary, especially after a few night with too little sleep.

“Are we going somewhere fancy?”

“Yes, so I hope you packed your ballgown.”             

He’s not convincing at all and I just snort at him and he giggles and walks up me and leans with his back against the sink next to me.

“Really convincing.”

“Right…? No, we’re just going around the corner and see what we can find.”

“Sounds good. Are you sure it’s such a good idea though, that I come with you?”

“We’ll sneak out the back, none will know we’re leaving.”

“If you say so.”

“And I’m allowed to have female friends even if I’m dating. Right?”

“Of course. It’s just that it gets blown out of proportions because… Well, because you’re you.”

“Tell me about it.”

I put on some lip-gloss and take a final look in the mirror and are pretty satisfied with the results and close my bag and turn to head out to the bedroom to get dressed.

“What? You’re already done?”

He calls after me, sounding really surprised.

“Well, I’m not going out naked.”

I put on underwear and start to search for something to wear. Now I wish I really would’ve put more thought into packing but that can’t really be helped now. I find a pair of light blue jeans and a white over-sized white tunic which has a pretty low V cut. I tie my hair back in a messy knot and spin around to see if he’s ready to leave. I find him still in the doorway to the bathroom, gawking at me.

“What?”

“I wanna fuck you right now.”

“Sorry, fucking is not on the menu right now. I’m actually pretty hungry.”

He lets out a loud complaining moan as I walk past him to collect my shoes and jacket.

“Fine!”

He follows me and we’ve both put shoes on when the knocks on the door comes. He opens the door at the same time as he puts on his jacket and hat.

“Ready to roll?”

Fuck, this is weird! Jeffrey Dean Morgan is waiting right outside the door, leans around Norman and looks straight at me with a friendly smile. I put on my jacket as well and take one step towards the open door but Norman turns, almost knocks me over and hurries back into the room again. He comes back with the hat he wore during the convention. It still has some pink silly string on it and he quickly brush it off and gives it to me.

“Just in case you’re worried about getting caught on camera.”

_Ride with Norman Reedus_. Yeah, like that’s not going to get people’s attention. I chose not to comment though and just puts the hat on, hoping it will actually hide me a little bit from all the hawk eyes around.

“So, where’re we going? Any special request, Miss…?” 

“Blom. My last name is Blom but please just call med Emma.”

“Alright, will do.”

He throws his arm around Norman’s shoulder and we head towards the lifts.

“But I don’t really mind where we go as long as I get something to eat and drink, I’m down for whatever.”

“Ok, good. Any ideas, Bubba?”

“Nope.”

They keep up a conversation that I don’t’ feel I really need to take part in. Instead I keep behind him and fire up Google Maps to see if there’s anything good nearby. It’s not a big town so I don’t really have my hopes up but I hope we can find some decent place to eat. We’re out on the street, behind the hotel, when I find the perfect place.

“Which way?”

Jeffrey asks.

“I found a place, like 10 minutes away.”

“Sweet. Show the way, baby.”

Norman gestures to me to step in front of them and I take the lead, enjoying being outside in the fresh air and the streets are very quiet, which is a relief too. I keep an eye on the map and listen to the two men talking behind me. After a few minutes of this, I hear Norman’s low voice, probably not meant for me to hear at all, whisper to Jeffrey.

“I mean, take a look at that ass, man. She’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Not gonna argue with you there, bro.”

Something catches Norman’s attention and he points something out for Jeffrey behind me and the conversation about my ass is left aside. Thank God! Walking with the two men right behind me is weird enough without them talking and complimenting my body. Finally we arrive to the right street and I spot the place a few yards ahead of us and point towards it.

“There it is.”

Jeffrey sees it first and cracks up at once and lets out a rumbling laugh and nudges Norman in the side.

“Damn, girl! You truly do have the best sense of humor!”

_Murphy’s Law_ is according to Google a Irish pub that serves classic comfort food and drinks and has a pretty good rating. My only reason for choosing this place, is of course for the name though. And can you blame me? It’s pretty ironic and funny at the same time.

“You never said you were a Boondock’s fan!”

Norman says and I turn my head to look at him over my shoulder as Jeffrey and I start to move towards the entrance but for some reason Norman doesn’t move.

“There’s a lot of things I haven’t said yet, Murphy McManus.”

“Come one, dude. This is pretty hilarious, we just gotta check this out.”

Jeffrey convinces him and by the time we make it to the front door, he’s cracking up too. He stops me when I want to go inside by yanking at my arm and he says something about a picture and before I know it, he pushes me close to his side, puts his arm tightly around me and takes a picture with the name in the background.

“How did you find this place?”

He asks and I answer him by waving the phone at him and we follow Jeffrey inside the pretty deserted pub. But then again, this isn’t a big town and I believe the tourist season is pretty far away from being at its highest. His arm is still around me and the initial thought of removing it from around my shoulder is somehow not what my hand does. Instead I grab his wrist and keep him right there and at the corner of my eyes, I see him look down at me and smile. I return the smile without looking back at him, as we’re greeted by a middle-aged man that probably asks if we’d like to eat but since my German sucks, I’m not entire sure. When Jeffrey answer with an ‘yes, please’ in English, the man quickly nods and changes to a language we can all understand.

We’re shown to a booth in a corner of the pub and I’m glad that’s it far away from other guests. And it seems Jeffrey and Norman too, are happy with the privacy and Jeffrey especially thanks him. I wonder if the waiter realizes who they are. Probably not. I hope not. For their sake, and mien too I guess, I hope we’re not getting caught. Norman plays the roll of a real gentleman really well and takes my jacket and pulls out the chair for me. He doesn’t seem to think it such a big deal but I’m not use to it at all and my face probably gives that away a little too much.

“What?

He asks when he sits down beside me and I’m still gaping a little at him.

“Nothing.”

“Can I get you anything to drink while you look at the menu?”

The waiter speaks and hands over menus. The guys order beer but I’m not really feeling it tonight and order a glass of white wine.

“Make it a bottle.”

Norman says right before the waiter turns. He gives a short nod and walks away.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Hell yeah!”

“So, Emma, tell me about yourself.”

Damn! Thanks for that small question, Jeffrey. What does that even include? I looked across the table and the curious and alert eyes of the man there makes me decided to just start. It’s not like I’ve anything to hide anyway, so I begin to tell him about all the basic facts about a person life’s that I guess he’s looking for. Now and then he asks a follow up question and we even get to order, receive and start eating our food while keeping up this conversation. It helps that I’m not that familiar with Jeffrey’s life story as Norman’s and I take my chance to ask him about his life too. He doesn’t seem to mind and spends a fair amount of time talking about his first appearance on The Walking Dead.   

He still intimidates me. I can’t help it. It’s hard to see past Negan and my impulse to just hit him in the head and run away. It helps that I had a very positive and pleasant experience in London but it’s still at the back of my head. And apparently, I’m not at good at hiding it as I think I am because mid through dinner, after discussing my feelings about his character he puts me on the spot with his question.

“Is it actually me or just Negan you’re afraid of?”

Shit! He has notice. What the hell do I do now? Tell him the truth? I look around quickly at Norman, who simply looks confused about the question. Well, that’s good. At least he hasn’t noticed it then. After a few seconds of silent debating and where he won’t stop looking at me, I decided to just tell him.

“A little bit of both.”

“I see.”

“It’s just this whole thing that’s… Fucking weird and-I mean it was weird with just him.”

I nod my head towards the man beside me.

“Yeah…”

“And now you’re here to and I know you know what’s going on so I guess I’m a little bit… Worried about what you actually think and what you’re going to do about it.”

“Do about it? Why would I do anything about it? This is none of my business. You’re both grown-ups, able to make your own decisions. He knows I’m not completely onboard when it comes to this but it’s not my place to “do anything about it.” I just hope for you own sake that you… You know…”

“Keep my mouth shut…? Yeah, don’t worry about that. I’m still waiting to wake up from this dream.”

He chuckles and nods his head.

“It’s that weird, huh?”

“Weirder. Stuff like this doesn’t happen.”

“Apparently, they do because, babe you’re not dreaming. Trust me.”

He says and rises his glass towards me.

“Cheers.”

I finish my second glass of wine in a toast with the older man and doesn’t notice until then, that Norman’s no longer beside me.

“He went out to grab a smoke. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?”

“You… Well, what he’s doing with you, I guess.”

“You think he’s cheating.”

I’m surprised it comes out as a statement and not a question and it seems Jeffrey is surprised too. He rises both eyebrows at me and looks rather impressed.

“It’s not my place.”

“Between the two of us.”

“The sex is just sex, he has done that before and I get it but at the same time don’t but this… This is taking things to another level that he has done before. He has only told me about it in passing before but you… You’re something else.”

“No, I’m not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want him. Not like that and I’m not stupid enough to believe it’s going to happen. There’s not going to be a happily ever after, some fucked up version of Cinderella where the poor, lonely little girl finds her prince charming and they fall in love and get married and live in a castle. I don’t want that. Not from him, not from anyone.”

“So why the hell are you here?”

“Because I’ve never had better sex then with him.”

He gaps at me and stares in disbelieve, as though he’s waiting for me to crack up and just tell him I’m joking. But when I stay dead serious, because I really am, he starts laughing hysterical.

I’m not sure I like his response to this but I get no chance to linger on this thought as Norman comes back and puts a bottle of Absolut Vodka lemon in the middle of the table and hands out a shot glass to each of us. Before I can even begin to give a weak protest, he fills up my glass and hands it to me and does the same to Jeffrey, who is still trying to come down from his fit of laughter.

“What did you say to him?”

“That I really like fucking you.”

It takes 2 seconds of him just staring at me but then he cracks to and sniggers.

“Well, that’s good cause I really like fucking you too.”

He says and we make a toast before we both sweep the entire shot.

                                            ---------------------------------------------

He wakes me up. Again. It’s just been half an hour since the last time I woke up, I notice when seeing the time is 02.35 and he’s still tossing and turning next to me. I’m going to be a fucking train wreck in the morning if he keeps me up like this. I’m pretty sure he does this on purpose though. He wants to get my attention.

“Fine, I’ll bite. What’s going on?”

I give in, hoping whatever it is that he wants will get me back to sleep fast. I sigh and turn around to face him and he turns at once and put on the bedside light.

“Do you agree with him?”

“Who?”

“Jeffrey. He thinks this is cheating. I mean, this, us talking and having dinner and all that. Not fucking but everything else.”

“Does it matter what I think?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Cause you’re a woman.”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Norman. Not all women are the same, you know. I can’t tell you want your girlfriends thinks about this.”

“I get that but I want to know what you think. If this would’ve happened to Kristin, I mean if she would’ve been you…? As a bystander, is this cheating?”

“Sharing a bed with another woman after going for dinner and drinks?”

“And fucking like 4 times in the past 3 hours.”

He adds and I have to force back the snigger.

“Yeah, that too… Well, I would probably have the same opinion as Jeffrey and tell Kristin that she should really think about what she’s doing. But it’s not my place. Whatever deal you have, is your thing. But the worst thing is if you would let it go any further and involve the scary stuff.”

“Feelings and shit?”

“Feelings and shit, yes. That’s the biggest betrayal, not the sex. Sex is just an animalist need but developing feelings for someone else… That’s a whole other level of cheating in my book.”

“Yeah, I guess I can agree to that.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry I keep waking you up.”

“Can I try something?”

I push myself up and I study his tired face. He really needs to sleep if he’s going to be able to pull off another day of Walker Stalker.

“What?”

“Tactile massage.”

“What’s that?”

“I use it on Kevin when he gets too wound up some nights and can’t sleep. It helps him relax.”

“I was kinda hoping-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re hoping for but this will hopefully make you stay asleep.”

“Ok. What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. Just close your eyes and relax.”

I change position and he lets out a surprised gasp as I straddles his chest. He’s so damn broad across though that I move down a little to make it more comfortable for both of us.

“This does not make me relax, Ems. Now I just want to have sex again.”

He opens his eyes again and reaches out his hands towards me but I quickly push them back and narrow my eyes at him.

“No sex. Close your eyes and let me do this.”

He sighs but give in and let his hands fall back on the mattress. He closes his eyes and I begin with swiping all his hair out of his face. Gently I run my fingertips across his forehead and temples. Down his nose and cheeks and I feel him relax for every part of his face that I trace. I don’t even need 5 minutes and he’s completely out. Every muscle in his body is relaxing under me and his breathing his deep and slow and he begins to snore.

Great, now I won’t have to be able to sleep because of the snoring instead. At least he’s asleep. I can just stay behind tomorrow and sleep then but he has a job to do.


	7. Chapter 7

There’s a dog barking at me. He has 3 legs and 2 pair of ears, one set that is hanging and one pair that is pointy. The dog is black and looks friendly as he approaches me. I crouch down to greet him and he kisses me face. His kisses feel very weird though, not at all what I’m use to from other dogs. And then there’s a hand underneath my shirt.

I wake up with a stare as I realize my dream is no dream at all. Disoriented and a little bit panicky I try to grasp what is going on. Norman is hoovering over me and his lips are on my neck while his hand’s searching its way in underneath my t-shirt.

“Norman…”

I try to get his attention but the only thing he does when he sees I’m fully awake, is to attack my lips and start to make out. I want to stop him, thinking I’m probably not tasting and smelling that good after all the alcohol from the night before. He doesn’t seem to give a damn though and just looks for more. His hands are groping and tugging and I think this might be one of the best wake-up calls in my life. He releases my lips at the same time as his hand finds my boobs and he quickly lets his mouth join in as well. Quickly he throws the shirt away from my body. As he moves back down he shifts a little and his pelvis hits mine hard and a pain so intense it makes me cry out and I try to move away from him. He vanishes at the same second I yell and there isn’t as much as a finger that touches me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He says over and over while I try to push through the burning pain that he leaves behind. What the fuck was that?! He’s kneeling beside me and when I look up, he looks back at me with concern in every inch of his face. He reaches out and puts his hand on my face and apologizes once more.    

“I’m fine, don’t apologize, you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“But still… Guess I forgot about it.”

“About what?”

What is he talking about? I frown in confusion up at him but he just looks just as puzzled right back at me. 5 seconds pass by and we just look at each other but finally he cracks up and winks at me.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

I scramble up and want to smack him hard for grinning at me. He holds up his right hand to me and at first I’m not sure what he’s doing. Then I see it. He got a new tattoo. The Bigbaldhead logo is right there on his hand. Still in its protecting plastic on it. Why don’t I remember this?! What the fuck happened last night? I didn’t drink that much, did I? Wine. And shots. Vodka. Shit! There were a lot of Vodka last night. But I was fine, right? I helped him get to sleep in the middle of the night. How the fuck can I remember that and not what we did hours before?!

“It turned out great.”

He says and pulls the cover away from my body. My eyes find the ink at once. The left side of my pelvis has a small maybe 4 cm big logo as well. Fucking hell! We got matching tattoos! Shit! I jump up at once, not carrying that it actually burns as I move and rush into the bathroom to take a closer look in the full body mirror. I push my panties down and rip of the plastic and stare at the black skull. It’s really a bigbaldhead skull right there on my pelvis, right beneath the bone.

“Fuck…”

“Jeffrey got one too.”

“Is this really real?”

“Yeah. You were a real trooper, didn’t say a word during the whole thing.”

He comes up and stands behind me and puts his hand on my hip. I can’t believe I did something like this! And not remembering it?! What the fuck is up with that? I remember that I fucked him 3 or 4 times last night. Maybe the booze was still present in my system then. He reaches out for a towel on the sink and soaks it before turning me around to face him. He drops to his knees and carefully cleans the new ink that is now permanently on my body. I’m never drinking Vodka again. At least not in his company!

“Did you do this?”

“Yeah. Well, I didn’t do the actual tattoo, I just drew this. Made yours a little different so it would fit better. Do you really don’t remember?”

“No, I really don’t. “

He giggles at me and I hit him in the head.

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Come on, Ems it’s not that bad is it? Look… It’s really good.”

He turns me around towards the mirror again and although I want to hit him all over again, I actually take a look at the thing. It looks really good. And to be honest, I’ve been thinking about getting the logo tattooed anyway. Not there but somewhere else. The idea was to make some kind of collage with a quote and the logo and an arrow but this actually works pretty good too. It will be even better when the swelling goes down. And he has made me change my mind yet again…

“Could I go back to what I started before I accidently hurt you?” 

I drop my gaze when he speaks and he puts a hand on my ass and tugs my panties even further down my body. He’s already on his knees next to me so there’s a no-brainer really. I can literally hear my inner sexual needy bitch jump up and down in anticipation. One would’ve thought I’d had enough orgasms by now but apparently not. Which is why I give in very willingly when he makes me face him, sort to speak.

He couldn’t care less about my upper body right now though and hits his target at once and I grab him by the hair and hold him steady. And I start shaking in no time. Again. He should spread his skills to the public. Seriously! He needs to teach more guys how to do this, it’s only fair for us ladies. I’ve never had a guy make me cum so hard and so fast before and I’ve been with quite a few guys through the years.

“What is it about you and bathrooms?”

He looks up at me, an evil grin on his face and I’m not at all prepared when he suddenly gets to his fullest height in front of me, grabs me hard around the hips and spins me around. He bends me over and tells me to hold on. He kicks my feet apart and grab hold of the back of my head and pushes himself inside me, slow but hard. This, dominant act only lasts for a minute or two and I feel almost powerless to his treatment and I want to protest, tell him to stop but I can’t find my voice. Maybe he senses this because he suddenly stops, lets go of my hair and leans down over me.

“It’s not the bathrooms. It’s you, Ems.”

My legs shake and threaten to give in any second and I put my head down on the cold surface of the sink and try to find my breath. My pussy is pulsing around his cock and I can hear him pant heavily and he kisses my neck hard.

“Will you be able to stay on your feet?”

I shake my head and he gives a short snigger and grabs me around the waist and somehow, he leads me back to the bed and I climb in. He gives me no time to breath though and climbs right after and on top of me and slips back inside me at once. I close my eyes and throw my head back and stop breathing for the space of 2 heartbeats. He grabs hold of both my hands and puts them up over my head and leans in close as he starts to move. My hips start to move on their own accord with him and it makes him slips even deeper inside me and he hits my spots so fucking well, I squeeze his hands hard enough that it probably hurts both of us. But neither of us care and we just keep going until I fall over once more and he follows. This time there’s no air left for me to let out a scream. I just can’t scream out my pleasure anymore. I need the air to keep my lungs working at this point. He collapses and put his head on my chest and I can feel his sweaty face on my skin.

“Your heart beats so hard.”

He says after a very long and comfortable silence. He turns his head sideway, I assume to listen closer to my indeed frantic beating heart.

“Well, you fucked me pretty hard just now.”

I replay and put my hands in his hair and start twisting it between my fingers. He chuckles once and sigh and I’m pretty sure he drifts of to sleep. And I think I do too.

Suddenly there’s a hard knock on the door and we both jump and curse as he hits his head on my chin as we both move.

“Norm! Time to rise and shine!”

Come on! Not again! The door opens at the same time as Jeffrey speaks. This time Norman calls out though.

“Don’t get in here!”

Jeffrey halts in his step, almost stumble it sounds like.

“Alright. I’ll just wait outside then. But you really gotta move, man. 5 minutes before go time.”

“Fuck…! Fine, yeah-I’m… I’ll-“

“You’re not even dressed yet, are you?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Do you still have company or has Emma finally come to her senses?”

“No, she’s still here and it’s still as fucked up as last night that you’re in here!”

I call out and groan as Norman slips out of me, gets up and walk straight into the bathroom. I hear Jeffrey laugh.

“Alight then, point taken. I’ll be just outside.”

“Could you get me some breakfast, dude?”

Norman yells and turns on the shower.

“Will do! Hurry up, fucker!”

“Shut up!”

I breath easily again when the door closes and we’re alone and I lay back and listen to the shower running. Then I realize this might be the last chance to actually watch him naked and I quickly turn around to my belly and prop myself up on a pillow and watch him. This glass wall really is a genius design in a hotel room and I take full advantage. He really has a gorgeous face and he’s extremely easy on the eye, but damn does he have a mighty fine back too! Those massive shoulders and muscular back. And that ass! I need proof of this. I need some pictures to drool over when I’m having a shitty day. So I quickly pick up my phone and snap a few pictures. They don’t turn out that great because of the distance and the glass but they’ll do just fine.

“You’re not coming?”

He’s done within minutes and can apparently be really quick when he wants to. He starts getting dressed as he asks the question and looks at me.

“I don’t have a job to do, Mr. Reedus.”

“What if I want you to be there?”

“I’ll be there. Just not right now. Do you have any idea how much my head hurts after all that fucking Vodka? Just give me another hour of sleep and I’ll be fine.”

“Ok. I’ll have someone take you to the venue.”

“I’m a big girl, Norman. I know how to get-“

“I know that. But just let me do this, please.”

“Fine.”

“Good. I think I’ve some painkillers if you need any. And order some room service.”

“For fuck’s sake…!”

What the hell does he take me for? A damn kid?! He doesn’t seem to understand my sudden protest however and he probably doesn’t even care. He just looks at me with a stern look and puts on his Kojima hoodie.

“Get some sleep.”

“I will.”

I shiver all of a sudden and I quickly search for the covers. Before I can get really comfortable however, he shows up next to the bed and hands me the hoodie he just put on.

“What am I suppose to do with this?”

“Put it on of course. You’re cold.”

“I’m alright.”

“Why the hell are you so fucking stubborn? I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“And I appreciate that but you don’t have to give me your cloths.”

“I’ve another one. Take this, it’s really warm. I’ll take the other one I have.”

He’s not going to go until I take the damn hoodie and I want to sleep. So I compromise and grabs it out of his hand and quickly sit up and put it on. And before I lay back down, he has already grab another one and I see him vanish into the bathroom. He comes back and puts 2 pills and a bottle of water on the table next to me, kisses my temple quickly, grabs his bag and shouts a ‘I’ll see ya later’ and leaves.

I take the pills, turn of the lights, pull up the hood around my head and inhales deeply of his incredible scent and falls asleep instantly.

                                            ---------------------------------------

 The phone wakes me up but I can’t care less about answering right now. I just roll over and shut my eyes again. But it keeps ringing. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. Just leave me the hell alone!

As it starts vibrate for a sixth time, I give up, curse loudly and answer the damn phone with an angry ‘hello?’

“Get out. Now.”

A voice that I can’t place, but that isn’t Norman, says when I answer the phone. What the hell does that mean? Why?

“Huh…?”

Is all I manage to get out. My brain hasn’t fully woken up yet and I can’t think right now and follow a normal conversation.

“You need to get your things and leave right now. Norman’s girlfriend will arrive at the hotel 11.30 and you need to be out of there before then.”

Shit. What time is it?! I rush up from the bed and start to search for a clock but finally remember that I actually have one on the fucking phone.

“Ok, fine.”

I say, hang up and notice that the time. 11.18. Fucking shit! I need to get moving. Now. Everything get thrown into the suitcase in a total mess but I can’t care about that right now. I just have to get out of here. The last thing I want is to meet Miss Girlfriend face to face. Thankfully I haven’t spread out that much and after getting all my stuff from the bathroom, I’m pretty much done. The last thing that goes into my bag is the passport, charger and the hat he gave me the night before. 11.24. I need to get the hell out of here. I put on my jacket and shoes, put the phone into my pocket, throw my bag over my shoulder and grab the suitcase and I’m out of the door. Quickly I head towards the elevator and push the bottom. While I’m waiting, my brain starts to work again.

Where do I go? What do I do? My flight doesn’t leave until 10 tonight. Do I go to the convention? I still have the Gold pass Norman gave me yesterday and the autograph vouchers and a photo op with him. Maybe it’s better to just go. Get to the airport and just chill there.

The elevator arrives and the doors open to revile no other than the blonde beauty that is Norman’s girlfriend. She looks up, straight at me and then lowers her gaze and I swear loudly inside my head when I realize I’m still wearing his hoodie under the open jacket.

“Nice shirt.”

She says and steps out of the elevator and I force myself to move forward and take her place.

“Thanks.”

She stays outside the elevator and watch me and it takes me a second before I realize that the lift won’t move until I push the fucking bottom. I fumble and quickly reach out for the lobby and the doors closes. And I know that she knows. I can’t really say how but my gut tells me she figured it out just now.

I’ve never wanted to leave a hotel and even country faster before and I’m outside the elevator doors before they have fully open and I aim for the exit at once. I’m outside on the sidewalk when I feel a hand close around my upper arm and someone says my name. The other arm flings out and I’m halfway through a swing with my bag towards the man, when I realize it’s the guy who greeted me at the airport. I stop the movement just in time but he hasn’t even flinched or tried to get away. 

“Mr. Reedus sent me to pick you up. “

He says and reaches out for my suitcase but I’m not sure I want to go with him. Why should I? Right now, I just want to go home. The worst of the headache is gone but I still feel like the bed would’ve been the best place to spend the remainder for the late morning. Why the fuck did she have to come now?! Isn’t he going home tonight? Why the hell decide to show up now? And who called? Who knew she was coming and wanted to make very sure that she didn’t find me in his room?

“Where’re you going?”

He looks confused.

“To the venue of course. Mr. Reedus asked me to wait for you here until you were ready to leave. I’ve been waiting in the lobby for you.”

“So you didn’t call me just now?”

“Call you? No, Miss I did not call you. I was told to bring you to the venue and then I’m driving you back to the airport for your flight straight from the convention.”

Fuck it! Let’s just do this! It’s a heat in the moment thing but I really just want to take advantage of this position one last time because it sure as fuck won’t happen again. I’m fucking worth it! So, I let him take my suitcase and follow the man towards the car that is parked just feet from us. In the car, I try to force the girlfriend out of my head. It’s harder said than done but it helps when I find that Kevin is online on Messenger and we start chatting about his evening.

 

                                            ------------------------------------

An unknown number starts calling me a little after 1 o’clock and I’ve been spending the past hour on the convention floor. Finally I can add Khary, Ross and Alanna to my autograph and selfie account. After achieving this, which really are all I want for the day, I’m browsing the vendors for something to bring home to Kevin. As the same number shows up for a third time and interrupts my podcasting, I finally decide to answer.

“Yeah?”

“Where the hell are you?”

Norman fucking Reedus, how the hell did you get my number?! I stop in the middle of the floor and 2 people behind me, bump straight into me and complain loudly.

“How did you get my number?”

“There aren’t that many Emma Blom’s, who are 35 in your hometown. 1 to be more exact.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable.”

“What? You don’t want me to have your number?”

“You could at least have asked.”

“Yeah, well… Where are you?”

“Looking for something to buy for Kevin.”

“I want you to come and have lunch with me.”

“No, thanks I’m good.”

“Why…?”

My answer totally caught him off guard and stutter out his question.

“I’m thinking it’s probably a better idea that you eat that lunch with your girlfriend, isn’t it?”

“Why would I? She’s not here. She would never come to an event like this. She just stays at the hotel. And you’re here and I want to see you before you go home.” 

“Ok, I’ll be there in a while. Just need to get something for Kevin.”

“Alright, good.”

I hang up and find just the right thing, the Funko Pop with Daryl and his bike. He’s going to have to sign this for Kevin.

Getting into the greenroom this time around is not an easy task however. Apparently, Norman hasn’t bothered to talk to the security this time. And after being rejected and yelled at by 4 different security guys that can’t even bother to do the yelling so I understand them, I just give up. I feel like a real spoiled bitch ala Paris Hilton or some shit when, glaring at the latest security guy, I pick up the phone and call the last received number. I’m not still sure I really should save his number though. Maybe it’s better that I don’t.  

“Yeah?”

“I’m not getting past your herd of security.”

I hear how annoyed I sound but I think my blood sugar might be at rock bottom at the moment, seeing as I never got the chance to eat breakfast. He makes the mistake a giggle at me and I snap.

“Fuck you, Norman!”

“Alright, alright, baby hold on. I’ll come and get you. Stay where you are.”

“You better be quick!”

I hang up in the middle of a new sentence from him, turn my back to the annoying security and lean over the railing to the little ledge to the second landing of the venue. It doesn’t go all the way around as in London but I can still see the venue pretty good from here. The visitors roam the floor beneath me, laughing and talking to each other. Why couldn’t it have stayed that way for me too? Why the hell did I agree to seeing him in the first place in London?! I could just have said thanks, but no thanks and gone on with my weekend and had a great time with the rest of my TWD family. Now, shit’s starting to get way too complicated.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

He interrupts my thoughts as he leans in next to me and nudge my shoulder with his. I turn my head to the side and look at him and once again he’s way too close.

“I probably shouldn’t say just now.”

“Why?”

“Cause my energy levels are extremely low and I’ll murder you if I don’t get something to eat soon.”

He laughs and puts his arm around me and pulls me close to him.

“Well, come on then.”

He says and just then fans on the ground level notice him and they start screaming. He gives a little wave in their direction before turning us both around and he takes me back to the greenroom, holding me close the entire time and directs me straight to the food. He says something about already starting but I’m to focused on getting the food that I don’t pay attention to his words. He seems to grasp this however and walks away.

He’s sitting with Austin when I’m done and turn to find someplace to sit. And there’s really nowhere else to sit and it feels rather weird if I would take a seat at other side of the room, although I really much would like to do that.

“Hi… Again? Right?”

Austin look intently at me from the other side of the table.

“Hi. Yeah, we met in London.”

“Thought I recognize you.”

He probably wants to question me further but thankfully Norman sidetracks him and they start talking about something I don’t have to be a part of. I focus on my food and don’t even look up once while I finish every last bite of whatever I’m eating. It doesn’t matter, it’s just food. Fuel for my body. And I can almost feel the energy recharge my system and I start to be able to focus on what’s going on around me and not just being annoyed.

“Are you going back to New York after this?”

“Yeah, leaving tonight, straight to the airport once I’m done here. You too?”

Norman asks Austin when I finally look up from my plate of food and really start to hear what they’re talking about.

“Tomorrow… Where’re you from?”

Shit, he’s talking to me. Why do you have to talk to me? Just talk to each other! Leave me out of this. But he really is waiting for an answer and I’m raised better than that. So I tell him where I live and answer all the full-up question that comes about where in the county I live and who my family is. Norman saves me again and maybe he really is able to read me that well, because he asks Austin to go out and grab a smoke with him. This effectively stops the other man from questioning me further and I’m left alone within seconds.

The sweet moment of being alone. They’re rather rare in my life and although there’re people actually around me, I count this as being alone. Because I don’t have to be part of anyone else’s conversation or bother about what they’re doing. I get up and grab a whole bunch of sweets and sit down in the more comfortable sofa instead and start browsing my phone.

And I find the answer to why the girlfriend suddenly shows up. Kristin has sent me a tabloid article from late last night about our dinner. My fucking picture is on the Internet! Thank the lord I’m wearing the hat! There are 5, to be honest, very bad pictures taken from some distance. I’m guessing with a crappy smartphone. Two different pictures outside the pub when we’re leaving and Norman is sharing his cigarette with me and being all up in my personal space with grabby hands. Then there’re pictures of the three of us walking back towards the hotel and again Norman has his arm around my shoulder and I’ve mine around his waist and we’re chatting, laughing and smoking through them all. This is bad! So, so, so fucking bad!

_Please say it’s not u…_

She writes me, probably noticing that I’m online and that I’ve read her latest message. Quickly I answer her, my hands shaking and I can feel angry tears burn behind my eyes.

_FUCK!_

_I’m going to take that as a yes. This is the only one I’ve found though so hopefully there’s nothing else. And u can’t see its u, unless one knows it’s u. I wasn’t even sure, not really_

I know she’s trying to help but nothing is going to fix this right now. How the hell did I get so fucking stupid?! Careless?! Why the hell did he?!

_FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_

_U’re somewhere you can’t really yell, right?_

_I’m still at the fucking convention, so no! FUCK!!!_

_I’m sorry, hon. But it’s not that bad. It’s not like u’re making out with him. U could just be friends_

_Cause I’m sure that was ur first thought!_

_No but that’s because I know what’s going on with the 2 of u. Everyone else will hopefully go with the “friends” story. And it’s not like they know who u are. There’s no way to tell that’s u. How the hell are they going to find out? Chill Emma, this will blow over before u get home tonight_

Maybe she’s right. I hope she’s right. Please be right….!

_I sure as hell hope so_

_I’m guessing u had a good time last night though?_

_Got really wet though… In more ways than one ;)_

_Are u hungover?_

_Like hell…. And I got a new tattoo_

_WHAT?! WHERE?!_

_I can’t show u right now. It’s somewhere private_

_Did u tattoo ur fucking pussy?!_

_No! Well, kinda… Pelvis_

_WHAT DID U TATTOO???_

_The bigbaldhead logo_

I find a picture from Pinterest that I’ve saved on my phone and send it to Kristin.

_OMG! WTF is wrong with u?! Did he do it?_

_Yeah, we all got one last night apparently. I don’t really remember it_

_How much did you drink last night?_

_Not that much but it was vodka…_

_U let him mark u_

_Come on, u know I’ve been wanting to get something done anyway. I freaked out too at first but now I love it, it turned out really awesome_

_I just hope u did it for u and not for him_

_I do everything for me nowadays_

_I hope so, just be careful and come home in one piece_

_I promise. How are Kev? Didn’t get much out of him_

_He’s with his uncle today. He came to pick him up after breakfast. Not sure what they were going to do, just hang and chill_

_Sweet, sounds like a perfect Sunday_

_I’ve to get going, taking a walk with the girls. Let me know when u’re on the move again_

_Will do_

_Good. Love u!_

_Love u 2 ♥_

Norman times his arrival just right and I close my conversation with Kristin just as he bounces down next to me and put his hand right above my knee.

“Feel better?”

“Loads.”

“Good. When do you have to leave? I know you had a pretty late flight, right?”

“I do but it’s still a 3 hours ride to the airport so I’ve to leave around 4:30.”

“My last photo op group is at 4:40. Think you can hang around until then?”

“Why? You’re going straight to the airport anyway. There won’t be any time over for either of us… I’ve had an awesome weekend. No need to complicate shit more, Norman.”

He looks at me long and hard and I think he’s debating with himself whether or not to argue with me or not. Thankfully for his own sake, he doesn’t and he nods slowly.

“You’re right… Better make sure we take our time now then.”

He says and jumps to his feet quickly. I look up at him and his outstretched hand and I take it and get to my feet. The next second everything just turns into complete chaos around us. His face turns to stone right in front of me and all the bloods seems to drain from him. Something has caught his attention behind me and I quickly turn around to look over my shoulder. I only see his girlfriend’s black eyes glaring furiously back at me and I know I’ve to get out of here. Now! I don’t even look back at him, I just snatch my hand away from him, grab my bag from the floor and head towards the exit.

I don’t stop sprinting until I’m outside the building. And when I can draw a breath again, two of the women from London comes straight up to me. What the fuck?! I just want to be alone right now! I need to leave. Like, really leave. Get out of this fucking country and get back home! Get away from this fucked up situation and get back to something normal. They start asking something about me seeing Norman in private and I just snap and ask them to leave me the fuck alone and stalk away from them.

I need my suitcase before I can leave this fucked up place. I can hear the two women’s annoyed voices behind me but I block them and everyone else around me, out and head back to the place where the guy, whatever his fucking name was, left me. He told me he’d be waiting for me there to take me to the airport. And the car is right were he left it and he’s sitting in the driver seat and sees me coming and steps out before I reach the car.

“Leaving already?”

“Yes please.”

I need to collect myself. This poor man has nothing to do with the rest of this fucked up situation. He’s just trying to help. And frankly, I’ve no idea how the hell to get to the airport without him right now. I can’t focus. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

I take a seat in the backset and notice when the door closes behind me and the silence surround me, that I’m actually crying. My hands are shaking as I try to put on the seatbelt and I can’t do it.

“Are you alright, Miss?”

I look up and he’s leaning over his shoulder to look back at me.

“No, I just need to get home.”

“Ok. Let me know if you want me to make a stop along the way, if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

He pulls out into traffic and I gaze out the window without really seeing anything. The tears keep falling but I’m not really sure why I’m crying. Shock probably. Anger at myself for reacting like this. This is not what I signed up for. Yet I should’ve been more prepared. Maybe not that his fucking girlfriend would fall out of the fucking sky but that it would get complicated. It always ends up getting complicated. Isn’t there anything like simple sex?! I’ve done this before! So what the hell changed now….?

I’m staring at the damn answer. This is the answer. The fact that I’m here right now is what changed it all. London was fine, it was plain and simple sex. But I’m here. I’ve been here for 2 days. I flew out for him. Because I wanted to see him again. Fuck him again. That has not happened before. I just moved on to someone else if the guy for whatever reason what to see me again. The guys have had a second “date” with are scarcely few. But he is an exception. Norman fucking Reedus isn’t like everyone else. I knew that before I got to this point. I’ve known he’s out of this world for 2 years now. He has been some sort of fantasy figure. Real but at the same time not. Like he doesn’t do what normal people do. That he’s somehow a super human without flaws. Why couldn’t he have stayed that way? I’ve lost that now. He’s never going to be just Norman Reedus to me anymore. Not after this. How could he be? I’ve had his dick inside me for more time than I can actually count and we’re been as closely connected to each other as it’s possible for two human being to be. Physical at least.   

The car ride to the airport is over in a blurry and completely chaotic state of mind. The best thing is that it’s over in no time. My mind is not fully connected and it’s too much to process so I’m not even aware of my surroundings. Security at the airport just happens and the autopilot in me takes control and somehow gets me up and moving and to the right gate.         

_13 missed calls_

_25 new text messages_

_134 Instagram messages_

_365 new Instagram followers_

_234 new comments_

Reality smacks me right in the face. Or more correct, social media and my fucking phone smacks me in the face as I figure out what’s buzzing in my pocket is coming from and I pick it up. Norman’s name pops up, although I can’t remember saving his number right now. He’s the one that has called me 13 times already but I let it go to 14 missed calls. 23 out of the texts are from him as well, asking me to _answer my fucking phone_ , while the other two are from different clothing stores back home. I delete them all.

A new one shows up seconds after the call ends.

_Stop ignoring me! Are u ok???_

NOOOOO!!!!!

I want to scream right in his face. I want him to be here just so that I can yell at him and tell him to go to hell and that I wish I had never met him in the first place.

But that’s not true. I don’t regret meting him. I don’t even regret fucking him. I don’t regret getting to know him. But I do regret taking things further. I regret that it got to this point. I don’t want him to care. It’s easier if he just ignores me. Let me be a mistake that won’t happen again and not care how the fuck I’m doing. Stop carrying so fucking much! Just leave it at sex!

_I’m fine_

I decide to text him back, so that I can tell him not to keep texting and calling.

_Bullshit!_

_U don’t have to worry about me_

_But I do! I care about u Ems. I’m sorry about what happened today. I never meant for u to have to get involved in this, please believe that_

_But I did_

_And I’m sorry. I really am_

_It doesn’t matter. I’m fine and we won’t see each other again so there’s no reason to apologizing for it_

_I want to see u again_

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???!! What the hell is wrong with this man?! I want to yank all the hair from my head and just scream but I contain myself to squeeze the phone so hard in my hand that it hurts.

_Stop! Just stop Norman. Right now! I can’t do this again. I’ve gotten more involved than I should and don’t want a part in this. U have a girlfriend, she knows about me and no matter what fucked up deal u had, it’s over now_

_Says who?_

_She wanted to fucking kill me!_

_Not u, me_

_And that’s ok?! Just stop this right now. Thank u for this, I’m always going to remembering this and it has been 2 incredible weekends in so many ways but I don’t want to take this further. And neither do u_

_I do! I do want to see u again_

_WHY?! Don’t ruin what u have with D. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it!_

_I’m not asking u to fucking merry me here Ems. But if that’s what u really want, I’ll leave u alone_

_It’s for the best for the both of us_

_U’re gonna miss me_

_I’m gonna miss ur dick_

And hands, and lips, and tongue, and voice, and hair, and smell… Fuck! I’m going to miss him! I’m actually going to miss him and he knows it. How the fuck did that happen?

He sends me a fucking emoji. Well, not a real one, since there isn’t one but the two hand emojis is pretty obvious and I laugh out loud and make the couple next to me look up and around at me.

_Kinda what I meant about missing ur dick_

_I’m gonna miss u 2… I really hope u’d reconsider and I’ll keep in touch rather u like it or not. I care about u_

_U shouldn’t_

_Well, I do and I know u care about me too_

_I do but I can’t do this again Norman. For my own sake, I really can’t do this again. Cause it will be my heart that breaks, not yours and I can’t do that again. I won’t. I’m worth more than that_

_You are ♥ and I know I’m being selfish as fuck here but I do want to see u again. I hate how u just left_

_I wasn’t going to stick around with ur GF there_

_No, of course not, I’m sorry u had to see her_

_I’m glad I didn’t have to see more of her to be honest_

_Me too_

_U’d still have a GF right?_

_Yes, we’re fine_

_Ok, good_

_I’ve photo ops to do, gotta go but I’ll keep in touch and I really want u to do the same. Even if u don’t want to see me again, I really just want to know u’re ok_

_Maybe_

_Thanks. And check ur bank account and go spoil yourself in the tax-free_

He’s lucky he’s not here right now cause I want to strangle him. Why would he do that? He knows he doesn’t have to pay me to keep quiet! Didn’t I prove myself the first time around? I open up my bank app and log in and blink rapidly at the number on the screen. They don’t make any sense at all. There’s too many numbers. There’s at least 10 times as much money as it should be in my private bank account right now! Holy shit! This is more than I make in 3 months! And I’m not sure whether or not to be insulted or flattered. Am I that good? Or does he not trust me at all? Or is this a way to ease his own bad conscious?

_Are u out of ur fucking mind?! And how the hell did u get access to my bank account?_

_I’ve ur social security number baby and when all u wanna do is give a person money and don’t take, it’s incredible easy to find the info u need_

_U’re insane!_

_Yup_

_I don’t want ur money_

_Don’t care_

_I don’t need ur money_

_Me neither. See it as an opportunity to do something with ur son or Kristin or whatever u want_

Or I can just pay my bills. It’s a pretty nice change I’ve to admit that. Usually this time of the month my bank account is down at pretty much zero and I’ve to make every last coin last.

_Fine… Thanx ♥_

_You’re welcome_

_Didn’t u’ve photo ops?_

_I do… Please answer me if I text u or call u or PM u or whatever_

_Maybe_

_I had fun_

_Me 2_

And with that I put him, hopefully for at least a few hours, out of my head and get up to see if there’s anything I can indeed spoil myself with in the tax-free.


	8. Chapter 8

**Normans POW**

Another convention. Chicago this time and it’s been 3 weeks. And I’m going a little nuts to be honest and it’s weird. There’s just something that gnaws in the back of my head and I can’t seem to grasp what it is.

I’m stalking her. I know I am but I can’t stop going through her Instagram every fucking morning. She doesn’t update much but I like to look at the old pictures. Too much. I know I shouldn’t. She asked me to leave her alone but I can’t. And it’s fucked up that I can’t. I don’t know this chick! Not really. We just fucked. So, so, so damn well though. Fuck, I miss her. IT! I miss it. The sex.

_How are u?_

My latest PM from 2 days ago is still not answered. She has read it but doesn’t seem to want to replay this time around. Her latest answers to my attempt to get in touch has been very short. Like she snaps at me in writing.

_I’m heading to another con and I wish u’d be here_

Once again, I try to get her attention but the first day passes and I look at my phone too much but there’s still no replay. Not even the day after, although I try another 4 times and even send her a text. I don’t call, seems a little too much and I don’t miss her that much. It! Fuck, I don’t miss the sex that much. Right?

                                            ---------------------------------

I open my eyes but the apartment is still pitch dark. Who the hell calls now?! It’s in the middle of the night! I roll over and try to ignore the flashing and buzzing phone next to me but as the 3 calls come in, I curse out loud and pick it up.

_Andy_

Why is he calling me now? He knows what time it is in New York. What is going on? Quickly I try to answer but fumble and drop the phone. Cursing again, I pick it up and manage to answer before he gives up again. I expect him to tell me he’s sorry to wake me but he doesn’t. Something has happened. I just know it.

“Norm?”

“I’m here. What’s up? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, bro.”

“Is your family alright?”

“Everyone is alright, Norman, don’t worry-

“Why are you calling me in the middle of the night then? You freaked me out, man!”

“Sorry but I just needed to…. I… Fuck, Norm what the fuck have you done?”

“What?”

I sit up and turn on the light and try to force my brain to wake up. What is that I’ve done that has him reacting like this? He’s angry with me. Worried. All wrapped in one and I can’t come up with a single thing that I’ve done the past weeks that would cost him to have this kind of reaction.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I know we’re a few hours ahead of you and all that but I would’ve thought your people would’ve known about this by now.”

He’s being so fucking cryptic and my heart starts beating out of my chest. What the fuck is the man talking about?! I hope this is one of his bad jokes.

“What the hell are you talking about?! Just fucking tell me what’s going on, Andy!”

I start pacing the bedroom floor.

“Just get on your laptop or iPad or whatever you have nearby.”

Laptop? iPad? Where’re my electronics? I can’t think. I don’t know where they are right now. I just stand in the middle of the room and look around and I can’t move. I find it in me to scramble back to the bed, sit down and put Andy on speaker and open up Google on the phone I’m holding.

“ _The Sun?_ Or what?”

“Fuck, man it doesn’t matter. It’s everywhere by now… What the hell were you thinking?”

“Just tell me, damnit!”

I yell at him and I can’t find the right letter to type. The panic about his words are getting to me and I don’t even know I want to know what’s going on.

“Walker Stalker London. You met someone, right? You fucked someone else? Emma, or what was her name?”

“What about it?”

I ask and are finally able to spell the damn 6 letter words. The black, huge letter jump out right away as the top story of the tabloid this morning.

_April 17 2018 London, England_

_Norman Reedus cheats on girlfriend in a show it all sex tape made in London!_

What? No. Wait What? How? No! Not this! Anything but this! Not now! Not ever! Fuck, no!

“Norman!”

Someone is yelling at me. Who is yelling at me? I look up but there’s no one there. Then I realize it’s Andy that’s yelling from the phone and I see the ongoing call in the background.

“Norman!”

“I…I’m here.”

On the sofa! My laptop is on the sofa! I had it last night. I rush up and out of the room, hearing Andy talking but not hearing what he’s saying. It’s still there and I take it without stopping and I almost drop it but return to the bedroom and turn on the light in the celling too before getting back into bed.

“Reedus!!!”

He’s really pissed now. Why is he pissed? It’s not his fucking dick that’s all over cyberspace!

“Stop fucking yelling at me!”

“What the fuck happened?!”

“Just shut the fuck up for a moment and let me do this!”

I yell but don’t hang up on him. It’s somehow comforting to have him right there although he’s pissed. I quickly fire up the laptop and open up Google once more and do a wide search for my own name. Usually the first thing that pops up are the usual Wiki page and IMDb pages but they’re followed by something entire different now. Instead of different _Ride_ and talk show videos there’s one and same that comes up over and over again. The video we made in London is everywhere! I click the first link I find and end up on a porn site. Well, at least it’s not going to end up on YouTube, it’s way too intimately for that. It’s really out there! The whole fucking thing is right there and I fast forward through it, not wanting to watch it at all. I’ve spent so many night and morning, frankly any alone time, with watching bits of this video but now I just want it to vanish.

Clean cut screenshots are starting to pop up on Instagram and Twitter and she’s right there. The gorgeous woman that I can’t stop thinking about. I linger on a screenshot where whoever made it is clearly trying to figure out who she is. It’s pretty obvious, even though the quality is pretty bad, that it’s not my official girlfriend in bed with me. Her incredible blow jobs have indeed ended up on the Internet for everyone to watch.

“Restart that fucking brain of your and talk to me!”

Andy wakes me up and I realize I’ve been staring at the screen in front of me without really seeing it. I blink and go back to the google search and even more article, from all over the world, starts to come in and it’s just a matter of time before North America wakes up to this news. And I’ve no idea what the hell to do.

“Help me.”

The words come out almost in a whisper and my eyes tear up. This is so out of my hands. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I can’t deal with this. I don’t know how. Andy sighs on the other side of the world and I want him to be here now. And just then Jeffrey calls too.

“Jeffrey’s calling.”

“Put him on.”

Andy asks and I connect him straight into the conversation we’re already having.

“Norm?”

“Hi, man. Andy’s here too.”

“Hi, Jeff.”

“Hi… You saw it first, I assume?”

“Yeah, it’s just been an hour or so though. Is there some way to stop this for spreading?”  

“No, once it’s out there, it’s out there.”

I tell Andy and keep going through the articles, for what reason I’m not sure. I think it’s just easier to handle if I know what I’m up against.

“Fuck, man I’m sorry. How the hell did this happen in first place?”

“And why the hell did you let her do the fucking thing in the first place?”

“She didn’t do this, Andy. I did. This is from my iPad, not hers. She doesn’t have this video. She didn’t spread this, there’s no way she could because she doesn’t have it. I was the one who suggest we’d make it.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean, that she isn't the one who sold it?”

“Yes, Jeffrey I’m sure. There’s no way she could’ve gotten hold of it.”

“Did you post it?”

“What the fuck, Andy?! No of course not!”

“I had to ask. Where the hell does it come from then?”

“I’ve no clue… My iPad…”

Something clicks into place in my head and I trail off and both of them start yelling my name at the same time.

“D has my iPad.”

“She wouldn’t…”

“No, of course not she wouldn’t… Fuck! What the hell do I do now? I can’t just ignore this. Most things I can, but this… Not this. This is…”

“Your fucking dick’s on the internet, dude.”

Jeffrey says and there’s 2 seconds of silence before Andy starts laughing and Jeffrey follows. And I do too. For minutes we just laugh hysterical and I think I’m in some kind of shock because I can’t bring myself to stop although this is no laughing matter. Not at all. I’ve a fucking sex tape on the internet. And not just a fucking lame blow job. A full blown 1 hour long porno! _Ride on Norman Reedus_ is sure to be thing now….

 “You have to call Mingus. Talk to him before he sees this.”

Fuck! Mingus. I didn’t even think about him. Of course I’ve to talk to him. Now! I have to make sure he doesn’t see this before I can talk to him and explain what happened.

“How? How the hell do I explain this to him?”

“Start with explaining it to us, man. I don’t get it, Norman. What the hell happened?”

Andy asks.

“What always happens. It just got out of hand this time.”

“Why?”

“Cause she’s fucking gorgeous and the sex was out of this world. She was so fucking good and it just… I don’t know, Andy I just… She was just there and-She… Her eyes, man. I just got sucked in and… It was just sex. Nothing else. She didn’t want anything else either and it was easy and uncomplicated and-“

“Not so uncomplicated now though, dude.”

Jeffrey says as the same time as Andy starts talking.

“Who is she? Is she going to jump on this train and sell you out?”

“No! Fuck no! No, she’s going to murder me. She has a kid and a job and family and all that and she… She has just as much to lose as I do. She’s not going to talk to the press.”

“I hope you’re right, man. For your own sake.”

“I think you’re right, Norman. She didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who would sell you out.”

Jeffrey adds.

“I’ve to talk to her.”

“First you need to talk to Mingus. And maybe your mom.”

“Mom… Fuck, she’s going to beat me up so bad for this.”

“I’m going to beat you up really bad for this, Reedus…. She knew about this though, right? You’ve already told D about this?”

“Kinda.”

“What does that mean?”

Andy asks.

“She knows I was with someone in London. I mean, I didn’t go into detail but she knows we fucked and that I… You know, I saw her again in Germany the week after.”

“Yeah and you really should be on your bare knees thanking me for making that call, man.”

Jeffrey says but I can’t think about that right now. It feels like ages ago. I need to focus on the present right now.

“I did!”  

“Please tell me there isn’t any more videos?”

Andy begs.

“No, not videos. Pictures, but no videos. She has them though, they’re on her phone.”

“Not the best idea, Norman, is it?”

“There’re just pictures of her, Jeff. Not me. I was the one taking the pictures. She’s very photogenic.”

“But why, Norman? Why did you do this video to begin with?”

Andy sounds a little too desperate and maybe I’m not really grasping this. Maybe I should panic more than I do?

“It’s fun!”

Jeffrey is the one to answer and my eyes widen in surprise and I hear Andy give a surprised chuckle as well.

“What?”

“Come on, man. Haven’t you ever done one? Just a little one?”

“No.”

“You should. It’s fun to have for when you want to heat things up a little bit. Make sure to use an old-fashioned video camera instead though.”

I’m as astound to Jeffrey’s comment as Andy probably is and I just stare at the phone, wondering why he hasn’t told me this before. Neither of us have time to question our friend more though, as he suddenly cries out.

“Hey! What if someone hacked your iPad and that’s how they found the video?”

Fuck! He’s right! That might be how this happened. Quickly I open up my iCloud on the Mac in front of me. Then I remember that I never uploaded the video to the cloud for this reason. To actually see it, I had to use the same iPad and not another Apple device.

“I need to get hold of D and Mingus and… Fuck, I don’t know where the hell to start.”

“Just wait another half an hour and I’m sure your reps will be in touch and you can figure out what to do about this. That’s what you pay them for, right? They can hopefully sort this out with you. Just make sure you talk to those you need to talk to now. Don’t wait. I know it’s in the middle of the night over there but don’t care about that right now… Why are you up now by the way, Mr. Morgan?”

“I’ve an infant, I’m always up in the middle of the night.”

“Right.”

“But Andy’s right, Bubba. Call your son and try to get a handle on this and call if you need to talk or yell or whatever. You can come out to the farm if you need to get away from the city.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I can fly out a little earlier too if you want me to.”

“Thanks, Andy. I really appreciate it. But right now I just need to get my head straight and figure this out. I will call you guys.”

I truly do have the best buddies a guy can ask for and it almost makes me teary as we say a quick ‘I love you’ and goodbye. Or maybe it’s because I’m so fucking freaked out about this and not at all sure what the hell to do now. But they both told me to call Mingus so that’s what I need to do now. And say what? How the fuck do you tell your 18 year old son about something like this? But I really don’t want him to find out about it from someone or somewhere else. And I just pray he’s asleep and not spending the entire night on the internet.

                                            --------------------------------

**Emma’s POW**

I’m use to chaos. Chaos is my everyday life and I’ve learned to handle it. The chaos that’s my son there is. And the chaos that involves being a teacher. But for the past 24 hours my life has been another kind of chaos and one that I can’t handle. Not at all. It’s insane! Completely and utterly insane!

I don’t get it. Not at all. I don’t understand how this happened. I want to call Norman and just yell myself horse at him but I can’t turn my phone back on. Now, 20-ish hours later, I know the video hit the internet around 4:30 in the morning Tuesday, London time. I got up 2 hours later and while I’m having breakfast with Kevin my phone start to go crazy. Reporters keeps calling for half an hour, nonstop and finally I turn it off. I don’t need much time on my laptop to find why they’re calling. The video is everywhere and the articles and pictures are filling up my screen.

I call in sick at work and take my refuge to Kristin’s house, as I’m sure the liches will come knocking if I don’t answer my phone. And here I am and here I’m going to stay with Kevin for as long as it takes. They’re not going to get a word out of me. I’m not commenting on anything!

I access my Instagram on Kristin’s phone and find that I suddenly have over 10 000 followers and more PM’s then I can count. While I change my account to being private, the numbers of followers keeps growing right in front of my eyes.  I delete all the PM's except his conversation. He has written me 12 times in the last 20 hours, asking me to get in touch.

“You really should talk to him.”

Kristin crawls into bed next to me and she lays down close to me and watch as I scroll through his messages. I sigh and feel all the emotions overwhelm me at that point. I haven’t had a quiet moment all day but now all the kids are finally asleep and the house is quiet and we’ve kicked her husband out of his own bedroom and we’re sharing their bed. The tears come before I realize this is what I need right now. I just need to cry my eyes out and let go of all the fucking stress and anxiety. She wraps her arm around me and I cry into her shoulder until my eyes run dry.

“Do you want me to kick him in the balls?”

“Hard?”

“He will be fucking choking on them, that’s how hard it’s going to be.”

“He didn’t want to happen either, Kris. He didn’t do this.”

“Just because he made a fucking press release about his girlfriend having her bag stolen with the iPad inside, doesn’t make him less guilty. He was the one who wanted to do this video in the first place.”

“I didn’t mind.”

“It doesn’t matter. Don’t defend him, Emma!”

“I’m not. I want to murder him too but… It’s… It doesn’t help, does it? It’s still out there and it’s always going be out there. I’m a fucking pornstar. It’s a fucking porno!”

“People will forget about it soon enough.”

“But I still have to live with it. I’ve to explain what’s going on to Kevin and to my students and I… I just want to crawl under a fucking rock somewhere and wait this shit out.”

“You know you can’t do that. You shouldn’t have to do that. You need to ask that fucker to tell the liches to leave you the hell alone. You need to call him and he needs to fix this. For Kevin’s sake. He gets really stressed of seeing you like this.”

“I know… Yeah, you’re right.”

I type in Kristin’s number in the PM and tell him to call me. The phone starts vibrating with an incoming over-seas call within 10 seconds and Kristin gets up from the bed and closes the door behind her when she leaves. I sit up and plug in the headset, take a deep breath and answer the phone.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

His voice is low and I get the feeling that he’s as emotional and stressed about this as I am. He sounds really low and although I want to yell at him, it’s all gone now.

“How are- Fuck, never mind that question. I’m guessing you feel as shitty as I do.”

“It depends. Do you just want to vanish from the face of the earth right now?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Well, yeah then we’re in the same state of mind.”

“I’m really sorry, Ems. You’ve no idea how sorry I am that this happened. I promise you that I did not want this to happen. Some fucker stole my iPad and somehow hack into it and… Well, you know…”

I don’t know what to say. Nothing springs to mind and the line falls silent for a moment. And it’s like we both realize at the same time that the person on the other side of the line is the only person on Planet Earth that gets it right now. I can actually say that he’s the only one who understand what’s going on right now.

“I need you to talk to the press.”

“Why?”

“Make them back the hell off. I’ve a 10-year-old that’s freaking the fuck out because photographers and reporters are barricading our apartment building. He doesn’t want to go home right now.”

“Where are you staying?”

“At Kristin’s. I don’t give a shit if they take my picture or stalk me until this shit blows over but if I as much as see a hair on Kev’s head in a fucking tabloid I’ll massacre the whole fuc-“

“Of course, yeah, ok. I’ll take care of it. I’m sorry, Ems.”

He interrupts me quickly and I can hear him move on the other side of the line and a typing begins.

“He didn’t sign up for this. None of it. He shouldn’t have to be more involved in this than he has to be.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“He knows what he need to know. He’s not really old enough to understand… And I really didn’t sign up for this either, you know.”

“And you think I fucking did…?!”

He raises his voice but seems to caught himself just as he does and he quickly apologize and tells me he knows it’s not my fault. Damn straight, it isn’t! We fall silent again and I listen to his typing. I wonder what he’s doing. Another statement?

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve no fucking clue how to fix this.”

“Is there anything you can actually fix? I mean, it’s already out there and there’s no way to make it go away.”

“Have you seen it?”

“No. I’ve found it but I haven’t seen it… How are things with your girlfriend…? Well, with you, I guess? Are you ok?”

Ok, where did that worry come from? Of course I care about his well-being but the words comes out a little too concerned.

“It’s chaos to be honest. I don’t know if I’m ok, probably not but I know you’re not either and it’s just… The worst thing is to have to look your family and friends in the eye, you know? I had to call Mingus in the middle of the night and make sure I talked to him before he found out through the media.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah. I woke he up and he was not at all happy with me at first, for waking him up I mean and then he just… He… He got really mad at first but he appreciated that I talked to him and explained what had happened and why.”

“He’s ok?”

“Yeah, he just needs to wrap his head around it, I think. I mean, it’s not like I talk to him about stuff like this on a daily basis.”

“Sex?”

“Yeah, well my sexlife.”

“It’s weird.”

“What is?”

“That it’s out there for everyone to see it. I mean, I don’t regret it, not at all but I wasn’t expecting this. That everyone with a fucking internet connection would be able to get up close and personal in my sexlife. It’s a fucking porno!”

“Your privates are at least not that up close. My fucking dick is all over the internet.”

“Well, have you been offered a movie contract for that dick?”

He gives a nervous laugh.

“What?”

“Before I decided to turn off my phone 2 different men, claiming to be produces offered me a movie deal.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck, Ems, I’m really sorry. I’m so very sorry and I know there’s nothing I can do right now to make it up to you but I… I’m going to try to sort this out. Just give me another 12 hours or so and I’ll have the fucking parasites gone.”

“That’s really all I want right now. I just can’t paus or change my life like this all of a sudden. It doesn’t work that way with Kevin. He gets really worried when things change and I’m not… I don’t know how to handle this. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, Norman. I don’t have any media training and I don’t want… I’m just a normal person and I like my peace and quiet. _We_ need our peace and quiet.”

“I’ll make sure you’re left alone, Emma. I swear to you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and your son out of this. But they already know who you are and they’re going to do some digging and I can’t control everyone around you. I mean, your family and closest friends probably won’t be a problem, right? But I’m thinking your ex might take advantage of this?”

“Why would they do that? We’re not dating. You have a girlfriend.”

“Which is why this is such a big story.”

“So just say it was a mistake. Say it didn’t mean anything, that it was just sex and that you used me. We used each other. We were 2 consenting adult that knew what we were getting our self into and what we wanted and it was a one-time thing.”

“Two-time thing. They’ve connected the dots with the pictures from Germany.”

“Whatever… Just don’t give them anything to build on. I mean, you’re not breaking up, are you? Focus on your relationship with your girlfriend instead of what we did. It’s not as much fun to see people actually work things out.”

“I mean… She’s not that happy about it. You know, I told her about it, not going into detail or anything but she knows we fucked and she really didn’t think twice about it. Then of course Germany happened and I think… I know I took it a little too far.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“But I wanted to. I want to. I want to see you again. And I know how fucked up that is and that I shouldn’t even think about it again but I do.”

“Well, I really don’t think that’s such a good idea. Not right now. I mean, this will go away, right?”

“Of course. In a few days, this whole thing will blow over and people have something else to gossip about.”

“I wanted to yell at you.”

He gives a small laugh at my comment and I snigger too.

“Trust me, I totally get that.”

“But we’re in the same boat, right? The worst thing is that I can’t do anything about this. I need you to fix this and it’s frustrating as fuck not to have control over this. I’ve to relay on you to help us out.”

“And I will, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I call you on this number?”

“No, I’ll get a new number tomorrow. I’ve to be able to use my own phone. I’ll PM you the new number when I’ve it. Just use Instagram if there’s anything before tomorrow afternoon.”

“Hopefully there won’t be anything special. I’ve put together a statement for my publicists. They’ll just go through it and make some adjustments and then make sure it goes out to all media. It’s mostly English press, right?”

“That’s here and that has called? Yes. Some of the domestic press as well but they’re not use to this kind of scandals so they’re not very sure how to handle it.”

“Well, that’s a good thing then.”

“I guess.”

“Just try to stay out of it as much as you can for now.”

“That’s just the thing. I can’t. I’ve to get back to work tomorrow and I’ve to work out how to explain this to 22 teenagers.”

“Jeez, I’m glad I don’t have to do that. Talking to Mingus was hard enough.”

“I really should try and get some sleep. Thanks for… Well, just… Just please fix this.”

“I’ll do everything I can, Emma. Take care of yourself, baby. I’ll keep in touch, alright?”

“Alright. You take care too.”

“Thanks, baby girl. Bye.”

“Bye.”

We hang up and I put the phone away and crawl down under the covers and shut my eyes. Kristin comes back within minutes and without words, she gets into bed with me and I feel safe at once. She has the effect on me and she doesn’t even have to try or talk or show it. It’s enough for her to just be there. And when Kevin sneaks in only minutes later and gets into bed too and wants a very rare snuggle, I hug him for dear life and he complains but I don’t care. I just want him to know that I’m right there.

                                            ---------------------------------

One by one, my students file into the classroom. The usual loud chatter and jokes are pretty much absent and they all look at me as I’m a damn alien. I can’t say that I blame them. If I would’ve seen my high school teachers fuck a mayor TV star on the internet, I would’ve wonder what the hell was going on. They’re all there before the class actually starts and I ask the last student to close the door behind him before he takes his seat. I walk around the desk and take a seat on top of it and grab the side tightly. I’ve to hold on to something. But I’ve to do this. If they’re ever going to be able to treat me the same as before this, I’ve to explain before they make up their own mind about what happened.

“Good morning.”

I get a few welcoming words back but most of them just keep staring at me, waiting and wondering. Even the saucy guys.

“We’re going not going to spend this lesson on what we usually do and if there’s anyone who rather spend their time somewhere else, I’m not going to stop you for leaving.”

I give them a minute to process this and a low murmur breaks out between mostly the girls but no one gets up. I’ve practice this in my head time and time again during the early hours of the morning but I know it won’t matter, cause I’ve no idea how they’re going to react. There’re periods during the school year that I spend more time with these 22 kids then I do with my own son so we’ve grown pretty close and I know I few of them will probably be brutally honest with me. But I begin with the same words as I practiced this morning.

“I know you’ve all seen more or less of the tabloid news that reached our neck of the woods yesterday morning. And yesterday was a chaotic day for me and my son, which is why I wasn’t here. But I need to explain to you what is going on. I think you deserve to hear it from me and I hope that you’ll hopefully look at what you read and find online with more critical eyes. I know you’ve already talked about this in your social classes but I want to refresh your memory on the topic.”

I fire up the smartboard behind me and a dozen different articles from just as many tabloid magazines and websites pop up behind me. Their heads move as one to the images. Some of Norman, some of me and some of the two of us together. Some are screenshots from the video and they even our photo op is being use in a few articles. The headlines are pretty much the same though and words like _cheating, relationship,_ and _sex tape_ is being used very frequently.

“I know most of you know who this guy is. I’ve shared my passion for _the Walking Dead_ with you on a numerus of occasions through the years. A little over a month ago, I was in London on a convention where I got to meet this guy. And I know I’m kinda of a dork, ok? But I’m more than just your teacher, even though I know it’s pretty insane for you to even think that.”

I get a few laughs out of this.

“But I’m also human. Just as abnormal as you all and your parents and brother and sister. I’ve needs and dreams and desires. One of them were to meet Norman Reedus and give him Kev’s art and just chat and take a picture with him. And I did all that in London.”

“Did you fuck?”

One of the guys I’m prepared for, ask his question, quiet calm and collected. His friends giggle a little but they seem to really need an answer to this.     

“What do you think, Adam?”

“I mean there’s a whole damn video to prove it.”

“There is indeed…. Yes, we had sex. I’m an adult, I’ve sex. I need sex even though I’m not in a relationship. He’s an adult, we both knew what we wanted and it was just going to be simple sex. No strings attached… I was completely onboard on everything we did and the video was just a fun idea. It was never meant for anyone else’s eyes but ours.”

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Seems pretty dumb to leave evidence behind then.”

“I’m not going to argue there, Emily but it’s not always as simple as it seems…. I’m fully aware that a lot of you have or will find this video online and you will watch it and there’s nothing I can do to stop you from doing that. But I want you to keep a few things I mind if and when you do… This was supposed to be a private video. No one has a right to share this video but someone stole it and for some fucked up reason decided it was their right to take advantage of his position as a celebrity. Someone is probably a little bit richer this morning but to what cost? It probably seems harmless to you all. It’s just sex, porn, right? There’s millions of videos out there. But this was not supposed to be online for the rest of the world to see. This was not supposed to be a secret but it got heard and seen all over the world.”

“Was it you that leaked the video?”

“No. I didn’t have access to the video. Only he did.”

“Did you want to do it? Do the video?”

“Yes. It seemed like a fun thing at the time. And that is something you all need to think about too. Reporters, especially those who write tabloids, are experts at twisting and turning words around. And headlines on articles are a perfect example.”

_The Suns_ headline from this morning shows up on the screen. _Norman Reedus uses force and threats on already notorious sex tape with 35-year-old mother_

“Making accusations like this can be devastating to the person who it targets. Especially when they’re complete bullshit and all you want to do is sell your damn tabloid. Because if you keep reading the article, there’s no mention of the headline whatsoever. It’s just a way for the reporters to keep you reading. I was not being forced into anything and there was no abuse or threats whatsoever at any point. We were two consenting adults who had sex and unfortunately someone thought it would be a good idea to commit a crime and sale us out.”

“Do they know who it was?”

“Not yet as far as I know. And it doesn’t really matter because it’s already out there and once it’s on the internet, it doesn’t go away. You know that better than me… Look, I know this is… Fucked up and I don’t know what’s going to happen from now on. I know there’re already been reactions from parents around the school but this is out of my control. I never meant for this to get out, I never wanted this to come out. And I know it’s weird to you to see and hear about this when I’m your teacher. But I’m not always your teacher. When I leave this place, I’m just a normal middle-age woman. This turned out to be something far more than I expected and I want to apologize to everyone who feels I’ve somehow-“

“Don’t apologize.”

“Yeah, you’ve nothing to apologize for. This wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, you fucked Daryl Dixon for fuck’s sake, don’t apologize for that! You’re a badass!”

“Our own celebrity!”

Once the first one start talking, it’s like unleashing a flood and they start shouting all at once. And although not all of it reach me, the overall opinion seems to be that they’re actually ok with this. I wasn’t at all sure what to expected when I got up this morning. They’re teenagers for fuck’s sake. They could just as easily all left the classroom. I get slightly choked up by their reaction but there’s still some things I’ve to talk about. 

“Ok, ok, ok, hold on… I appreciate your support, I really do. Thank you. There’s however one thing I’ve to ask of you. I know I can’t stop you but I would like you not to talk to the press. School security has made sure they’re not on school property but they’ll most likely be waiting for you and they’ll try to talk to you. And if it’s English press out there too they will try to provoke you because they’re… Fucking parasites and I know you. Some of you are more likely to bite.”

I pin down the group of cocky guys in the back and to my utter surprise they shrink a little in their seats.

“I don’t ask much, just don’t talk to them. Be the super cool diva and just use “no comments” if they ask you anything. Please.”

They all look at me and a few of them nod and I pray, which I never do, that most of them will actually follow this little piece of advice. Ok, breath. This is going a lot better than I thought it would a few hours ago.

“Any questions?”

Ok, stupid mistake! I want to take it back as soon as I ask but half of them already have their hands in the air. Well, shit, here we go…


	9. Chapter 9

**Norman’s POW**

I can’t do this anymore!!! I’m going fucking insane! They’re everywhere! I can’t go outside! I can’t get the hell away from this fucking apartment! It’s like living in fucking L.A. all of a sudden! Paparazzi are everywhere! I can’t even look out the fucking window! For what? Why is this such a big deal?!

48 hours after America woke up to see my ass online the harassment has reached the highest levels I’ve ever experienced. I just want to get the hell out of here! Now! I can’t use my phone because it’s everywhere! There is nowhere to escape from this. They say it’s going to calm down within the next 24 hours or so. But I can’t wait that long! I’m going insane in here! I try again and turn on the TV but it can’t keep my concentration.

_Regarding Mr. Reedus privacy_

_To the Global press, as well as Mr. Reedus’s fans and followers, we ask that you respect his decision not to make an official statement at this time. Following the past 48 hours events, he does however, demand that the woman involved in this situation, Miss Emma Blom, is kept well away from all kinds of reporters and photographers. Miss Blom and her underaged son, are not to be approached by any members of the press or they risk to face legal actions from Mr. Reedus and his representatives. Mr. Reedus also asks that the press leave his family and friend alone and show respect to their privacy._

The second press release that got sent out globally about 12 hours ago, is still open on my phone when I pick it back up. I’ve had to change number on very phone I own and the one I’m holding now, only contains the very closest assembly of family and friends. Including Emma. Not because we’re close but because I need to make sure she’s ok. I hope the threats of prosecution helps. I know that it probably won’t help all the way but hopefully most of them will have the sense to back off. I sent her the press release a few hours ago and I notice now that I’ve a replay waiting.

_Thanks_

She sent it only 15 minutes ago. She should be asleep. It’s in the middle of the night over in Europe. But I want to know she’s ok.

_How are u doing?_

_It’s 2.39 at night and I’m texting u, how do u think I’m doing?_

_Can’t sleep?_

_No…_

_I’m sorry. How did it go at work?_

_Good and fucking terrible… the students were fine, they were really great about the whole thing. Facing the staff and principal however might have been the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. Worst thing is that I know who has seen it_

_I know the feeling_

_Threating the press really helped though. They’re at least not at the school anymore but then the principal is married to a cop so I think that helped_

_Good. How’s Kevin?_

_A lot better. How are u?_

_Going insane to be honest. I haven’t been outside yet and right now I kinda feel like jumping out the window_

_I saw some picture from outside ur apartment I guess? The paparazzi were everywhere_

_Yeah they really are fucking everywhere! I can’t get out of here without getting swarmed. I’m not really use to this_

_At least u signed up for this_

_Not this_

_The lifestyle I mean… I’m not saying u should accept it, cause I really think the world would be a better place without the paparazzi but at least u have done red carpets and stuff, interviews, TV, all that. I’m just no one_

_That’s not true. U’re everything to that boy of yours. You’re his whole world ♥_

It takes her a little longer to replay to this and I wonder if I fucked up. Quickly I write an apology but then she answers

_Fuck u! U make me cry… When u look at that way all this mess doesn’t mean shit. All that matter is him_

_Yeah, the kids, they’re all that matters in the end_

_How did it go with ur son? Is he grasping this a little better now?_

_I’ve the coolest kid on the block, so yeah, pretty good actually. He said he didn’t need to know the circumstances as long as we were ok with what happened_

_Is she? Your GF? Did she see it?_

_No, she doesn’t want to know, which I get so this whole thing makes it a lot harder cause it gets thrown right in her face. She’s not here though, so that’s good_

_Good?_

_Yeah, I miss her like hell but it I’m glad she doesn’t have to be in the middle of this mess_

_She is anyway_

_Guess she’s but Georgia is far less crowded and imposing_

_True. Are u planning on talking about this at some point?_

_I probably have to sooner or later_

_Guessing your agents and stuff ain’t that happy with u right now_

_Not in the slightest. They want me to give a personal statement but right now everything comes from my representatives. It’s my words, sort of but still not really the same. I just need some time to grasp this_

_What? 48 hours should be enough, right?_

It’s pretty weird that I can actually understand her irony without seeing her.

_Right…? I just need to get out of the city right now_

_So just go_

_I can’t get out without getting run over_

_Not even on a bike? U have one in NYC too, right?_

_I do_

_So just go. I mean, it must be a lot easier and faster to get through Manhattan with a bike. Just outrun the fuckers_

Why hasn’t this crossed my mind before? I’ve way too much on my mind at the moment. I can’t think straight. I’ve a bike down in the garage. I could do that. I need to do that. Now. Right now. I send Jeffrey a quick text about coming out and start throwing together a backpack while I replay to her as well.

_Thanks for helping me think_

_Yeah, it’s kinda hard to do that at the moment, isn’t it?_

_My brain feels like mush_

_Ditto… I really need to try to sleep. Get out of the city_

_I’m already moving. Thanks again_

_Be careful though and take care of yourself_

She cares. She really cares about me. I stop in the doorway, keys in hand and I grin at the phone like a damn fool. Of course she cares, idiot! I already knew that. But it’s something about seeing it in writing.

_U too ♥_

I replay and get a positive response from Jeffrey about coming out and stay for as long as I like. I give him the thumbs up back and pocket the phone and hurry out of the apartment that feels like a fucking prison.

I can literally feel the stress melt away the second I get on the bike. It has always been like this. This is where my mind always works and does its best thinking. And I need to do a lot of that right now. But before I can allow my mind to drift, I need to get the hell away from the bloodsuckers that’s gloating in my public humiliation at the moment. I’m pretty sure they’re smart enough to have the garage covered as well but it’s dark and that will hopefully help.

And I know these streets like the back of my hand. I can do this. I have to! I can’t stay here anymore, locked in a fucking cage for everyone to stare and point at. I rave the bike to life and just go for it, not bothering to give it another second thought. I startle half a dozen reporters just outside on the curb and the cameras start to flash but I managed to squeeze past them.

Fuck, they’re close! Too fucking close but right now I don’t give a shit if I run one of them over. They deserve it. Looking back 10 seconds later and I’m on the street and away from the firs herd, they all seem to be fine. In a damn hurry to get to their cars or get hold of a taxi. But I speed up, ignore the first 2 sets of red lights and just maneuver through the traffic.

I finally reach the Holland tunnel and I start to breathe again. I made it. I’m pretty sure I’m not being followed and I’m way away from China Town by now. Just 2 hours to go. 2 glorious hours of peace and quiet, so to speak and my mind starts to piece together the last days events and try to make some sense of them.

It’s hard to still grasp what happened. And I don’t remember all of it. Finally getting the call from D and hearing her desperate explanation about the iPad but at the same time being so pissed and disappointed and hurt and…. Fuck, it’s the worst feeling in all of this. Hurting her. For real this time. I never wanted to and she was fine with what I was doing. Right? Maybe Emma was right after all. That this will have to end now. It went too far this time and I’m aware that a “normal girlfriend” wouldn’t accept this. But we’re not normal. It doesn’t work that way when you spend so much time apart. I need affection. Probably too much but it’s just the way I am, how it works and how it has always worked.

I didn’t plan for this to happen. I didn’t plan to bring someone back to the hotel in London. I never plan it, it just happens. And she was there, right time, right place. So right! She was so right. But it was never going to be like this. I never wanted this to happen. Now I have to share her with the rest of the world. Now everyone else knows about her too and she was suppose to be my secret! Mine alone. I needed her to be just mine, someone I could’ve called or texted or get together with when I needed something simple. Now, I’m not sure that’s going to happen again. I’m not sure she wants to. I want to see her again. I probably shouldn’t, but I do. It was easy with her. I didn’t have to prove myself to her in any way. She just wanted my body. I want hers. Her gorgeous body… Fuck, those boobs and lips and ass and… For fucks sake, focus on the damn road, Reedus!

The bike sways a little as I have to drive past a car a little to close but I find my focus quickly and I push the image of her naked body out of my head.

I need to focus! Priorities. What the fuck do I do now? Can I just move on from this? Without consequences? AMC has already scolded me but in the end said that they’d support me in any way the can. Like they can afford anything else… It’s not like I’ve murdered someone and face jail time. It’s a damn sex tape and no one has actually got physical hurt in the process. My ego is severely damaged but I’m pretty sure time will heal that. No, my priority must be to make amends with the once the matter the most. My family. My girlfriend. Mingus. Mom. I need to make sure they know I never meant for this to happen. I’ve told them already but I need to do it again. And I probably should make some kind of personal statement on Twitter or Instagram or something. It’s not me though. I’m not a public person who makes public apologizes and spills his heart all over the place. But maybe that’s what I need to do to calm this shit storm.

I need to pull over to fill up some gas and I find the right place not even 5 minutes after I come to this realization. The station is dimly lit and I take quick selfie, wearing the helmet and the bike in the background. I make sure the background is blurred so that they can’t figure out where I am.

_Shit happened… Sorry ♥_

I turn off the comments on the post on Instagram before deciding to push the blue little bottom in the right top corner. 

                                            ---------------------------------------

I didn’t expect this. Why is this so hard? I can’t look him in the eye. Not directly into his eyes and when he tries to find my gaze, I look down on the ground. He has come out to greet me on the driveway and I twist the helmet between my hands.

I feel like an insubordinate teenager who got caught stealing out of daddy’s booze. But this is worse than that. I so fucking wish that it had just been a drunk night that got caught on tape.

I see him at the corner of my eye and he just stands there on the front step and I guess wait for me to say something. But I can’t come up with anything. He sits down on the stairs and I keep twisting the helmet in my hands and drag my booth through the gravel. Why was this so much easier over the phone?

Out of the blue I finally realize why this bothers me so much more than before. His wife is in there somewhere with their kids. His family is in there. And it’s like I speak my thoughts out loud and the front door opens and Hilarie walks out and comes up stand right next to her sitting husband. I can’t look at her either. I just notice her bare feet in the light coming from the open door.

“It’s almost midnight. Are you going to come inside or what?”

“I wasn’t sure you wanted me to.”

I say and somehow manage to stop fidgeting. The woman sighs heavily and I imagine her crossing her arms over her chest. She moves down the steps and walks up to me and she takes the helmet out of my hands and dumps it on the ground before reaching up and puts a hand on my face. And I finally find it in me to look at her. She looks back at me and shakes her head slowly with a wearisome look in her eye.

“You’re always welcome here, Norman.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No. I’m fucking furious at you. What were you thinking….?!”

“Honey.”

Jeffrey speaks and it sounds like he reminds her of something, especially when she steps back and takes a calm breath.

“Right… Sorry. I promised him that you wouldn’t have to talk about it until you wanted to. But I just-“

“Babe….!”

Jeffrey remind her again, more firmly this time. She pins me down and I look away. She gives up a frustrated sigh and I braze myself for a kick in the ball at least. Instead she gives me a quick hug and tells me again to get into the house before she herself walks back into their home. I linger a little though. Thinking it might be a good idea to give them both a moment to change their mind.

“Come on, man. Let’s get inside. Are you hungry?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll take that as a yes…. Hey!”

He calls out loud all of a sudden and I snap my head back up and look at him.

“There’s no need to hang your head here. I ain’t mad at you, Norman. You don’t have to say shit, we can just eat something and then go to bed and whenever you’re ready to talk tomorrow or the day after or the week after, you just do it. No pressure, no judgment.”

“Thanks…”

Before he gets the chance to change his mind and I can pussy out and just turn the hell around and go back to New York, I walk up the front door, pick up the helmet on the way and walk into the house that has come to be extremely familiar. The house is quiet once Jeffrey closes the door behind us, meaning the kids are most likely asleep. I don’t know what time it is. It’s not important in my life at the moment. Neither is food. But Jeffrey walks off towards the kitchen and I can see Hilarie already there. I linger a little, undress my jacket and booths and make a quick stop at the bathroom and then join the married couple in the kitchen.

“Eat.”

I get a plate of food shoved into my hands only seconds after I take a seat at the kitchen island and the wife lingers right in front of me. I don’t have the options of saying no, I know that. I can feel her glaring at me until I grab the fork and put the food into my mouth. Then she gives a quick nod and turns back around to clean the kitchen counter.

They allow me my space and I’m so entirely thankful for this. I can just sit there in their kitchen and watch and listen to them while they move around and clean up and put away and organize. They don’t mind that I’m there and I just love how this simple task calms me down. Somethings are still just the same. Somethings are still normal and the people right there are still the same. Hilarie might be a little less pleasant then usual but I hadn’t really expected anything else. If there’s something this mess has taught me, is that men and women have a very different reaction to it. The guys tend to focus on the actual sext ape while the women focus on the fact that it’s not my girlfriend in the video. Or more accurate, that fact that I’m cheating.

I never saw it that way. Neither did she. I wasn’t cheating. I just missed her and needed someone to replace her with. Physical. It was never anything else but physical need but I did that, right? I took it to another level with Emma. And I still can’t figure out why! It drives me insane! What is it about this chick?!  

“I’m sorry.”

I hear myself say the words but I don’t remember thinking that’s what I want to say. But it makes both of them turn away from the dishwasher and look at me. And by just one look where I can feel the wife in the household judge me, I finally break down. I would’ve thought this was going to happen a lot sooner but I think it’s just caught up with me now. She’s judging me and she’s disappointed. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I try my hardest not to let it show but under her scrutinizing look and knowing I’ll have to face the same from especially the women in my life when I see them, the tears spill over. And once they start, there’s no stopping it.

“I’m sorry.”

I say, over and over again and drop my head to the counter and wrap my arms around it in some weird and very bad attempt to hide myself. That’s what I want right now. Just to hide somewhere and wait this shit out. But what if it doesn’t go away? I feel an arm around me and I know it’s Jeffrey. I can feel him stand next to me and he puts his arm around my shoulder and try to comfort me. Right now I just need to cry though. It will feel better once I get this out. I’ve postponed this moment long enough. 

“I’m sorry I fucked up. I never meant… Not… Not like this.”

Words fail me when I’m able to finally hiccup and sob my way into some kind of speech. I choice not to leave the somewhat safe place that is the inside my own arms though. I don’t want to see the judgment again. Jeffrey sighs next to me and thumps me on the back before sitting down next to me.

“I can’t say that I know how you feel, cause I don’t but you know it’s going to be ok, right? It will pass, people will forget about it.”

“Will you?”

“Of course. Unless you keep talking about it all the time… Look, I know this fucking sucks and I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes right now but the most important thing is that you and D and the rest of your family are ok. Right? Fuck everyone else and everything else. It could’ve been worse.”

“Yeah? How?”

“It’s not like you’ve fucking murder someone here, Norm. You’re not getting arrested and prosecuted. You just had sex.”

“On camera.”

“Yeah, well… It will blow over sooner then you think. Tomorrow there’ll be something else the parasites hares, probably a fucking Kardashian and your sex tape won’t be interesting anymore.”

The man starts giggle next to me for whatever reason and I know he’s doing it to get my attention but I still bite. Taking a deep breath, I lift my head, wipe the last lingering tears and look up at him. He’s grinning like an idiot and I have to stop myself from smacking him in his stupid face.

“What?”

“You’ve probably stolen the top-spot from Miss whoever Kardashian on the sex tape top list.”

He moves out of the way when I aim a hard hit to his shoulder and he just laughs and gets up from his seat. And I notice then that we’re alone and Hilarie is nowhere to be seen. I wonder how long we’ve been alone and I want to ask but he distract me.

“Seriously, Norman don’t beat yourself up too hard. It’s out of your hands. You have done what you can, now just let the whole thing be and let them wonder and comment and watch it and whatever…. Just take care of your own.”

I know he’s right. What he says make all the sense in the world right now. But I can’t shake of the feeling of not doing enough. I can still do more. I feel like I should do more. What that is, I’m not sure though. I probably should be on the first flight out to Atlanta and go see D in person, not just do a facetime conversation but I’m not ready to face her yet. She was supposed to be on the on the tape, she’s my girlfriend and she’s the only one I should do stuff like this with. Right? But would that make things easier? It would’ve eliminate the accusation of cheating for sure but to what cost? It would’ve been even worse and involved the scary stuff. Just like she said… Feelings and shit. That’s the hard and complicated part. Sex is easy. I shudder at the very thoughts of people seeing that part of me. Sharing loving and tender words in bed, making love… Fuck! I don’t even want to go there.

“Yeah, yeah I… I know you’re right… Have you watch it?”

“Fuck no, man. I wouldn’t do that. I mean it’s hard to look away from the pictures but I haven’t been online to look for it, you know?”

“Thanks…”

“What is it about this chick though, dude?”

He collects two beers from the fridge and jerks his head towards the living room and I get to my feet and follow him.

“I don’t know, man.”

I take the beer from him and we sit and I try to find some answer to this question. Truth is that I don’t have one.

“It’s not something else, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you still haven’t actually seen your girlfriend in person since this happened and I would’ve thought it was the first thing you’d do. You’re ok, right? You still want this? Her?”

Is that what this is all about? Really? Holy shit! I haven’t allowed myself to think about that. Maybe that’s the problem. Do I still want this? Is this the reason I let things get too far in Germany? Cause I don’t know if I still want to be in this relationship. Shit… But I love her. We love each other. It’s great. Most of the time. We’re moving in together for fuck’s sake. Of course I still want this. Right?

“I can see your brain going into overdrive right now so don’t speak right now. Just let it sink in for a moment and think about it…. But what happened in Germany, with Emma… Dude, that’s something that hasn’t happened before and you know that. You don’t do stuff like that if you’re serious about your relationship. The sex I get but I started to get a little worried when you started talking about seeing her again. You haven’t done that before. I don’t think you were ready to think about it though and maybe you’re still not ready but I’m just saying that there’s probably a reason you took things further this time.”

I sink back into the cushions and it’s like all the air leaves my body and I can’t see anything in the room in front of me. I know what the place looks like but I can’t see it. I just let his words roll around in my head, over and over and it try to decide whether or not to beat him up or thank him.

He’s not there when I turn my head to say something to him. Confused, I look around but I can’t see him anywhere. And I realize it’s been over an hour since I step through the doors and he’s probably asleep. Shit, I really need to get a grip and figure this out! But first I need to sleep and although I know there’s a guestroom for me to use, I put my feet up on the sofa and grab a blanket that hangs over the armrest.

                                            ----------------------------------

April and the beginning of May has to be the longest weeks in the history of mankind! Well, at least it has been for me. It’s strange to think that the world around me just keeps spinning anyway. Everything is as it always was for most of the people around me. But for me everything has changed since my ass and so much more ended up online.

Slowly things have started to go back to some kind of normal. I wake up or Kevin wakes me up each morning. We have breakfast together and I drop him off at school before going to work and thanks to Normans statement, the press has backed off. I still get comments and looks from students and co-workers from time to time but thankfully the story isn’t so hot anymore. It’s just another random sex tape online. Another mistake. And he has moved on from that mistake. With his girlfriend. And I’m happy for him. I really am. I’m glad that they could move past this and work on their relationship and I hope they make it work without him screwing around with other women.

He keeps in touch every other day though. I’m not sure why but he does but he wants to make sure I’m alright. I haven’t been the first one to text him, not once. He’s a perfect memory and one that I will always carry with me and cherish. But we’re living completely different lives and we will never see each other again. And I’m ok with that. I really am.

                                            -----------------------------------

_Nashville is an awesome city and it’s one u should visit_

I wake up Thursday morning, way too early by an incoming text from Norman. I know there’s a Walker Stalker this weekend and before I can even process the first text, there’s another text with a British Airways booking in my name to Nashville the next morning.

I want to scream but if I do I’ll wake Kevin and that is not a good thing. He needs every minute of sleep he can get. What the hell is wrong with him?! Almost a whole month without even mention the fact that he wants to see me again and now this?! What the hell happened to making amends with his girlfriend? He hasn’t given any kind of hints that this is something he has been thinking about. Does he even know what he’s doing? And why?

_Are u serious?!_

_Hell yeah!_

_What the fuck is wrong with u?!_

_I miss u_

_And u figured this now? Out of the blue? We haven’t talked for a month_

_I’ve tried! But u’re not the chatting type_

_That’s because I though we’d agree that u were going to work things out with ur GF and the two of u seems to be in a very good place. Don’t ruin it!_

_We are_

_So why the hell would you like to risk that by even asking me to come out and see u?_

_Cause I can’t stop thinking about u_

_Try!_

_I’m sure u miss me 2_

_Even if I am, I don’t want to get involved deeper in this. What the hell do u think the press and everyone else would say and think if they saw us together again?_

_Fuck that!_

_NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! I can’t Norman_

_Sure u can. Just like last time. It’s just sex, simple and plain. And so fucking good!_

_Are u not getting laid? Is that what this is all about?_

_Maybe…_

_Then maybe u should spend ur time figuring out why that is and work on it_

_Come on! Don’t be such a girl! I know all this, ok? I know this is all wrong and fucked up and shit but I don’t care right now! I just need something uncomplicated and fucking awesome!_

_So get a fucking prostitute down the a ally somewhere. A lot easier and quicker!_

_I want u Ems. Please baby. I’ve already gotten u the ticket. All u have to do is get on the damn flight_

_I have work!_

_And like 56 hours overtime last time we talked_

How the hell does he remember this? And why the hell am I actually considering doing this? I can’t use work as an excuse because he really is right about that part. But I shouldn’t! I can’t! I don’t want to… Ok, yeah that’s a lie. I do want to see him again. But I shouldn’t get on that flight to see him again. It’s a whole lot of work and a lot of airmiles just to fuck. And so fucking worth it! No, don’t even go there! It’s not worth it.

The sex is worth it for sure. But not everything else. And there will be more if I do this. I just know it. I don’t want to complicate shit more. I’ve already been through enough because of this man.

_I can’t. I’m really sorry Norman but I can’t. I want to see u again but I can’t. Not right now, it’s a bad timing, end of the semester and a lot of exams and all that and I rather think we should keep a low profile. Like underground low…_

_Can I come out and see u then?_

_Not now!_

_No, not now. But if I made some arrangements and planning, could I come out and see u?_

_Of course_

_Awesome!_

_Just give me a little better heads up next time_

_Will do… I know I’m not good at this kind of things, planning and shit_

_No, u’re really not_

_It doesn’t mean that I don’t want u to come out though_

_I get that but I really can’t_

_Ok, I won’t ask again… Take care and talk to u later ♥_

_U too ♥_

I end our conversation with shaking my head and rolling my eyes to the heavens. And yet I smile. He makes me smile. And it’s so weird that I feel like this because he really drives me insane at the same time and I really don’t get him. Not at all. I mean it’s not like we’re next door neighbors who can just pop in and see each other whenever we want. I live on the other side of the world from him! It will pretty much take me a day to get to him. 

I can’t go. I want to see him so bad again but there’s really no way for me to leave and be gone for 4 days right now. And I need to pee. Again! It’s very annoying but I really can’t keep it in and I kick off the cover and head for the bathroom just beside my bedroom. I turn on the light and blink in the sharp light a few times before locating my goal.

Why does he keep insisting on seeing me again? I don’t understand what it is that makes him so keen on doing this again. I mean, is it just the blowjobs? Just the sex? It’s not _that_ good. I’ve never had better but I’m sure he has had a lot more experience than me and is it really worth risking losing his girlfriend for? Nothing can’t be that good. It just can’t.

I reach out for the paper but can’t find any and when I turn my head, it’s all gone. Damnit, Kevin! He always does this. He’s such a guy when it comes to stuff like this, even though I’ve been nagging him about it since he was like 4.

Is he unhappy with her? Is this just a way for him to make it easy for himself and somehow force her to want to break it off before he has to make the decision? Would he do that? Honestly, I don’t know him. Not like that. I don’t know what he’s like in a relationship, as a boyfriend and partner.

I reach for a new roll of toilet paper but when I turn my head to the side to put it in the right place, something caught my eyes on the low shelf right there. I stare but I’m not sure what is that I see or why my brain stops. My hand knocks into something when I quickly stand. Tampons. Why am I staring at the box of tampons at my hand?

My life literally flashes before my eyes. At least the past 8 weeks of my life as the realization hits with full force.

I haven’t had my period in 2 months! I’m at least 8 weeks too late. The constant need to pee. The constant fatigue although I sleep. Eating everything….

No!

This can’t be! There’s no way. I’ve a fucking implant. There’s just no way for me to be pregnant. Fuck! No! I can’t be. Not with him! Not with anyone!

I somehow scramble out of the bathroom and find my way back to the bed and grab my phone and call Kristin. She answers after a surprisingly short time and although I can’t string a thought together, I wonder what she’s doing up at 4.30 in the morning.

“Are you alright?”

She answers and I start crying. Out of the blue, the tears just come and I can’t say a word to her for a few minutes. I hear her talk and I know she tells me that she’s right here and wants to know what’s going on but I can’t actually hear it.

“My period’s late.”

I say, sobbing my way into speech. And she falls silent.

“How? You’ve an implant. Are you even awake? You probably just had a dream.”

“8 fucking weeks, Kris! There’s been 6, 7 or 8 weeks, I don’t know! I just know that I’m late! Too fucking late!”

“Ok, ok, ok, I hear you. Buy a test and come on over after you’ve drop of Kevin at school. You have a late class today, right?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ve to know for sure.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Emma. Don’t worry about it, you’re just thinking too much. There’s a lot that has happened the past 8 weeks. It’s probably just stress related that you’re late.”

Yeah, that’s true. That’s so true. Thank the lord for best friends like her! That she can do my thinking for me when I can’t do it myself. She says a few last calming words before telling me to try and get some sleep. Yeah, like that’s going to happen….


	10. Chapter 10

Plus. There’s a fucking plus sign where there shouldn’t be a plus sign. This can’t be happening. There has to be some kind of mistake. I can’t be pregnant. Still, that’s exactly what the fucking blue stick in my hands tells me. Screams at me!

P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T!

“I’ll call Jasper’s sister and see if there’s a chance for you to go to the hospital today.”

I hear Kristin say behind me as she opens the doors and walk out of the bathroom. I sit down at the edge of the tube and I can’t take my eyes away from the test. The two fucking lines that tells me Norman Reedus somehow left a lot more than just a sex tape behind in London.

“Could you leave work 3:30?”

She comes back with her phone pressed to her ear. I feel myself nod and I remember that Jasper’s sister is a midwife. I’ll just have to be done by then. I need to get this thing handled. I need to know how this happened in the first place. It shouldn’t be possible. It can’t be possible. These tests are not 100 % accurate. There’s still a chance I’m not pregnant and I decide to cling to it for as long as I possible can.

I can see Kevin’s pregnancy so clearly inside my head. It’s like I’m watching myself from the outside and I remember everything. The test, the call, the first visit, the first ultrasound. Am I really going to do the whole thing again? I don’t know if I’m ready at all. I’m not sure I want to know. What if I’m actually pregnant? What the fuck do I do? Terminate? I’m a strong believer in free abortions but can _I_ really do one? But then, can I do another kid alone? A newborn and Kevin alone? But I’m not alone, I know that. We’ve a strong support system that would help out in every way they could if I just ask. Kristin is the embodiment of this system and she takes charge when I can’t.

Like she knows my social security number and can ramble it in her sleep. It’s helpful when I can’t think as we walk through the doors to the clinic and I’ve to report to the front desk. And when I can’t remember Jasper’s sisters name, as she comes walking up to us, she leans in and whispers it in my ear.

“Maria.”

And I splutter out a greeting and something about it’s being nice to see her again. Although I can’t think of a single time I’ve seen this woman before right now. I know I have but I don’t remember. I can’t fucking remember my own name! This is so familiar yet so strange at the same time. I’m not suppose to be here again. I didn’t make plans for this and if I don’t make plans, nothing happens!

Kristin pinches my thigh hard and I look up and blink at her. We’re seated and I don’t know how it happened but the midwife is sitting across from me and seems to have asked something because she watched me with raised eyebrows.

“Sorry, what?”

The woman shakes her head and get up again.

“Never mind, let’s just go straight to the confirmation and then work our way from there.”

“How?”

“I’ll just do a regular ultrasound. Come on.”

She stands next to the examination table and the machine is really right there. A smaller version then I’m used to but I’m guessing this is just a quick thing and does not require the whole advanced technology. Ok, let’s just do this. I need to know, right? I have to find out if I’m pregnant and how the hell this happened. And I set my mind into effective mood. Strip of my shirt, lay down, pull down my pants a little and wait. The gel is cold on my lower stomach and again I can see myself doing the same thing 10 years ago.

“Do you have any idea how far along you are? When was your last period?”

“Late February.”

“Ok…. So maybe 7-8 weeks?”

“Something like that.”

“Ok, good. Then I’ll be able to find it if you’re indeed pregnant. You’d know that does tests pretty much never show the wrong result?”

“Yeah, I know. I just have to know.”

“Of course. Let’s see what we can find.”

She moves the thing around for a moment and pushes the keys back and forth. Say something, woman! Just say it, damnit!

“Here we go…”

Kristin jumps just as much as me when she suddenly speaks and point to the monitor. I can’t see a thing at first. And then she moves the instrument a little and a little grey thing with a fast movement shows up. She points to it.

“That’s a heartbeat right there. You’re indeed pregnant. And your timing seems pretty accurate. I would say it’s 8th week. Which means…”

She disappears from view but I couldn’t care less. I can’t look away from the grey blob that is a growing human being inside me. And I can’t take it in. I can’t process this right now.

“Your due date, would you choose to go through with this pregnancy, is early December. Do you know who the father is?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m not going to tell you want to do about this but I can just speak from experience and it’s usually easier to tell him. Even if he won’t be a part in the decision or anything else, it’s always feels better to let him know about it. If you want to make an abortion, I want you to get back to me within a week. I’ll get you all the information you need. Just go home, let the whole thing sink in and give it some serious thought. And talk to your loved once.”

She nods towards Kristin and at this point I finally see her too and she has tears in her eyes as we look at each other. And I start sobbing at once and she flings herself at me and we hug and cry.

I’m pregnant.    

Norman Reedus knocked me up. And I’m pretty sure the exact moment is on public display for the entire world to see… 

                                            --------------------------------------

The days have passed in a blur and I know I’ve been a shitty mom and friend and teacher and… Everything has just been chaos. Is chaos. Four days of twisting and turning every possibility in my head has change anything. I don’t know what to do about this. Thinking about keeping it and having another kid alone freaks me out and I want to get rid of it at once. Then when I think about terminate this pregnancy, I freak out about that! There’s a human being growing inside me. Well, it’s on its way to become one at least. Now it’s just a blob of cells. Kevin knows something is up but I can’t tell him yet. I’ve to make up my own mind about what I want to do before I tell him. Everything else will just confuse him and stress him out. It stresses me out that I can’t decide this.

How the hell do you decide something like this in the first place?! I’m literally holding a life in my hands and I’ve to decide what to do with that life. I still haven’t told Norman. Kristin has been telling me at least twice every day that I’ve to tell him. I can’t really see way though. It’s not like it’s going to change anything. This is still my decision and mien alone. He has no saying in the matter. Why would he? It’s strange how my feelings for him has changed over the course of just a few weeks. I adored him and everything about him before I meet him. Now I would give everything not to have meet him at all. One of the reasons why I haven’t told him yet is that I don’t know how to do it. I’m too pissed at him to see how I’m going to be able to keep up a rational, calm conversation with him. Even if it’s in writing I’ll be yelling myself horse at him for doing this to me! And I know we’re both to blame for this but I’m already pissed at myself and it would be nice to transfer some of that anger to the other person responsible for this fucked up mess.

Kristin interrupts my deep thoughts once more by calling. It’s a little after 4 and I really should be doing some grading but I’ve gotten stuck again. The papers are at my hand and I’m even holding a pen, ready to making notes but nothing comes out. I’ve taken my refuge to my classroom instead of sitting by my desk in the staff room where I’m just getting weird looks.

“Yeah?”

“Kevin just got here.”

“Ok, good. Thanks.”

She falls silent and I know she’s going to tell me again. I try to sidetrack her with the paper at my hands but she shuts me down quickly.

“If you don’t tell him before tomorrow, I’ll do it myself.”

No! Not that. Don’t do this to me. Don’t make threats. Please…

“How’re you going to get hold of him?”

I’ve to try. I’m not ready yet. I need more time.

“You sent him my number, remember? He called my phone.”

Shit!

“Kristin, please-“

“No, Emma I’m sorry. I’m doing this for you and you know that. You’ve to tell him, he has to know.”

“Why?!”

“So he knows why I’ll murder him.”

I laugh and the tears that burn in my eyes vanish and I just laugh.

“Ok. I’ll talk to him.”

“Today! Before you pick up Kevin I want you to talk to him.”

“Alright. I will.”

“Good. Kevin wants to know when you’re coming to get him?”

“6.30 at the latest. I’ll try to hurry up.”

“Ok. See you later then. And call Norman.”

“I will.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

_Good morning. Again. Are u ok? Why aren’t u replaying? Everything alright?_

I read his latest text, which I received just a few hours earlier. He has texted me at least twice a day for the past days but I haven’t been able to replay to any of them. And now I’ve no idea what to write to him. Maybe I should just call him. Get it out of the way. And before I can change my mind and cower out, I push the little phone symbol in the top right corner.

Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up. Don’t pick up.

On the third signal, the phone clicks and he’s there with a happy _hi_ and my mouth dries up and I can’t speak.

“Ems?”

I’ve to move. I’ve to get my blood running through my vains again. I get up and start pacing the floor and force a deep through my lungs.

“Hi.”

“How are you doing? Are you ok? I’ve tried to get hold of you.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s been a lot going on.”

“But you’re ok, right?”

“Not really.”

“What’s going on?”

“Are you alone right now?”

Why do I make this so fucking dramatic?! Just say it!

“Give me a sec.”

He says and I hear him move and a door closes on the other side of the world.

“I am now.”

He finally says.

“I’m pregnant.”

There. I’ve said it. Out loud for the first time since I found out about it. The words sound strange in my mouth. I’m pregnant. I’m actually pregnant. He doesn’t say anything. I mean, I get it. What the hell do you say? But he has to say something. I’ve to yell at him! But for some reason I’ve forgotten all about the angry words I’ve wanted to throw at him for days now. How is that just by the few words he has spoken, he sidetracks me?! Again?! How does he do that?

“How long?”

“8 weeks.”

I can pretty much hear his brain working and doing the match I’ve already done. And it’s not really rocket science. I haven’t had sex with anyone else since I meet him in London. He doesn’t know that of course.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long time but I can hear him pacing too and curses escape him once in a while.

“You’ve to get rid of it.”

Excuse me?! And everything just rushes out of me and I can’t stop it. I don’t want to. He deserves every word I throw at him.

“I don’t have to do a fucking thing! Who the fuck do you think you are?! I don’t have to do shit! This is my decision. It’s my fucking body! Not yours! You don’t get to decide what I do with my own body! I know it takes two, ok? I know I’m just as much to blame for this as you are but that does not give you the fucking right to tell me what I’ve to do! I’m going fucking insane here because I don’t know what the fuck to do but it is my decision. No one else! And no matter what happens I’m not expecting you to be part of it. You’ve done enough. I’m telling you now because Kristin threatened to tell you if I didn’t. And now you know, I guess you’ve that right but don’t fucking tell me what to do!”

I’m panting heavily once I’m done yelling. And it feels better. I’m glad that’s out of my system.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ems. I didn’t… I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I apologize, I was out of line. This is just a… It’s a lot to take in. Of course this is your decision.”

Ok, I didn’t not expect this. I thought he’d fight back and argue and yell too but here he is being all rational and responsible and shit. And it’s like he has punctured my fighting balloon and I can’t argue with him when he’s being so calm.

“How are you?”

“What?”

His questions throw me of guard and I even stop pacing.

“How are you, Emma? Are you ok?”

“No. No, I’m not ok, Norman. It’s not really like I’m thrilled about this.”

“How long have you known?”

“4 days. After you texted me about Nashville.”

“How? You just realized you-“

“It’s not like it’s been a normal month!”

I cut him off angrily.

“I know that. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I thought you were on the pill.”

“Implant, yes.”

“So how the hell did this happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Fuck, Ems I’m sorry. We should’ve been more careful. I should’ve been more careful.”

“Well, it’s not like we can do anything about that now.”

“I… I’m sorry for what I said but I… Whatever you decide to do… Please, just talk to me and I’ll… You know, I’ll do whatever I can, no matter what you want to do.”

“Right now I want to cut your head off.”

He chuckles and my heart melts a little.

“Yeah, I guess I can understand that.”

“Good.”

“But just talk to me, Ems. Tell me what you want to do. No matter what it is. I know we don’t know each other like that but you’ve someone there, right? You’ve Kristin that can help you through this, right?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry.”

“But I do…. Look, I’ll take a look at my schedule and make sure I can fly out to see you.”

“No, please don’t. Not right now. There’s too much going on as it is and I’m too stressed out as it is. I just need to focus on myself and my son right now.”

It takes him a few seconds and I’ve already started to form a pleading sentence when he finally agrees. Someone comes in and starts talking and I’m pretty sure it’s Andy and he tells me he has to go but that he will get back to me as soon as he can.

“Take care of yourself and just call whenever you want. I’ll be… You know, just take care, Ems, ok?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I hang up and feel like I’ve just taken 2 million steps backwards and I’m, if possible, even more confused about what the hell do to about. It would’ve been so much easier if he had just insisted that I needed to do an abortion. Of course, I wouldn’t let him decided in the end but it would’ve been nice to have someone else to blame for my decision if I’d end this pregnancy.

                                            ------------------------------------

A fucking pill. It’s right there in my hand. Just a normal looking pill that’s going to end this pregnancy and bring everything back to normal again. But nothing is going to be normal again. My life hasn’t been “normal” since the day Kevin came into my world. A perfect little creature with 10 fingers and 10 toes. Kevin came into this world screaming and waving arms and legs wildly. And it doesn’t matter that he ended up with a mental deviation that takes a little more work to get through everyday life situations. I wouldn’t have him any other way. So what if my life gets a little harder? I’ve been through worse! If I do this, take this pill and terminate this pregnancy, I’ll still have to live with myself. I probably could. But I know for certain that I’m capable of going through with this to the end as well.

Why did it have to come to this? Why did I have to go all the way to actually making this appointment to make me realize this isn’t what I want to do? A fucking week of arguing with myself worse than I ever have in my life. I’ve been looking at every possibility and outcome in this. And I know it’s probably the easiest decision to terminate. It’s easy to just give up and move on but I’ve never been one to go for the easy choice. So why start now? Why the hell should I do that now when there’s actually a human beings life at stake?   

“I can’t do this.”

I’m surprised my voice is so steady and clear. I would’ve thought it’d come out shaky, because my hand is shaking and I close my fingers around the pill and put it back on the tray with a glass of water. Kristin gives up a sigh of relief behind me and Maria takes the tray away before sitting down in front of me.

“Do you need to talk to someone? We’ve therapists and-“

“No. Thanks, but I… I’m going to keep it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok then. Congratulations, you’re going to be a mom again.”

She says and smiles warmly and I feel myself smile back at her. And Kristin is suddenly chocking me from behind in a tight hug and she laugh in my ear and I can feel her tears on my cheek as she leans in to kiss me.

“You really scared me there for a second.”

“Sorry.”

I say and squeeze her arms around my neck.

“Yeah, what the fuck…? I can do this.”

“Of course you can. You’re the best mom I know. Beside myself of course.”

She jokes and we all laugh but Maria turns serious pretty quickly and informs me that we’ve to make a bunch of tests and official admit me as pregnant. And just because I’ve the best friend in the whole world that knows what I need but are not too comfortable asking, I’m able to do a second ultrasound. This time I’m actually excited to see it. Him. Her. Whatever it is, I’m just happy to see it again. It’s still right there, maybe a tinny bit bigger and the heart is still beating franticly.

“Does the father know?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“I guess I still have to tell him, he’s actually going to be a father though. I mean, as long as everything goes as planned.”

“I see no reason why. Your previous pregnancy was normal, wasn’t it?”  

“Yeah.”

“You’re however a little bit older this time around so I would like to keep a closer look at you through this pregnancy.”

“Sure, sounds good.”

“But I’m sure you’ll be just fine. You’ve a great family around you and no medical history of any kind that makes me worried.” 

“Good and yes I do.”

I turn to look at Kristin but she is immersed in the print of the little blob that is Kevin’s little brother or sister. And I stop right there for a moment and let the whole thing sink in. It’s pretty fucked up that this is happening and that I’ve decided to do this but I as I sit there and watch her watch the blob, I’m pretty content with my choice. I’ll probably regret it a hundred times over before I’m done with this but in the end, I know I’ve made the right decision. I’m going to be a mom again. Shit! I’m going to have a baby! With Norman… Well, no not with Norman because he’s not going to be part of this but it’s going to be half him. Holy shit, that’s weird! And an even bigger holy shit, I’ve to tell him about it! But right now, I’m just going to enjoy the peace and quiet with Kristin and the picture of my blob.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Norman’s POW**

I know I’ve been distant with everyone around me since Emma called but I still haven’t found it in me to tell anyone about it. I’ve tried to get in touch with her again but she’s very quiet and I only get one or two sentences out of her at the time. It’s been a week since she called and knocked me on my ass with her news. Pregnant. She was-IS pregnant. She’s pregnant. I knocked her up in London. I wondered if she did it on purpose. For about 2 seconds.

She’s not that kind of person. I know I don’t know her that well but I trust my guts more than anything and she not that person. She doesn’t look for attention. She’s not even looking for me. I’m a bit frustrated about this actually and not use to it at all. Not to brag or anything but it’s weird that she doesn’t want me. I mean, the sex was fucking awesome but then I know you can’t really have a relationship built on nothing but sex and that’s what we’ve had. Amazing sex that somehow ended in a sex tape and a pregnancy.

It’s out of my hands. That’s probably the worst thing in all this. I’m not part in this decision, whether or not she’s going to keep it or not. In some ways I’m glad because I’m not even sure what I want her to do. The first thought was of course to just say no! Tell her to get rid of it before it could make things even more complicated. But that was a week ago. Now, I’m not so sure anymore that’s what I want her to do. But I don’t want to tell her that incase that’s not what she’s going to do.

She doesn’t give anything away in the texts she answers. I think she’s trying to avoid the subject and I can’t say that I blame her. I don’t want to think about it. Still, that’s all I do. All the time. I can’t stop thinking about it. Or her.

“Knock, knock.”

I lift my head from the couch and look towards the door. Andy is halfway inside my trailer with 2 cups of coffee in his hand. I grunt and he enters and sits down by my feet and puts my coffee on the floor. I ignore it and put my head back down on the soft surface.

“Are you ok?”

He puts a hand on my knee and pats me for a moment. And I’m about to just tell him but my phone vibrates with an incoming text. I feel myself smile when I see her number on display. Why does she make me smile? I shouldn’t have this reaction to her texts. She was just a mistake.

_I gotta tell u something_

I fumble with the phone as I open and read her text. I need to call her. Now. I start to ask Andy to leave but gets sidetracked by a second text coming in right after the first one. There a picture of a picture and although there’s been 18-somewhat years since I last held one in my own hands, I know what it is. And what it means.

_I’m keeping it… With that said, I don’t expect anything from u or that u’d be a part in this in any way and I don’t need anything from u. I just think u’d have the right to know and that this is my own decision and I’ll handle it on my own. I’m not going to tell anyone about this and the press can speculate all they want but I’ll keep this to myself. Like everything else that has happened between us. If u don’t want to get back in touch, I get it and there’s no hard feelings whatsoever. I can’t say that I’m glad that this happened. Not yet. It’ll have to sink in firs but I know I’ll be and that this is the right thing to do. U’re going to be a father again, Norman. At least in the biological sense in the beginning of December…_

I start laughing. It’s the only reaction that I’m able to bring out right now. Shit! Look at that. That’s a little person. I made another fucking person. With her. Not the woman that I probably should’ve made a new person with but I don’t care about that right now. Andy looks at me with a look the clearly tells me he’s question my sanity. Again. He has a few times by now. I hand him my phone and he take it and I see his eye move rapidly over the texts. He stares at me with his mouth wide open and his eyes popping out of his head once he’s done reading.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Is she serious?”

“Yeah… She called me a week ago and told me about it but she wasn’t sure what do. I guess she has decided now.”

“But… Fuck, Norm… She… She’s pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“With you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re ok with this?”

“What the fuck do you want me to do, Andy?”

“No, I mean… Are you actually ok with this? Do you wan this?”

“I’m not sure either of us actually _wants_ this but here we are… We had sex, shit happened and now… I don’t know, man. I can’t force her into something she doesn’t want.”

“Of course not, I don’t expect you to but seriously, Norman this is… What the fuck are you going to do?”

I laugh again, a hysterical kind of laugh that doesn’t belong to me. I’ve never heard this sound come out of my mouth before. I’m about to have a damn nervous breakdown. This is not what I had planned for today.

“What are you going to tell D?”

Shit! And like that I’m back to reality and I stop laughing at once.

“I have no fucking clue… _Hey, hon we gotta talk. Remember what happened in London? Turns out I knocked her up and she’s having my kid?_ Yeah, that’s one conversation I really could live without having.”

“But you gotta tell her.”

“I know. I just have to… Wrap my head around this first. Alone… Would you be ok with it?”

“You mean if I was dating and living with you, would I be ok with you having a kid with another woman…? No. Sorry, Normski but no I wouldn’t be ok with it.”

I somehow know that’s the rational and probably correct answer but I’m not ready to hear it from him.

“Yeah, no I guess I wouldn’t either… Fuck…. This is some tangled fucked up mess, isn’t it? Just because I needed some quick and easy sex.”

“Not so easy anymore.”

“No, man not at all… Shit, this is so strange, dude. I’m having another kid.”

I put my hands behind my head and gaze up at the celling.

“How old is she?”

“35.”

“Mingus is going to be a big brother… Well, at least-What was it that she wrote? Biological? She doesn’t expect you to be part of this at all, does she?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Will you?”

“Fuck, Andy I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now. This is so fucked up. I’ve to figure this out for myself before involving anyone else. Please, don’t tell anyone. And I mean not anyone, dude. Not even the wife.”

“No worries, I won’t. But you really should talk to D and…Damnit, Norman… Congratulations.”

The last words are spoken with the deepest sincerity and I hastily sit up and stare at him. He smiles back at me and I nod, feeling a bit surprised that he’s not mocking me but very thankful.     

“Thank you.”

And I feel that I really mean it too and I know it’s probably going to change but right now I’m actually proud and happy about this. Hell, I’m having a kid! A mini me is going to enter the world. Damn, I hope he or she gets Ems eyes…

                                            --------------------------------

**Emma’s POW**

Norman nibbles at the skin under my ear and breaths heavily. His hands are making their way over my stomach and up to my boobs. He kisses and licks his way down my throat. I gasp and arch my back when he pinches my nipple between his fingers and I can feel him smile against my skin. Lightly he bites my collar bone and moves over to the other breast and gives it the same treatment as the first.

His tongue runs down between my boobs and continues down my belly and he kiss my hipbone and let his tongue trace the tattoo on my pelvis. I reach out to find his head and I grab a fist full of hair and tug hard. I hear him groan and move his head further down at my request. Carefully he opens me up with two fingers and the fact that he moans, almost makes me cum on the spot.

“Mm, I’ve missed you so fucking much, baby.”

He says before putting his tongue straight on my clit and lets it circle hard and fast. I gasp and tighten my hold on his hair.

“You’re so wet for me.”

He lets 2 fingers slip inside and he taps them to the roof of my pussy and touches all right spots at the same time and I cum undone and yell his name to the heavens.

And I wake up with a stare and racing heart that is beating somewhere between my legs. I realize as I wake up that I’m still cuming and my pussy is pulsing intensely and it feel so fucking good. It’s like he’s right there. But of course he isn’t and I’ve just made myself cum in my sleep. The fantasy is a lot more vivid now though, since I’ve so many incredible memories to chose from.

I roll over, still trying to catch my breath and try to locate my phone. The room seems a little too bright. Like it’s late morning already. I know it’s Friday and I’m having the day off but it seems I’ve been sleeping a little too long. Right! I suddenly remember why, as Kevin is spending the night with his uncle. I’m shocked when I find my phone and it shows 10:29. Its been years and years since I slept this late.

_Morning babe! How are u?_

The usual text from Norman is waiting for me. He has learned the time difference by now and usually sends me a good morning when he goes to bed, or as it has been the past nights, start working. Today he’s waiting a lot longer for a replay though. And I needed this so bad. Sleeping for 10 hours is really want I needed right now and I feel like a new human being.

_A very good morning indeed =)_

To my surprise he answers within minutes, while I brows the latest updates on Instagram. The girlfriend has updated her account with some meme about have a short reaction to bullshit.

_Slept ok?_

_Very well. Working?_

_No… I talked to D last night_

Ok, explains the bullshit post and why he’s up in the middle of the night. Almost absentmindedly my hand moves to the little firm bump that has appeared. I’m going on 13 weeks now and I want to tell him it’s about time he told her but I keep it to myself. It’s not my place to tell him what to do, although he has asked me a few times what he should do. I’ve kept well away from any conversations involving his girlfriend and their relationship. But I have the feeling he really needs to talk right now, so I give in.

_Are u ok?_

_No. I’m staying at Andy’s place_

_Will u be ok?_

_Probably_

_Do u want u to be ok? As in u together?_

_IDK_

_Really the wrong answer Norman_

_I know but I’m not really sure what I want right now. It got really ugly. She was the one leaking the video_

WTF?! I sit up too fast and my head spins. I really have to think about how I move. I grab my head and try to focus on the phone.

_WTF?!_

_Yeah, she paid some dude to have it end up online for the rest of the world to find. So I’m not sure who’s more pissed right now, me at her or her at me_

Damn, I’m glad I was not part of the conversation. I would’ve slapped her silly if it would’ve been me. Why? Why would she want to do something like that? Then I remember what he told me about her wanting to make their relationship public but he didn’t. Would she really go this far? Feed her own boyfriends to the sharks just to get a story?! I thought those people just existed in bad soap operas.

_Why?!_

_For the same reason she calls the press whenever we step out of the door I guess_

_Which is?!_

_She likes the attention. All press is good press_

_BS!!! That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard! WTF did she think would happen? And where the hell is her respect to people’s privacy?!_

I know I’m overreacting but my hormones are all over the place and I feel like killing someone right now. Well, that someone is actually someone special and she has a name!

_She didn’t think they would find out who u were_

_And that makes it ok?!_

_I’m staying at Andy’s remember? Of course it’s not. I’m not even sure I want to do this anymore…_

What does that mean? And why does he feel the need to tell me that? It feels too private to tell me. I’m just… I’ve no idea what the fuck I am anymore. Ex-lover? Mistress? Friend? Mother of his child?

_Ok…?_

_Sorry, I know u don’t want to get involved. It just feels good to tell someone what I’m actually thinking. It helps to straighten out some of this messed up shit when I see it in writing_

_U’ve friends to talk to_

_I know I do but Andy’s still the only one who knows about u being pregnant_

Why did he tell anyone in the first place? I still haven’t figured out what it is that he wants from me. From this pregnancy. Does he want to be involved? I thought he wanted to stay clear of everything involving this kid but it seems I’m mistaken. He has told me numerous of times that he’s happy I’m carrying his child. That it was one of the best mistakes he ever made. I’m not agreeing with him just yet.

_And he doesn’t agree with u?_

_IDK what it is that he’s suppose to be agreeing too to be honest. He’s on my side no matter what, but he’s not very happy with me right now. I’m not very happy with myself right now_

_Why?_

_I never thought she could do something like this… She sold me out. She sold u out. This will never go away bc of what she did. Can I fly out and see u?_

Say what?! Why would you want to do that now? Shouldn’t you be home trying to work this out with your girlfiiend? Don’t run away from this…

_Now?_

_Just for a few days. I need some distance_

_There gotta be easier way for u to get that_

_Probably but I need to get it into my head that u’re actually pregnant. I need to see it with my own eyes_

I do need some good ass sex right now. It’s freaky how much I want to get laid right now. It should be the last thing on my mind but I keep having wet dreams every damn night and he’s always in them. For good reasons. 

_Ok_

That was way too easy! I should’ve told him no! There’s no reason for him to fly out. But I do want to screw him so bad! Why the fuck do I get the feeling I’m going to regret this? Again…! Well, fuck it!

_Really?_

_Yeah, u can fly out_

_Awesome. I’ll check flights right away_

_Please just make sure u’re not caught on camera. I don’t want the parasitize to come back_

_I’ll be careful, I promise_

_U won’t find any direct flights to my local airport so I could come and get u_

_Sounds good… 7.30 tomorrow morning, does that work?_

_Sure. I’ll pick u up. Text me ur flight info and I can keep track of u incase u’re delayed or something_

_Sweet :)_ _thank u so much baby. I can’t wait to see u again ♥_

_U still have a GF Norman_

_Yeah like that’s gonna stop me now when it didn’t even stop me back in London and Germany ;)_

_And see what happened…_

_U know I don’t regret it_

_Neither do I but it’s still fucked up_

_Yeah, now it’s even fucked up for me. U’re carrying a piece of me inside u ♥_

_I can’t have this conversation right now…_

_Yeah, sorry I won’t get too emotional, I know u’re still trying to coop with this_

_I am_

_Well, I’ll leave u to whatever u’ve planed for today then and I’ll see u tomorrow_

_Sounds good_

_XOXO :)_

Come on! What is wrong with him? Seriously? What is it that he wants from me? I can’t start thinking about this now though, I’ve a long to-do-list today and the first one is to grade the last set of papers while having a long and big breakfast.


	12. Chapter 12

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Kristin says and hands me a wrapped sandwich, a bag of chips and a packaged of Oreos and water. She really is a gift from the Gods this woman.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this either.”

I confess and put it all into my backpack and grab my car keys. She stands in front of me when I get to my feet again and has this worried frown on her face that I remember my own mother always had when I was a teenager. And it makes me annoyed and I roll my eyes. All I’m doing is picking up Norman from the airport.

“I need to get laid!”

She snorts and shakes her head.

“Does it have to be with him…? Don’t get into something you can’t get out of, Emma. I don’t trust him for one second.”

“What’s he gonna do, Kris? He has already knocked me up.”

This argument seems to work on her and she give up another deep sigh before hugging me tightly and rushes me out the door before she can change her mind about letting me leave.

“Love you!”

I call back as I close the door to their house and head towards the drive way where my new, at least to me, Toyota Prius is parked. Norman’s money was good for something as I could finally get a new car without having to ruin myself.

Now I just have a 2,5-hour drive to get to the airport. I check his flight once more and nothing has changed. He has even been scheduled to land a little ahead of time. I’m not sure I’ve really processed this though. I should have a stronger reaction to this than what I have right now. I’m surprisingly calm and collected. As long as I don’t have a meltdown in the car on my way there. I think a part of me still don’t quite believe he’s actually going to show up, that he’s just playing me. But I know he has left Atlanta and made a pitstop in New York because he has been caught on camera when meeting Mingus and Helena outside Newark airport.

I wonder what happened between them. Why the split. They were so perfect together. And that kid of theirs… What a beauty he is. And tall! Shit! What if he told them about this? Is that what he was doing? Telling Mingus he’s going to be a big brother? If it had been me, I would’ve like to tell them in person and not over the phone. I still have to tell Kevin’s father at some point. I just know I’ll have to wait for as long as possible, because he’s going to have a bad reaction to it. A very bad reaction. He has already threatened to cut Norman’s head of because of the sex tape.

The ride to the airport goes a lot smoother then expected and once I finally park the car, I’ve finished 4 podcasts and every last snack that Kristin made me. And my nerves start to show as I lock the car and start walking towards the arrivals terminal. My heart beats faster and my breathing picks up speed as well. I halt when I reach the revolving doors at the terminal and someone bump into me from behind but don’t apologize, just hurry past me. What if he isn’t coming? What if he is actually playing me? I mean, I get it. I told him to stay with his fucking girlfriend. He should try to sort this out with her, right? Not that I can’t really justify him staying with her after what she did but who the hell am I to make that judgment after what we did? I’m having his kid and I knew he was taken when fucking him but didn’t think twice about it. And here I am again. I shouldn’t do this.

And then he calls. Just as I’m pretty sure I’ve made up my mind to just turn the fuck around and leave him stranded.

“You’re not bailing on me, are you?”

He says when I pick up the phone with a shaking ‘yeah’. Seriously?! Can he read minds?!

“I’m considering it.”

“Please, don’t. I’ll be right out. I’m in line for passport control right now. I’ll be there.”

“Ok.”

I take a step forward and are suddenly sheepherder inside by a herd of travelers getting of a bus right behind me. I put the phone away and walk into the building that I’ve mostly just left after traveling somewhere and never really picked someone up from. This is new to me but I find some kind of calm when I notice that the airport is pretty quiet this far. And not a photographer in sight. Thank the Lord! The opening scene from _Love Actually_ flashed before my eyes out of the blue and I chuckle to myself as I step up behind the barrier with a couple of dozen other people. Some have flowers and signs and there’re kids running around in excitement. And it really is a lot of love in this terminal. Everyone is waiting, longing, for someone they might not have seen for a very long time.

What do I do when he gets here? Hug him? Am I happy that he is here at all? I probably will be happy to see him once he’s here. Right now, I really regret eating a whole roll of Oreos.

Then people suddenly start to come out and although I know there’re other flights than his that just landed, my heartrate goes into overdrive and my palms start to sweat. Why does he make me so nervous?! He wanted to fly out to see me. He’s here because he wants to see me. I didn’t ask him. I should be glad he takes his time to do this. Although I’m not sure who he’s doing it for or why. To me, it seems he’s running away. That he can’t really make up his mind about what he wants to do about his relationship with his girlfriend.  

And then he’s there and he starts looking around the moment he steps through the doors and when he sees me, he stops for a fraction of a seconds and beams. Really beams and I’m a fucking marshmallow all over again! Come on! He smiles and my fucking knees buckle?! What is it about this impossible man?! He’s wearing blue jeans and white long-sleeved shirt that he has rolled up to his elbows and a black cap is resting backwards on his head. His hair is longer and wilder then the last time I saw him. Probably because they’ve started shooting the new season.

“Hi.”

I don’t have time to replay to his excited greeting before he dumps his bags on the ground and wraps his arms around me and gives me a bearhug and nestles his head into my neck and kisses me lightly.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

He whispers before pulling away. His hand lingers on my face and he runs his thumb gently over my cheek and mouth. And my lips start to tremble. I want him. Now! I might even be panting slightly and he smirks and winks at me.

“Come on.”

He picks his bag back up and puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk back to the car without sharing another word. Everything’s going so fast and I just let it happen. We reach the car and he puts his bags in the trunk, takes my hand and leads me to the back door. I climb in and he follows and closes the door hard behind him and attacks the same second it’s shut. He’s everywhere and I tug and pull at his cloths as he lays me down across the backset and we kiss violently. Hands and lips are everywhere and I can feel his hot skin under my hands as I put them inside his shirt. And this might be the first time, I’m thankful that I’m not too tall. And neither is he. Although I can’t say that I’m very comfortable. All the thought about where we are, goes out the door, the moment I feel his hand inside my jeans though. He rubs his palm gently over my pussy and I feel myself getting soaked at once.

I don’t know how he does it and I don’t give a fuck, I just need him inside me. Now! And when he finally is, I stop breathing and I shut my eyes tightly. My memories haven’t done him justices. He’s so big and good and just… Fuck, he knows what he’s doing! And his hand is on my clit as he starts ponding inside me. My fingers dig into the back of his shirt and I bit down on his tongue that is inside my mouth. And he moans and just speeds up. He keeps thrusting inside me with just enough force and just at the right angel and his fingers pinches and circles my clit time and time again. I cum hard around him. So fucking hard that I black out for a second and I forget time and place. And he keeps going. His big cock keeps hitting my spot so hard and my orgasm keeps coming and I can’t handle this incredible pleasure that he’s subjecting me to. And I cum again and again and I just hold on to dear life to his back and move with him and try to breath. He cums too but keeps moving until he goes limb inside me and I’m sure it’s only been 5 minutes but I’ve had more orgasms in those 5 minutes than the past 5 days.

When he finally let’s go of my lips and somehow move into an awkward half sitting position, my lips are swollen and feel twice as big. He tucks himself back into his jeans and leave the car. I lay watching him lit a cigarette outside the car and he leans against the side with his back to me. And I have time to catch my breath and somehow try to catch up with what just happened. He makes me feel things, that’s one thing that’s for sure. What those things are, I’m not so sure though. I love him. In some sense of the word. And I hate him. And I’m glad that he’s here. And I’m mad that he’s here. He shouldn’t be here. I want him. More than anything, I want him. From top to toe, I want his body. Not his soul. I can’t do that with him. I can’t date him. I don’t want to date him. He has a girlfriend who he cheated on and I’ve more than once said that I would never date a guy I knew had cheated before. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

“I can drive.”

He opens the door and I wake up from my gazing into space. I look at him and I realize I’ve been staring at him the whole time without seeing him. He has a crocked little smile on his lips and he lean in and touches my knee gently.

“No, I’m fine.”

I say and pull my jeans back up and push myself to a sitting position. Well, that’s the first time in this car and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It was fun!

I heave myself out of the car and he’s right there when I close the door. He puts his hands on my hips and kisses me gently once before dropping his gaze to my belly. He asks permission with just a look and I nod at him. His hands move under my shirt and he lift it up and exposes my bump. I hear him gasp quietly and I’m sure he hadn’t expected to be able to see it this clearly. But since I haven’t gone public with this yet, I’ve taken to wearing oversized shirts and once those are removed, there’s no mistaken I’m pregnant. He’s so careful and gentle when he cradles the bump under his hands.

“I can’t believe this…”

“Yeah, join the club.”

“You’re really pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“Can you feel it?”

“Not really. Sometimes it feels like it’s a fish in there or something but no distinct movement or kick yet.”

“13 weeks, huh?”

“Going into 14 today.”

He lifts his head and look me straight in the eye and I feel myself drown just a little bit and I let out muffled gasp. He grabs my jaw gently and kisses me quickly.

“Thank you for letting me see you.”

I wanna say ‘of course’ but nothing comes out and he doesn’t seem too bothered about this. He simply kisses me again and walk to the other side of the car and gets into the passenger seat. I stand still for about 5 seconds and just try to collect myself, although I’m not doing such a good job to be honest. He still messes me up. Just by a fucking look. Get a grip on yourself! He’s just human.

The best kind of human…

I curse quietly to myself and get into the car and he’s sitting right there beside me with his phone out and texting. Thank you. Let me focus on the driving. No need to distract me anymore than you already are. I wonder if he’s aware of the power he’s possess when it comes to women? I mean, is he aware that number of women that would sale their organs to be where I am right now? He most be! I haven’t particularly looked but it’s hard to miss the fact that our little secret, that’s not so secret anymore, sex tape has been the most downloaded video online for that past weeks. Millions of people have seen it by now. I’ve seen it. And I get why he watched it before it leaked. Damn, it’s hot!

I find my way out of the airport and hit the freeway pretty quickly and I’m able to glance over to him. He’s sitting there with one arm on the window and rests his head in his hand and text with the other. He looks very focused and annoyed and I don’t want to interrupt. But I wonder who it’s he’s texting. And again, it’s like he can read my fucking mind!

“She’s pissed that I left.”

“Your girlfriend? Yeah, I could imagine.”

“I just think it’s better for us to spend some time apart right now. You know, to calm down and get our heads straight before we say and do shit we don’t mean.”

“It got ugly?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

He says and chuckle without humor.

“Did she tell you she was the one leaking the tape?”

“No, but I’ve had my suspicions for a while now and when the whole thing with you being pregnant just got out of hand and she was yelling at me I just lost it and yelled right back and asked her about it. She didn’t deny it, if you know what I mean? She just said it was my own fault, that I deserved it after what I did to her. How did the whole thing work out with your job? You still have a job, right?”

“Yes, I still have a job. I got suspended, with pay, for 2 weeks but that was mostly because I couldn’t concentrate after I had talked to everyone and to calm down a lot of upset parents. Now it’s pretty much back to normal… You’re gonna have to explain something to me though… You said you had a deal. Back in London, you said you had a deal.”

“We did. It doesn’t apply to making sex tapes and knocking someone up though apparently.”

“No shit…? And maybe not taking someone out for dinner with your best friend.”

“Yeah, maybe not that either…. I just don’t know if I care anymore, you know?”

“No I don’t. If you’re unhappy don’t be an asshole and make her be the one to end it because you’re such a pussy about it. Just break up with her.”

Ok, fuck where did that come from?! I’m blaming it all on the baby. There seems to be a direct line from my emotions to my mouth right now and my brain doesn’t process the things I want to say before I actually say them.

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know that but you don’t have to make things worse. You’re adults, right? Adults resolve things by talking and having discussions. Not run away.”

“That’s what you think I’m doing?”

“Isn’t it? You’re here, right? You’re 10 000 miles away from home and your relationship of, what? 2 years? Is in crises. And you leave.”

“To see you!”

“I’m the fucking reason you’re in this mess to begin with, Norman!”

“Please, I don’t wanna argue with you too, Ems. I just need you to be uncomplicated and-“

“We’re way past that line, don’t you think?”

He sighs deeply and hangs his head.    

“Yeah, I know…”

“Just don’t get me involved in your shit, please.”

“Of course not. I might just… You know, talk to you.”

“That’s fine as long as you keep that girlfriend well away from me because I’m not sure what I will do if I see her.”

“Understandable.”

“She’s the fucking reason I can’t show myself out anymore without getting asked to get on my fucking knees by half a dozen guys.”

At the corner of my eye, I see his head wipe around quickly and stare at me.

“What?”

“It’s a small town, Norman. Rumors spread quickly and it has been a big deal in the local tabloids for a very long time now. As soon as you make the front page of a fucking paper or website, it’s like sexual harassment is ok.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What are you going to do about it? I just ignore them.”

“Fuck them the hell up of course!”

“What? You’re going to go all Daryl Dixon on them?”

I joke, but he’s serious when I glace over at him. He’s really pissed about this. Shit, I shouldn’t have told him about it.

“If I have to, yes! That’s just fucked up, Ems. You shouldn’t have to-“

“Honestly, Norman don’t worry about it. I can handle it.”

“You shouldn’t have to. I’m sorry, Ems.”

“There’s no reason for you to apologize. I agreed, right? Not for the damn thing to end up online but I wanted to do it too.”

“Did you watch it?”

“Yeah.”

I say, smirking and he looks sideways at me with the same smirk on his lips. He winks at me and gives a low whistle. And then his hand is on my thigh and is quickly moving towards my groin.

“Hey! Keep your hands to yourself. I’m going to crash the damn car. I like this car.”

I remove his hand and he laughs and reach out again and squeeze my thigh once and leans in to kiss my neck before sitting back again.

“Did I pay for this car?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Good…. I know you said you didn’t need anything from me and I’m sure you’re capable of making it on your own but I don’t give a shit about that.”

“What does that mean?”

“That I will help you financially with this kid. Set up a trust fund or something, I don’t know. Just something to help you out. And it’s not optional.”

I groan and he looks firmly at me and he’s so hot when being all serious and pissed! But I don’t want his damn money. That’s not why he is here right now. He knows that, right? I don’t say anything right now though. It won’t get me anywhere and he seems pleased with my lack of protest and turns his gaze back out of the window.

“How long is it to your town?”

“About 2 hours more.”

“We’re going south, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it usually this hot here this time of year?”

“God no! No, this is the warmest May we’ve had in years. Are you hungry?”

“No, I’m fine. They served breakfast just before we landed. I’m good.”

“Ok.”

He leans forward and examines the media center and I think he connects his phone to it because within minutes, some rock music I’m not familiar with fills the car. He sits back and I let him be for the time being. He probably has just as much on his mind as I do and I’m glad we can give each other that space.    

The news about his girlfriend leaking the video has not yet sunk in fully. And his reaction to it, even less. Does he really consider breaking up with her because of this? I mean, I know I would but this is different. They’re different, they’re celebrities and the target for so much more scrutiny. And what’s up with backing me up financially? Does he want to be part of this? How? Why? I know we’re going to have to have that conversation but that won’t happen before I know he has made up his mind about his girlfriend.

Mostly for my own peace of mind. I need him to know what he’s getting himself into should he chose to be a part of this kid’s life. I need him to be committed and aware 110 % what it means. I can’t have another father in my life that just choses to see his kid when it works for him.

“Where’s your son?”

He asks, as I pull into our parking lot, pretty much 2 hours after we left the airport. He looks around and up the high white building.

“With my parents. They usually take him at least once a month, Friday through Monday so I can have some kind of life besides being a mom.”

I say and turn of the car and open the door and step out. He follows right after and together we unload his luggage and head straight to the entrance.

“Do you like it here?”

He asks and holds up the door for me after I enter the code. I walk past him and shrug as I do.

“It’s a place to stay.”

I confess and open the elevator door and push the number 8 bottom. He frowns at me and I lean against the wall and look back at him.

“So, where’s home?”

“My parents and Kristin’s place. This is just a rental apartment that I found when I couldn’t stand staying with my parents anymore. I need something of my own but not to be able to chose for myself… Well, this is not the place I would’ve chose for myself if I could afford something else. But it works and Kevin likes it.”

“Would you like to fi-“

I suddenly realize what it is I’m saying and I can see what he’s thinking and I have to stop him before he does something insane again.

“Don’t even think about it!”

“What? I haven’t-“

“Don’t go and buy me a fucking house just because I’m complaining!”

“I wasn’t-“

“You were thinking about it.”

“Yeah, well… Yeah, ok I won’t.”

He says and tries to hid the fact that he’s laughing. The doors open to the right floor and I hit his shoulder when I walk past him out. He starts to really laugh now and follow me.

“You’re cute when you get mad.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up!”  

I get the door open and both of us are inside and he closes the door and I’m suddenly pushed up against it and he grabs my jaw tightly and look straight into my eyes. I gasp and moan all in one and he smirks.

“I want you. Right now.”

I nod furiously and grab him by the waist and shove him against me.

“I want you too.”

I tell him and reach up a little and kiss him hard. He moans into my mouth and pushes his pelvis into mien and I can feel him being hard already. How long has he been this hard? And how is it that I turn him on just by sitting next to him in the damn car? Oh, well fuck it! He’s ready to go and so am I! So fucking ready!

I tug at his shirt and let my hands travel inside and I run them up his stomach. Quickly I strip of the shirt and knock of the hat in the process. His hair falls out around his face and tickles my face for the second it takes me to drop to my knees. He sways for a moment and gasps but quickly reaches out both hands and brace himself against the door behind me. I open up his tight jeans and wonder how the hell he fit his package in there. It most hurt.

“Fuck…!”

He hisses through his teeth when I pull down his jeans and underwear all together and his erection springs free right in front of my eyes. I grab him with both hands and slowly start to jerk him. He puts his head back and closes his eyes and I lean forward and wrap my mouth around him. Inch by inch, I swallow him hard. I want to put him out of his misery. I know I’m probably very brutal and too fast and that he wants to slow things down but I’m not letting him. It’s my turn to be in control.

“Holy shit, Ems! Please, baby you gotta-Fuck! Slow down, I’m gonna cum.”

“That’s the idea.”

I say and look up at him with a smirk as he looks down at me. I hold his dick hard in one hand and let my tongue play over his head as he watches me and pants with his mouth open. He puts one palm to the side of my face.

“You’re fucking amazing, woman. So fucking incredible.”

“Bet the girlfriend doesn’t do this.”

Shit! Smooth, Emma. I really need to remember to think things through before I speak and I’m ready to pull away and apologize but he just grabs my chin and smiles down at me.

“No, not like you.”

He says and I understand that I haven’t fucked up too much and that I’m allowed to finish him off. And I try to make it up to him and go a little slower once I put him back into my mouth. His hands move to my hair and he holds me gently when he thrusts his hips and I let his cock slid deeper into my mouth. I start to taste his precum and he grows inside me, giving me a second heads up before he climaxes down my chest. I’ve got the feeling I might puke if I actually swallow and chose to make a bit of a mess of my clothes instead. Something he doesn’t seem to notice though as he gives up a roar and collapses with his head against the door, blocking me in while he recovers.

It takes him several minutes to regain his focus and actually look back at me.

“Shit, sorry.”

He says when he realizes I’m stuck between him and the door and he quickly takes a step back. Not that I’m not complaining. I’ve having a pretty good view from where I am and I don’t mind being cornered at all. Not when it’s by him. He bends and tugs me up to my feet and look me over and grimace a little when he notices the mess he has made.

“Come on.”

He takes my hand and walks me further into the apartment. He takes a quick look around and seem to orientate himself before continuing to my bedroom straight ahead and takes a right and enter the bathroom. I’ve no idea how he could know it was there but I guessing some form of elimination process. He inspects the tinny space quickly before turning on the shower and steps back to me.

“I made a mess.”

“Yeah, well I’m not so sure my stomach tolerates your mess right now.”

He gives a small chuckle and nods and start to undress me. Once I’m naked and he steps back to watch me, I decide to mess with him just a little bit. Smirking inside, I turn and walk into the shower. I see him reach out for me in surprise and I’m pretty sure he wants to protest but he composes himself quickly and I don’t think I’ve seen a man remove his cloths so fast before. He follows me within seconds and when he steps up behind me, he puts his hands on my hips at once.

“Are you feeling ok?”

He asks and moves his hands to my bump.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“No morning sickness or anything?”

“Nothing. I had a very good pregnancy with Kevin so I’m hoping for the same this time around as well. I just eat a lot and like all the time.”

“It suits you, being pregnant. You’re really gorgeous.”

“Well, I’m not planning on making it a habit.”

He smiles against my neck and start kissing it as I feel one hand move up to my boobs and the other travels further south.

“And I really love that your boobs are getting bigger. I mean, they were fucking awesome before but now…Fuck, Ems you drive me insane. You’re so beautiful.”

I want to thank him and let his words sink in for a moment because I’m not really used to these kinds of complements. He has other plans however and all that comes out is a soft moan when his hand finds my pussy. I put my hands up against the wall and braze myself for his expert touch that I know will have me shaking within seconds. He moves suddenly and grab me by the waist and makes me turn around in the somewhat cramped space. Once I face him, he takes me by the throat and pushes me back against the wall. His eyes pierce me and they’re so full of desire I gasp. And it makes me confused at the same time but I can’t linger on that right now. I just want him. Right now. I want him inside me.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He says again and leans in to kiss me at the same time as one hand reaches down and lifts one of my legs. He drops quickly and I put my leg on his shoulder and look down at him. His eyes are fixed on the bump for a moment and for one horrifying second, I think he’s going to change his mind because I’m pregnant. But he simply kisses my belly once before directing his attention to my longing pussy. He’s a lot more careful then I’ve experienced before but I just enjoy this new treatment. He really takes his time.

One long finger slips inside me and he puts his lips into his mouth and sucks hard and my hand fly to his wet hair and I gasp.

“Shit…!”

“You’re so fucking wet for me, baby.”

“Always, Norman. Just for you.”

“Good girl.”

He adds a second finger and I feel the tip of his tongue on my clit but he’s so careful, both with fingers and tongue. I get frustrated but at the same time I feel my orgasm build so fucking deep inside me that I’m not sure what to do with all this pleasure.

“Fuck…!”

I’m 1 second from cuming when he suddenly stops and the orgasm he has been building up in me, stays right there inside me and I can’t take the disappointment that fills my body and I want to yell at him and hit him. Hurt him in some way. But he distracts me and is suddenly right in front of me and he wraps my leg around his waist and pushes himself inside me. One hard thrust is all it takes and he hits me so hard and at the right place and I cum, screaming his name at the top of my lungs. He curses loudly too and somehow forces himself to stay inside me although my pulsing pussy tries to push him out. I fumble with arms and legs as wave after wave shoots through me like an electric shock and I somehow find him and I wrap my arms around his back and hold on to him for dear life. He’s the only solid thing in my life at that moment. I can’t feel anything else but his cock inside me and his body around me. And when he starts to move inside me and sends shock after shock through my body there’s just one thing I can do and that’s to yell and curse and just make some kind of sound to keep myself breathing.

In. Out. In. Out. Curse. In. Out. Hold on to him. In. Out. Yell. In. Moan. Out. Pant. In. Out. In. Out.


	13. Chapter 13

It’s sometime later and I’ve no idea what has happened but I find myself in bed and he’s laying right next to me and we’re both naked and just a little damp. His fingers are caressing my face and shoulders gently and he just looks at me when I find my own eyes. He’s beautiful. His hair a damp mess around his face and he has a calm look upon his face. He looks really relaxed and content with life in that moment. And I share this feeling. It has been a very long time since I felt this relax and maybe even happy? Is that even I word I want to let slip into my mind right now? It shouldn’t be a word I even consider when he’s here. I can’t let myself think about that possibility. Because it’s not a possibility. I know that. We can’t make each other happy, not really.

“What’s on your mind?”

“You.”

I tell him but more than that, I won’t let slip. Sorry, Mr. Reedus but this particular thought I’ll keep to myself for as long as I live.

“Is that a good thing?”

“I’ve no fucking clue what just happened cause you knocked me out with your dick, so yeah, I think it’s a pretty good thing.”

He giggles and blushes a little and he’s so fucking adorable I just reach out and kiss him quickly. His hand lingers on my face though and he hold me close for a moment and kisses my nose before moving away a fraction.

“I want to be part of this.”

He says and put his hand on my stomach. I recall at once and all happy thoughts are all gone with just a few words.

“What?”

I need to make sure I hear him right. He clears his throat and pushes himself up on one elbow but let the hand on my bump stay right there and he might even tighten his hold.

“I know that it was a mistake, that you wish it hasn’t happened but now it did and I just… We gotta make the best out of it, right? And I want to be there to help you and be a part of-“

“Hold on. Just, hold on, Norman. What the hell are-I mean… How? What are you saying? How is that even going to happen?”

“I don’t know yet. I just know that I want to be a part of this kid’s life. I’ve a right to be.”

“I know that, of course you do but I… I can’t see how that’s going to happen.”

“Something like this…”

He pressed down his hand a little harder and caresses the little bump that is our unborn child and looks down at it.

“This put a lot of other stuff in perspective, you know?”

“No, I really don’t know what you mean right now.”

I’m confused and I can’t follow his train of thought at all. I did not see this coming at all and I’ve no idea how to deal with it. He’ll have to make absolutely 1000 % sense if I’m going to grasp this right now. He gives up a nervous little snigger and shakes his head.

“There’s a baby in there. It’s actually a human inside you and he’s-or She’s half me. I didn’t expect this to happen again. I’m not sure I wanted it to happen again but now when it has… I just want to be part of it. It’s quiet the thing, isn’t it? A fucking miracle or something, seeing as you shouldn’t be able to get pregnant at all. I just think it has to mean something, right? It was meant to be this way and you’re suppose to be a part of my life. Along with this little person inside you. I don’t know how this is going to work out yet. I’ve a lot of shit to work out and I know that. This is not something that is going to worked out overnight but I really want us to try to work this out, Ems.”

I need a moment to let this sink in and thankfully he gives me that. He tares his eyes away from me and directs them to the bump instead. This is not helping but I can’t stop him when he moves and puts his head on my ribcage. I hear him talk softly but I can’t concentrate enough to hear his words.

“The first thing you need to sort out is your relationship with your girlfriend. I told you back in Germany and I still stand by it, I’m not looking for father material. Whatever happens with your girlfriend, if you end up breaking up or whatever, I’m not expecting us to start dating or something and you need to… I don’t know what you want, if this is just some weird way to escape but I’m telling you right now, I’m not going to be that woman. I’m not going to be your excuse for dumping your girlfriend. I’m not going to be your new shinny toy who’s fun to play with for a while and then move on.”

“You really don’t know me, Ems.”

“That’s my point. We don’t know each other. I don’t want you, Norman.”

“Why not?”

“You’re taken! You have a girlfriend!”

“What if I didn’t?”

“You know what? Before you say too much or say things you can’t take back, go call your girlfriend and sort this out with her first.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right.”

“Good!”

“I just-“

“Let me make it easier for ya, ok? Don’t use me or the pregnancy as your excuse to breakup because I’ll still be here and I’ll still be pregnant even if you stay with your girlfriend. It will probably make things more complicated for you but for me it doesn’t make any difference if you’ve a girlfriend or not because right now, the way things are and the fact that I meet you 3 months ago, the only thing you’re to me is the father of my child. And that is not going to change until I know you better. So don’t break up with your girlfriend because you think I’d somehow fall head over heal in love with you when you’re suddenly single, cause that’s not going to happen.  You said you loved her, that you love each other. It has to mean something, right? Isn’t it worth fighting for? Or at least give it more than 24 hours to think about what you want to do? Don’t rush this decision because it’s going to effect a lot of people.”

Wow, good job you! I’m actually very proud of myself right now. That was some speech! Mentally I give myself a high five and a hard thump on the back. And he stares at me from his position on my belly without saying a word. I see him moil it over in his head and I can almost hear the wheals turning in there as he processes my rambling.

Suddenly he moves, nods his head without looking at me and gets to his feet, collect his phone from the bedside table and walk out to the living room. I stay put, thinking he probably wants some privacy. Maybe I should actually shut the door. I’m halfway up when he starts talking again and comes back to the doorway and stands there and look at me, as though he knows what I’m about to do. He shakes his head. Apparently he wants me to hear this. Why? I don’t want to get involved! But I guess it’s a little too late for that. I’m deeper in this shit than I ever had planned on.

“I know we need to talk and we will but I need you to do something for me first… Yeah, for me. You need to apologize to Emma… Why the fuck you think?! You sold her out to the whole fucking world…! Yeah, well that doesn’t matter now does it, since they found her?! You had no fucking right…!”

“I really don’t need her to apologize.”

I try to say but he waves away my words and I don’t want to listen to this. I don’t want to be part of this. I escape to the bathroom and lock the door behind me while they keep yelling at each other outside the door.

“This is not about you! She has a family! A son, a job! Can’t you see what you’ve done?! What kind of problems this has cost her...? No one fucking deserves this! It wasn’t her fault! If you want to take it out on someone, take out on me! Not her! I wanted this! I wanted her…! Of course she knew but that doesn’t matter, does it? I made the choice, not her. She’s not in a relationship, I am… I mean, I was. Right…? You’re so fucking self-centered! You’re not even going to consider apologizing….?! I have! I’ve said I’m sorry a million times, D! I never meant for it to go this far and I’m really sorry that I hurt you but we had a deal and you can’t just change the rules from day to day and expected me to read your fucking mind about what you feel when you don’t talk to me…!”       

I don't want to hear this. I put my hands over my ears but it doesn’t help at all. He's so loud and pissed and hurt and I don’t have to imagine what their fight was like any more. I hear her yell right back and I wonder if he actually has put on the speaker so I’ll be able to hear her.

“You fucked her, Norman and knocked her up and now you rather spend your time with-"

“You told me to get the fuck out! I can’t deal with this back home right now. I need some serious alone time to figure this out!”

“What the fuck do you need to figure out?! You need to get back here-"

“I don’t want to be home right now!”

“Why the fuck are you pissed at me?!”

“Why?! Are you fucking insane? You sold a motherfucking sex tape to the public! Who the fuck does that? Why?! I get that you’re pissed at me but we had a deal! You said it was ok! You made this deal, D!  I didn’t do anything else this time around.”

“You took her out for dinner! And you saw her again! All them other sluts have just been a one time thing but now…you’re in her fucking home?! Did you sleep with her again?”

“What fucking difference does that make now…? I just need some distance from all this.”

“We need to work this out!”

“We will, I’m not just sure how at the moment.”

“You have to get back for work!”

“I have to get my fucking head straight! I’m having a kid, D. It’s a pretty big thing.”

“She’s having a kid! You've no way of knowing it’s yours. The fucking whore might have-"

Something snaps inside me at these words and I forget all about staying out of this and I don’t give a fuck that she's a mayor actress. Right now she s just the bitch that pushed the wrong bottom.

I’m out of the bathroom and right up in his face within seconds and I grab the phone out of his hand.

“Shut your mouth about shit you know nothing about! I’m sorry this happened, trust me I didn’t want this either but I haven’t done anything wrong cause I’m not the one being in a relationship. He said you guys had a deal and that’s why this happened. I'm apologizing for screwing your boyfriend but not for getting pregnant! It was not my attention and I wish it hadn't happened but here we are! And for the record, I haven’t fucked another guy the past 2 months!”

“Yeah you’ve gotten your 15 minutes of fame-"

“You fucking made sure I did, bitch! I didn’t fucking ask for this! I didn’t want this! Who the hell wants their own sex tape spread to the public?!”

“You fuck my boyfriend and I’m the bitch?!”

“You sold me out!!! For what? Attention? What the fuck did you expect to gain from this?!”

“No one comes between us and get away with it.”

“Well, guess what, bitch? He ain’t with you right now, is he? And you did that, not me. Leave me the fuck alone and don’t blame me for whatever shit has happened between the two of you! I don’t want to be a part of it in any way!”

I slam the phone right in his chest and he gasp and fumbles for a second before catching it. I know I’m a fucking teenage drama queen but I can’t control my hormone right now. They’re flying around as crazy and I quickly put on a onesie, grab my phone and yell back at him that I’ll be waiting outside and shut the apartment door hard behind me.

The fresh, warm air hits me right in the face and I quickly find some shade under a big tree on the other side of the house. I slump into the grass and my head spins as I look up at the blue sky above me. I’m still trembling with anger. And the anxiety comes creeping second by second about what just happened. What the fuck did I just say to her? Why? Why does this baby make me so fucking stupid? I don’t get it. How can I just say stuff like that? It’s not me at all. I don’t confront people like this. At least not people I don’t know. I should have kept my mouth shut! I shouldn’t get involved in this…

But I can’t just take being called a whore. Not even from her. I know what she’s going through and I get why she’s pissed and hurt and angry. Maybe that’s the worst thing in all this. I’ve been where she is. I’ve had the cheating boyfriend. I’ve been on the other side and it’s not easy. But they had a deal. We didn’t. A fucked-up deal but a deal nonetheless and I do agree with Norman that the rules can’t just change whenever she feel like it.

He comes out maybe 15 minutes later and sits down beside me without saying a word. I’m not going to be the one to break the silence.

He sits and I lay there in silence and I try to make out shapes in the few clouds above me. There’s one that looks like a turtle and another like a skull. It’s after all very peaceful to just lay there and look at the clouds and hearing the cars drive by on the main road beside the house and I can see him at the corner of my eye. He’s stressed. He keeps moving his hands, changing position and search for my gaze, which I don’t return.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“Can we just pretend that didn’t happen?”

He asks and put a hand on my knee.

“Yeah, ok.”

I say, although I don’t mean it at all but I can’t deal with all this drama right now. What the hell have I gotten myself into?! How the hell did it come to this? Why can’t he just leave me the hell alone? Why can’t I leave him alone? Why does it feel good to have him there? He keeps running his thumb over my knee and I follow his movement absentmindedly as my mind try to make sense of everything that is going on.

“Hey, I know this is not making any sense to you but could we- I mean, do you think we could just…”

He begins to speak after a long moment but he can’t really find his words. When I finally look at him however, he takes a deep breath and tries again.

“Can we do something? Can we just do something normal and pretend our lives aren’t fucked up? Just for today. I really could need that right now.”

“Something normal?”

“Yeah.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Like go to the movies or something.”

“It’s hot!”

“Ok, do you have a beach nearby?”

“Beach? You’re in the wrong part of the country, dude! We’ve got lakes here.”

“So let’s go to a lake.”

“You packed your trunks?”

“Shit, no I guess I didn’t. But I know you’ve got stores. We drove past a mall on the way here.”

“Observant, Mr. Reedus… Yeah, ok. Let’s go shopping for trunks and lunch and head out to a lake.”

“Thank you, baby!”

He jumps to his feet and gives me his hand and with a lot of grunting for my part, I get to my feet as well. He grins at me but is wise enough not to comment on my already clumsy body. It would be nice to have him around just so that I could have someone to yell at… Ok, let’s not even go there! I quickly dismiss that thought out of my system and we head inside to grab whatever we need before playing house and being all normal and shit. Like that’s ever going to be a word that’s used between us…

                                            --------------------------------------------

Is it bad that I could get used to this? Probably. But I like this. I like having him around and do normal stuff. Just the two of us. I like watching him laying there right next to me on the rock and the water glitters on his chest after our 3rd swim in picture perfect lake up in the woods. I like having lunch with him in the sun and just talk about everything else but what we really should talk about. It’s easy to pretend that everything is normal with him. Maybe because he actually is an actor and knows how to fake it but once he lets go of all the bad shit, it’s easy to be around him. Right now, he’s like anyone else who enjoys the warm weather and takes a nap with his head on my belly and my fingers in his hair.

_Will I get to meet the fucker?_

Kristin always has a way with words… Her text wakes me up from my slumber and at first I’m a bit confused and don’t really grasp what she’s asking. Then I feel Norman’s heavy head on my belly. He’s fast asleep. I snap a picture of him and can’t help but feel pleased to see that he’s finally relaxed. There’s no stress left on his face and he just sleep peacefully. Something I’ve a feeling he really needs. I send the picture to her.  

_What’re u doing?_

_Went for a swim_

_No, I mean WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!_

Yeah, what the fuck am I doing? I’ve no clue. But right now I don’t want to change this for anything in the world. I would like my life to stay this way.

_IDK_

_Fuck Emma, don’t get involved with him_

_I’m kinda already stuck with him. I’m having his kid remember?_

_I know that but u don’t have to get involved with him cause of it… Have u guys talked?_

_A little bit, yeah_

_Is he going to be part of this?_

_Yeah…._

_How?_

_I don’t know yet, we haven’t figure it out_

_Alright. How about BBQ tonight at our place? I’ll invite ur family too and we can all get to meet him under some not so awkward circumstances_

_Yes! Thank u! That would be great_

_Ok, good_

_What time?_

_6-ish?_

_Perfect. What should I bring?_

_Drinks_

_I can do drinks_

_Great. See u later then. And try not go get caught fucking him again_

_There’s people around, we’re not going to fuck here_

_Well, I think u need to be reminded anyway_

_Thanks hon_

_He messes with u head_

_He sure does. But I’m pretty sure I mess with his too_

_Of course u do ;)_

She leaves a smile on my face like so many times before. After my parents, she really is my number one fan and I wouldn’t make it through a single day with her.


	14. Chapter 14

Shit is getting real! I’m not prepared for this at all. Meeting her family and friends. This is some scary shit! She has told me not to worry and that it’s just going to be a casual BBQ and that it will probably be easier for everyone involved to just get it out of the way. Not for me! I wasn’t counting on this at all. I guess I should’ve thought about it though but for some reason I haven’t. Of course her parents would like to met the guy who knocked up their daughter. Of course her best friend wants to meet me so that, I’m sure, she can yell at me some more. And of course Kevin wants to know who the guy is that has been stealing a lot of his mother’s attention the last couple of months.

I linger in the car when she parks and leaves it. I hear her open the trunk and start grabbing everything we’ve brought.

“Would you mind giving me a hand?”

She asks from somewhere behind me and I look up and find her through the rearview mirror. She looks back at me and has a small smile of understanding on her lips. She comes around to my side of the car and open the door.

“We don’t bite.”

“I’m not so sure.”

She giggles and jerks her head to the back of the car.

“Are you scared, Norman Reedus?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to met your family, which half of them probably wants to kick me in the balls.”

“I wanted to kick you in the balls, Norman. Now all of them are mostly just happy to welcome a new little member to our family.”

“Most of them, yeah sure but not all of them.”

I say but find it in me to step out of the car and we walk back to the trunk of the car and I grab the heaviest bags.

“I’m assuming you’re referring to Kristin…? Don’t worry about her. She barks a lot louder than she bites. I can handle her, Norman, don’t worry about it. You said you wanted to do something normal, this is as close to normal as you can get.”

Normal? Yeah, ok. I need that so bad right now. And she is a fun person to hang around. At least she was in Germany. I hoist the bag up a little in my arms and she leans over close to me and grab the last bag. Her other hand land on my lower back and I gasp by the sudden heat that floods my system by the touch. What the fuck was that?

“Come on.”

She says and walks towards the front door. Thank God she didn’t seem to notice my reaction to her touch. I don’t need this right now! I can’t start developing feelings for her. Not like this. All I just want from her is sex. And a baby. Our baby. Shit, she’s having my baby. Is that why she sends a flood of emotions through me by a touch? I’m going fucking insane here!

“Norman!”

She calls out to me from the open front door and I wake up from my inner conflict. Ok, let’s do this. Let’s play the perfect father-to-be and try to make a good impression on this people that are going to be a very important part of my kid’s life in the future. Hell, maybe even in my life depending on how things work out.

I make my way up the driveway and to the front door where she’s waiting for me. And I get why she feels like home here. We’re 15 minutes outside the city and this is a typical middleclass suburban area. The house is probably old but renovated very modern and very well. In front of the house is a porch and on the small square of grass is a big trampoline which I imagine Kevin loves.

“How many kids does Kristin have?”

“3 girls. 9, 5 and 8 months. The oldest are not home though, they’re with their grandparents on a cruise this weekend.”

She kicks of her shoes and tells me to do the same before heading into the big kitchen to the right. I follow her and have to admire the open floor plan to the living room and dining room that makes this kitchen the heart of the house. It’s ideal for dinner parties and big gatherings where everyone can be together. I can even see the back porch from here and people are sitting outside and moving around in the garden behind it. I swallow my nervousness. I’ve done this before, damnit! I know how to handle parents and kids and friends and… Shit, I’m nervous! I’ve to do this right the first time. I’ve to make a good impression on these people!

I step up close to her and help her unpack,

“What exactly do they know about this?”

I ask her quietly. She stops unpacking for a moment and turn to look at me.

“Well, Kristin knows everything.”

“Of course, but what about your parents?”

“They know about the sex tape but they haven’t read or seen anything about it, since I had the chance to talk to them before it got really crazy. They don’t know you’ve a girlfriend or… Yeah, they don’t know that you _still_ have a girlfriend. They just assumed you broke up after what happened between us and I didn’t really correct them. I might have… I might have told them you guys were on a break or some stupid shit like that.”

She lowers her head and looks away, seeming a bit embarrassed. But I catch her at once and put my arm around her shoulder and make her turn back around to face me.

“Are you blushing?”

I tease.                

“I just didn’t want to seem like such an asshole, you know? That I screwed someone else man when I knew-“

“Hey, it’s no big deal. Don’t worry about it. They’re your parents, you didn’t want to disappoint them.”

“Something like that.”

A sound caught both our attention and she looks away from me and I watch her face lit up in a smile that can only belong to a proud mother. And when I look up, a tall blond boy with her eyes is coming towards us with a phone in his hand. He says something without looking up and she walks around the counter and up to him. She convers with him for a minute before he finally tares his eyes away from the screen and look up and finds me at once. He stares with wide eyes and start to move his feet nervously. Emma puts her hand on his back and gently pushes him forward.

“Hey, Kevin.”

He takes the first step and then he’s suddenly right in front of me and he looks up into my face, as though he has to make sure it’s really me. This most be so weird for him. After a second, he cracks up in a smile and holds out his hand to me.

“My name’s Kevin Blom, nice to met you. You’re Daryl Dixon.”

He says in rapid and fully understandable English and shakes my hand hard. I like this kid at once! He goes straight to the point.

“Nice to meet you too. You can call me Norman.”

The kid looks around at his mother and frowns a little and says something that Emma quickly replays too and the kid looks back at me and nods.

“Ok.”

And then he’s off, running back outside with his phone in his hand.

“If it makes it easier for him, I don’t mind if he calls me Daryl. I mean, if it confuses him.”

“Thank you.”

She comes towards me and briefly puts her hand on my stomach before she goes back to unpacking the drinks we brought. Her hand leaves my guts comfortable and confusingly warm. And I find myself grabbing her around the waist and tug her into my arms and I kiss her hard. She responds at once and I feel her hands on my hips. A loud throat clearing interrupts us quickly though and we pull at away from the kiss at the same time. I find a beautiful brunette looking at us with a stern gaze.

“Hi!”

She looks straight at me although Emma is the one who speaks. She stomps a little too hard towards us and stops on the other side of the counter and crosses her arms tightly over her chest. And I’m a little scared to be honest.

“Don’t be a bitch, Kristin.”

“What?”

I need to win this woman over right now. I need her on my side. I quickly let go of her best friend and walk around the counter with my hand outstretched towards the brunette.

“Hi, Kristin. Nice to finally met you. I’m Norman. Thank you for inviting me over, you’ve a beautiful home.”

Ok, I know I’m kissing ass but it’s all I can do right now. And I put on the most charming smile and I’m happy to see that it seems to work. Her face melts a little and the glare turns softer and she shakes my hand. I take it and kiss the top of it and when I look at her again, she has a small smile on her face.

“Oh, you’re good… But you’re going to have to do a lot more than that to make up for all the shit you’ve done.”

Fuck, she’s just as sneaky and stubborn as her best friend. I repress the frustrated groan however and follow her with my gaze as she walks past me and hugs Emma. They share a few low words that I don’t understand but Ems looks really annoyed and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t think I’ll forgive you as easily as she has.”

She says and the two women set to work in the kitchen with some weird unspoken system that only comes from growing up together. It’s pretty fascinating to watch.

“I’m not so sure she has forgiven me.”

Kristin hands me a beer and stop for a second and holds my gaze and nods before turning back around and continues with prepping food.

“Good.”

I ask if I can do anything to help but both of them dismiss my help at once and keep conversing back and forth while Kristin and I keep up our own conversation.

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of them when the press came knocking. And I’m sorry it had to happen in the first place. I hope you know that I never wanted this to get out. None of it.”

“It still did though.”

“Yeah…”

“I hope you dump that bitch of a girlfr-“

“Kris!”

Emma protests with a snarl and it makes me back away although the anger is not directed at me. Damn, this woman can be fierce. Kristin doesn’t seem bothered by the anger at all and just shrugs and shakes her head.

“Fine. It’s not my place.”

“No, it’s not!”

I want to remind Emma about the conversation she had with my girlfriend earlier today but it seems like a very bad move at the moment and I keep my mouth shut. She looks sideways at me and seems to figure out what’s on my mind and a small smirk starts to spread over her lips. When I look back at her, she quickly looks away though.

I hear footsteps behind me and when I look over my shoulder, a man that has to be Emma’s father comes towards the kitchen with a fussing baby on his arm. A small commotion breaks out as he tries to hand over the baby to her mother but Kristin’s hands are wet and she can’t find a towel and finally just wipes her hand on her jeans and grab the child and the fussing stops at once. The older man finally relaxes and greet his daughter with a kiss on her head before finally realizing there’s someone else there. As he turns away from his daughter, his gaze lands on me and he stares just like his grandson.

“Dad, this is Norman. Norman, my dad Anton.”

Quickly I get to my feet and greet the man with an outstretched hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, Sir.”

He grasps it and shakes it long and warmly but I can tell that he’s not really grasping who the hell I am at first sight.

“He’s the guy who’s responsible for your second grandchild.”

Kristin says and I can hear Emma hiss in the background but it doesn’t seem to reach the father, who’s still shaking my hand. The handshake slows down however and I can tell he’s piecing together the information from Kristin with everything else that has happened to his daughter and the warmth vanishes a little from his eyes.

“Is that so…?”

“Yes, I believe so, Sir.”

He lets go of my hand.

“You’re the American.”

“Guilty, yes.”

“Did you vote for Trump?” 

“Dad….!”

Emma protests with a frustrated sigh somewhere behind us but her dad just waves her away.

“No, Sir I didn’t.”

“Good. Good for you… Well, welcome to the family. I look forwards to getting to know you.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Welcome to the family? Fuck, didn’t see that one coming. But I guess that’s what we will become. Some kind of family. Dysfunctional and controversial as fuck but still a family in some weird sense of the word. But it’s something in his words the gives me the creep. It’s like I don’t have a choice. And I guess I don’t. Not really. I knocked her up and I’ll have to face the consequences of my actions. How the hell do I do that though?

Now is not the time to linger on that though as I’m asked to come out back and say hi to the rest of the family. Emma’s father takes me through the living room and out to the backyard with a huge deck and table big enough to fit everyone here plus another smaller family. Kevin is running around playing soccer with a young man, I assume is his uncle. Emma’s mother is talking to Kristin’s husband at the end of the table but both of them get up as we approach. I’m being introduced to everyone and they’re all very friendly and seems genuine glad to meet me. I’m guessing it’s nice to actually have a face to the person that has messed up all their lives to some extent.

I’m not so sure I would’ve been as friendly towards someone like me if it had been my daughter or sister. But then I’m pretty sure Emma has talked to all of them and maybe not told them the whole story about what has happened.

I’m soon engaged in a very pleasant conversation with Kristin’s husband and Emma’s parents about my traveling experiences, while the older of the men start the grill. It turns out they have all done a lot of traveling themselves and it’s easy to talk to them.

In the middle of a conversation about riding through Spain, she comes out with an overflowing dish of meat for the grill. She has a short but loud conversation that is full of laughter with her brother and Kevin and I can’t take my eyes away from her. She’s gorgeous when she smiles and laughs and I hope that this is what I’ll be faces with for the rest of the night. Just to see her relax and laugh and forget about all the fucked up shit that’s going on. It’s what she needs. It’s what I need. And just to watch her having a good time, makes me relax too. She turns around and finds me and the radiant smile that she has when looking at me, makes my heart jump into my throat.

 Shit! Am I falling for this woman?! I can’t do that! I can’t fall for her.

Right on que when we’ve stared at each other way longer than is appropriate for two people to stare at each other, my phone rings in my pocket and it’s Andy. I excuse myself and walk to side of the deck and sit down with my feet in the grass after taking my socks off.

“Hi, Andy.”

“Hi, man. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You just took off. Where are you?”

“It’s better now. I’m with Emma and her family right now. I got here this morning.”

He falls silent, all I can hear is him opening and closing his mouth a few times without seeming to know what to say.

“Why?”

“Why? Really, Andy? She’s pregnant with my kid, remember? I just… I had to see it for myself I guess. And I really, really needed to get away from D.”

“Did you have to leave the country?”

“Yeah, I did. She sold me out, Andy.”

“What do you mean?”

“She released the tape.”

“What?!”

He yells so loudly in my ear that I have to take the phone away for a second and I can feel a few of the people behind me, turn and look in my direction.

“Yeah…”

“Fuck, man…. I… I don’t know what to say. That’s just… That’s fucked up, Norm. Shit, I’m sorry, dude. Did she tell you?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn…. Ok, I get why you had to leave, that’s messed up. I mean, did she tell you why?”

“Revenge. I don’t know, man I just… It just got so out of hand and… We just need some time apart right now to figure this out.”

“Shit, yeah, of course, man. Just call me if you need to talk or yell or whatever.”

“Thanks.”

“How’s Emma?” 

“She’s good. She’s really good. I really needed to see her…. It, you know? It’s just hard to get it into my head that’s she pregnant.”

“Yeah… But you’re coming home, right?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“I don’t know yet.”

I braze myself for a long and angry lecture about having to get back for work and that I’ve a contract and shit but it doesn’t come.

“Ok, just… Take care of yourself, Norman. And keep in touch, I’m here.”

“I know, Andy. Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you too, man. And… You know, say hi to the mother to be.”

These words crack me up and I end our conversation with a giggle and I can hear him smile on the other line as he says goodbye. I linger with the phone after Andy’s call and go through my e-mail and find a few very angry once from my agents as I’ve blocker their calls. I replay with a very short and probably not very helpful mail. I just can’t deal with everything at once right now. I’ve to get my private life sorted before I can even start thinking about work again. and it’s not like I’ll stay here forever. Although I must admit it’s very tempting right now. This is so easy and relaxed and people don’t know me here. Not like back in the US. I haven’t had a single person approach me and ask for a selfie.

And she’s here. She comes to sit down right next to me and she leans in and nudge her shoulder to mien and I realize I’ve been staring at the screen without seeing it. I press send for the second e-mail and turn my attention away from the electronic.

“Everything ok?”

She asks and put her hands behind her and lean back against them. Her top slips up a little and expose a little bit of her bump.

“Yeah,”

I tell her and can’t stop myself from reaching out and touch her belly. And I want to kiss her but she stops me before I can even lean an inch closer to her.

“Not here. Not when everyone’s watching.”

I nod and lean back but keep my hand on her bump.

“By everyone, I take it you mean your son.”

“Yes.”

“Sorry, of course.”

“No need to apologize. He just doesn’t like change that much and I’ve to repair him very carefully to new things. You’re new.”

“Does he know who I am?”

“No, not yet. He doesn’t know you’re the father.”

“But he gets that you’re pregnant? What it means?”

“Yeah. We’ve had the sex talk and where babies come from. I kind of had to with this.”

She gestures towards the bump.

“But not about me?”

“No. It’s easier for him to understand if he has a face to relate to when I tell him. We use a lot of visual aid when we communicate.”

“Like sign language?”

“A little, yes but mostly pictures.”

“How do you do all this? I mean, how do you have the time and energy?”

“I’m so used to it by now. And I know it’ll be so much worse for everyone if I don’t make for example his schedule ahead of time.”

“He has a schedule at home too?”

I look around and find the energetic boy still playing soccer with his uncle.

“Yes.”

“You’re a super mom.”

I look back at her and put my arm around her and hug her. She shrugs her shoulders and smile.

“I just want him to have the same chance as everyone else.”

                                            ---------------------------------------------

It’s pretty fascinating that it never gets dark here. It’s close to midnight and the sun has not fully set yet and we’re still sitting outside. The kids in the house are both asleep by now and I’ve been introduced some awesome traditional deserts. Apparently, it’s Kristin’s specialty and there’s a whole buffet after dinner. And when Emma blames the baby for wanting more, I’m taking advantage of that as well and we sit sharing the last, pretty big to be honest, piece of chocolate cake.

I’m not really paying attention to the conversation that is going on around me but suddenly she tenses beside me and sits up straight and I turn at once and look at her. She and Kristin are having a serious staring contest and they both look pretty upset. And when the bff turns her head towards me, I realize that the time has come. I’m surprised it hasn’t been the topic of discussion yet but it doesn’t mean I’m prepared for it.

“I don’t mean to put you on the spot here, Mr. Reedus-“

“Still, that’s exactly what you do!”

Emma snarls at her friend across the table but Kristin just ignores her and keep her gaze fixed on me.

“Are you ok with this?”

A legit question to be honest. I clear my throat, give myself a second extra to collect my thoughts. Everyone around the table has their eyes on me, besides Emma, who has turned her full attention to the cake and are stabbing it angerly.

“Yes…. I mean, I’m not going to lie, it came as a shock when I found out about it and I guess it’s not a secret that we didn’t really want to end up in this situation. But… Here we are and I know I’ve to face the consequences and… Yeah, I’m ok with this.”

“You’re not going public with this though, are you? Cause that’s the last thing she and Kevin needs right now.”

The quiet little brother suddenly speaks up and the overprotecting brother comes out instead and he looks me square in the eye and demands an answer.

“No, of course not. No way…!”

“Good luck with that.”

Kristin comment makes everyone look at her and Emma snarls fiercely next to me, making me recall a little.

“Shut up.”

“What? Don’t tell me that’s not the exact same thought that went through your mind just now.”

“Just shut up, Kris. It’s not your fucking business.”

“His girlfriend sold you out to the world! Why the hell should she shut up about this?”

Fuck! I haven’t even thought about that. D knows about this pregnancy. But she wouldn’t be that stupid, would she? But then again, I never would’ve thought she’d sale our sex tape to the public either.

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“How?”

“With all due respect, Kristin but I really don’t think I’d have to tell you about all our secrets.”

Hopefully that will shit her up for awhile. I’m thankful that she sticks up for her best friend but it really isn’t any of het business. She gives me thankful nod after considering this for a moment.

“You have a lot of shit to take care of and so does she. The last thing we need is for the damn world press to come knocking again.”

“I get that, Kristin and I’ll handle it, I promise.”

“Good.”

“How long are you planning on staying here?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a lot going right now and we have a lot of thing to work out together. Right?”

Emma leans forward when I look around at her and she takes a look around the table.

“We do. And y'all need to back the hell off! I appreciate that you care and worry but nothing is going to be resolved quicker or easier because you butt in. He’s here now, right? Whatever happens now is not up to you, it’s between the two of us.”

I wonder if it’s the baby that makes her so emotional and direct. She speaks her mind without seeming to consider her words at all. Just like when she yelled at my girlfriend. It’s like the filter is gone. And I love it.

“You gotta understand that we wonder though, sweetheart.”

Her mother says.

“I know you do, mom. And whatever happens or whatever we decide to do, I’ll tell you. But don’t put him on the spot and demand a solution to this, cause there’s none. We’re not dating, we don’t even know each other but we’re going to work this out somehow for the sake of this baby. Just chill, please. It’s still new to us too.”

A murmured agreement goes around the table and she look at every single one of them just to make sure they’re all onboard with this. I’m thankful for her bluntness and I breath a sigh of relief that I don’t have to say what’s really on my mind right now. I don’t have a solution to this mess. I’m not sure there even is a solution that will work for everyone involved. Whatever I decided to do about this, someone will end up hurt. And it might as well be me who hurts the most….

                                            ------------------------------------------

She walks straight to the bedroom and pulls of her top on the way and dumps it on the floor. She’s exhausted. Her whole body screams for sleep and after dumping her jeans shorts as well, she continues to the bathroom and I hear her start brushing her teeth.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and remove my jeans as well. I fold them over the chair in the corner and pick up her cloths and do the same. She finishes up in the bathroom and I wait for her. She comes towards me in nothing but her underwear and the mere sight of her, makes my dick jump to life in my underwear. She’s gorgeous. She was gorgeous before but now… Damn, I can’t get enough of her. Her body has the perfect curves and that bump draws my gaze at once. She sees me staring and stop at the foot of the bed.

“We’re not going to have sex right now. I can’t, I gotta sleep.”

”No of course not. I just… Come here and let me look at you.”  

I hold out a hand towards her and she steps forward, takes it and steps in between my legs and her forearms lands on my shoulders.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“And you’re intoxicated.”

“I’ve had 3 beers, Ems. I’m not drunk, I know what I’m saying. You’re gorgeous, woman.”

I lean forward and kiss her between her ribcage and I hear her sigh.

“Oh, fuck it.”

I hear her say in a low voice before she grabs me by the back of my head and tilts my head back. Her hands disappear into my hair and she lean down and catches my lips in a deep kiss. I grab her waist as she climbs into bed with me. She fumbles with her hands under my shirt and while we kiss violently, she undresses me.

Suddenly, her hand is inside my boxers and she jerks me hard a few times and gets me fully erected in a heartbeat. I feel her grin against my lips and she has all right to be proud right now. She’s one incredible woman.

“I really do turn you on, don’t I?”

She asks and let go of my lips and sits back on her heels a little and guides me inside her. Slowly, she starts to ride me and it takes me a second to restart my brain and realize what is going on. I fumble and find her waist and grab her hard.

“Oh, you’ve no idea, baby. You’re so goddamn sexy.”

She smiles down at me and moves back a little more and puts her hand on my chest and starts to really move around me. Those hips are mesmerizing to watch. She sinks back around me after a while and stops moving and I open my eyes and find her look back at me with her mouth slightly open and panting and her eyes are dark with longing. Her nails dig into my chest and I want to ask if she’s ok but just as I start to form the words, she rolls her hips. Just a little but it makes her cum hard around me and I yell out her name. She continues to roll her hips around me and her pussy keeps pulsing around me and she throws her head back and moans loudly. In the middle of her absolute euphoria, I managed to find my phone and snap a couple of absolute gorgeous photos of her. I need to remember this goddess when I leave again. Once that’s done, however I grab her hard around the midriff and turn her around without breaking our bodies apart.

“Harder. Please, Norman, harder.”

She asks as soon as she’s on her back and she grab me around the neck. And I’m not the one to say no to a request like that. She pulls up her legs and I angle my hips a little and push back into her with a hard thrust. She yells my name and arch her body closer to me. And I can’t control myself anymore. Not when she’s starting to break out in a sweat and the only thing her face reviles is pleasure. And when I start slamming into her and she cums again, I come undone as well. I collapse in her arms and we roll over, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms and fall straight to sleep.          


	15. Chapter 15

He’s not there when I wake up. But seconds after opening my eyes and trying to find my way back to the land of living, I hear the balcony door open and close and his bare feet making their way towards me. He stops in the doorway, wearing nothing but boxers, when he sees I’m awake.

“Good morning.”

He says, his face lighting up in a broad smile.

“Morning.”

I roll over to the side and stretch and he comes to sit down on the edge of the bed and caress the hair out of my face.

“How are you doing?”

“Good, I’m good. How about you? Did you sleep?”

“Through the night.”

“Yeah, what time is it anyway?”

“10.30. I woke up like half an hour ago. Do you have some place we could grab some breakfast? I wanna take you out for breakfast.”

“Why?”

The question sounds stupid when it comes out and I wonder why I ask and I change my mind as soon as it’s out and I start to apologize but he just laughs and grabs my shoulder and rolls me over to my back and climbs over me.

“Cause I’m hungry.”

He says and grabs both my wrists and puts my hands over my head and leans in to kiss me. I can taste the cigarette he just smoked, on his lips and out of the blue I suddenly realize, my stomach is not at all happy about this. I might hit him, I’m not sure, but I somehow managed to get his attention and he lets me go at once. The puke is halfway up my throat when I reach the bathroom and I make a left at once to the open shower instead, because I don’t have time to make it to the fucking toilet. Last night chocolate cake and soda leave my stomach twice. I hear him pace agitated outside the open door and he keeps apologizing over and over. When I finally stand straight again and start cleaning up the mess I’ve made, he comes into the bathroom.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah… “

I tell him and wash down the vomit in the drain.

“It was my fault, right…? Ems, I’m…”

“Don’t worry about it, Norman. I’m fine. I think it was the cigarettes, it wasn’t something you did. Well, kinda but… It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

I turn around and look at me and try to give him a reassuring smile. I think it helps, because he relaxes and nods.

“I’ll quit smoking.”

The rational response is to tell him he doesn’t have to. Not because of me, but it doesn’t come out and I just nod at him. If he wants to quit that’s up to him. I would never ask him.

“That’s really up to you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been trying for a while now and cut down a lot on it but it’s-”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

I cut him off and turn of the water in the shower after making sure all traces are gone. He lingers a little and watch me but when I ask him if I can pee in private, he hurries out of the bathroom and I’m able to do my morning routine alone.

He’s ready and waiting on the bed when I’m done. I pull a shirt over my head as I walked back into the bedroom and in the millisecond that I’m blind, he gets to his feet and is right in front of me.

“Wooh…Hi!”

He grabs me when I jerk back by his sudden appearance and he kisses me again. This time he has brushed his teeth and I don’t have the same reaction at all. Well, my body reacts the same as before and just wants more but my stomach stays calm. I grab him by the hair and pull him closer and his hands land on my ass. I moan into his mouth and I can feel his erection grow as he presses himself har against me.

“I thought you said breakfast.”

I try to be subtle about the fact that I’m actually starving and would very much like to go eat and not fuck right now. And my stomach helps me and starts growling loud enough for even him to hear it. He chuckles and slows down the make-out scene and finally grabs me gently by the face and looks at me.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just hard to get my hands off of you.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“What the fuck is going on here, Ems?”

He asks and run his thumb across my cheek.

“I don’t know.”

I tell him and grab the hand and remove it from my face. I need to set some boundaries for this man right now. He’s way too emotional and seems confused about the deal we had. No feelings and shit. Just sex. And he’s getting way too emotional involved at the moment. The worst thing is that I like it…

He doesn’t seem offended by my action however, he just gives me a small smile and nods before he turns around to grab his phone and wallet.

                                            -----------------------------------

After a big plate of eggs and bacon, yoghurt and granola, bagels and juice, I’m comfortable full and he grabs a second cup of coffee and a few donuts and we sit down in a remote corner of the sundeck.

“Thank you for breakfast.”

“Of course.”

He drinks of the coffee and leans back in his chair without taking his eyes of me. And I just know he’s staling to tell me something. Have I really gotten to know him that well already? Or is he that easy to read? I’m going to go with the second option. He’s nervous and he fidget a little but I’m going to wait him out. I’ve finished my smoothie and all donuts when he finally finds his courage. He clears his throat after finishing the last of his coffee and sits a little straighter.

“I texted a little with D this morning before you woke up.”

“And…?”

“And she’s moving back to New York.”

“Why?”

“Because I told her I’m having a kid with you and we’re going to raise him or her together.”

“Sorry?”

I chock a little on the words and are not sure I hear him correctly. What the hell does that mean? He sighs and moves his chair closer to me and puts both hands on my knees and makes me look at him. He looks annoyed. Why is he annoyed?

“How many times do I need to tell you that I want to be part of this, Ems? I mean it. I really do mean it. I want to be a significant part of this baby’s life.”

“But how? I’m sorry, Norman but I really don’t see how the hell that’s going to work out. We live 10 000 mils apart. It’s not like you can just get into your car and come on over.”

“I know that but I’m sure we can work something out. Please, Ems. I want to work this out somehow. I know it’s going to be complicated but I just know I want to be part of this kid’s life. I missed a lot of Mingus childhood, I don’t want that to happen again… Look, I’m not asking you to agree to shared custody here, at least not in the beginning but the kid is half me, right?”

I feel my heart start to beat in panic in my chest. Is he seriously asking me to give up this kid half the time? The panic vanishes within a second though as a rational part of my brain kicks the panic in the ass and I realize that’s not going to be the case. He wouldn’t do that until the kid is at least a toddler. Right? I feel my eyes flicker rapidly and he grabs me face again and finds my gaze.

“Look at me… I’m not going to take this kid away from you, Ems. I just want a chance to be part of this. Please.”

I find myself nodding at him and he responds at once with a gorgeous smile and kisses me quickly but deep one.

“Maybe we could come out to see you in the summer. Kevin and I?”

Ok, where the hell did that idea come from? Shit, it was his idea from the start and now I’m going with it?! Damn pregnancy brain that just speaks her mind about what she actually wants without thinking about the consequences. He seems to like the idea however and gives up a happy laugh and kisses me all over again.

“I’d like that. I’d like that every much.”

“What does this mean, though?”

“With her moving out you mean?”

“Yes and no… I said I didn’t want to get involved but-“

“You already are, baby.”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t really know yet. I’ll have to go home and sort this out face to face. We can’t talk over texts about this. But she said she’d leave me if I decide to be part of this. So… I asked her to pack her bags.”

“Norman…”

I don’t know what to say to him. I didn’t want this to happen. I want to apologize and tell him I’m sorry his relationship is broken but at the same time it feels weird to say the words. It can’t just be my fault, right? I’m not the only reason they’re breaking up, if that’s indeed what they are doing. Does this change anything? For him, everything changes. But for me? Nothing really changes for me because of this. Not right now anyway. It might be a hell of a difference once the kid is born and he suddenly comes knocking or what the fuck he’s going to do. How the hell is that going to work out? Shit, I don’t even want to think about that right now. That’s just fucked up! He doesn’t expect us to start playing house for real, does he? Live together and raise this kid together? Thank the Lord we have 6 months to figure this out!

“We’ll figure this out, Emma.”

He says as I drop my gaze to the ground and decided not to let the panic control what I say to him right now. He takes both my hands and kiss my knuckles. And it’s something so reassuring in his words and voice and touch that I believe him. I’m sure we can work this out. Mostly because he wants to figure it out. It’s a tone easier to work with someone who wants the same thing and has the same goal. That goal right now is to make this pregnancy as good and easy as possible and once the kid’s here, to make sure he or she has a safe family.

                                            ----------------------------------

_I’m sorry I was an ass yesterday. I’ve something that might make up to it_

Kristin texts me Sunday afternoon. I look away from the iPad and this week’s lessons that I’ve to finish planning. The change of my concentration, makes Norman look up from his position on the sofa where he’s watching a movie and I feel him watch me.

_U were_

_I know, I’m sorry. Please forgive me_

_Depends on what u offer_

_It’s not really for u, it’s for the fucker_

_The fucker has a name!_

_Ok, fine. Sorry… It’s something for NORMAN… Do u have any idea how fucked up that is to actually write???!!!_

_U might understand how fucked up it’s to actually have him launching on my sofa right now then_

_Hell yeah… Anyway, I talked to Maria and explained that the father is here and asked if she could schedule another ultrasound. 8 o’clock tomorrow morning, does that work?_

_Are u serious?_

_Yes_

_Thank u ♥_

_So am I forgiven?_

_U already were. Really, thank u so much_

_U’re welcome. How long is he staying?_

_Wednesday morning I think_

_And u’re ok?_

_Ask me again when he has left_

_Fair enough. Just be careful_

_Always am_

_Not around him, u ain’t_

_Yeah, well he’s something else ;)_

_How many times have u fucked him?_

_Today?_

_Jesus Christ Emma!_

_JK_

_Honestly?_

_Today? Twice this far_

_And he still has a gf?_

_I’m not sure…_

_Ok?_

_They “talked” this morning and apparently she’s moving out bc he told her, he’s going to be part of his kid’s life_

_How?_

_We haven’t work that out yet but we’ll be in this together. Somehow_

_Well that’s good. I’m starting to like him a little bit better now. He’s not a complete asshole after all_

_He never has been_

_And now you’re defending him again_

_Yeah, wtf… I’ll be alright again and we can talk this through when he has left. Right now I just want to take every opportunity I’ve to fuck him senseless and not care about anything else_

_He really is THAT good?_

_FK incredible! Take a look at the sex tape ;)_

_Hell no!_

_What? I’m giving u permeation and everything_

_I’m not watching it_

_For the most part u can’t see it’s me anyway, it’s mostly his face that’s showing_

_…_

_Lol_

_U’re insane_

_And that’s why u love me_

_Am I telling Maria u’re coming in tomorrow morning or what?_

_Yeah, we’ll be there. Thanx again_

_No problem_

I end our conversation and put the phone back on the table and return to the planning of the lessons. But I get distracted within seconds as Norman’s suddenly next to me and starts reading my notes over my shoulder. As it’s my English classes I’m planning, there’s no problem for him to understand what I’m doing.

“Do you like your job?”

“I love my job.”

“You looked a little stressed about it though.”

“It’s always like this, this time of year. The grades are due and most students are just as tired as I am and are just waiting for school to be over already.”

“When is it over?”

“June 14th. For the students at least. We work another week after that too.”

“So, when do you get time off?”

“20th.  And I’m not getting back until 2 months later.”

“You get 2 months off? Fuck, now I wanna be a teacher.”

“It is pretty sweet, yeah.”

He grabs a folder and starts flipping through the pages while he talks and I try my best to finish up the last of my planning.

“Which mean you can stay with me in Georgia for what? 8 weeks?”

“Slow down, cowboy. You need to go home and sort your shit out before I even start thinking about flying out to see you.”

I concentrate on nothing but the iPad in my hand and try not to show him how panicked I’m about his question. This is not something I can think about right now. He has so much shit to deal with. And what the hell does the whole thing mean anyway? What’s he expecting? That we’d raise this kid together, yes, I’ve already agreed to that. But why do I get the feeling he wants more than that? He’s really starting to let his feelings run away with him. I can’t afford that. There’s too much at stake.

“I know that.”

“Do you really?”

“Yeah.”

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

“No?”

“No. You said it yourself, you can’t figure this out over the phone and some texts. You’ve to talk to her, Norman. Face to face. Try to sort this out, whatever it is that you want to sort out.”

“She was pretty clear.”

“About what?”

“About not accepting that I want to raise this kid with you.”

“And how much did you actually explain then? I mean, what did you actually tell her?”

“Just that. That we had agreed to do this together.”

“She doesn’t want kids?”

“No. She said I had to make a choice. Her or this baby.”

I drop the iPad and turn around to look at him and it takes him a second but he finally looks away from the papers in his hands.

“Look… There’s a lot of process for everyone right now. Don’t rush this, Norman. Don’t let this be the only conversation you have about this. She must be extremely upset and confused and just hurting and… People say a lot of shit they don’t mean when they’re hurt. And I’m not so sure you’re thinking straight either. You need to talk to someone about this, to your family and friends and loved once and-“

“Why are you so fucking understanding and nice towards her? You have no reason to feel sorry for her, Ems. She did this to herself.”

“I fucked you, Norman. I did that. I knew you guys were dating and I decided to fuck you anyway… I know I’m not to blame for this, it’s actually your fault, but I know what she’s going through and I can’t help it, ok? I feel sorry for her although I’ve no reason to.”

“No, you really don’t…. Would you do the same? Make an ultimatum like that?”

“Come on…! Don’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s a simple queist-“

“No, it’s not! It’s not simple, Norman! Fuck, that’s just… There’s nothing simple about this at all! I would’ve dumped your ass as soon as you told me you fucked someone else and then nothing else that happened after that would’ve matter much, would it?”

“Yeah, when you put it like that…”

“Why aren’t you upset about this at all? Why is it so easy for you?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do! There’s a goddamn baby!”

“The baby will still be born even though you choice not to be part of this. It’s still going to be your baby even if you’re not part of his or her life.”

“But I do want to part of his or her life, Ems! I really do. I don’t want there to be a fucking “father unknown” on the birth certificate. We did this together and I’m not going to run away from this, I want to see this through. And you gotta let me.”

“I’m trying but it’s… It’s a lot for me to take in too, Norman. I was all set to do this on my own and now you’re here and… I’m glad you’re here but it’s a lot to process.”

“I get that.”

“Good.”

“When is your exact due date?

“I’m not sure yet. Primarily like December 10th or something but it’s probably going to change with the second ultrasound.”

“When is that?”

“I haven’t gotten a time yet.”

“Let me know when you do.”

“Of course.”

He moves closer and he is seconds away from kissing me when his phone rings and he takes a quick look on the display and excuses himself. I give him a quick nod and he walks out on the balcony and answers the phone in the doorway. I’m guessing another business call. There has been quiet a few already but it’s not like that’s a surprise. He should be in Georgia right now and a lot of people are pissed and worried all wrapped in one at him for leaving. This far he has been yelling himself horse during 3 different phone calls with agents and managers and AMC folk and God knows what. I’m just extremely glad I don’t have to be a part in any of it.

                                            -----------------------------------

“Why do we have to get up now?”

He grunts and turn his back to me when I for the third time try to make him leave the bed. Each time he just turns around and falls back asleep. But now I’m actually done and we’ve to leave. Like right now.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Am I going to like this surprise?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Get your ass up from the bed. We’ve to leave in 10. Don’t worry, I’ll drop you off back here when we’re done and you can go back to sleep.”

“Sweet.”

He sits up and stretches his arms above his head and his back crack.

“Wait!”

He suddenly calls out and make me jump in front of the mirror where I’m putting up my hair.

“Where’re you going?”

“I’ve to work, remember?”

“Do you really?”

He asks and comes up to stand behind him in front of the mirror. He puts his hands on my hips and looks like a sad little puppy. And I can’t help but laugh at him.

“Yes, Norman. I really do have to work.”

“But you’ll be home, right?”

“Of course. And Kevin too.”

I remind him and look closely at him for some kind of reaction. I’m kind of counting on a negative reaction to be honest. But he doesn’t give anything away, he just nods and lets me go and head to the bathroom.

                                            -------------------------------

“Why are we here? Are you ok? Is the baby ok? Why are we at the hospital?”

He freaks out as I stop at the red light and we’re one turn away from the hospital parking lot. The light turns at the same time as an ambulance shows up on the other side and I’m having a hard time concentration on everything at the same time. I ignore him and take a left at the intersection and spot a parking lot.

“Emma!”

He yells my name and I look wildly around at him, wondering what the hell he’s freak out about. He’s glaring at me!

“What?”

“Why are we here, damnit?! Are you ok?”

“Jesus, Norman calm down.”

“No! Tell me why we are here! Is the baby ok?!”

“Everything is ok, Norman. I’m fine, the baby is fine, everything is fine.”

I tell him and park the car.

“So why are we here?”

He asks again but follow me when he leave the car. I look at him over the roof of the car and shake my head with a smile on my face. He really is cute when he’s worried. And he worries a lot. A little too much.

“Jaspers sister works here.”

“So?”

“So she has a pretty special job.”

“Just tell me what the fuck we’re doing here, Ems.”

“Just trust me, will ya? I said you’re going to enjoy this, didn’t I? And I really meant it. This is for you.”

“What is?”

“Come on.”

I nudge my head towards the big building behind us and although I can see him hesitate, he finally follows me. As we cross the street, he quickens his steps and catches up to me. I hear him mutter to myself and I can tell he’s not happy with this at all. Seems Mr. Reedus isn’t a fan of surprises at all. Who would’ve thought?

“Antenatal clinic…? Wait…What kind of job does she have?”

“The best.”

I tell him and holds open the door and gesture him inside the clinic. He stands stock-still and looks from the door to me and back again several times.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t wa-“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are we doing what I think we’re doing?”

“I don’t know. What do you think we’re doing?”

I ask, grinning like a fool right now as I can see the realization hit him and he can’t stand still anymore. He’s starting to look like a kid at Christmas who can’t contain his excitement. I’m almost expecting him to start skipping up and down any second.

“Ultrasound?”

“Yes…. Jasper’s sister, Maria, is my midwife.”

He doesn’t start jumping but he attacks me. Grab me hard by the face and kisses me long and hard and laughs heartily while he does.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m not sure how much you’ll be able to see.”

“I don’t care if it’s just a finger. Thank you, Ems.”

He kisses me again and if I’m not mistaken he actually has tears in his eyes. Ok, if I would’ve known this meant so much to him, I would’ve made sure to fix this myself. I replay with a smile that I hope is enough and jerk my head to the entrance and he takes the hint and walks inside. I talk to the receptionist and she directs us to the waiting room right ahead in the corridor. We don’t have time to sit down in the empty room however. Maria is waiting inside an open room and sees me coming and beckons us in at once.

“Hi, you must be Mr. Reedus.”

“Norman, please. Hi.”

He’s nervous. I can see his hand tremble slightly as they shake hands.

“Alright. I’m Maria and I’m sure Emma has already told you I’m going to be the one following her through this pregnancy.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Thank you for doing this.”

I say as she wordlessly directs me to the hospital bed next to the much more advanced machines than the first time I did this.

“Of course. I mean, he has a pretty long way to fly.”

“I really appreciate this.”

He says and takes a seat on my left side when Maria tells him to please sit down. This is so surreal. I tried all morning to tell myself that it’s going to be just another examination. But to have him right next to me, fidgeting in his seat with excitement must be one of the weirdest things I’ve ever done. Not even in my wildest dreams have I been able to picture this moment.

“Can I film this?”

I see him pick up his phone as he asks the question.

“Of course. You can set it up right there beside you.”

She nods to a high, small drawer right behind him and he turns at once and sets up his phone. Maria keeps up a conversation with me in the meantime and also fires up the machine. She asks how I’m doing and I tell her about my sudden morning sickness.

“Ok, are we all ready?”

She suddenly asks and I gasp a little as the cold gel lands on my lower stomach. Norman jumps a little too and fumbles for my hand. Once he finds it, he holds it tight with both of his and he kisses my knuckles. This man has so much affection to give, I’m sure I’ll never come across another one like him in my life. He really is one of a kind…

“Ok, here we go.”

As she speaks, Norman tightens his hold around my hand and I hear him take a deep breath. It takes her a moment but finally there’s a bigger little blub on the screen in front of me. There’s actually a baby in there. And I hadn’t expected this at all. I know I should’ve, I’ve done this before but it’s such a difference from the small moving little blub that was nothing like a human being. But it’s really a baby inside me! A round little head. 2 thin arms a round belly with a spine and a heartbeat and two tinny legs that are moving.

He gasps and I force myself not to look at him because I know that if I see him cry, I’m going to start crying too. It’s a lost cost though as he starts sobbing quietly and moves suddenly into my personal space and kisses me quickly. I can feel the tears on his face and I look at him. The complete happiness on his face is priceless and the tears makes it even better. This just made his day. Hell, I’m going to brag and say that this just made his fucking year and definitely ends up on his top 10 list of happy moments in life. It sure is on mien….

“This is incredible… That’s a baby. That’s our baby.”

He says and looks back at the screen and his eyes are shinning with pride and joy and I have to laugh. I actually laugh at this beautiful man who has no problem showing his emotions.

“We made a person.”

“Fuck… Yeah, we made a person… Wow, just look at that. Is he… She-Can you tell? Is it doing ok?”

“I could look if you’d like to find out of it’s a boy or girl.”

“No.”

I say quickly. I don’t want to know. I just want to know that the baby is doing ok. That it’s healthy. Nothing else matters. He looks back at me for just a second and nods towards Maria.

“No, no sex. But you can tell if it’s ok, right?”

“Of course. Everything looks good this far but just let me make some measurements and examinations.”

Maria says and starts moving the thing on my stomach around a lot more and push a lot of different bottoms on the machine. We get a very meticulous examination and all while she does it, she tells us exactly what she sees and points it out on the screen for us. The heart looks the way it should. The spine is looking good as well. And everything else that she can see and look for, is just the way it’s suppose to be.

“You’ll get a new, hopefully more accurate due date, just let me…”

She ends the examination and hands me a few paper towels and I clean myself up while she finishes up all the numbers.

“December 6th.”

“December 6th?”

“Yes. But you were a little bit early with Kevin, weren’t you?”

“2 weeks.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything but second time moms usually deliver earlier. So don’t book any big Christmas shopping trips. I know you’d like to go to Copenhagen around that time. Don’t do that this year.”

“Damn. Kristin is going to be so pissed.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine…. How are you doing, dad?”

It takes him a moment to realize Maria is actually talking to him. He looks at me as I sit up on the edge of the bed and then at the older woman. He takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I’m great. Thank you so much for this.”

“You’re welcome.”

She says and smiles warmly and hands him a stack of black and white pictures. He accepts them with another thank you and starts looking through them. And I can tell he’s not going to pay any attention to our conversation.

“Are you doing ok?”

She changes language and asks.

“Yes.”

“Getting enough sleep? You look tired.”

“No, I’m sleeping alight. Right now it’s just a lot going on.”

“I’m glad you decided to tell him.”

“Well, Kristin threatened me.”

She gives a short laugh.

“Really?”

“Yeah… But I guess I’m glad I told him too.”

“He’s a very emotional man, isn’t he?”

“A lot more than I expected, yes… But really, Maria, thank you for doing this. I appreciate it too.”

“Yeah, he seems pretty happy.”

We both look at him but he’s not aware of it at all. He’s completely submerged in the pictures of our little blub that’s a lot bigger.

“He really does.”

“How about you? Are you happy about this yet?”

“I’m getting there. It’s still a bit surreal. Not that I’m pregnant but that’s with him.”

“One thing’s for sure though.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re going to have a beautiful baby. Congratulations, Emma.”

“Thank you.”

“You did get a new appointment last time, right?”

“Yes.”

“Is she allowed to fly?”

Norman ask out of the blue and makes both of us turn to look at him.

“Fly? Different airlines have different rules and recommendations but up until around week 28 there’s usually no problem and no documentation needed. Where do you live?”

“Georgia right now.”

“That’s south, right? It gets pretty hot there, doesn’t it?”

“It does.”

“Just take care of her.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Sorry, I know I’m a pain but that’s what you get for having the in-laws as your midwife.”

She says and winks at me with a smile as I can’t control my annoyance over the fact that everyone seems to forget I’m capable at taking care of myself. Seriously, I’m just pregnant.

                                            ---------------------------

I keep telling myself that he’s just working too much. That’s why he’s not keeping in touch. But as the week upon his departure, turns into two weeks and I still haven’t heard a thing from him, I begin to realize that’s not the case.

He got back to the US Wednesday night and the entire trip we kept texting back and forth and he called as he made a stop in London but the last text that tells me he’s going to talk to D is now 10 days old. In the beginning I sent him a simple ‘hi’ each day but now I don’t bother anymore. He apparently has made his choice. Although I was convinced it was a totally different one. That was at least what it had seems like when he was here.

The worst thing is probably that I’m not surprised. I was prepared for this, to do this on my own. But I can’t stop and wonder why the hell he had to make the whole thing so fucking complicated. Why did he even bother to fly out to see me and act all happy and pride and shit if this is what he obvious wanted all along? I really should call of the Academy and have him nominated for best male bullshit act of the year.

The only trace he has left since he went MIA, is a shitload of money. One million dollars to be exact. They appeared on my bank account the morning after he left with a note saying “to invest in the future of our baby”. And apparently there will be a monthly deposit of 10 000 dollars until the day the kid is 18.   

The first couple of days I freaked out about it and just wanted to return them but since I can’t get hold of him and he doesn’t seem at all interested in “the future of our baby”, I’ve now decided to take full advantage of this. Why the hell shouldn’t I? Kids are not cheap! And it’s not like I shit out money with my line of work. And I’m going to buy a house. That’s an investment, right? I pretty fucking good investment too. And since the exchange rate for American dollar gives me a whole lot more to spend, I’m not going with a simple kind of house. No way! I’m looking for the priciest houses there’s to find! I’m going to find a fucking castle!

And I’m taking Kevin and Kristin and her oldest on a long weekend to Legoland. It’s going to be an awesome summer! Fuck Georgia! I don’t need him. I just can’t believe I fell for his bullshit lies! It’s like a fucking cursed or something! I can’t be within a feet of any guy without getting screwed over.

                                            ------------------------------------------

_August 1 st 2018 – Legoland =)_

My alarm goes of before the crack of dawn and I’m again reminded that we’re leaving today. Like I need to be reminded. Kevin has been asking me about it 2478 times the past 12 hours when we’re leaving. And my alarm hasn’t been shut off for even 2 seconds before he’s inside my bedroom. He’s already dressed and even has his shoes on.

“Get up, mom! We’re leaving! We’re going to Legoland!”

He shakes me but remembers himself quickly and say he’s sorry as I grunt a little. Quickly he moves his hand gently to my belly and apologize to his little sister too. He’s convinced it’s a girl so that’s what he calls the baby right now and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell him that it might be a boy. It’s a girl we’re going to name her Charlie.

The baby moves by the sound of its brother and I turn to my back and Kevin moves into bed with me and starts talking to the bump, like so many other mornings. And I grab my phone and update myself on my mail, bank, Instagram and Facebook. Out of habit, I check my PM on Instagram but nothing has changed in the Mr. Reedus department. In that moment, while I listen to my son talk to his little brother or sister, I decided to just erase him. I unfollow his pubic and private account, block him on Instagram and Facebook and delete his phone number. Now, all that is left of him is about a quarter of a million dollars and the growing baby in my belly. And my memories. Although I’m not so sure I actually want them anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

**Kristin’s POV**

I can’t get her to talk about him. Nothing I’ve tried the past 3 months have worked. She just avoids the topic or gets really pissed at me when I try to make her talk about it. She just keeps telling me she’s fine. I know she’s not fine. She’s hurting.

But tonight, I’m going to make her talk to me! She has to talk about it. She hasn’t yelled or cried or show any kind of emotions about the fact that he just cut her out of his life. Well, them to be honest. I think that’s the worst thing for her. That he choice not be part of their baby’s life after all.

September has just started and but it’s still very warm and the last of the summer warmth still clings on. I picked up Kevin from his grandparents a few hours earlier and he’s spending the night with us so that we have a chance to finally do some online baby shopping. He has had a bad period, he has those once in a while, and it takes so much energy from her to at least make it work at home when it doesn’t work in school. The past week she has had to come and pick him up after the first lesson 3 times and for the past 2 days he has just been at home. I’m pretty sure he’s reacting to them moving and she has decided to take the next week off with him.

The house is gorgeous. And I’m so fucking jealous at her for moving here. But she deserves this and so much more after what that fucker did. I park the car on the big graveled driveway and make it up to the huge 2 story white house. I make it up the 4 step stone stairs and ignore the red front door and make a right instead and walk up to the enormous pool deck. The pool is the shape of a big 8 but that best part of this deck and frankly the whole house, is the view. There’s nothing but water beyond the deck. She even has a dock of her own and I’m pretty sure that’s where’ll find her. The sun is setting and she’s indeed sitting by the water with her laptop. But she’s not looking at baby gear. The fuckers face is filling the screen and I can’t help but let out a deep sigh. She tenses but doesn’t bother to look around or look away from the screen as I sit down beside her.

She just reaches out and fills up her glass of wine and fills up one for me as well. Just to make sure, I take a look at the bottle.

“Don’t worry, no alcohol.”

She says before I can check. She scrolls through the last couple of pictures and tilts her head to the side and look at me. She looks so tired and just… Empty.

“Ok, we’re going to-“

“How’s Kevin?”

She interrupts me and goes back to the laptop and opens up a webpage with strollers.

“Good. We ate tacos before I left.”

“Thank you…. Why did you leave?”

“Because we need to talk.”

She sighs but doesn’t take her gaze away from the screen. This is what she has been doing everytime I tell her we need to talk. She ignores me. Sometimes even walk away and tell me to go fuck myself. But today I’m going to tie her down and force her to talk if it comes to that. She can’t keep her feelings shut up like this anymore.

“What do you think about this? Grey or blue…? I like the grey.”

“Norman. We need to talk about Norman.”

“No, we don’t. Wow, look at this. Didn’t you have-“

“Emma, for fucks sake! You can’t keep shouting your feeling away like this. I know you’re hurting. Don’t do this again. Don’t go all numb and ignore your feelings. Please, Ems.”

She snaps at my choice of words and she’s meant to. He called her that. I rarely do but he always did and I know that. Her eyes narrow at me and I can tell she’s seconds for getting up and leave. Before she can act on the impulse, I grab her arm and hold her down.

“Don’t run away. We need to talk about this, Ems.”

“Stop fucking call me that!”

“Why? Because it hurts?”

“No! Just don’t call me that!”

“I love you. No matter what, you know that but you gotta talk to me. You can’t walk around like a fucking zombie with no emotions. Don’t do this again. He’s not worth it.”

“Just don’t-“

“Yes! I will! I’m done watching you walk around like you don’t give a shit when I know that’s not true. You know it’s not true. You’re hurt.”

“Of course I’m fucking hurt!”

She suddenly yells and she slams shut the laptop and looks at me with fierce eyes. But this is better. This is what I’ve been waiting for. She has been pissed at me before but now she’s finally showing her emotions towards the fucker that’s the reason she’s hurting.

“I fucking hate him for this and I hate myself for thinking it was something else. That it was going to be something else.”

“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… I thought it was just about the sex and… It was for the most part, it was just sex and it was fucking great but then… After we did the ultrasound and he had decided to do this, it changed. I thought he really cared. Not just about me. About the whole thing, that we were going to do this together. He was really happy. Was it just a fucking act? All of it? Who the hell does that?”

“I don’t think it was just an act, Emma. He really cared but maybe… It got too real when he got back home again. Maybe he couldn’t face leaving his girlfriend. You said it yourself, you were in this weird little bubble together and it was just the two of you and you didn’t care about all the fucked-up shit for a few days and… It probably hit you both pretty hard.”

“Why are you defending him?!”

“I’m not. I hate him just as much as you do for this but I’m just trying to find some explanation.”

“It doesn’t matter!”

She stands suddenly and starts pacing in front of me with furious steps.

“Whatever fucking excuse he has for doing this, it doesn’t matter. He’s out of his fucking mind! Normal people don’t do shit like this. Pretend they’re all happy about getting a kid and then just leaves and stops keeping in touch!”

“Have you actually tried to get in touch with him the last month though?”

“No. Why the hell should I? I’ve nothing to say to him!”

“So why are you looking at pictures and videos of him?”

She stops moving at this question and gives up a frustrated groan and shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t give me an answer so I tell her instead.

“Look… You loved this guy before you met him. In some way you loved him, right?”

“Yeah…”

“And after you guys got together in London it changed and he turned into something else. Now he broke your heart but you still love him. You kinda have to since you carry a piece of him inside you. But you know that you can do this without him, right?”

“Of course I do. I was going to do it before he deiced to flip my whole world around. And it felt really good knowing he was going to be there, that we were doing this together. Then he’s just gone and I… It’s like with Kevin’s father all over again. I’m not even worthy of a text or a fucking phone call. He doesn’t even care enough to send me a damn text. It’s like I don’t even exist.”

“What did you want? Honestly, Emma? What did you see yourself having with him?”

“A relationship that went beyond just sex. I mean, the sex would still be there but he would be part of my life and the baby’s life and he wouldn’t have anyone else. I mean, we probably wouldn’t live together but he would still be there.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I love him. I mean, I did. I loved him.”

“I’m pretty sure he loved you too.”

“No, he didn’t. How could he? You don’t do this to someone you love. Unless it’s to me obviously, since this is the second time this happens now.”

“It’s not your fault, sweetie.”

“Then who the hell is to blame for this, Kristin? There most be something wrong with me.”

“No, there’s nothing wrong with you. Except maybe attracting the worst kind of assholes around.”

“And they look happy. It makes me fucking sick.”

“Why do you do that to yourself, Emma? Stop stalking them!”

“It’s just so beyond fucked up and disgusting and… Commenting each other Instagram and being all in love and shit and weeks ago he was…”

She makes a retching sound and covers her mouth with her hand, shaking her head.

 “At least you got something out of this one.”

I gesture the house around us and although tears have started to fall down her face, she chuckles and nods.

“I got two something out of it.”

She says and put her hands on her bump. And I start crying for the simple reason that she’s crying and somehow still is happy about the baby. A few weeks ago she was really mad about being pregnant and said she wished she had done an abortion. And although she had regret saying it as soon as the words came out, I know she still feels guilty about it. We move towards each other at the same time and embrace tightly. She needs this. This is what she has been holding on to for so long because she thinks she needs to be so goddamn strong all the time. I’ve told her countless times that holding her feelings inside will just make the whole thing a whole lot worse once she finally breaks down. And now she does and she cries in my arms the rest of the night. And I call my husband and lets him know I’ll be staying the night.

                                            -------------------------------

**Jeffrey’s POV**

Babies grow fast. Too fast. And even though that’s the whole point, to see them grow up, a part of you never wants them to grow up. George will be 7 months in just a few days’ time and sometimes I just want time to stop right here and now. And today is one of those days. It’s Labor Day and everyone is gathered at home at the farm to just spend time together. Norman arrived early in the morning with Mingus and to my slight surprise, without D.

But as I was in the middle of doing a round on the farm at the time, I never had the chance to ask and I’m also pretty sure he doesn’t want to talk about it. He never does. Ever since his little melt down and escape to the other side of the world, he hasn’t been the same. And he doesn’t talk to me. And it’s weird and frankly fucking annoying. Because he rarely shuts up but shares everything with me.

I probably haven’t been that persistent though. I could probably ask more, demand more answers to what happened with that other woman.

“Where’s Norm?”

It’s past lunchtime and after finish all my farmers duty and taken a shower, I go to find our guests but only find the wife and son in the kitchen.

“He volunteered to put George down for a nap. I would guess they’re upstairs.”

Hilarie answers and I head straight upstairs to find the man. As I approach the nursery, I can hear the soft sound of the music box she likes playing while sleeping. There’s something else as well but I can’t really place it. At least it’s quiet, which means she’s hopefully asleep. Carefully I push open the half-open door and peek inside. He’s sitting in the big armchair next to her crib with our baby girl sleeping on his chest and he hold on to her while rocking slightly back and forth. Tears are making its way down his face in a steady stream and he sobs now and then. It doesn’t seem to bother George at all, she’s completely out with her head nestled under his chin.

“Bubba?”

He doesn’t move or lift his head when I call out for him but I can see him tens a little, making me aware that he actually hears me. I step into the room and close the door behind me, thinking this might be a conversation no one else should hear.

“She only has 3 months left.”

He says softly and I take a seat on the footstool in front of him. She moves a little on his chest but is far from waking up as she can sleep through thunder, and he just tightens his hold on her back and lean his face closer to her head for a second.

“What’re you talking about?”

“She’s due December 6th. 14 weeks left but the midwife said she’ll probably deliver earlier, so probably around 12 weeks.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I want to be there.”

“Now?”

“Now. Then. When the baby’s born. I want to be there when she delivers.”

“What happened, Norman? What the hell happened when you got back? You haven’t been yourself since.”

He takes a moment to collect himself but I can tell all his composer is about to fall apart. And I realize as I’m sitting there that this is the first time in months that he has actually held my daughter. He has been avoiding being close to the baby since he got back and frankly spending time with my entire family all together. It’s been mostly just the two of us. Is this the reason? Because of what happened with that other woman?

When he finally beings to talk, it’s like a water fall and everything just spills out of him at once and the relief and pain is equally present on his face.

“I don’t know… Fuck, no that’s a lie… I’m a fucking cowered, that’s what happened. I got cold feet. D told me she would move out if I decided to raise this kid with her and I was all set to do that. We were going to raise the baby together and I was sure it was the right thing to do. But I had to get back here and I wanted to sort this out with D, face to face, you know? All we had done was shout at each other over the phone for days. Then I got back and she was still there, in the house, although she had told me she would move back to New York. And at first, she was all heartbroken and begging and crying and it was… It was a fucking mess and I… But it’s a baby! I’m having a kid, Jeff and the right thing’s to be part of it, right?”

“Of course it is but it’s not that simple when it’s not your girlfriend that’s actually pregnant. You can’t make everyone hap-“

“Right now no one is fucking happy. I can’t stop thinking about her. And I just want to leave. Every single fucking day I just want to get on a goddamn plane and leave and never come back and just forget all about this shit and just… She’s having my kid. Isn’t that the most important thing?”

“I don’t follow, Norm. I thought you and D were ok after what happened. You guys seems to be in a really good place. Happy and-“

He laughs a humorless laugh that’s cut short as George moves a little in her sleep. He looks down at her but she remains asleep. That girl can sleep through everything. Including her uncle’s complete breakdown, it seems. I stop talking and look at him with confusion but he doesn’t return my gaze. He keeps his head bowed and shaking. He’s not happy? Is that what he’s saying? What the hell is going on? He hasn’t said a word about this. Not a single syllable has been reviled about this.

“She’s going to tell the press.”

“Who is? About what? I’m sorry, man but I don’t understand what you’re talking about right now.”

“D is going to tell the press if I leave her.”

“Tell them what?”

“About our deal, all those women I screwed, the baby, London, Germany, me leaving… Everything. She has texts and pictures and-“

“Wait, wait, what the fuck are you saying?”

“I never should’ve gotten back. I should just have stayed there and…”

He drifts off, both body and mind and it’s like he’s talking to himself, rather than to me. But I can’t have him do that right now. He has to stay right here and explain to me what he means because I’m really hoping he doesn’t mean what I think he means. It can’t be that fucked up! It just can’t. Shit like that doesn’t happen in real life.

“Are you saying….?”

I take a deep breath and force myself to stay calm, although that’s the complete opposite of what I’m feeling right now. I wait 2 heartbeats and he looks up at me but I’m not sure he actually sees me.

“Are you saying you’re in this relationship because D threatened you? Come on, Norman that just can’t be real. Tell me that’s not what you mean!”

I want to grab him and shake him and make him take it all back. This can’t be happening. Not to him. He’s one of my absolute favorite people on this goddamn earth. He can’t be hurting like this without me knowing about it. How the hell has he been keeping this from me all this time? They have been the definition of happy everytime I’ve seen them together. She has been happy. That’s just the thing. She’s the one to always seek physical contact with him, not the other way around. She’s the one that posts cute texts about love on social media. She’s always the one to call or text him. And the pieces start to fall into place. But I can’t get it into my head. It just can’t be true…

“I’ve tried. I’ve really tried, Jeffrey. I loved her. I really did love her and things were great and I wanted to move in with her and start a life together but… But now… Now, everything is just fucked up. And I know it’s my fault. I know what I did with her.”

“Emma?”

At the mention of her name he snaps his head up at me and stares with wide eyes. It’s like he hasn’t heard the name before. Slowly he nods his head.

“Yeah… Em…”

He starts saying her name but it’s like it gets stuck in his throat and he can’t say it.

“So, you’re saying it’s all fake? That it’s been fake for the past 3 months? Is that what you’re fucking sitting here and telling me?”

“Yes.”

He simply says and nods with his gaze hundred miles away. If I hadn’t already been sitting down, I would’ve fallen down on my ass. This is too much information to process at the same time. It just can’t be real. He can’t be serious. I drop my face to my hands and shut my eyes tightly inside them and pray that it’s just a dream.

“I know that I screwed up and that she has all right to be pissed at me for knocking another woman up but it’s a baby. It’s a new life and it doesn’t care how it happened, right? I just don’t understand how it came to this. All I tried to do was the right thing and everything just fell apart.”

“Do you love her? Do you still love her?”

“No. And I don’t think she loves me either. Not really. It’s just convenient. I mean, we haven’t had sex for months. Not with each other at least.”

“Norman…”

“I haven’t. I can’t… I just can’t do it right now. All I think about all damn day is that growing belly and if she’s ok. I just want to know that she’s ok.”

“So just call her.”

“I can’t. She has blocked every single method for me to get in touch with her.”

“What do you want, dude? Why are you telling me this now? Why haven’t you talked to me, Norman?”

“Because I’m ashamed.”

“So why now?”

“Because I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I wanted to fucking strangle her this morning… I didn’t but I wanted to. As soon as I do something she doesn’t like, we fight and she make threats and I just want to shove them down her throat and make her choke on them.”

“But you can’t live like this, Norman. How the fuck you’ve done this for 3 months already is just… This is messed up. So fucking messed up.”

“Yeah…”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Have you talked to anyone?”

“Who would I tell, Jeffrey? Who could possible understand this?”

“I’m here, man and I listen but-“

“You don’t get it.”

“Can you blame me?”

“No. I guess not.”

He says and chuckles a little.

“Again though, dude why tell me now? What changed?”

“I need help, man. I don’t know how to get out of this without making a fucking fool of myself in every tabloid on the planet. Again.”

“Fuck the tabloid, man! Why the fuck does that shit matter? What more can she possible sale to the papers? Your dick is already out there.”

“It’s not me. It her.”

“Who?”

He tries again to say the name but he can’t.

“Just say her name, damnit.”

I tell him and can’t help but find the whole thing just a little bit funny after all and I smirk at him. I’m pleased to get one in return and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine… Yeah, it’s Ems not me. D has pictures of her from when I went to see her in June.”

“And…?”

“I took a few pictures of her when we had sex.”

“How did she get them?”

“She got hold of my phone and saw them and made copies. And I know it was a stupid as fuck to take the pictures in the first place, ok? She’s just so goddamn gorgeous and now when she’s pregnant…”

He trails off and looks hundred miles away again. And I’m guessing he actually is, probably back in Europe and with her.

“What can I do, Norman? Tell me what I can do to help you.”

“Would your wife let me stay here for a few days?”

“Of course. I know she was a bit hostile when the tape ended up online and all that but we’re on your side no matter what, Norman. Both of us. Yes, of course you can stay here if you like. Just tell me what you’re going to do.”

“I might already have done it… You know, I was going to pick her up in New York when I picked up Mingus, she has been there for work since Friday.”

“And I can tell you changed your mind.”

“Yeah. I packed all her things in the house back in Georgia and left them outside her apartment before I picked up Mingus. I didn’t know what to do. I can’t talk to her. As soon as I even mention the fact that this isn’t working, she gets furious and just leaves. I mean, I know she’s not happy either and I’m pretty sure she’s actually seeing someone else but it’s just… We’ve gotten so fucking deep into this shit that I don’t know how we’re going to get out.”

“Man, I’m just… I don’t know what to say. This is… But, of course, Norm. Just stay for as long as you need. You’re not going back to Georgia until Friday either, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But you gotta talk to her at some point. You can’t just dump her shit outside her door and expect that to be it after 2 years together.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll call her tonight.”

“Does Mingus know?”

“No. Like I said, I haven’t told anyone. Well, I’ve told Ems. Written her about 200 00 e-mails but she hasn’t replayed to any of them.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I want to know she’s ok of course!”

He doesn’t raise his voice at all but I can hear the anger all the same and he glares a little in my direction. I put my hands up in defense and lean back.

“I just meant that- Sorry, of course you do… So what now?”

“Right now I just want to sit here for a little while longer and listen to her sleep and shut my mind off. And while I do that I’m sure the wife downstairs is in a need of assistants if we’re going to get some dinner. I’ll take care of her in the meantime.”

“Ok. She’ll probably sleep for another hour though.”

“I’m totally fine with that. Sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Na, man I’m glad you finally told me, wish you would’ve done it a lot sooner but… You gotta talk to your son.”

“I will.”

I stand and lean down and kiss him on the head and tell him I love him. And he replays with the same word and I leave the room, closing the door behind me. I take a moment outside in the hallway to collect myself. This is some fucked up shit to process…

Several minutes later, I descend the stairs and walk straight into the kitchen and find my wife and Mingus sitting together at the kitchen island. They look up at me as one and I can see nothing but shock on their faces. I want to ask what’s wrong but I get the answer in the same second I open my mouth. Behind me, I can hear George cough through the baby monitor.  And it takes me another second to realize Norman will never have to talk to his son. He has already heard everything.


	17. Chapter 17

This didn’t turn out to be the kind of break that I expected it to be. Not at all. But it feels so much better now when I’ve told someone. It has been the worst couple of weeks in my life. Emotional at least. The little girl on my chest snoozes without a care in the world and it’s calming to just sit there and listen to her slow, deep breathing. It gives me a chance to clear my head a little and just try to piece everything together.

Right now I just want to forget about the past 3 months and simply move forward without anymore drama. It actually has cracked me up a few times, thinking about where the hell I’ve ended up. Because things like this doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t. Not in real life. Maybe on TV and in fiction but not to me. Still, that’s exactly what has happened. Here I am in one of my best friend house, running away from my girlfriend and hoping she won’t open the gates of hell when she comprehends I’m actually leaving her. I’ve already made sure they change the locks in the house in Georgia. And the next step will have to be do some kind of public statement about our relationship ending. I don’t want to, it’s not me at all but I know that’s what it will have to take for her to really get it. It’s all about the public image for her and I know she will use the tabloids in her advantage. Which mean I’ll have to be the first one to say something about this. Something nice. And it’ll be the only thing I say. I would never, could never, expose her to the same kind of public humiliation as I’ve already been subjected to. Even though it was essential because of her.  

I wonder what she’s doing right now. How she is doing. Above all, how the baby is doing and how big she is. I’ve tried to keep track of the pregnancy and I’m pretty sure she’s 27 weeks right now. I really, really want to see her again. I want to feel the baby move inside her. I remember the first time I felt Mingus move, with perfect clarity. And now I’ve missed my second child’s first movements. And I might never be able to feel it move.

I can’t think about that now though. I’ve to sort out my relationship first. Like I should’ve done as soon as I got back after seeing her. But I care too much about her. I never wanted to hurt her again. She will never believe me of course. Why would she? I just stopped keeping in touch and when I finally tried again it was too late. She probably hates me. And she has all right to hate me but I’m going to try anyway. I have to. But first I need to deal with D.

Baby George, although she really isn’t a baby anymore, start stirring maybe an hour after her daddy left us alone. I haven’t really kept track of time but she wakes up happy and alert, which I guess means she has slept long enough. She looks up at me with a little confused and absolute adorable, frown on her face. She’s probably surprised to see me there.

“Hey there, sunshine. Did you have a good nap?”

She gives up a high pitch laugh and waves her arms in my face. I get to my feet and change her before leaving the nursery and soon also the upstairs landing. Gus comes running and laughing past me as I make it down the stairs and walk towards the kitchen, hearing voices coming from there. The low murmured voices stop at once when I enter the kitchen. Mingus stands by Hilarie’s side, cutting up veggies and both of them look at me with the same worried and almost upset expression. The woman composes herself quickly though and walks up to me and takes the child out of my arms.

“Are you ok?”

She asks and puts her hand on my cheek for a moment. Weird… She’s weird, she’s looking at me weird.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She doesn’t answer, just shakes her head a little and walks out of the kitchen with her daughter. Has Jeffrey already talked to her? I spin around to find the man to ask the question but he speaks before I’ve the chance.

“Sorry, Bubba but the monitor was on in the kid’s room and… Yeah, they kinda heard it all.”

He says and nods his head towards my son. Shit! And thank God at the same time that I don’t have to tell the same story again. But it’s not ok that he doesn’t get to hear it from me first hand. This is something he should’ve heard from me.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, Mingus.”

I walk up to him and he gives me a sideways glance before resuming his cutting of the veggies. He slides Hilarie’s knife towards my hand and shakes his head.

“It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Ok, no it’s not really ok but it’s done… Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because I don’t want you to worry.”

“But this is… Dad, this is just… It doesn’t happen.”

“Trust me, I’ve been telling myself the same thing many times but apparently it does. I’m sorry you had to find out about it like this. I really was going to talk to you.”

“Hey, dad don’t worry about it, ok? Just fix this. Get the hell out of this with some kind of sanity still intact.”

He says and I feel my mouth drop to the floor and I stare at him with wide eyes that might be popping out of my scull at any second. Is this really my son? My 18th year old suddenly sound like some old, wise and understanding man. Doesn’t he want another explanation? Is this really all I’ve to say to him for grasping what’s going on? Don’t I have to say more and isn’t he going to yell at me? Is he just ok with this?

“I never really liked her, you know. I told you back when she released the tape that you should just get out, remember?”

Somehow that conversation has slipped my mind.

“Not really.”

I confess and continue the work that the wife in the house started. He snorts with a smile on his lips and shakes his head.

“What’s the plan, Noman?”

Jeffrey asks behind me.

“I’ve no idea.”

“So, let’s make one then. Your first move has to be to actually talk to her.”

“Yes. And say what exactly?”

“That you’re going to have to figure out on your own.”

Jeffry says.

“A good start is probably to say all those things you said to Jeffrey.”

Mingus suggests and I nod at both of them and try to commit all this to memory. They really are trying their best to help me with this and I get a bit chocked up about this but force myself to stay focused on the task.

“Don’t say all that stuff about wanting to see Emma again though.”

Hilarie is back and I wipe my head around and finds her at the kitchen table where she’s placing the bouncing baby in her highchair.

“No, keep it to just the two of you. You know, the positive.”

Jeffrey agrees.

“The positive?”

“Yeah, I mean you’ve had a pretty good run overall, right? You loved each other at some point, didn’t you? Unless you want to start World War III, keep reminding her of the positive things you guys have had together. Like Costa Rica, house hunting in New York, those sorts of things. There’s no need in bringing up the negative, you’ve already done that enough the past couple of months.”

“Have you broken up with a lot of women?”

His wife suddenly asks, smirking a little at him as she does. Jeffrey gives a short laugh and winks at his wife.

“You’ve no idea, baby.”

“Make it public.”

The words come from Mingus and once again I just blink at my son in confusion. How the hell did he grove up so quickly? And how is that he gets this so well?         

“You know, the likelihood of her going to the press is pretty high, right? And it’s not going to be pretty. So it might be a good idea that it comes from you first. Something positive but still definite.”

“How the hell did you grove up so fast? Damn, Mingus you shouldn’t have to know these things.”

“Still I do and you should listen to me.”

He says and points his knife at me, smirking as he does and I can’t help but chuckle at him and nod.

“Oh, I am trust me.”

“Good.”

“Before you go public though, talk to everyone you feel like you’ve to talk to you. Like your mom and siblings and friends.”

Hilarie adds.

“Ok.”

“And don’t rush this. Just let it take some time. Whatever she says to the public or whatnot, just ignore it and do your thing. The once that matter will know what’s going on.”

“And don’t try to get in contact with Emma before you’re really sure this is over. I mean, for real, that you’re sure what you want to do and that you can handle it.”

“I knew what I wanted 3 months ago.”

I tell Jeffrey and he nods slowly.

“Maybe but that’s not going to make much difference now. “

“I know.”

                                            ---------------------------------------

_I don’t want to talk to u_

D texts me right after I’ve tried to get hold of her for the 5th time this evening. She just ignores my call but finally she texts me at least.

_Ok… How are u?_

_What fk question is that?!_

_Please let’s just talk about this_

_There’s nothing to talk about_

_This is for the best for both of us, u know that. U’re not happy, I’m not happy, so why the hell should we keep doing this?_

_I was happy!_

_So was I_

_I loved u_

_I loved u too. Thank u for everything ♥_

_We’re not going to be friends after this_

_No, I know that_

_I hate u for doing this_

_It’s not just my fault, u know that_

_Maybe…_

_I’m just going to ask u one thing and that’s is keep this out of the press. Just let this stay between the 2 of us_

_And why the hell would I do that?_

_Cause I’m asking u to_

_Screw u Norman_

_Please D_

_Have a nice life_

_Take care of yourself. And I really meant it, thank u for this time_

She doesn’t replay after that. And just like that, it’s over. And although I know it’s not really, really over it’s like the weight of the world is being lifted off of my shoulders for the time being. Its after midnight when I’m finally done with calling or texting everyone I feel the need to tell in person. Andy kept me on the line for more than an hour. The same with mom. Everyone has been shocked and very upset that I’ve kept this from them for this long. Can’t say that I blame them. I would probably have the same reaction if it had been the other way around.

My eyes burn with a cry for sleep but there’s one thing I’ve to do before turning in. I start going through my gallery on the phone, searching for a good enough picture. I end up with a bunch of photos from our first trip to Costa Rica. This really is a first. Ever. And it’s with a little bit of shaking fingers that I alter the picture of the two of us together and start to form a short message.

But I can’t push the damn bottom! And although I know he’s probably asleep, I head across the hallway to the second guestroom which Mingus is occupying. I knock softly and I hear him grunt and I poke my head inside.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

The room is dark but I can see him roll over in the big bed and look towards me.

“What’s up, dad?”

“I need your help.”

“What?”

I walk into the room and sit down on the bed and hand him the phone. He blinks in the bright light from the phone and rubs his eye with the other hand. He read the words out loud.

“Thank you for all the memories. I’ll cherish them forever / N… It’s good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Just change cherish to value instead. Cause it’s not all the good memories that you’ll take with you, right? Cherish sounds too positive. And change the heart emoji to a broken heart instead. It will make people get the message a lot clearer.”

I listen to his advice and do as he says. It makes a lot more sense actually. I change the word and the emoji and show him again and this time he gives an approving nod.

“Good. That’s good. It’s a good picture… You guys were happy though, right?”

“Yeah, we really were. It was great.”

“So what changed?”

“The need to show the world. I never wanted that.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry, dad.”

“I’ll be alright, Mingus. Don’t worry about me. I just hope it doesn’t get too ugly.”

“Just stay out of it if it does. You don’t have to say anything else but this.”

“I know.”

I push send after turning of the comments on the Instagram post and the message about my broken relationship hits cyberspace and the story is out there within seconds. Now all I can do is wait and pray for the best.

                                            -------------------------------------

Patience is not one of my better qualities. It’s only been 4 days since I official became a single man again and all I want to do is to hop on a plane. Everyone has told me to give it some more time and just let the whole thing sink in but I don’t want to wait. I want to make things right now. I want to go to her and explain and tell her everything and hope that she can find it in me to forgive me. I’ve tried to get hold of her in every possible way I can think of except for actually physical visiting her but still no replay.

I’m at Newark with Jeffrey and we’re waiting in the Delta lounge for our 45 minutes, this far, late flight back to Atlanta. I’m going through all the 256 text I’ve sent her without a replay and suddenly I come across one from right after the tape was released. Kristin’s number is right there. Why the hell haven’t I thought about that before?

It’s late over there but not too late seeing as we’re on the first flight out and it’s piss early to be on an airport. Jeffrey is sleeping beside me with a hat over his face and snoring lightly. And I really should be catching up on some sleep as well but I’ve to make a final try to get hold of her. She picks up after the 3rd signal.

“Hey, it’s Norman don’t hang up.”

“Bye, Norm-“

“No, please, Kristin just listen, ok. I won’t keep you, just listen for 10 seconds, please.”

“You’ve 10 seconds.”

“Just tell me that she’s ok. I just want to know what she and the baby is ok. Please just tell me that and I’ll leave you alone.”

“They’re both fine. The baby is doing good and everything is proceeding as expected. She had a check up yesterday.”

“Thank you for telling me. I really apricate it. Will you tell her I called? I’ve tried to get hold of her like forev-“

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I get that-“

“So stop trying!”

“I can’t. All I want is to get a chance to see my kid. You’ve to let me do that, Kristin, please.”

I beg and I know I’m laying it on thick but she strike me as the most reasonable of the two when I met her and I’m hoping that I can play to her weakness. I know she was the one convincing Emma that she should keep it and that has to mean something, right? Maybe I can use this fact to my advantage.

“All I want is to make sure our baby is ok and that I get to see him or her at least once. Please, Kristin, will you just try to talk to her. She wouldn’t be pregnant if it wasn’t for me.”

“She wouldn’t be a lot of things if it wasn’t for you!”

She snarls and I realize too late that it might not have been the best choice of words. But at the same time, I can’t help but notice that the 10 seconds is way past by now and we’re still talking.

“I’m aware of that and I’m really sorry for what happened but there’s an explanation and I just need a chance to talk to her. Give her my number, please.”

“Leave her alone, Norman!”

“That’s not going to happen, Kristin. I’m sorry but I’m not going to leave her alone. How the hell could I? She’s carrying a piece of me inside her for a about 10 more weeks and-“

“You know how far along she’s?”

She sounds genuine surprised by this and I know I should be offended but I can’t care about that right now.

“27 weeks give or take a few days. At least if her due date is still the same.”

“It is…. Ok, fine. I’ll talk to her. I’ll tell her you called and ask her to get in touch with you. I can already tell you though, that is not going to happen.”

“I’ll fly out there again if it comes to that, Kristin.”

“Fuck no! Don’t do that! She’s going to murder you! I’ll fucking murder you!”

“I don’t care. I’ve a right to see her.”

“You’ve a right to see the kid and the kid isn’t born yet.”

“Come on, Kristin, don’t give me that bullshit. What the hell would I do? I just want to see her with my own eyes and hear her tell me that she’s ok. I want to make sure that she and the baby and Kevin is doing ok.”

“Ok, ok, ok I’ll have her call you… You gotta tell me something though.”

“Anything.”

“Was it all fake? Just a fucking act?”

“With her? No, not for a second.”

“Good… I’ll have her call you this weekend.”

“I’m working pretty much all we-“

“That’s your fucking problem, isn’t it? If you’re serious about this you need to show everyone where your priorities lie…! I’ve to go. I’ll give her this number but I can’t force her to make the call.”

“Of course, I get that. Thank you, Kristin. Really, thank you.”

“Don’t let me regret it.”

She says and hangs up. Priorities… Yeah, that’s really something I’ve to learn how to handle better. It’s hard when there so many different things that needs my attention. But she is right. I’ve to make this my priority now. This baby has been on my mind every single day since I found out about it but it really isn’t enough just to think about it. I’ve to do something to show her that I care. That I want this. Action speaks louder than words, or in my case, thoughts, right?

But my phone doesn’t ring. At least not with the one phone call that I want. Everyone else seems to think it’s a good idea to call right now but not her. And it’s strange how I all of a sudden get a lot of calls from old girlfriends and friends I haven’t talked to in months now when I’m suddenly single again.

_9/11 05:15 am_

_1 missed call_

_3 new texts_

I grunt and roll over when I wake up way too early for a day off. But my body is probably use to it after doing this for a week now. I glance over at the phone and notice the activity that has been going one while I’ve slept. I find a number I don’t know but after staring at it for about 10 seconds, it hits me that it’s an overseas number. Shit, she called! She actually called! I scramble up to some half sitting position and look at the texts. 1 from Sean and 1 from Andy but there’s also 1 from her. I ignore my 2 brothers.

_I’m ok and so is the baby_

Ok, this must be the most annoying and less helpful text I’ve ever gotten. This doesn’t tell me anything that I want to know. I want more than that. I want to know how she’s doing. How big is the baby? Is the heartbeat ok? Does it move a lot? Has she bought everything she needs before the delivery? How’s work? Can she still work? Does she know I broke up with D? Does she really hate me? When can I fly out to see her again? There’s too many questions for me to take this over texts. I need to call her. And she must want to talk to me too, seeing as she actually called too when she could just have texted me.

1,2,3 signals without her picking up. In my minds eyes I can see her laying in bed or the sofa and just stare at the phone and debating with herself whether or not to answer. 4. Maybe I should just text her instead. 5. She picks up but doesn’t say anything. And maybe I just imagine it. I take the phone away from my ear and make sure that it is an ongoing call.

“Ems…? You there?”

She makes some angry noise on the other side.

“I get that you don’t want to talk to me. You’ve all right to be pissed and hate me and you don’t have to say anything right now, just listen, ok?”

She doesn’t say anything but at least she doesn’t hang up on me. I take a deep breath and try to remember everything I want to say to her.

“I’m sorry for what happened after I left. I’m really sorry that I never got back in touch with you when I got home. I never meant to hurt you and I get that I have and that you probably hate me. But you need to know that it was all real. It wasn’t just an act or pretend or… Lies. It was all real with you. When I got home and I told you that I was going to talk to D… I really did talk to her and told her about you… Us and that we had decided to do this together. And I know she would be pissed cause of this but I never would’ve thought… I know it won’t really matter what I tell you because you’ll not believe me anyway but she… Fuck, Ems I’m sorry this is so fucked up…. She made threats about exposing you, us, I guess, again if I decided to do this and I chickened out.”

Fuck, it feels hard to admit that. But I really did chicken out and I went against everything I believe and stand for. And what a time to do it and to her. Well, the baby to be honest. It’s not even born yet and I’ve already walked out of his or her life once. And I feel the tears come before I realize I’ve started crying.

“I’m sorry, Ems.”

I try to hide the sobs and I muffle the sound with my hand but I can still hear her sigh a little on the other side and it’s a frustrated kind of sigh. Not really what I’m counting on to be honest but it lights a little spark of hope in me that she might actually be able to talk to me again at some point.

“I got so wrapped up when we were together and I was so happy about the kid and… I, and I forgot about… I forgot about everything else, that I’ve responsibilities and contracts and other shit that-“

“Girlfriends.”

She says.

“Yeah, a girlfriend… That’s over now though. For real this time and we’re not going to have any kind of contact with each other anymore. I’m not sure what that’s going to mean for you yet but-“

“What do you mean? Why the hell would that mean-“

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t mean it like that… But she has… Remember I took some pictures of you when we… You know?”

Why can’t I say the words anymore? It’s never been a problem before but now because it’s her, I can’t say the damn word? Sex! Just say it!

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sex…! When we had sex… Sorry…. I took a few pictures when we had sex and she has them and one of the things she threatened to do was to release them to the public, along with some of our text messaging.”

“And why would she have access to that in the first place?”

“She shouldn’t but somehow she has and I didn’t want you to get more exposed than you already have because of me and…. I know it sounds fucked up and that it probably doesn’t seem like it to you but I really did try to protect you. In some messed up way that just fucked up everything even more. But I’d care about you. A lot.”

“What is that you want, Norman?”

“I just want to know that you’re doing ok and that the baby is fine and is growing and is healthy. Most of all I would like to see you again and just try to make amends to this mess somehow. “

“You want to fix this?”

“Yes, I want to fix this and be a part these last weeks of your pregnancy.”

“And you think one fucking phone call is going to fix this?”

“Of course not but I can’t fix this if you won’t give me a chance.”

“Why the fuck would I believe a word that’s coming out of your month?”

“I’ve never lied to you, Ems. The way I handled the situation when I got back home was unforgivable, I get that but it has to be a way to fix this…. Does this kid really have to grow up without a father?”       

She laughs. She actually laughs and it surprises me so much the tears come to an abrupt stop.

“Seriously? What cheesy movie did you get that line from?”

I run the words through my head again and have to agree with her. It does sounds pretty bad actually and I start chuckling too.

“I just want to turn back time and go back to our deal.”

“It never was much of a deal, just an agreement. Which you broke first chance you got.”

“And I’m sorry about that, Ems. You gotta believe me. There hasn’t been a day since I got back that I wish I never would’ve left in the first place. And when I finally was brave enough to try to get back in touch with you, you were long gone.”

“You’re a fucking coward, Mr. Reedus, who would’ve thought?”

“Yeah, I know and I’m sorry you had to deal with the consequences. Can I fly out to see you?”

“No, not right now. Kevin is not doing good at the moment and you showing up isn’t a good thing for him right now.”

“Ok, of course. Is he ok?”

“It a lot of changes right now, so no, he needs some serious TLC and time for the new routines to work.”

“Is there anything I can-“

“Stop, just stop, Norman. You don’t have to pretend to care and worry.”

“Come on, baby-“

“Don’t call me that!”

“Sorry. But that’s just plain mean. I might be an asshole but I’m a carrying asshole and I’m pretty sure you got to know me well enough to know that.”

She mutters to this and I’m pretty sure I call her out on her bullshit this time around.

“Will you at least answer when I call or text you then?”

“You mean like you promised to stay in touch?”

“Don’t be me, set a better example.”

“That’s not gonna be hard.”

Shit, we haven’t been alone. That’s Kristin talking and I hear Emma his at her best friend but she just laughs.

“Thank you, Kristin for making her call.”

“Oh, she didn’t. I tied her to the kitchen chair and put the phone in front of her and forced her to listen.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Well, thank you then.”

“I didn’t do it for you. I did it for the baby.”

She hisses.  

“I get that but thank you anyway. But this is your number, right?”

“Yes but if you start stalking me again-“

“I just want to know that you’re ok, Ems.”

“Ok, yes this is my number.”

“Ok, good. I won’t keep you anymore. I’m glad I got hold of you and thank you for letting me talk to you.”

“Don’t make me regret it.”

“I’ll do my best. Take care of yourself, all three of you.”

“Always do.”

And she hangs up, or Kristin does, the line disconnects and I’m left with the silence, the phone still pressed to my ear. She talked to me. It was more than I had hoped for when calling her. Mostly she listened and I think I managed to tell her everything I wanted but there’s still no guarantee she believes me. Hell, I’m not sure I would if I was told all this.

This really is some messed up situation I’ve gotten myself into. I usually stay as far away as possible from all kind of drama, it has never interested me and I’ve never really seen the point. And now I’ve created a world class drama all on my own because I wanted some quick sex. I’ve wondered a hundred times already what would’ve happened if I had just ignored her that day in London. How things never would’ve ended up being so damn complicated. Or if I had just stuck to my usual routine and just fucked her once and moved on like nothing had happened afterwards. She even wanted that. Mostly women want more but she didn’t. She made it pretty clear that she was all fine with just a one-time thing. So why couldn’t I just leave it at that? What is it about this chick that is so special? Why did I get so stuck on her? The more sentimental women in my life, like Helena and my sister, are both convinced it’s some kind of destiny, that it was somehow meant to be this way and that she is in my life for a reason. I don’t put much stuck in words like faith and destiny. I made a choice that day and so did she and it set shit into motion. A lot more shit than either of us had anticipated but it all comes down to making choices. I could just have done the smart choice and used a condom and we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. But is that really what I want? Her not being pregnant?

I have to search a little but finally I find the video I made during the ultrasound and I turn it on. It makes me choke up again and I want to call her again just to hear her say that the baby is ok again. I restrain myself though and decided to post the video on my private Instagram instead. I’m pretty sure that all the people on my list already knows about the pregnancy and I’ve gotten a few questions about wanting to see the little thing.

_♥ December 5 th 2018 ♥ can’t wait to see who this little blub turns out to be ♥_

I re-watch the video again and again until I finally feel my eyes begin to drupe and I drift off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Kristin walks into the living room with her phone in her hand and she looks really annoyed about something. She stops on the other side of the table.

“You gotta get this shit to stop.”

“What now?”

I ask and wince as I reposition myself a little and the baby gives a protest and kicks me in the ribs. The bowl of ice cream on my bump even jumps and I get distracted from Kristin’s anger and point towards the energetic baby.

“Look. She’s making the whole thing jump.”

I take my phone from the table and record the movement until I’m forced to actually save the ice cream from falling down on the floor. I curse and Kristin laughs as at me and sits down by my feet. She takes the bowl from my bump and puts it on the table.

“That bad guy sent me another text, pictures and everything, telling me he has been spending the whole weekend with the fucker buying baby cloths.”

“That bad guy…? His name is Jeffrey. And why don’t just ignore him?”

“Because I think it’s actually pretty sweet. Look. He’s really trying.”

She shows me the picture apparently Jeffrey has sent her, since he knows I’m not reading the once he sends to my phone. Before I can get the thing out of my face I get a quick glanze at the father of my child and he seems indeed to have been doing a lot of shopping. All smiles and thumbs up and everything. And I don’t want to see it. I wave away her hand but she’s being an ass and shoves the phone in my face and waves it around.

“What the fuck…? Stop it, your idiot.”

“It’s been 3 weeks, Emma. You need to start replaying to all his texts with more than a single word. He really is doing his best.”

“How come you being so soft towards him all of a sudden?”

“Because he really is trying. He really wants to be a part of this and I know he’s a fucking asshole but he’s the father of your baby.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to consider inviting him here.”

I sit up with a grunt and turn my whole body towards her and stare with eyes that threaten to leave their sockets. Is she for real? What the hell has he done that I’m not aware of? Has he really charmed her that much?

“Look…”

She says and I can’t find my voice so she just lets her mouth gape.

“He has text me just as much he has texted you the past couple of weeks. I think he figures it’s easier to make me convince you he’s an alright guy first and then he’s probably hoping I’m going to talk some sense into you. He is really making an effort here, Emma. Preparing and buying stuff and being really excited about this. His entire family and friends know about it by now and his Instagram is filling up with-“

“You said you’d unfollow his private Instagram!”

“Yeah, I didn’t. And now I’m getting text from left, right and center from his friends and you’re too, right?”

“Yeah…”

“I just think that maybe he actually deserves a second chance to prove himself to you that he’s not such a big asshole after all. His girlfriend seems to be a genuine butthole but it doesn’t mean he has to stay that way. They have broken up, you know.”

“I know that.”

At first after Kristin told me about his call and he said they had broken up, I had refused point blank to believe it. I mean, why would he be telling the truth now all of a sudden? But the curious side in me had finally taken over and it was the day after she forced me to call him, that I finally spend some serious time on social media and updated myself on the latest celebrity gossip. Miss D had confirmed the breakup on one of New York’s many late-night shows and claimed it had been irreconcilable differences. Now she was back in New York and was living a happy single life and she was done with everything men related apparently. Strangely enough the, by now legendary, sex tape had not been mentioned at all.

The backstabbing from Miss ex had started after that and she had been crying to every tabloid who would listen, about being screwed over and lied to by the man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. It has been pretty pathetic to follow to be honest. He hasn’t said a word. Not. One. Single. Word. A few days ago, he wrote me like a 2-eassy about it in an e-mail. What really had happened between them and why he chose not to comment any further about their relationship. I must say I was rather impressed after reading it and it made a lot of sense that he wants to stay out of it.            

But to go so far as to invite him over? Do I really want that? Am I ready to see him again. I’ve made up at least 10 differenr ways to murder him that will inflict the most amount of pain. Like cutting of his dick and let him bleed to death.

“You have feelings for the guy.”

“Yeah, I want to rip his balls out and shove them down his throat and watch him choke slowly.”

“Damn, girl…! I just think it would be a good idea for you guys to sit down face to face and sort this out. Again.”

“I don’t know what I would say to him.”

“Of course you do, once you talk to him. It’s your baby, Emma. His too. You made it together.”

“Yeah…”

“And you’d get to fuck him again if he comes over.”

“Why the hell would I fuck him again?”

“Come on! You’ve been moaning about not getting laid for weeks now. And he will most definently not turn you down.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Fuck yeah! I think he has a crush on you.”

“Shut the hell up! I didn’t want him then and I still don’t want him. Except his dick. I do want his dick. It’s so fucking good.”

"So ask him to come over. You can't keep blaming it on Kevin anymore, he has been doing great the past week."  
  
"I know. I'm just afraid."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For what I feel for me. Or might not feel or just react to seeing him again. I might actually try to kill him."  
  
"No you won't. You might fuck him but you won't kill him. Like you said, you want his dick too much for that."  
  
She says, laughing and nudge my leg with her side. A loud cry interrupts us and she sighs as her youngest wakes up for the 3 time tonight.  
  
"Think about it."  
  
She tells me and get to her feet and walk upstairs to put her daughter back to sleep.  
  
And I start to think about it. Really think about it. Should it be so bad to see him again? Would it be a good idea? I know he want to fly out, he has told me about every single time he texts or emails me. It hasn’t worked because of Kevin but Kristin is right that I can't keep using him as an excuse for Norman not to visit us. September has been hell but as of last week, things have finally started to work out. Right now he is spending time with his father and I just pray that it won't make things worse again. Usually it works out but when he has been so off for so long, I worry a little too much.

The thing is that he really broke my heart. I didn’t think that could happen because I never thought I felt anything for him. Boy, was I wrong! But I never got that until it was already too late and I felt too much for him. I had told myself over and over that it was just sex and the fact that he knocked me up that I ended up wanting more than just sex. But you don’t get your heart broken unless you’re actually in love with the guy. I also know the pain goes away and that it’s possible to forgive. I’ve done that once already. It took me almost 2 years to forgive Kevin’s father but that relationship went so much deeper than whatever it is that I’ve with Mr. Reedus.

The really bad and annoying thing’s that I start to fantasies about what it would be like if he came back. I dream about it every single night and when I finally wake up with my heart racing in panic because he asks me to marry him, I know I’m way past any kind of salvation. He has me hooked and I haven’t even seen him in person for four months.

The baby wakes up too and start kicking my bladder like it’s a damn football and I have to rush to the bathroom, so not to pee myself. And once that’s done, I’m wide awake although it’s still not even 4 in the morning. I grab my phone and plug in my headphones and hope some music or podcast can put me back to sleep but I get distracted when I notice 3 new texts. Norman has sent me yet another behind the scene’s selfie from his day at work. And yet again, I pretty much start drooling down myself. It’s something about the blood and dirt and messy hair that gets me going so damn easy. And I’m pretty sure he knows it too and that’s why he keeps sending me this. Two texts are from Kristin. The first one just informing me about the updated wish list for her oldest daughter’s birthday next week. The second one, however, has me raise both eyebrows.

_Ok, I’m done… now u’ve to call him and have him come over_

There’s an URL attached and I get transferred to an American radio station and a rather short interview with the zombie slaying man of my dreams. I put it on and turn to my side and close my eyes. He has a great voice and I could listen to him talk forever. He sounds pretty tired though and he says something about doing night shoots at the moment and apologizes if he sounds a little off. At first they talk about the usual TWD questions and focus is of course on the season premier 5 days ago. I’ve heard all this before though and it’s pretty much the same questions and answers every time and I wonder how he doesn’t just throw up on the reporters. I would go insane having to answer the same thing over and over again. After a while however, the fan questions begin to come in and this is usually a lot more fun to listen to. He still gets a lot of questions about D and what happened but he never once answers them, he just refers to it as a relationship that ended and that he like to keep that to himself. And I wish everyone could just respect that. A question about his photography comes up and he answer what kind of apps he uses if any. The answer is pretty short as he’s not into that right now.

_“What about an app on your phone that we wouldn’t except you to have?”_

The host of the radio shows asks.

_“Probably a pregnancy app.”_

I almost choke on my own breath at these words and my eyes fly wide open and I’ve to get back to listen to what the fuck he just said again to actually believe it. Fuck! He just said that! He just said he had a pregnancy app!

_“Wow, yeah that’s quite unexpected. Are you pregnant?”_

He laughs out loud and curses but quickly apologizing.

_“No, man but someone important in my life is pregnant and I’d like to keep track of what’s happening so that maybe I can be one step ahead.”_

_“Sounds exciting.”_

_“It is.”_

_“And how is the pregnancy going this far?”_

_“Very well. Going into 32 weeks now.”_

He’s actually right! I’m 32 weeks pregnant and he has been keeping track this entire time? This is very unexpected indeed.

_“So she’s getting close to the finish line.”_

_“Yes, she is.”_

_“Is it someone close enough that you’re even going to follow this beyond the pregnancy?”_

_“I really hope so. I’m really looking forwards to getting to meet the little blub.”_

_“Boy or girl?”_

_“No idea and it doesn’t matter to anyone involved as long as it’s a healthy and both mommy and baby is doing ok.”_

_“Well, good luck to the mother to be then. And to you.”_

_“Thank you”_

And I’m done. I give up and call him without hesitating for even a minute. I just deiced not to decided anything and just go with what I want right now. Just like London.

“Ems?”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing up? It’s like 4 in the morning.”

“You woke me up.”

“Sorry… Wait, why?”

“Nothing, I just had a weird dream about you.”

“Good.”

He says and I can hear his smug smile over the phone.

“Shut up…! Do you still want to come out and see me?”

“Fuck yeah…! Thank you, baby. Thank you so much. Just let me try to rearrange my schedule a little and-“

“Hold your horses, Norman.”

“What?”

“You just gotta understand that this is not going to be just a… Pleasure trip. You’ve some serious explaining to do and I don’t know if I’m going to murder you or fuck you the moment I see you so… Just don’t get your hopes up and think this will fix anything.”

“Of course not. No, I get that. And I really do want to tell you everything face to face and I’m sure we can sort this out, as long as you want to.”

“I do. I think I do.”

“Good… Would late Wednesday to Sunday morning work for you? I know you’ve to work but I’m sure I’ll be able to occupy myself.”

“Not Friday. I’ve Friday’s off.”

“Oh, ok. Well, that’s good then. How much longer are you going to work?”

Here we go again… He tries to make the question casual but I’ve gotten both two and three messages about this issue already. He thinks I should stop working, preferable months ago.

“I’ve already told you, I’ll do my last day October 25th. It won’t change because you think I can’t do it-“

“I never said you couldn’t do it, Ems. I just want you to take care of yourself and rest and-“

“I’m perfectly fine, Norman.”

“I know-“

“So stop telling me to stop working!”

“Ok, ok, ok. Sorry. I’m glad you called, babe but I really have to get back to work. I’ll call you before I got to sleep tonight-fuck, this morning, you know…. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, ok?”

“Just text me your flight info.”

“Sure but don’t think about picking me up this time, I’ll take care of it. I don’t want you to drive that far.”

I wasn’t even going to offer this time around but now when he’s the one to say it, I bite back at once and just snarl at him like a stubborn 10 year-old about being able to take care of myself. He chuckles at these words.

“I know you can, baby. It’s one of the many things I love about you… Take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

He hangs up before I can find my voice again. What the fuck did he just say? Did I really hear him right? It most have been something he just said in passing. He doesn’t love me. Not like that. All he said was that he loved that I can take care of myself. Get a fucking grip on yourself!

                                            ----------------------------------

**Norman’s POV**

I can’t believe I’m actually going. Finally! It’s early October and the weather couldn’t be more different from the last time was here. Winter is coming to the North but for now it’s just rain that pores down around the car that is taking me from the airport to her home. I’ve the address in the GPS but I’m pretty sure it’s not the same one as the last time I was here.

She’s being extremely cryptical about the whole thing and I can’t stop wondering why. It’s pretty insane that I’m doing this again and I’ve had pretty much every person I know, telling me to just be careful and take thing slow and not to get my hopes up. It’s a little too late for that to be honest. I’ve already painted a picture about how this is going to turn out in my head. And it’s a very pretty and happy picture. At least from my point of view. At the end of the day thought, the most important thing is that I just get to see her and our bump again. That’s really what mattes and the reason why I’m here again.

It’s been almost a month since my relationship ended and it’s been a good month. Mostly because I really have been allowing myself to take the time and just be. I haven’t done a thing besides work and enjoying my time with the once that matter the most. And trying my hardest to stay out of any kind of social media related. There has of course been a lot of backstabbing from D but not far as much as I had expected. Thankfully there hasn’t been any mentioned about Emma or any pictures that has ended up where they shouldn’t. I’m hoping that she really thinks leaking the tape was more than enough. We haven’t spoke a word since that last text at Jeffrey’s.        

2 years together should make the break-up harder than this but I’m really not that broken hearted about it at all. Probably because of how the whole thing ended and because of what she did and what I did. And then there’s her… The woman that’s carrying my child. I’ve been having dreams about here pretty much every single night the past months. It’s a strange thing how people come into your life and change everything you believe in. Especially at this age and this time in my life. I thought I had everything figured out by now. I’ve a job, a family and no plans whatsoever to expand that family. At least not with any more kids. But here I am, 49 years old and a father-to-be for the second time in my life.

Mingus talked about siblings growing up but once we separated and time just passed, that wish slipped his mind and he never talked about it again. It’s not going to be like he gets a brother or sister, I know that. He’s already 18 years old and has a life of his own but he’s pretty excited about this too. Telling him and Helena was a very pleasant surprise and he’s the one that has been giving me the most positive vibes since I decided to try to fix this mess.

Suddenly it’s only 2 minutes left until I reach my destination and I haven’t even realized I’m way past the place she stayed in when I was here the last time. Apparently she has moved. And as I start looking around I realize that she has gotten a serious upgrade. There’s nothing but million-dollar houses around here and the water is just visible to my left. I park on the driveway and wonder if I’m really at the right place. I double check her text once more and compare it to the address I’m at but it seems to be right. Her car is at least parked right there.

I’m starting to get nervous and my palms start to sweat and my heartrate picks up. But I really don’t want to be left out here in the rain and I jump the stairs and head straight for the front door. The door is red and stands out from the rest of the house that is completely white. I ring the bell and wait under the small roof but the rain is blowing in from all sides and it starts to chill me to the bone.

A minute goes by and I ring the bell again and this time I can hear her call from inside the house. She opens the door in nothing but yoga pants and a sports bra and drying her wet hair on a towel. She stops dead in the doorway with her hand still on the handle and looks straight at me. She gasps and recoil a little. My gaze lands on her gorgeous eyes but I can’t hold it for more than a second. They dart directly downwards and I fix my eyes on her bump. It’s big! Perfectly round and just amazing! And I want to touch her right away but I know I’ve to control that impulse if I want to live another day. But I can’t stand the rain anymore.

“Could I come in? It’s getting pretty cold out here.”

I ask. She drops the towel to the floor and steps aside without a word and I take this as a sign to step inside.

“I’ll borrow this.”

I pick it up and after getting rid of my jacket and shoes I dry myself off quickly while she just stands there and stares at me. It feels a bit weird. she’s looking at me like I’m a damn alien or something. She knew I was coming, still it looks like it’s a shock for her. Or have I change since she last saw me? Do I have something on my face? I checked myself in the car moments ago and I thought I looked fine but maybe…

Suddenly she’s right up in my personal space and she kiss me. Grab me hard by the hair and just latches on like she isn’t planning on letting go this millennium. And I lost all train of thought and I don’t give a shit about anything but her lips and tongue and hands.

“Maybe we shouldn’t-“

I try to speak when she pulls away a little but she just hisses and shakes her head.

“Maybe you should shut up.”

She says and take me hand and walk towards the stairs just inside the door. I follow and do as I’m told and shut up. Apparently we’re not talking just yet and if this is what she needs and wants, I’m not going to be stupid enough to protest. I want her too. So fucking bad. She takes me to what I assume is her bedroom and the door close behind my back as she tugs me inside. This is what I’ve been waiting for, well my dick has been waiting for to be honest. I haven’t been able to perform with D at all but now I’m all set to go and she hasn’t even touched me yet. All I’ve to do is look at her and I want to be inside her. Now!

Her hands are opening up my jeans already but I’m not really willing to go that fast and I most defiantly do not want her on her knees right now. It just feels wrong. I grab her fumbling hands and ask her without words to stop. She groans but give up as I kiss her and my hands grab her face instead. My hands get lost in her hair and she moan quietly.

“Are you ok?”

I ask.

“I’ll be if you fuck me.”

She says and grab my cock outside the jeans and I give up a yelp in surprise that gets mixed with a moan. She is standing at the edge of the bed and the determination in her words and the annoyance in her eyes, makes me give up on the plan to go down on her. I spin her around and she drop her hands to the bed and bends over. Quickly I pull her pants down around her ankles and finish opening my own jeans. As I do, however, I can’t stop myself from bending down and kiss her gorgeous behind. She turns her head to the side and looks back at me and her mouth opens and she starts panting.

“You gotta tell me if I’m hurt-“

“I’m fucking fine!”

She bellows and it makes me smirk and nod at her.

“You’re mighty fine, baby.”

I tell her and help myself inside her. She’s gloriously wet and tight as usual and I curse loudly as she pushes back a little and I slip even further inside her. My hands grip her hips as I start to move into her with slow but hard thrusts. And I know I’m not going to last long at all. But it doesn’t matter because she cums hard just moment after she begins to push back hard against me and we find the perfect rhythm. She muffles her yells of my name in the bed covers and I watch as he she fists turn white as she grabs the fabric under her hands. Watching and feeling her orgasm around me, sends me over the edge as well. My legs start to shake as I climax inside her and my fingers dig into her flesh as I have to steady myself.

“God damnit, baby…”

I collapse in bed beside her as she kicks of her pants and crawl into the middle of the bed. She rolls to her side and I feel her watch me. My head spins a little and I keep my eyes closed in order to get my head straight. We lay in silence for a long while and I try my best to come up with something good to say but I can’t. My brain is completely in disbelieve right now and can’t really function. I was prepared to get murdered not fucked.

“Well, this was a lot better than what I had pictured to meet.”

I finally say and open my eyes to the white roof and put a hand behind my head. She snorts beside me and I tilt my head and look at her.

“I just wanted to fuck you one last time before I murdered you, figured I deserved that after all the shit you’ve put me through.”

“If sex would solve all this, I really would be willing to fuck you until you couldn’t stand straight but that’s not going to be case.”

“No… No, it’s not.”

She says and I want to keep looking at her, drown a little in her baby blue’s but something else catches my attention at the corner of my eye. Her bump moves and I can her hear let out a complaining groan.

“Can I?”

I figure it’s best to ask, unless I want to get my head chopped off. She sighs but turns to her back and nods towards me. I can almost hear her thoughts about just wanting to get it out of the way. But if I get my way, this will be the first of many, many times that I get to rub her belly. My hand finds the exact spot where I can actually see the movement. It’s the most fascinating thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Her belly is actually moving under my hands and I’m pretty sure it’s actually a foot that I feel. I drop my head to the top of her round bump and follow the movement with my hands.

“Hey, baby be careful with mommy.”

She whines once more somewhere above me and I place a careful hand on the spot right under her ribs. She tenses under my touch and I’m pretty sure she has to force herself not to just ask me to get the hell out.

“I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a while but your mommy really has been taking good care of you, hasn’t she? I just wish I would’ve been here a lot more to see you grow. I love you. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time now, cause it’s been true since I knew you were in there. I love you, whoever you are.”

I know I’m getting all emotional and sentimental but I’ve wanted to say it for so long know that I jump at the first chance I get. Because truth is, I’m not sure I’ll get another chance to say it so I better take advantage while she lets me.

“I’m sorry for everything that I’ve put you and your mother through. I never meant for this to end up being so messy and… Fucked up. And I don’t expected your mother to forgive me any time soon but I hope she can see past my mistakes for your sake. This is what matters the most. You matter the most. I was a coward, I know that but I really was trying to protect you both. I should’ve talked to your mother though, told her what was going on instead of just running away from it all.”

“What made you think running away would be easier?”

“I never thought it would be easier but I never really felt like I had a choice. It got so fucking messed up, Ems and I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t talk to anyone and… It just got worse and worse and… Not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about you and your mother. I wanted to come back as soon as I left. I made the right choice the first time around, I just made the wrong choice not to stick to it. I hope you can find it in you heart to forgive me and give me another chance to prove that I’m actually a pretty good dad.”

“I’ve never doubted you’re a good dad. Just a pretty shitty human being.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m so sorry, Ems.”

I kiss her belly gently once before turning my head up to look at her. She looks back at me and she has tears in her eyes. She quickly wipes them away though and pushes my head away from her. I lean back but my hand lingers on her belly as she sits up with her back to the headboard. She grips my wrist and shoves my hand away.

“This can’t be fixed with just a ‘sorry’.”

“I’m aware. But I’m really trying here. I’ve been trying really hard. I know that it doesn’t matter how many times I tell you or how I tell you, I gotta show you, right?”

“Actions do speak a hell lot louder than words, yes.”

“Yet, you haven’t murdered me.”

“Just wait until Kristin gets here, she’ll cut your balls off.”

“Really? I thought I had made quiet the impression on her, she even seems to like me now. Not to mention Jeffrey.”

“Yeah, what the fuck is up with that? Telling your friends to text me and my best friend to, what, sale you in?”

“It worked, didn’t it? I’m here now. I know she would tell you about what I’ve done, seeing as I’m pretty sure you’ve ignored most of my texts and e-mails.”

“I have.”

“See…? That’s why I texted Kristin and had Jeffrey do the same. They’ve been texting back and forth quiet a bit, you know.”

“She tells me everything, Norman.”

“I know. Is this yours? Did you buy this?”

I ask and look around the room and get to my feet and walk towards the window. There’s a covered pool out there on a huge deck and water just beyond. In the summer this place most be heaven on earth.

“Yes.”

“It’s amazing. I’m glad you found something you and your son liked. Where is he by the way?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to have him home when you got here, when I had no idea how I was going to react to seeing you again. He’s with my brother.”

“I most say I’d like the fucking part instead of you committing murder.”

“I’ll blame it on the rain.”

I laugh at this and turn around to face her. She’s standing with her pants back on again and she shrugs her shoulders before exiting the room and I follow. She makes her way down the stairs but I linger a little and check out the upstairs landing. There’re 2 more bedrooms up here and a spacious and luxuries bathroom. The first bedroom is a guestroom/office and it’s across the hall from her bedroom. The room next to hers, is the nursery to be. I walk into the room and it is white, like everything else in the house this far. The crib is white as well and is already made with gorgeous light green bedding and a few stuffed animals in there, along with a little nest. Over the crib is four different ultrasound pictures. 2 of them from the time I was there and the other’s from about 10 weeks later. Under the pictures, I assume Kevin has been allowed to leave his mark. The beautiful letters of _little ass kicker_ is decorated with small animals, mostly cats and tigers but also bunnies and birds.

I’ve to let this sink in a little and I fall into the armchair in the corner and just sit there and look around the nursery. She really has good taste. It’s a beautiful room and a great place for a baby to grow up in. But where am I to fit in, in all this? How am I ever going to be able to be part of this? I can’t even fly out once a month the way things are right now. In December of course, we’ll have finished filming but then there’s _Ride._ And award shows and conventions and _Death Stranding_ and 1 million other commitments. Yet I can see myself sitting here every night in December with a newborn child in my arms and be perfectly happy.


	19. Chapter 19

I’m 100 % sure I’m crazy and probably in need of professional help. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me?! I had plans! Plans that involved physical pain and mutilation at least. And what the fuck do I do?! I fuck him! I start making out with him the second he’s inside the motherfucking door and then take him up to my bedroom and fuck him! That is not what I had in mind! Not at all. And yet it’s nothing more than I expect. I can’t control myself around him. And he stood there all wet and glorious and hot as hell…

I’m trying to calm my nerves with some comfort food. This time some ice cream in the kitchen and I’m glad to be alone for a moment. I’m guessing he’s upstairs, doing the tour or something and he can stay there for a little while longer. This Ben&Jerrey’s brownie ice cream is a very good company at the moment and all I really need.

_How are u doing?_

Kristin texts me when half the ice cream is already gone.

_IDK_

_Meaning? Is he alive?_

_Unfortunately, yes_

_So u didn’t kill him on sight?_

_No…_

_Have u talked?_

_Kinda_

_WTF did u do?! U didn’t fuck him already, did u?_

_Maybe a little_

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If u don’t get this, I’m yelling at u as loudly as I can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_No, I got that…_

_Good! WTF is wrong with u?????!!!!!_

_U should’ve seen him though. All wet from the rain and just sexy as fuck and he just looked at me and I haven’t had a proper orgasm for months and he had me cuming in 1 fucking minute and it was soooo good_

_U can’t keep doing this_

_I know but it was worth it_

_Are u still murdering him though?_

_I haven’t really decided yet_

_YOU ARE INSANE!!!_

_Yup_

_We’re still doing dinner tomorrow night, right? I really need to yell at him!_

_Yes, we’re doing dinner tomorrow night. If he’s still alive then but for now, just stay away. I’ll let you know what happens_

_U better, but u gotta stop fucking him_

_Do I really have to?_

_YES!!!_

_Fine…_

I put the phone down and curse under my breath when all the ice cream is gone.

“There’s never enough ice cream, is it?”

He’s behind me, coming down the stairs when I turn around and find him.

“No, it’s not.”

“Can I sit down?”

He indicates the high chair next to me and when I nod he walks past me, strokes my back as he does and sits down, facing me.

“Just so you know, Kristin is coming over for dinner tomorrow.”

“Ok…?”

“So she can yell at you.”

He laughs.

“Well, to be honest I’m still waiting for you to start yelling.”

“I was planning to but then you came in here like a fucking hurricane and mess me up.”

“Just like old times, huh?”

“Just like you did from the first time…. This is still new, Norman. You gotta get that into your head. This…. You and I meet 7 months ago. You didn’t even know I existed before then.”

“I do now. And I’m glad I meet you.”

“How can you possible say that after everything that has happened?”

“I don’t regret this, Ems. How could I? I mean, sure, I wish some things would’ve turned out different but I’m still glad I meet you.”

H reach out a hand across the counter and grabs mien and although I want to pull away, it feels too good when he touches me. I lower my gaze to our hands and I can see him study me with a confused look upon his face.

“Aren’t you?”

He finally asks, his voice full of worry and doubt.

“There have been times that I wish I’d never meet you. There have been times I wish I never would’ve gone to London in the first place and just kept on loving you from a distance and you would still have been that… Impossible dream. That’s all gone now and a part of me hates that I lost that.”

“Lost what?”

“You.”

“I don’t understand. I’m right here, baby.”

I snap back my hand from him and lean away without looking at him.

“I looked up to you. You were, the public version of you, were one of the things that kept me on my feet when I hit rock bottom. You brought joy and hope into my life just by being you. Not just with Daryl but everything else. Interviews, your photography, movies, _Ride,_ just everything that you shared and I spent so many night and daydreams about finally getting to meet you and how awesome it would be. And I got all that in London. For the first like 3,4 minutes I got everything that I wanted. But after the first time, in the bathroom, I lost that. I lost you. The person I thought you were and the person I looked up to. And fuck that there’s a difference between public and private Norman, I get that but it got so beyond anything I could ever imagine. I’m not saying this side is bad, I’m just saying it’s different and I don’t think you get that. To you it’s not that different.”

“There’s just one me, Ems. One true me and that’s right now. I know you’ve gotten to see a lot of different sides of me in a very short time but it’s just one me. And when it’s been just the two of us together, like after we fucked in the hotel room in London the first time, that was me. Or when we went out for dinner with Jeffrey in Germany. But I’ve never not been me with you. Does that make sense? It was never an act with you.”

“And now you’ve been acting for 3 months…? How am I ever going to be able to trust you again after this? How the hell do I know that was an act and this isn’t? Can you please tell me that because I’ve no idea what’s real anymore?”

“I can’t. I can just keep proving to you time and time again that this is true. This, right here, right now is what’s real. Our baby is what matters the most and I get that you don’t trust me and that it will take time but I really think we can fix this. I didn’t have a chose.”

“Bullshit! Of course you had a choice! You just chose the easiest way for you! You cowered out and didn’t have the balls to stick by your promises!”

“I did it for you.”

“No, you didn’t. You did it for you, don’t try to pretend otherwise. This way you didn’t have to get your hands dirty and deal with the hard things.”

“It hasn’t really been a picnic.”

“Compered to what I’ve been going through?!”

“I’m not saying… I get it, Ems.”

“No you don’t! You just left, telling me that you would sort everything out with your girlfriend and 2 months go by and I don’t hear a fucking thing from you! It would’ve been easier if you would just have told me you changed your mind. I would’ve taken that over this shit of not knowing what the fuck happened every day of the year.”

“I didn’t know what to say…”

“How about the truth?! That would’ve been a good start.”

“I couldn’t get hold of you.”

“If you hadn’t waited 2 fucking months, you would have! What are you so fucking scared of? What can she possible have on you that is so fucking scary?”

“It you, Ems. I don’t give a shit about what she has on me but the pictures of you and our texts and… You being pregnant would come out if she sale those photos and that’s the last thing I want. You don’t get how fucked up this could get.”

“There’s a whole fucking sex tape out there with my fucking pussy and boobs on it, Norman! What the fuck would one more picture do…?”

As I sit there and watch him but he looks away from me, it suddenly dawns on me what is that he’s so scared of. And I let out a disbelieving sort of laugh and shake my head. He looks up at this and frowns.

“You’re scared it’s going to hurt your image. That’s it, isn’t it? You think this is going to hurt your career.”

The realization of this makes me get to my feet and I need to keep myself busy to not smack him right in the face. Is he really that shallow? Behind me, I hear him get to his feet as well but I head straight for the unloaded dishwasher.

“I don’t want you to get more exposed than you already have because of me.”

“How much worse can it get?! I almost lost my job because of your girlfriend! For you it has just been another success, hasn’t it?! You got a huge thump on the back for this, didn’t you? Good job, Norman for fucking the shit out of just another bitch?! It’s not like you got scolded for doing this, is it? No, cause you’re the guy and you get a fucking high five! I haven’t heard anyone call you a whore or slut because of this! So in what fucking possible way could this hurt your career? Because I’m pregnant?! Well, maybe you should sale that to the fucking tabloids as well. Would kinda close the motherfucking circle pretty good, wouldn’t it?!”

“I don’t want that!!!”

He bellows back at me with furry in every word and I’m not at all prepared for this kind of reaction. He grabs me around the shoulders and forces me around to face him and for half a second, I’m actually a little bit scared of him.

“I never wanted a public relationship! I’ve never been ok with sharing my private life with the rest of the world. I never will be. I lost something too when that tape hit the public. I lost you too. I wanted you to be mine, just mine. Someone that no one else knew anything about. You were my secret and I never wanted to share that with anyone else. And if this comes out, which it will if D releases the pictures, I’ve lost that too.”

His eyes go from furious to absolutely devastated and they fill with tears and he lets me go and his shoulder slump and he looks 20 years old in a few seconds. He takes a step back and turns his back to me and I think he covers his face with both hands. And somehow I know he’s telling the truth. It’s just something in his words and posture that makes me believe every word he says. I take a deep breath but curse loudly inside my head as the baby reacts with hurricane-like movements.                   

“So why hasn’t she? Why doesn’t the rest of the world know that you knocked me up?”

“I don’t know… And I’m really… It bothers me that it hasn’t happened yet. It feels like something she should’ve talked about by now, seeing as she has blamed me for everything else.”

“You know… This whole thing with you not saying anything is getting pretty annoying.”

“What do you mean?”

He spins back around to face me and dries his eyes as he does. He gives a dry sob and takes a step towards me.

“She doesn’t deserve you being so fucking nice to her. You’ve a lot of dirt on her too, right? I mean, just letting the press know that she was the one to leak the fucking tape will be a huge backlash for her.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why? Cause you care about her?”

“I want to be better than that. I don’t want to sink to her level of backstabbing. I gotta be better than that.”

Well, damn… What the fuck do you say to that? I can’t argue with that. I want to but I can’t tell him that he should be an asshole and do the same thing his girlfriend has done to him.

“What about you just post them?” 

The idea comes to me out of the blue and I say the words before I can even think about it. I mean, they were gorgeous photos and I really don’t care if there’s another nude picture out there of me, seeing as there’s a whole feature film.

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of waiting for her to post them when we’ve no idea, just stay one step ahead and do it yourself. Or I can do it.”

“We really shouldn’t tell the world we’re having a kid.”

“No, of course not. But does it really show that I’m pregnant? I mean, I was like 12 weeks or something, right?”

“You’re serious.”

He says slowly and closes the last steps between us and he stands right in front of me. I look up into his face and his eyes are red and slightly puffy. I nod and feel the baby do a summersault inside me and I have to grab the counter behind me for support.

“Are you ok?”

He asks and doesn’t bother to ask permission this time but put both hands on top of my moving bump.

“It’s fine.”

“I don’t know how to make you believe me when I say that this is all that matter right now. This baby and your wellbeing are the most important thing in my life, Ems. You gotta believe that.”

“I just wish you should’ve thought about that when you left.”

“I did. I never stopped thinking and worrying about you.”

What is it about those eyes??? He looks straight into mien as he says the words that I wished for so long were true. I never stopped hoping he actually cared and he is telling me what I want to hear. And those blue eyes are begging for forgiveness. And I want to give it to him. I want to tell him that it’s ok. But its not. It’s not ok. Just one day of showing up won’t fix 3 months of absence. He has a long way to go if he wants to prove that he’s going to be here for me through this. The thing is, that he doesn’t have that much time left.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

He says again. And I really don’t doubt that he’s sorry. I’ve never really doubted but I’ve been screwed over too many times to let that be the only thing that fixes this. But I think, for his sake, that he’s beginning to grasp that.

Suddenly his lips are on mine and he kiss me and I don’t even bother not to kiss him back. Kristin’s words scream at me at the back of my head to stop this. But it’s just a kiss. This is not fucking. It’s not going to lead to another tumble in bed with him.

His hand in my hair, tugging me closer and deeper. My hand inside his shirt, caressing his gorgeous back. He moans into my mouth. His shirt leaves his body. How the hell did that happen? His skin is hot against my naked stomach. He’s not going to be able to fuck myself into forgiven him! But damn, he feels so good! I want him inside me again. Right now. My hand finds its way into his jeans and I grab his erection hard and stroke him slowly. He tenses and his grip in my hair tightens.

“Fuck, baby.”

He breaths between kisses before trailing wet kisses from my mouth down my neck and throat He bites my earlobe gently.

“Turn around, baby.”

He whispers in a husky voice that makes my pussy clench and scream for release. Just one more time. It’s not going to hurt anyone. It’s just sex. I let go of his dick and do as I’m told and I put my hands on the high chair in front of me. How the hell did we move from the dishwasher to here? Fuck it! I feel him move behind me and he unzips his jeans and pulls down my pants around my ankle once more. I hear him moan and I’m pretty sure he can see his own cum still being present.

Both hands land on my ass and he squeeze and caress while bending over me and kiss my neck and back.

“Tell me if I hurt you.”

He says and I’m in the middle of nodding my head at him when he suddenly moves his fingers inside me. The nod stops mid-through and my entire body tenses by the extremely welcome treatment.

“Shit!”

I cry out and move my hips to get him deeper. He notices at once and pushes back hard against me and he slips even further inside me and hits my g-spot hard. Then he drops to his knees behind me and my hands grab the chair so hard they turn white. And his tongue is inside me, along with his fingers and he find his goal at once.

He doesn’t need long at all. But once I climax for the first time, he just keeps going. His tongue keeps circling and lapping at my clit and the rest of my craving pussy. And I cum again, yelling his name and bang my fists against the white wood. He moves and I feel his hand around my hips before he pushes himself deep inside me.

“Fuck, Ems! Fuck, you’re tight. I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

“Me too.”

Ok, where the hell did that come from? What is it about this man and his ability to fuck the truth out of me?! I’ve missed him. Like really missed him a lot. Not just his dick, all of him. He lasts longer this time around and he really tries to slow things down and prolong both our pleasure. I’m not the only one who never wants this to stop but when I cum for a forth or fifth time, I’ve lost count, he gives up as well and he pushes deep inside me once last time and his hips stills and his hands dig into my hips. He brings me down on the floor, sinks down with his back against the kitchen island and places me between his outstretched legs. I snuggle into his chest and close my eyes as he puts both hands on my belly and I can hear him rest his head heavy against the counter.

“It seems someone isn’t that fond of us having sex.”

He says and chuckle a little as he feels the baby move.

“She reacts to your voice.”

“She?”

“Yeah, Kevin has decided that it’s a girl. He wants to name her Charlie.”

“Is it a girl? Do you know?”

“No, I haven’t found out for sure.”

“Charlie is a good name though. Work for both a girl and a boy. I saw the nursery. It looked really great. I guess Kevin did the drawings over the crib?”

“Yeah. He found _little ass kicker_ online when he was looking for some cool baby cloths to buy and wanted me to write it over the crib.”

“Speaking of which, I brought you a few thigs from back home. For the kid. Well, kids. I found some cool stuff for Kevin too. It’s in the car, I’ll bring it in later.”

“You do this on purpose, right?”

“Do what?”

“Use sex to get me to forgive you?”

“What? Me…? No! Would I do that?”

He says, not at all convincing and he even laughs heartily and hug me harder.

“We seriously need to stop doing this though.”

“Why?”

He asks, frowning as I glance up at him over my shoulder and next second his face shows nothing but horror and I can see how he tries to form the worried questions. I managed to cut him off and tell him he isn’t hurting me in any way. Because I’ve gotten to know him that well by now and I can tell that is exactly what he tried to get out. I can hear him sigh in relief as I assure him I’m perfectly fine.

I drop my gaze to the bump and I watch his hands caress it and his finger dance lightly over my skin and I’m able to shut of my brain for a while. It feels nice to be able to just sit there in his arms and not care that it’s actually _his_ arms I’m sitting. It should be the last place I feel safe and pretty content in at the moment to be honest but that’s what I do.

“I haven’t been given a high-five by the way.”

He suddenly speaks, making me jump a little and the baby jumps with me. He gives up a surprised yelp and I can’t say that I blame him as his hands almost leaves my body. I chuckle at his reaction.

“I really think she reacts to your voice. Or he…I remember reading something a long time ago that you always wanted a daughter, a baby girl.”

“Yeah… It was years ago though and I gave up on that dream a long time ago. Now I really don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as you and the baby are doing ok.”

“We’re ok. I had a check up this Monday and everything was looking good.”

“Good. I’m sorry I haven’t been there along the way. I would’ve done everything to have been at those check-ups. I’d like to be there from now on if that’s ok with you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Norman. I’ve had enough of that kind of bullshit by now.”

“Everything is different now. I promise… Well, fuck, ok how about I just say that I’ll do everything in my power to be there for your next appointment.”

“Ok.”

I’ll believe that when I see it. I want to trust him, I really truly do but he has a long way to go and this would indeed be a good start.

“When is it?”

“October 24th, 4:15.”

“Ok. I’ll do my best to be here.”

“You’re just about to wrap season 9, aren’t you? I doubt AMC would let you leave because of something like this.”

“This is what’s important to me. Most important, not AMC, not _Walking Dead._ This is what matter the most, ok? So if I tell them I’ve an appointment, they’ll just have to work with that. They really don’t have much of a choice.”

“As you’re the new leading man?”

“I’ll never be that, I could never be that.”

“But this is like a two-day appointment, seeing as we don’t really live door to door.”

“I don’t mind flying.”

“Good, cause you’re going to be doing a lot of that if you’re serious about this.”

“I am.”

“We’ll see.”

“Yes, you will.”

He says, all confident and sure about himself. And I hope for his sake that this time it’s the real deal because there won’t be any pieces of him left if he screws me over again. Which I tell him but he just sniggers and shakes his head at me before telling me he’s hungry and asks if he can take me out for dinner.


	20. Chapter 20

Dinner turns into movies and the movies turn into desert and drinks afterwards. He goes for the non-alcoholic kind as well to show his support he says. I really don’t mind if he drinks but I must admit its kind of cute what he’s doing.

It’s surprisingly crowded at the bar we’re at, at least for being in the middle of the week. And although I’ve never been much of a drinker, it’s actually pretty annoying to be among drunk people when you can’t you drink yourself. And middle-aged women especially seem to be the worst kind of drinkers. They get pushy and loud. And grabby! And somehow Norman is the target for a lot of sideway glances. I don’t know why I see it or why I even bother but I do. I don’t want anyone else looking at him with eyes that pop out of their fucking skulls!

He talks a lot tonight. About everything and nothing and he does it with nothing but a smile on his face and it’s a bit contagious. The dinner was pretty quiet from my part but he didn’t seem defeated because of that and just kept talking. I wonder how much of my silence he can actually take. Well, silence might not be the right word but I’m not really taking part in his conversations the way I know he wants me to. My answers are pretty short and doesn’t give him much to work with. But he made it through the entire dinner with flying colors and the same goes for the movie. And for the past 20 minutes he has been talking about the movie we just saw, _Halloween,_ and every possible horror movie there is.

I caught myself enjoying watching him talk. I’ve always liked his voice and I think the baby is agreeing with me. She hasn’t moved this much in ages and my guess it’s because of him. I know I’m being all sentimental and shit but there’s a lot of hormones flying around and a small part of me, probably something that’s attached to the baby, forgave him long before there was anything to forgive. And I’m blaming the kid for this Marshmallow act too that is starting. In my defense though, I wasn’t expecting him to be so persistent but when he starts talking about living with Mingus in New York alone after he and Helena split, I latch on to every word and start sharing my experiences with being a single parent as well.

Watching him talk about his son is melting my heart more for every second that passes. He really has been doing his best through the years and I’m pretty sure Mingus loved growing up with his father. They seem to have had a lot of fun. Pretty crazy but fun times. It so different from how my first years with Kevin has been. He swells with proud when he tells me about Mingus graduation but after that he falls silent and I take the opportunity to get to my feet.

“Where are you going?”

He asks, startled and is halfway up as well.

“Gotta pee.”

I tell him and he chuckles and sits back down.

“Again?”

I roll by eyes at him and turn my back to him and walk towards the one restroom for the 3 times since we got here an hour and a half ago. There’s a line this time though and I end up behind 2 pretty wasted middle-aged men. One of the guys catch my eye and nudge the other and both of them turn to stare shamelessly at me. Fuck! Not again. Not now. I know that look and I know what they’re about to say before they even open their mouths.

“I know you.”

“No, you don’t.”

I tell the first man and he stands a little straighter and narrows his eyes at me, as though he has to really focus.

“You’re the chick that was on the internet.”

“Everyone’s on the internet.”

It sometimes works to try to make the confused and they lose their train of thought. But this guy is not drunk enough yet and he takes a step forward and jabs his finger at me.

“You’re the chick with the sex tape. A fucking pornstar!”

At these words his friend reacts as well and I’ve both men looking me up and down and staring like they’ve never seen a human being before.

“Damn! It is her. You have some serious skills with that mouth.”

My leg twitch and I’ve to force myself not to kick this asshole in the balls. I grit my teeth together and try to ignore them.

“Yeah, you’d know how to suck dick.”

Ok, I don’t care if I get arrested right now. My leg moves but just then Norman is right behind me and puts his arm around my waist and tugs me close to him.

“Are you ok?”

He asks but doesn’t look at me. His furious eyes are fixed on the 2 men in front of us and I can’t say that I blame them when they take a step back. The look in his eyes tells them pretty clearly that he’s ready to fight to the death of it comes to that. Damn, he’s going all Daryl Dixon on these guys! For me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

And I don’t know what the hell comes over me or what the fuck I’m doing, but I turn towards him and grab him hard and shove him into a kiss. He’s surprised at first and I can’t say that I blame him, I’m too, but only for half a second and then he kisses me back. And the men beside us quickly vanishes. Where the hell has he been all those other time assholes like this think it’s ok to ask me for a fucking blow job?! Right. With his girlfriend. And I pull away from him at once but he holds on to my face and breaths against my lips.

“Well, I was going to beat the shit out of them but this worked too.”

He smiles against my lips and kisses me gently and quickly before he leans away a little and checks me over, as though to make sure I’m not hurt. And he asks me again if I’m ok.

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

“It’s what I’m here for, baby.”

“I can take care of myself, Norman.”

“I know you can but I’m happy to help. And I really didn’t need to speak the same language to understand what they were saying.”

“Yeah, well this is what happens to a girl when she ends up with a fucking sex tape online. Everyone expects me to get down on my knees at first best opportunity.”

“I’m sorry, Ems.”

“I’ve learned to ignore them.”

“Good. But you really should’ve to deal with this shit.”

“Tell that to your girlfriend.”

For some reason he chuckles as he puts his arms around me again and tells me we’re leaving. I look up at him and frown.

“You’re not so understanding anymore, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

I ask as we make it out on the street and start walking through the dark and cold streets towards where we parked the car.

“You were not that pissed at her at first, you sort of got what she went through. But now you’re pretty pissed at her.”

“I was always pissed at her but maybe a little bit more now then before. I can’t really make excuses anymore. And nether should you.”

“I’m not. I’m mean, I try not to anyway.”

He slips his arm away from me and search for my hand. Hold hands? Really? I hesitated and for a second I can see the hurt on his face. He quickly shakes it off though and just shrugs his shoulders a little.

“Where’s your cigarettes?”

The question comes out of nowhere but I realize this now as we walk back to the car, that he hasn’t smoked at all since he got here.

“I quit.”

He says simply.

“You quit?”

“Yeah. I told you I would.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, no it’s been hell but it’s been 6 weeks now.”

“Good for you.”

“Yeah, it feels really good.”

He tries again to grab my hand and this time I let him entwine our fingers together and he hold me tight and the smile that spreads on his face as he does, is pretty damn priceless. Damn! I’ve to forgive this man now. He really is trying his hardest here. And although it’s not such a big deal to quit smoking, I can’t help but realizing he actually has done it for me, or more likely the baby.

We reach the car and I grope for the keys for a second. When I manage to find them, he’s fast and take them away from me.

“Let me drive.”

He says and grab the handle on the driver side but the teasing bitch inside me is awake and I shut the door hard and move in as close as I can come to him. I grind my thigh against his crotch and grab him by the waist. He gasps and his eyes widen as he looks down at me.

“Alright.”

I tell him and walk to the other side of the car after letting my hand grace his dick once. I’ve to wait for almost a whole minute but finally he gets into the car as well and start the machine. He doesn’t say anything but he can't seem to lose the smirk on his face. And I don’t know what the hell is going on in the most wonderful way…

                                                                 ------------------------------------

After a very long and extremely pleasant or both of us, oral sex session, we fall asleep and sleep through the night. This hasn’t happened for a very long time and I’m very confused when my alarm wakes me up. Norman wakes up too, look over at me, realizing he doesn’t have to get up and rolls over and goes back to sleep. But I’ve to get up and go to work although I must admit it’s very tempting to call in sick as I see him lay there in my bed and sleep like a baby. At least it’s just half a day today and I’m off already at 1:30. He might actually be asleep until I get back. He sure does look like he needs it.

My work day drags and I get easily distracted and every time it happens, it’s because Mr. Reedus makes an appearance in my mind somehow. It doesn’t help that he keeps sending me texts and selfies through the entire day. Apparently he woke up around 10 and had a very long and quiet breakfast before deciding to start folding and putting away the two overflowing baskets of baby cloths I’ve been washing earlier in the week.

He calls me twice 5 minutes after my last lesson and I’ve to excuse myself from the conversation I’m having with a colleague as he tries for a third time.

“Is the house on fire?”

“What…? No. Why?”

He asks, confused as I finally pick up and make my way from the classroom to the staffroom.

“So why are you calling like crazy?”

“Cause I want to make sure you’re ok. You’ve stopped working, right?”

“I never stop working, but yeah for the topic of our conversation, yes I’ve stopped working.”

“Ok, good cause I’m here waiting for you.”

“You’re here?”

“Yeah. I’m waiting outside by the parking lot.”

“How did you get here?”

“Called a cab. Figured you could give me a lift back.”

“I’m actually not going home.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured. We need to buy some food for tonight, right?”

“We? Since when did you and I become a we?”

“Well, _we_ did a fucking human being, that’s pretty cool. And you mentioned something about grocery shopping last night and I don’t like you carrying too much heavy stuff so I’m gonna help.” 

Again, he makes me speechless with his willingness to help out and I stop in the middle of the corridor, making several students look up at me.

“Thank you.”

I splutter out after the line has been silent for too long and I can hear him begin to form my name in a question.

“Of course. So are you coming or do I’ve to freeze my ass of out here for much longer?”

“Give me 3 minutes.”

“I can do that. I’ll be by your car.”

He hangs up and my feet start working again and I hurry through the corridor, make it to the staffroom, dump my notes and books on my desk, grab my coat and bag, shout an ‘bye’ to whoever is there and head towards the exit. And I think I make the timeline with even a few seconds to spare. He stands by the rear of the car, leaning against it and looks like he just stepped out of a James Dean movie wearing faded black jeans, booths, a leather jacket and his long hair hanging perfectly around his face. That the sun is shining behind him and the sky is perfectly blue doesn’t make the picture less perfect. And once again he lights up like a damn Christmas tree as he sees me and we make eye contact. And again, my knees feel like jello. He’s so goddamn hot!

“Hey, beautiful. How was your day?” 

He says, smiling from ear to ear and I can see him wanting to embrace me but as I make no attempt to get too close to him, he backs down.    

“Hi. Good, it’s been a good day. How about you?”

I ask and take a quick look around the parking lot. There’re too many students around for me to feel comfortable getting physical with him. He read me pretty good though and gives a small nod of understanding.

“Perfect.”

He says and hurries to open the car door for me and takes my bag out of my hand. I begin to protest but realize the same second I do, that it’s pretty pointless. At least he’s letting me drive and I get into the driver seat while he puts my bag in the back and hurries around the car to the other side.

“Did I tell you where I worked?”

I ask as he gets in beside me and I start the car. He turns and looks at me with an extremely guilty look upon his face. Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I’ve no memory of telling him where I work. But apparently, it’s not that hard to find out.

“Did you have a damn private detective looking me up?”

“No, not about this. I was just looking through your bookcase and I found last year’s yearbook and I know you haven’t changed your job. So no, no private detective needed to be hired for this.”

“But for a lot of other stuff?”

“Maybe.”

He says, smirking.

“You’re fucking impossible, Norman Reedus. You’re really stalking me.”

“Hell yeah, baby!”

He laughs and I can’t help but do the same, although I’d roll my eyes a little at the same time and drive out of the parking lot and head for the food store.

“So what’s the plan?”

“The plan is to go shopping now and then pick up Kevin at 3 and go back home and start prepare dinner and then Kristin is coming over around 6.”

“Ok, great…. I’ve been thinking abut what you said about the pictures and staying one step ahead.”

“Yeah?”

“You changed your Instagram, right? I mean you’ve two now right? One private with just the closest circle and the rest for-“

“For all the people who likes to gloat in my business, yes. I kinda had to after the tape was released.”

“Yeah, I get that but if you’re serious about posting the pictures before she does, you better do it soon.”

He says and it something in his words that make me snap my heard around to look at him. Something has happened and before I need to ask he continues.

“Helena called this morning, telling me the tabloids have picked up on me leaving the States to fly overseas.”

“They know you’re here?”

“I don’t know but apparently Helena heard something about D not really being that happy about it, if you know what I mean? She knows where I am and why I’m here.”

“Is she going to tell the world that I’m pregnant?”

“I think it’s more likely that she will post the pictures and comments because she thinks it’ll hurt more. You know, it’ll make me look even worse because it shows me cheating on her again.”

“That will still be true though even if I’m the one posting the pictures.”

“But they will be your pictures. The tabloids won’t be that interested in posting something that’s already out there. And it’s not like it’s an exact date on the photos.”

“No, I guess not… Send them to me then.”

“I already have.”

“Oh, ok.”

“And you probably need to be prepared for this coming out sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I say, sighing deeply at the mere thought. I’ve been prepared for that for a long time now and I know it’s going to happen but I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. I mean, how the hell do you get ready for something like that? Having half the whole world knowing and actually carrying about you getting knocked up? I’m really grateful that I don’t live in the US or UK right now or the truth about my pregnancy would’ve been blown way out of proportions. It’s probably going to be that way but I’ll be a good way away from it all and all I’ve to do really is not to read the shit. Easier said than done, I know but it worked pretty well the first time around. But I know a hurt ex-girlfriend is a force to be reckoned with. I’ve been that force once and I know what inrational bitched I turned out to be. And I’ve a feeling this ex might turn out to be just one shade crazier than I was.

                                            ------------------------------------

The black and white pictures are absolutely gorgeous and not what I expected at all. These photos are artistic and if I’m allowed to brag just a little, stunning, to look at. And thankfully my small, at the time, bump can’t be seen from the angle he took the pictures. The focus is instead of my boobs and exploding face where my head is tilted back, my hair is flying all around it. I know what we were doing that day. I know that I rode him like there were no tomorrow and that he probably just made me cum when he took the picture but it’s still a gorgeous picture and not at all just porn like the sex tape.

“Do you have a camera with you?”

“I always have a camera with me. Why?”

He’s driving at the moment, so that I can take a look at the pictures before we pick up Kevin.

“I still haven’t taken any real pregnancy photos and I really love your pictures.”

“You want me to take pictures of you?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d love to.”

“What do you want me to write?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Do you want credit?”

I ask and wink at him when he turns and grin at me.

“Fuck yeah! It’s a great picture.”

“It really is.”

I say and something absolutely insane springs into mind as I open up Instagram and make a new post to my official account that by now has 420 569 followers.

_They say good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you #b4someoenelsestealsit_

_Photo credit: @bigbaldhead_

I’m going to get so much shit for this but since we meet, neither of us has played by the rules so why the hell start now? I post the picture and there’s no turning back now. I know I can remove it if it gets out of hand but there’s always a whole bunch of people who saves and reposts the pictures.

“What did you write?”

“You’ll see.”

He glances at me and cocks an eyebrow. 

“Keep your eyes on the road, redneck.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The southern accent is very pronounced all of a sudden and for some reason it goes straight to my vagina. I restrain myself though as we just pull into Kevin’s school. I can spot him in his usual spot, completely submerged in a book.

“Wait here. I’ve to tell him you’re here.”

I instruct him as he parks by the curb a little bit away from my son. He nods and I get out of the car. He lifts his head after the 3rd time that I call his name as I walk up to him.

“Hi, mom.”

He says and goes back to his book. I’ve to place my hand on his shoulder to get his attention, but I wait until he’s about to turn a page, just to make sure he’s done.

“Can you put the book away for a second?”

He closes the book at my request and looks up at me and waits for me speak.

“Norman’s here.”

“I know. You said he’d come.”

“I know I did but I wasn’t sure. Now he’s here and he’s in the car and he’s going to come home with us.”

“Ok. Is Kristin still coming over for dinner?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And I still get to play my PS4, right?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Nothing has changed, he’s just going to be staying with us for a few days. Is that ok?”

“Can he play Playstation?”

“Probably not as good as you but you can always challenge him.”

“Cool.”

He picks up his book again and start walking towards the car.

“Kev…”

I call slowly to him. He stops and turn back around to me. It takes him a second but he finally realizes what I want from him and he doubles back and picks up his backpack from the ground. The 15-minute car ride home is spent with Kevin and Norman conversing about different videogames and me trying my best to translate. Although I’m immensely proud of my son as he has been spending the time since meeting Norman for the first time, trying to learn English. And he’s doing really, really well and understands a lot of what they’re talking about without my help. He doublechecks a lot though, just to make sure.

I have time to get through making dinner in surprisingly peace and quiet while the boys in the house are occupied with playing games. And just as I put the desert into the oven, the front door opens and Kristin calls out, spots me and head straight for me with her phone waving in her hand.

“What the hell is this?”

I see Instagram being open on her phone.

“The picture Norman took the last time he was here.”

“Yeah, I get that but what the fuck is it doing on Instagram?”

“It’s the pictures that D has and that she threatened to release to the public so I figured I’d be the one to post it instead. You know, staying one step ahead and not give her the chance to sale us out again.”

She stares for a few seconds and seem to try to grasp what I’m telling her. Finally she shakes her head.

“What you just said all the sense but… Fuck, Emma. Was it his idea?”

“No, it was mine.”

“Have you seen the comments on this?”

“Not really.”

“Well, let me read some of them then.”

She takes a seat by the kitchen island while I start cleaning up the mess that comes with making fresh bread, vegie lasagna and brownies with ice cream.

“If you have to.”

I tell her and give her a glass of sparkling water.

“Thanks…. _You lying piece of shit, you should be burned at the stake._ Nice, huh? I always wonder if people actually say this if they were to come face to face.”

“I’m about 1000 % sure they wouldn’t. Hiding behind a screen is easy.”

“Yeah, and then there’s this one… _What does a guy need to do to fuck you like this?_ He’s actually pretty good looking. Married, though.”

“My kind of guy then.”

I say, my voice dripping with irony in every syllable and she laughs.

“There’re a few nice once though. _You’re one gorgeous woman._ Yes you are. _I hope you and Norman are happy, you deserve it._ Well, I’m not sure I’d agree to that but ok… _You should make another photobook @bigbaldhead, this is amazing._ As long as it’s not just nude pictures of you in it, he really should. _Please tell me how you and Norman meet for the first time._ Nope, sorry that’s not going to happen. Right? You’re not going to tell the world your secret?”

“Fuck no! No way. I’m not sharing shit with anyone who isn’t us.”

“Except your naked butt it seems.”

She says and waves the phone at me again.

“That’s not my butt, is it, though?”

“Come on! It’s not more pictures out there is it?”

“No, it’s not, I’m just messing with ya.”

“Haha, very funny.”

Both of us hear the thundering steps down the stairs and we both turn in time to see Kevin jump the last 3 steps, run straight past Kristin and opens the fridge.

“Hey, Kev.”

“Hi, Kristin.”

“How are you doing?”

“Good. Can I have a soda, mom?”

“No, not before dinner. Take some water.”

He groans at my answer but do as he’s told before he continues to his rooms. I glance over to the clock and notice that it’s 5 and indeed homework time.

“Hi, Kristin.”

My best friend jumps around in her seat as Norman speaks behind her. I turn and watch him walk down the stairs, swiping his hair out of his face as he does. Kristin gets to her feet and I can see Norman hesitate as he takes the last step. They stare at each other and finally he takes a few steps forward. And out of the blue, she launches herself at him and smacks him right in the face once.

“Kris!”

I cry out her name rush over the island but she has already backed away from him and he stands straight again, rubbing his burning cheek.  

“I might have deserved that.”

He says, making me stop my protest against my best friend. I have to agree with him that he actually does deserves it and it might as well have been me. I shrug my shoulder in agreement and he chuckle at me as I go back to cleaning the kitchen.

“And so much more.”

Kristin adds but goes back to her seat without inflicting further pain onto my lover. Because I think that’s what he is, my lover. At least right now and it feels easier to have a name to what he actually is besides the father of my unborn child.   

“Probably, but you know I’m trying.”

He follows Kristin and sits down beside her and I’ve to give him credit for daring to do it after she just bitched slapped him. She looks rather impressed too and the two of us share a quick glance at each other.

“Yes but I still haven’t decided if it’s enough.”

“I’m sorry, am I missing something here? I didn’t walk out on you too, did I?”

At his words I can’t help but give a low whistle between my teeth although I’m trying to stay out of this conversation, I can’t help but listen intently.

“You better get one fucking thing clear, Mr. Bigshot, whatever you put her through, you better be ready to deal with a whole lot more than just her!”

“I wasn’t aware of knocking you up too.”

I’ve to bite the insides of my cheeks not to laugh out loud.

“You know what? I’m not half as pissed about that as the sex tape and all the other shit you’ve done to her. I was the one convincing her that the pregnancy was a good thing.”

“And for that I’m forever thankful.”

“Are you? Are you really thankful?”

“Yes. I’m happy she’s pregnant and that she choice to keep it and that I’m going to be a father again. I thought you knew that by now, that I had convinced you.”

“I’d know that.”

“Good.”

“I just need to hear you say it too.”

“I’m glad she’s pregnant.”

He says again and I think he nudges her side with his and if I’m not mistaken, Kristin actually smiles at him.

“Me too.”

“And if anyone cares, so am I.”

I add, just to remind them that they are actually talking about me and at the corner of my eye, I can see Norman smile at me although I’ve my back turned to them.

“You’re just happy you’ve his dick back.”

Kristin says, making Norman laugh and blush slightly and I nod.

“Well, yeah…”

“I hope I can make you happy for a whole lot of other reasons too.”

I stop in my act to put a bowl on its shelf when he speaks and it feels like I turn in slow motion when I spin around, still with the bowl in my hands, and stare at him with my mouth open. I feel like I look like one of them cartoon characters with eyes and mouth popping.

“Excuse me?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He winks at me and I wonder how the hell he is able to be so charming all of a sudden, making me forget that I would like to hit him over the head with the saucepan I held 10 seconds ago.

“And that is…?”

“You were the one mentioning I bring heave to you.”

Ok, wait… I need to restart my brain. Where in the whole fucking Universe is this boldness coming from all of a sudden? Or have I not noticed it before? He’s flirting! Right? He’s actually sitting right there, suggesting, he wants to be in my life to make me happy. Norman fucking Reedus.

“Your dick does.”

“Hey! I’m feeling a little used now…! Is it just my body you want?”

He’s mocking me with a playful twinkle in his eye.

“It has always been what I want from you, Norman.”

“Ouch, girl. That hurt….!”

“You’re a big boy, I’m sure you can handle it.”

“Well, you can use me anytime you’d like.”

“No, she can’t…. No, you can’t!”

Kristin protest loudly and pins me down with a stern look that makes me very confused.

“Not in public! And not right now. Don’t start fucking him now, please.”

“I’ll try to restrain myself.”

I tell her and roll my whole head to the heavens. This sure seems to turn out into one of the weirdest dinners I’ve ever had. And when adding Kevin to the mix I don’t even want to think about what might happen…


	21. Chapter 21

“Is he still going to be here when I get back home tomorrow?”

Kevin stops in the doorway and ask his question as he turns around to look at me.

“Yes. He’s going home on Sunday.”

“Ok, good. He’s fun.”

“I’m glad you’re having a good time with him, baby. Have a good time in school. Marcus’s mom is going to pick up the two of you right after school.”

“I know.”

“Good. Call me when you guys get home.”

“Ok.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

He calls back as his ride stops at the end of the drive and he rushes towards the car at once. I wave at our absolute wonderful neighbor who as younger kids at the same school as Kevin and who takes Kevin to school on my days off. Suddenly he stops, his hand on the car door and turns and look back up at me.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

He calls out.

“No, no he’s not.”

I say, shaking my head at him. The answer comes without thought and it’s the most natural and true answer I can give him. He’s not my boyfriend and right now that’s something that is very far into the future, if at all.

“He says he loves you.”

He says before jumping into the car and wave at me as they pull away. And I can’t move and go back into the house. What did he just say? It’s just something he made up, right? But then, I know Kevin doesn’t do that. He doesn’t have the ability to understand people he doesn’t know and their feelings unless they tell him face to face. And he never lies. Not to me because he knows I know him too well.

But he can’t love me. How the hell could he? It doesn’t make any sense at all. Kevin most have misunderstood the whole thing. Yeah, that’s what it most be. They probably talked about his love for video games or something and it just got a bit messed up in his head. I need to shakes this of and not let it settle in my head because that would just be fucked up. He does not love me. There’s no way he could be. We don’t know each other. He might love the baby but not me.

I find it in me to turn around and walk back into the house and when I open the front door the kitchen pulls me in at once. I need breakfast. Bagels. I need bagels and thankfully I find a packaged in the freezer. And eggs. Eggs seems like a good idea today. And chocolate milk.

“Good morning.”

He comes down the stairs just as I take out the bagels out of the oven. He’s wearing nothing but sweats and his hair is a mess and he rubs his tired eyes as he takes the final step down the stairs. Then he looks up, straight at me and gives me a radiant smile.

“Good morning.”

“Breakfast?”

“Yes, please.”

“Coffee?”

“Yes!”

He takes a seat at the island and I can feel him following every step I take as I walk around the kitchen, put the coffee on and plating our food. As I turn back around to face him again with two plates of bagels and scrambled eggs, he’s sitting with his head in his hand and just stare at me a huge smile on his face.

“What?”

“You’re just so goddamn beautiful.”

I return this compliment with a small smile and bow my head a little as I walk up to him and give him the plates.

“You always take compliments so well?”

He teases and winks at me as I roll my eyes at him and step back to grab his coffee and my chocolate milk before sitting down beside him.

“Did you sleep ok?”

“Great. It’s so quiet here. What about you? Do you sleep at night?”

He reaches out and puts his hand on top of my bump for a moment and gets a kick in return, making him smile.

“Most nights. It’s getting harder though cause I’m getting bigger and I can’t find a good position to sleep in.”

“Yeah, cause you don’t sleep on your back.”

How does he know that? My eyes pop in surprise at him and he chuckles.

“We slept together before, remember?”

“For like 3 nights.”

“Yeah but you never slept your back.”

He remembers this? Why did he even pay attention to this? He most a lot more observant than I’ve been giving him credit for. And with that, Kevin’s words float to the center of my brain once more. And the words splutter out of me before I even begin to from the thought.

“What did you Kevin talk about yesterday?”

Shit! I don’t need to know that. I’m not sure I actually want to know but I can’t take back the question. I start to but he just looks calmly at me and I forget all about taking it back.

“What he likes to do after school, friends, stuff like that. He’s English is crazy good. Did you teach him?”

“A little but he mostly learns on his own. He set a new goal after you were here the first time and that was to learn English so of course he did. He gets very into a thing when he has decided to do it. One of the benefits with his condition.”

“To focus?”

“Yeah. When he’s really into something, like this, learning English, there’s nothing else that exists. Thankfully he has a very understanding teacher so they just finished all English grades in a few weeks.”

“He goes in a special class, right?”

“Yeah. They’re 7 other kids with similar conditions. He can’t function in a big classroom with everything that is going on around him all the time. I mean, in the beginning he lost focus as soon as someone coughed or moved their chair.”

“It seems to work very good at home though.”

“It does, 95 % of the time.”

“Do you think it will stay that way when the baby comes?”

“I’ve no idea. I think I’ve prepared him as well as I can but there’s no way of knowing how he’s actually going to react until the day comes.”

“Does he ever get violent?”

“Not towards me or the rest of the family but he has gotten into a few fights at school.”

“So you’re not worried that he’s going to…? You know, when the baby-“

“God no! No, he would never hurt the baby. He loves his little sister already. I mean, he doesn’t show emotions that good and he doesn’t really have compassion for other people but since I started growing and he can actually feel the baby moves, he has been very emotional about the whole thing. He likes to put his head on my belly when I’m on the couch and listen to it. It calms him.”

“Me too.”

He touches me again and this time leaves his hand there while he continues to eat. I can hear a sigh of contentment from him and I’m glad he can find some peace. He deserves some unwind time after this insane summer.

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“You have a job to do, Mr. Dixon.”

“I know but I’ve never wanted to do it less than right now. I just want to stay here with you and this.”

“It’s not what your life looks like.”

“Is there a chance you might consider fly out to see me after you last day at work?”

“It’s Walker Stalker Atlanta that weekend.”

“I know.”

“So you’d be working.”

“And…?”

“And you wouldn’t be able to see me anyway.”

“But you could be there as well.”

“Are you crazy? How in the world would you explain me being there? We can’t be seen together like that, Norman you know that.”

“No one has to know it’s you.”

“What do you mean?”

“We have the best make-up team on TV. Greg would be able to make you unrecognizable even for yourself. You don’t have to give me answer right now, just think about it.”

“I will.”

“Good, thank you. So what’s the plan today?”

“IKEA.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup.”

“I love IKEA!”

                                            ----------------------------------

**Norman’s POV**

I’m so in over my head here. This wasn’t supposed to happen but I can’t deny it for much longer. She probably knows already although I actually haven’t said the words. I’ve fallen so damn hard for her. All of her. Not just the bump that’s our baby. At first, I told myself that was all that it was, that I started developing feelings for her because she carries my child but I love everything about her. Not just the bump.

Her sense of humor. Her independence. Her stubbornness. Her love for her family and friends. Her body, mind and soul. Her badass attitude. Her inner child. Her ability to keep me grounded and completely free at the same time. She doesn’t rely on anyone else but herself. And I love her for every single one of these things. And so many more.

She probably knows by now though. I haven’t said the words but I think and hope that everything I’ve done since leaving, gives her a pretty good idea. She might actually think I’m very annoying but I can’t help it. I’ve to talk to her at least once everyday or I’d go crazy. And I text her all the time. I’m just not capable of leaving her alone. It’s silly really and I’m fully aware of it but I want to know she’s ok, all the time, all day long.  And night too for that matter. I think her feelings for me has changed too. She has forgiven me by actually saying the words but also how she acts towards me now. She’s including me in everything and always answers my texts and calls and I might be infatuated but she’s always happy to hear my voice when I call her.

But this wasn’t the way it was suppose to go. I shouldn’t be in love with her. It’s not going to work. She has made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to be involved with someone like me. And she’s right, she shouldn’t. It would be so fucking complicated and hard to get any kind of relationship working between us. But it would be worth it. I really do believe that it could work out and that it would be worth it. If she’s just willing to take the chance. I know I’ve a lot to prove to her if she’s even going to consider starting something between us. She has to trust me for this to even have the slightest chance. But she most trust me if she keeps in touch like this, right? One doesn’t do that unless you’ve regained your faith, right?

That’s at least the hope that I’m holding on to right now and the fact that I’m going to prove to her that she really is what matters the most to me. Curtesy of AMC, that needs me back to set tomorrow morning, I’m on a private jet at the moment, just minutes away from landing in her hometown. We’re going to land with half an hour to spare to her appointment and she has no idea I’m coming. Either she’s going to be mad that I just show up or burst out in tears out of happiness to see me. I’m of course praying for the latter but I’ve no idea how she’s going to react.

_I heard u left set. U ok?_

Andy texts me as I make my way out of the plane and head towards the pretty much nonexciting boarder control.

_Fine man. Just flying out to see Ems, we’ve an appointment with the midwife_

_We?_

_Yeah. I told her I would be there her next checkup, so here I am. Just landed_

_I’m really happy for u dude but just be careful, ok?_

_Of course_

_Don’t get ur hopes up with this chick_

_That’s already too late_

_That’s what I’m afraid of…_

_I’ll be fine, Andy. I hope u’ll get to meet her within a few hours_

_U’re still convinced u can talk her into going back to Atlanta with u?_

_Yeah_

_Good luck_

_Thanks_

_I hope u know what u’re doing_

_Not at all ;)_ _but she’s worth it_

_She most be. I’ll see u later tonight_

_If they clear u at the airport Captain Cockpit and I’ll pick u up around 8 tonight_

_Haha, very funny…. See u then. Love u_

_Love u 2_

As we text back and forth, I make it through passport control and jump into the already ordered cab, telling the driver I’m headed to the hospital. The drive is surprisingly short and I had expected to have more time to preparer but it’s not even 10 minutes and the driver asks me where I’m going as he pulls into the hospital area.

“Ah…. Just… Just let me off at the main entrance.”

I tell him and I realize I’m not at all ready for this. I don’t know where I’m going. I get out of the cab, grab my backpack and watch the car drive away. I try to orient myself and remember where we went the last time we were here. And as I see it, it finally comes back to me. The side building across from the parking lot is where I’ve to go. Thank God they use multi languages on their signs and I find my way on the first try. As I walk through the doors however, it dawns on me that I haven’t thought this part through. I’m probably not just going to be allowed to stroll right through without talking to someone. And frankly, I’ve no idea where I’m going. Maybe it’s just best to actually go with the truth and hope for the best. Worst case, I’ll just have to wait outside for her to show up.

The young nurse behind the reception looks tired but welcomes me with a smile and says something I don’t understand at all.

“Sorry, just English.”

She looks taken aback but quickly nods.

“What can I do for you?”

What the hell do I call her? What is Emma to me? She’s not my girlfriend. Yet. And she’s more than a friend and I’m actually the father of her child but what the hell do I call her?

“The mother of my child has an appointment with her midwife in like 15 minutes but she doesn’t know I’m here and I’m not really sure where to go.”

“Oh… What’s the mothers name?”

“Emma Blom.”

The woman looks at her computer for a moment.

“4:15 with Maria, yes that’s right. Go ahead and take a left in the corridor and there’s a waiting room at the end you can sit down in.”

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.”

I walk past the reception and take a left and walk down to the end of it and find a sofa by the window overlooking the walkway I just took to get here. I’ll be able to see her coming from here. And I put one leg up on the couch and turn to gaze out the window and just let my mind wander while I wait to see her again. It’s not been that long since I saw her but it still feels way too long. I miss her so much. All the time.

“Norman?”

I’m pulled away from my daydreaming when someone suddenly speaks my mind and I look wildly around and find a familiar woman. It takes me another second to remember who she is and why she knows my name. Maria, the midwife.

“Hi.”

“Where’s Emma?”

“Coming, I hope. She doesn’t know I’m here. I wanted to surprise her.”

The doctor looks genuine impressed and shocked and I think I should be a little bit offended by this but the woman quickly distracts me and asks me to join her inside her room. I get to my feet and walk into the office/examination room.

“You were here a few weeks ago, right?”

“Yes.”

I take a set across from the woman and she fold her hand on top of the desk and I will like she’s going to yell at me for a second. Like I’ve been called into the principal’s office.

“She’s going to be really surprised you’re here.”

“Yeah, I know. I just hope she’s going to be glad.”

I don’t know why I’m suddenly opening up like this to a stranger but my biggest fear just comes out.

“I’m sure she will be. I heard you guys worked everything out.”

“I’m not so sure about everything but we’re getting there.”

“Good. I’m glad you changed your mind about being part of this and I’m sure she will be too.”

“I hope so. I want to ask you something.”

“Of course.”

“Can she fly right now? Would you allow her to fly?”

“She’s barley 6 weeks before her due date.”

“I know but I would really want to take her back to America for a few days. I’ve a private jet if that would change anything.”

She gapes at me with wide eyes for almost a whole minute and I realize how weird it most sound. It sounds weird to me too but I want this too much to really care.

“A private plane?”

A brilliant idea comes to mind out of nowhere.

“Yes and I’ll bring a nurse from London.”

“How long is the flight?”

“2 hours to London and then another 9 hours from London to Atlanta. It will be an overnight flight so hopefully she’ll sleep the whole way.”

“She needs to be here to deliver.”

“Of course, I know that. It’s just for a few days and then I’ll make sure she gets back home on the same private plane with a nurse or doctor as well.”

“She will of course have to be the one deciding this but if you take those precautions, I see no reason why she wouldn’t be alright.”

“Thank you”

At the same time as I say the words, there’s a light knock on the door and it opens before Maria even speaks. And she walks in, saying something but stops in the middle of it all as she sees me. I get to my feet and the door closes behind her and everything is silent for 10 whole seconds and we just stare at each other.

“Hi.”

I feel my face light up in a huge smile that almost hurts. I’m so happy to see her I just want to scoop her up into my arms and hold on to her for hours. But she’s probably going to punch me if I do and I stop the impulse. She considers me for the space of a heartbeat before returning my smile.

“Hi!”

“Told you I would make your next appointment.”

She keeps staring, like she has seen a ghost and takes a few steps towards me. I do the same and I grab her face in both hands as she’s close enough. I just need to really look at her. She looks tired but happy, actually happy to see me. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and see what I want to see. I just want to kiss her, right there and then but she grabs my wrists and remove my hands after a short moment. Still smiling but I get the message loud and clear. None of that shit in front of someone else.

“Sorry I’m late.”

She looks past me at the midwife and apologizes.

“Barley 2 minutes, you’re fine.”

“When did you get here?”

“About 10 minutes ago.”

“How…? Right, sorry.”

She looks away from me quickly as she realizes Maria is looking at her and probably not wanting to spend this appointment listening to the two of us talking. Or fucking. Cause that’s really what I want to do right now. But Maria says something, making Emma move to the bed and lay down.

“How’s your breathing?”

“Labored.”

This caught my attention at once and I move over to the bed as well and crouch down by her side and take her hand.

“Why haven’t you told me?”

“Because there’s nothing you can do about it. The baby is just getting too big and it presses my lungs together, making it harder to breath.”

“Well, you look gorgeous.”

I tell her and put my hand briefly on the top of her large belly but I’m ask to remove my hand seconds later as Maria brings out the measuring tape.

“Just as expected and the baby is facing the right way as well, which is good. It’s not moving as much as before, right?”

“No, kicks as crazy but doesn’t make twirls anymore.”

“No, not much room left for that. You want to listen to the heartbeat?”

The midwife turns to me with her question as she gets up and collects some small weird looking machine. It does the trick however and the room is filled with a fast heartbeat and it’s making me a lot more emotional than I expect. She tilts her head and looks down at me as I force back the tears and clear my throat.

“You ok?”

“Perfect. It’s good though, right?”

“It’s perfect.”

“It sounds so fast.”

“It’s supposed to be, everything is just fine. You’ve a perfectly healthy baby that’s almost ready to come out and met the world.”

“No one would be happier but me if she would just come already.”

“Give it a few more weeks, Emma. The baby needs to be in there for a few more weeks.”

“I know. But the days are so fucking long right now.”

“You’ll get there. And again, you don’t know that it’s a girl.”

“I know but Kevin keeps saying she all the time and it’s getting to me I guess.”

“Just make sure he’s prepared for both.”

“I am.”

“Good.  Well, I really don’t need anything more from you today as I’ve a feeling you really just want to leave.”

The woman says and nods towards me, making Emma roll her eyes and maybe even blush slightly as she gets to her feet and collects her jacket. I hurry up to her and help her get it on although I can hear her start to protest but give up the same second. I hope she has learned by now that it’s really no use in asking me not to help her. The two women share a short conversation, seeming to make a new appointment, before saying goodbye.

She doesn’t say anything, just walks ahead of me towards the exit and I wonder if she’s actually mad at me. Could she really be pissed that I show up like this? Doesn’t she want me here? She seemed happy to see me at first but now I feel a bit ignored to be honest. She steps outside in the light drizzle of rain that has begun and just when I’m about to ask her to stop and just talk to me, she stops and I walk straight into her. She spins around so fast I have no chance to react to what’s going on but she’s suddenly as close as her big belly allows and she grabs me by the front of my jacket and kisses me hard. And I kiss her back, holding on to her face with both hands.

She slows down first and start giggling against my lips.

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I told you I wouldn’t miss your next appointment.”

She pulls away and I take a closer look at her and notice that she actually has tears in her eyes as she look back at me. And she sobs quietly as she wraps her arm around me and hugs me tightly, burying her face in my chest. I hug her just as tightly back and kiss the top of her head.

“I love you.”

Fuck! Did I say that out loud?! I press my lips together and shut my eyes tightly and kick myself mentally in the ass. She doesn’t need to know that. Especially not now! She most think I’m crazy. It is crazy. I shouldn’t have these feelings for her at all but I have and at some point I know I would’ve to tell her. But not now! It’s too soon. Right? But she doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t tens in my arms or try to fight herself free from my embrace. And I say the words again, just to make sure I hear it myself.

“I love you, Ems.”

There, I’ve said it. And being aware of doing it. Actually making a conscious choice to tell her how I feel.

“I love you too.”

Come again? Did I just hear her right? She did speak, right? Or did I just make it up in my mind that she just spoke? And although I try not to show the shock I feel about these words, she must feel it, because she pulls away just a little and looks up at me.

“I love you too.”

She says again and looks straight at me as the words leave her mouth. And she starts laughing as I’m sure she can see my eyes popping out of my head.

“I can say it again if you want but-“

I shut her up by kissing her hard, crying and laughing all together for what seems hours. I realize that’s not the case or we would both be freezing but that’s what it feels like with her. Time stands still and moves too fast at the same time.

“What the fuck does this mean?”

“Could we just get out of this rain first? Grab something to eat and just go home?”

She asks.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.“

I put my arm around her, planning on never letting her go ever again, and we make it towards the parking lot. This is surreal, like I’m having an out of body experience, surreal. Like when people say they feel like their watching themselves from a long tunnel or something. Is this really happening? I search my jacket for a second, find the phone and pick it up. I hear her ask something but I just have to make sure this is real. So I call Andy.

“Normski?”

“Do you know where I am right now?”

“What?”

He sounds confused.

“Where am I right now?

“You’re with Emma, right? That’s what you texted me like half an hour ago at least. You’re not with her?”

I notice that we’ve stopped and we’re next to her car and she frowns at me when I turn my head to look down at her.

“I am. I think. I’m not just sure this is happening.”

“Are you fucking high or something? What the hell are you talking about, Reedus?”

“Just tell me something real. Something I know is real.”

It’s probably a testament to how well this man knows me and how much he has been forced to go through with me, that he does not ask any more questions. He simply sighs and I can see him roll his eyes to the heavens.

“The first day we met you throw a bunch of squirrels at my head and tried to kill me and Jon put you in chokehold and the next day you couldn’t move your neck.”

Ok, I know that happened, I know he’s telling the truth. And although a small part of me knows this is real, it’s actually happening right now, this is my final proof that I’m not dreaming. Hearing Andy’s voice telling me about this, helps a lot and when I look back at her again, I can see her clearly again. Standing right there next to me, her hair wet and looking at me with an amused smirk on her lips and holding the car keys in her hand.

“Thanks.”

“Are you alright?”

“Haven’t been better in a fucking long time, man.”

“Good, glad to hear it.”

“Yeah. Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

He hangs up and I put the phone away.

“You could just have asked me to kick you in the balls or something.”

She says, let go of me and get into the car. And I stand there, looking at the closed door and she’s looking back at me through the window, giggling. And I start laughing too and don’t really stop as I walk around the car and take a seat next to her.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of update latley. real life happened... ;)

Ok, breathe. Just breathe and focus on the goddamn road! We have to make it home in one piece. Then I can freak out. He’s sitting next to me, actually right there and I can just reach out a hand to touch him. He does at the same time and he grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles before lowering our joined hands.

I can’t believe I just said the words to him. It’s the gnawing at the back of my head for a while now but I never thought I’d actually say them. I wasn’t even sure they were true, if that’s what I really feel for him. But lately I’ve notice that I say what I really mean when I least expect it and not really think things through before I speak. I love him. I actually love him. I didn’t plan it to go this far but the past weeks have been weird in the most amazing way. The calls every single day. All the million of texts of TLC that he sends every minute of the day. This is the real Norman. The person I only got to scratch the surface of the first time in London but the person a small part of me already then wanted to get know on a much deeper level.

He has redeemed himself remarkable well in a very short time and I know he’s really trying. This if anything shows that he’s really serious about wanting to be part of our lives. He shouldn’t be able to be here. I know he’s in the middle of an episode, since it’s one of the things we’ve talked about the past week. It’s been very intense and he has been exhausted most days but he always calls. No matter what, he always calls and texts just to make sure I’m doing ok. We’ve been talking about everything and nothing and it’s so easy. I haven’t really thought about it until now but it’s effortless to talk to him. No matter what it is, I just talk and he listens and vice versa. I don’t have that with anyone except my closest family. Can it really be that simple? That we just needed some more time to get to this point? For us to fall in love? Cause that’s what going on, right? I’m in love with him. And for some fucked up reason he seems to return the feelings. We really have to sit down and talk this through. But first we’re going to have sex. Probably more than once. I know he’s thinking the same and when I stop at a red light, we turn to each other and don’t even have to say the words. We simply agree to skip the food and drive straight home, either of us hungry. At least not for food.

He takes charged and leads me all the way from the car, to the front door, through it and straight up to my bedroom. There he closes the door behind us and finally stops by the foot of the bed and looks at me. I’m half expecting him to say something but he gently grabs my face with his big hands and I feel my legs get weak as I drown in those incredible eyes. Fuck, I hope this kid has his eyes. Most of all though, I hope he or she gets his amazingly big heart.

This time it’s different. We don’t rush this time. He goes slow as he starts undressing me and although I really just want to feel him inside me now, I also want time to stand still right now. I want to remember ever kiss and touch he makes as he removes one piece of clothing at the time and kisses me gently all over my body as he goes. As he drops to his knees, holding on to the, to be honest, big bump, I lost my cool and the tears just start falling. I cry silently and I’m not sure he notices because he’s too focused on the baby inside me and it’s just a little bit too much right now. But I let him be and I just close my eyes and try to get the tears under control. It’s hard though and it feels good to let a little bit of all the different emotions out this way. He told me he loved me. He actually said the words. I’ve probably known he loves me for a while now but it has been easier to ignore it because there’s no way this could ever work out. It’s just too complicated.   

Fuck that now though. It doesn’t matter right now. All that matters right now is the two of us alone together. He stands suddenly and I can see him right there in front of me but he doesn’t seem bothered by my tears. He simply kisses them away and lays me down on the bed and I notice then that I’m actually completely naked. I pull my legs up on and he’s on his knees on the floor between my legs. He kisses me all the way from my ankles and up the insides of my thighs. I hear him draw a deep breath and he says something I can’t hear. My own breathing is too loud in my ear to hear his words.

He puts his hand on the top of my pussy and I can feel his hot breath on me. Gently he opens me up with his other hand and blows on my clit. My body tenses at once and I moan softly. This encourages him like all so many times before and his tongue start working its magic. My fingers close hard around the sheet beneath me and I cruse his name in a very breathy voice.

He doesn’t need to use his fingers this time around, his tongue is just enough and I’m so turned on and so needy that it’s with very little effort from his part that I cum around his tongue. He climbs into bed with me and I turn to my side, my back to him and he moves in close behind me, one hand around my belly and the other on my shoulder. Carefully he easies his way into me and both of us hold our breath. He goes slowly and deep and it’s just perfect and not at all what we’ve had before. This is the difference between fucking and making love. It’s been so long that I barely remember anything else. And although I must say I prefer fucking him, this works too and I think I can actually learn to love this just as much.

And the idea is mind-blowing. I might actually be able to have this man and his mad skills in the bedroom for a very long time to come.

                                            ----------------------------------

He takes a lot longer than expected to get back from the bathroom but once he actually walks through the door he’s like a fucking God. He’s naked, carrying a tray of fruit in his hands. He most have raided the entire kitchen because there’s everything on there as he comes to sit down on the edge of the bed and puts the tray on the bedside table.

I start saying something but he turns back around to face me and kisses me long and gently.

“Figured you might be hungry.”

He says and hands me a piece of pineapple. I sit up a little and lean against the headboard and he sits down beside me. We sit and eat in silence for a while and he keep glancing over at me every now and again. And I can’t stop looking at him either and it feels like a silly teenage crush where both of us start giggling as we notice each other looking. I, who never thought I’d be feeling anything even remotely close to this again. You don’t fall in love at my age. At his age? And after everything we’ve both been through? Could it really be true? That he loves me? I know I love him. That has been a fact for quite some time now but to really allow myself to think the words, let along speak the words, was not something I had planned to let slip today.

“Mom!”

Kevin’s loud greeting comes through the front door as soon as he does. I can hear him dump his bag inside the door and head straight for the fridge as he always does. Norman looks around at me and smiles.

“Your son is home.”

“So he is.”

I say but make no effort to move out of bed just yet. I know he won’t come looking for me just yet.

“What’s so funny?”

I’ve to ask as he has a huge grin on his face.

“He just reminds me a lot about me as a kid.”

He says and swings his legs over the edge of the bed and reaches out and grabs his shirt of off the floor.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me go down there first and talk to him.”

“Of course. Could I jump into the shower real quick?”

“Sure.”

He gathers his cloths together at once and walk towards the door but stops as he opens it and doubles back to the bed and kisses me.

“Did I tell you I love you?”

“You did but I’m not sure it has quite sunk in yet.”

“No, I know. I love you.”

He says again and kisses me yet again before finally letting go and making it back to the door and through it this time. I can hear him sprint on light feet over the floor towards the bathroom. I guess he’s worried Kevin is going to notice him. Sure thing, just as the bathroom door closes, my son calls out for me again.

“I’m coming, babe!”

Quickly, just to make sure he doesn’t decide to come and check on me, I get dressed and head down the stairs. He’s on the couch flipping through channels and I join him. He doesn’t say anything, just move close to my side and puts his head down on the side of my belly and puts his hand on it. He takes a deep breath and I can tell it’s been a rough day without having to hear it from his mouth. He needs to sit here quietly for just a moment right now and I let him just be. I let him be the one to break the silence and I hear Norman finish in the shower and walk back to the bedroom before he finally speaks.

“Someone’s here.”

“Yes. Norman’s here.”

He sits up quickly and beams at me.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“When did he get here?”

“Just about an hour ago. He was with Maria when I got there.  I didn’t know he was going to be there.”

“Is he staying?”

“No, not this time. He has to work. But I’m sure he’s going to try to come back really soon.”

“Can he stay for dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. We’re making pizza, right?”

“Yes. Tonight is pizza night as usual:”

“Awesome!”

“How was your day?”

“Ok.”

“Something you want to talk about?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“I’m going to go make him another drawing.”

He says, already moving towards his room and I know he has homework but I’m not even going to consider telling that right now. He’s already making out every last detail on that drawing in his mind as he stalks towards his bedroom and there’s nothing that can sidetrack from this right now.

“Safe to descend!”

I call up the stairs as I walk past the stair towards the laundry room to do a new load. Norman finds me in there after I hear him call out for me moments after he walks down the stairs.

“There you are… I tried to talk to Kevin but couldn’t get much out of him. Is he ok with me being here?”

I’m done sorting through the cloths and throw the whites into the machine and turn it on and talk to him with my back turned to him.

“Yeah, welcome to the world of accepting to be ignored. He doesn’t do it because he’s rude or doesn’t want you here, he’s just too focused on what he’s doing right now to notice that you’re actually right there next to him. Did you get a ‘hi’ out of him at least?”

“Yeah but nothing else.”

“He wanted to make you another drawing.”

“Oh… Does that mean we could maybe talk without having him noticing?”

“He’s not going to come out if there for at least another hour, so yeah, we can talk. But I’ve to make some pizza dough.”

“I’m sure you can do both at the same time.”

He says and winks at me and I barley just repress to roll my eyes at him as I walk past him and he follows me back to the kitchen. While I start retrieving everything I need, he sits down by the counter but first after I assure him that I don’t need his help.

“What are we going talk-“

I start talking but he interrupts me at once.

“I want you to come back to Atlanta with me tonight when I leave.”

He says fast and it’s almost like he doesn’t want to give me a chance to protest and he continues the next second.

“I’ve a private plane and I’ve already talked to Maria and when we make a stop in London to pick up Andy, there’ll be a nurse with us for the rest of the trip. And she’ll go back with you after the weekend on the same plane. I know it’s short notice but you don’t have to work anymore and I want spend more time with you and I want you to meet my family and friends. And yeah, I know it’s _Walker Stalker_ but that’s not going on all night long and maybe you can stay until like Monday night because I don’t have to work until Thursday morning. And I’ve talk to Greg and he would love to disguise you, already had an idea ready and everything. And I really, really, really want you to come.”

Once he’s done with his insane request I just stare at him and he looks back at me with worried and begging eyes. He really wants this to happen. I turn my back to him and start making the dough without saying a thing to him. I need to process this. This was unexpected and obvious at the same time and it’s very confusing. My newly hopelessly-in-love-with-this-man-part of my brain says go!!!! But the other 75 % of my brain tells me to hold on and think this through before acting. Kevin is spending the coming 5 days with his father as he has a week off school so that’s already set really. But flying when being this pregnant? Do I really

want to spend 9 hours on a flight? A private plane. A fucking private jet! That’s not the same thing, right? I will just share the space with 3 or 4 other people. And meeting his friends and family… I sort of forced him to meet mine. It means I probably should return the favor. But that also means this thing is getting serious, doesn’t it? Is that what this means to him? Is that what I want? Right now I don’t want to go another week without seeing him again. Maybe we need a few days away from my side of the world. I love my son to death but its pretty hard to focus on anything else but him when I’m at home. If I leave for the States with Norman, we will be alone. At least from my family and it will help me focus on just Norman.

I’m all set with the dough and I place a clot over the it to let it rest and I realize as I turn around to find him, that he’s still sitting right there. He has allowed me my space for probably at least 15 minutes and he still looks just as calm and collected as before. He doesn’t panic when I don’t speak and that’s a pretty rare quality in a man.

 I walk up to him and he follows me and turn to face him when I stop in front of him. I grab his face with both hands and kiss him long.

“Ok, I’ll come to Atlanta with you. I just have to make a call.”

I tell him and continue past him and collect my phone from my bag at the front door. I call Kevin’s father and we share a short conversation about him being able to pick up Kevin already tonight after dinner. He wants to know why and when I tell him, he protests at first and doesn’t sound that cooperative. I remind him at once that he has promised to help with anything Kevin related as I’m at the end of the pregnancy and he sighs annoyed but agrees, although a little reluctant.

“Kevin is being picked up by his dad around 7.30.”

“He wasn’t that happy about it, was he?”

“Not really, no.”

“I don’t mean to cost any tr-“

“I know and you don’t. He has promised not to question anything about the baby if I ask him to take Kevin. They’re going away Saturday through Tuesday anyway.”

“You never told me how he reacted about this whole thing.”

“Kevin’s father?”

“Yeah. What’s his name?”

“Tim… He got really pissed and upset at first and didn’t talk to me for about a month after I told him but then he finally realized that Kevin was actually alright with it and that helped a lot.”

“He’s still in love with you.”

“No, not in love with me but when he noticed that someone else is interested, he seems to be in a lot more regret than usual about what he did.”

“You never know what you have until you lose it.”

“No, I guess that’s true. Come here.”

I take a set on the sofa in the living room and nod for him to join me, which he does and he sits down close to me and face me and put his hand on my pulled up knee.

“I don’t want to lose you again.”

He says and looks at his own hand.

“What does that mean? What does this whole thing mean?”

“I’m not sure. I just know that I don’t want to lose you again and that I love you. I mean not just… At first… At first I thought it was all about this.”

His hand moves to my belly but still he won’t look at me, his eyes are fixed on the bump and his own hand.

“The baby?”

“Yeah. I thought I started to have these feelings just because you’re carrying my kid but ever since I got to see you again and the time after… I realized it’s so much more than just this. I fell in love with you, Ems. Not just our blub, all of you. And I know it’s going to be complicated and that this wasn’t what either of us expected but that’s usually what happens isn’t it? You find someone special when you least expect it.”

“I didn’t want this.”

“I know. But it’s worth taking the chance, isn’t it?”

He finally looks up at me but as he does, I suddenly can’t look at him right now. I glance down at his hand on my bump.

“I’m not so sure it is.”

“What are you saying? I thought… You just said… You said you loved me.”

The panic in his voice makes it a lot louder and it forces me to look up at him but as I do, he stands quickly and starts an upset pacing.

“You can’t say something like that and don’t mean it! I thought you- I believed you! Why would you-“

“Hey, calm down.”

I manage to catch his arm as he walks past me and he halters and looks down at me. I tug gently and ask him to sit down. His breathing is fast and shallow but he does as I ask and once he’s sitting, I make sure he can’t escape before I’m able to explain what I mean. I straddle him, although it’s very uncomfortable but at least his anxiety vanishes as I grab him by the shoulders and kiss him.

“I love you.”

I tell him again and make sure that he really believes me. Because I really mean it and I hope he gets that but maybe he needs a little bit of explanation.

“This isn’t going to be easy. Far from it. I said it back in March, I don’t want to get involved with you. I’m still not sure I want to but… I can’t control this and I don’t think I want to. I love you and I can’t just stop but I’ve no idea how this could work.”

“Well, start with one simple question… Do you trust me? Do you believe me when I tell you I love you and that I don’t want to lose you ever again?”

“Yes.”

“But….?”

Damn, he noticed my hesitation! I sigh and grab the back of his head and entangle my fingers in his hair.

“But I’m afraid.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah but I’m pretty sure it’s not for the same reason… I can’t deal with another heartbreak and a small part of me keep telling me not to trust a guy I know has a history of cheating on his girlfriends. And it’s not like it’s going to be much different from what you had with D. We’re probably going to spend more time apart than together and you said it yourself. You have physical needs and I… I’m not her, Norman. I can’t do that. I won’t make a deal with you and-“

“There won’t be a need for a deal, Ems I promise you that.”

“No, don’t make that kind of promises. Not to me and not now because it doesn’t tell me shit right now. Just don’t make promises like that, please.”

“Ok…. How about we just ease or way into this? Slowly and just try to… Take our time to figure out what we want? No reason to rush, right? We both know what we feel and we know that’s at least true, right?”

“Yeah…”

“So let’s just see what happens when you get some distance from all of this and you have a chance to meet my family and friends too. They’re all very excited to meet you.”

“How come you being so sure I’d come with you?”

“I wasn’t but I really hopped I’d convince you.”

He says and put a strain of hair behind my ear and lets his hand linger on the side of my face.


	23. Chapter 23

**Andy’s POV**

A family friend by the name of Karen is a nurse at the delivery ward at a hospital nearby and after a few calls back and forth between her, AMC, the airline and Norman, she’s joining me in a private VIP lounge at Heathrow airport. It’s a little more than an hour left to midnight and we’ve just been informed that the plane is getting ready to land. I put on my jacket and follow the staff that insists on carrying my bag for me, And 5 minute later we’re all onboard without any kind of hassle. It’s just the slight chaos of Norman attack me the moment I step into the aircraft, that stops the process a little bit.

“Andy!”

He shrikes and hugs me so hard my feet leave the ground for a moment. But then we haven’t seen each other in a very long time. Talking to the man pretty much every day isn’t the same as seeing him face to face.  

“Normski!”

I yell right back and kiss him hard on the side of the head. As soon as he lets go of me, he turns to the woman behind me and introduces himself quickly but I can tell all he really want is to make sure I finally meet the mysterious woman that I glance behind him. She is launching on the big sofa, her big belly almost shielding her face from view. It’s weird that I finally get to see her in person when all I’ve had to go on in tabloid pictures before this. It feels like I know her though. Like, really well. Like she has been a part of my life just as long as she’s been in Norman’s, because he has told me everything about her.

“Come on, come on.”

He takes me by the elbow and drags me towards the sofa and the woman make an effort to get up but we both protest at once.

“No, don’t get up. Stay where you are.”

I say and Norman even puts his hand on her knee and she sinks back down with a grunt and he sits beside her and puts his hand on her belly.

“I’m Andy.”

I reach out a hand towards her and she takes it and shakes it with a gorgeous smile on her face. Her hand is shaking slightly but her handshake is still firm and she looks straight at me with a twinkle in her eye.

“Emma.”

“It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

“You too.”

I take a seat in the big chair on the other side of the aisle that is not even wide enough that I have to let go of her hand while I sit. Karen comes over and introduces herself as well and the two women share a short conversation about the pregnancy before the nurse excuse herself with a need to get some sleep and she heads to the back of the jet.

“How are you doing?”

I ask her just as we’re all asked to buckle up for take-off. She sits up and put her seatbelt on and he moves in close to her and she reaches out and takes his hand. He grabs it, entwines their fingers tightly and kisses her knuckles and I’m surprised his eyes aren’t actually leaving their sockets as he ogles her with nothing but love and affection. I’ve known he’s in love her with probably before he knew he was in love with her but to see it like this, right in front of me, is a surprise to say the least. I feel like I’m missing something though and before she can answer my first question I just blur out a new, more important question.

“Hold on… Are you…? Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“Yeah, well… Maybe I should just…”

He can’t keep his eyes away from her and they’re both acting like teenagers falling in love for the first time, being all giggly and keep touching each other.

“Andy, I want you to meet Emma, my girlfriend.”

He says, beaming at the woman beside him and she looks down on the floor for a moment, maybe a little shy about the whole thing. He puts his arm around her and leans in and kisses her temple and whisper something to her that I can’t hear as the plane takes off at the same time. She smiles and looks up at me and then at him and I feel like I should probably try to make myself part of the interior and not stare so much. But I can’t help it. They’re so fucking adorable and it’s so weird and wonderful and fucked up at the same time.

“Seriously?”

I finally manage to speak and they take their eyes away from each other and look at me. He nods slowly but she narrows her eyes a little.

“You don’t approve?”

Shit! This is one fierce woman and I probably should think twice about what I say and how I say it.

“I’m just surprised.”

I speak quickly, trying to smooth over my little mistake and it seems to do the trick as she sinks back into the sofa and her face softens.

“I apologize, I blame it on the pregnancy.”

“It’s ok… I mean, I knew he has been in love with you before he even knew but I thought you’d be a lot harder to win over. I’m glad I was wrong, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Makes us two.”

She says, looking sideways at her boyfriend and Norman still beams like a damn fool at her and doesn’t seem at all bothered about our little conversation.

“It’s really weird because I feel like I know you although it’s the first time I actually meet you.”

“And…?”

“And I didn’t think this would happen.”

“I’m not sure it is happening.”

“What do you mean?”

“That it’s all new and very… Unexpected.”

She says slowly and Norman continues.

“We’re going to take things slow and see what happens. It’s complicated.”

“No…? You never complicate shit now, do you, buddy?”

Norman gives me a stern look at these words but Emma just chuckles next to him and nods her head in agreement towards me.

“Just to make sure though. You’re onboard with this too? I mean, is he your boyfriend too or has he already taken things further than you’re ready for?”

I know this man too well. I know that he sometimes gets too impatient and want so much more so much quicker than his partners and not all of them are in the same state of mind as he is. But she is quick to answer and does it without as much as a second hesitation.

“Yes, we’re dating. I mean, it must be official if I actually introduced him to my son as my boyfriend before we left, right?”

“Well, you didn’t really have a choice, did you?”

Norman says, smirking.

“What? He caught you with your hand down the cookie jar? So to speak.”

“Something like that.”

She answers, laughing heartily. I like this woman. I’m not sure what it is but I just get the feeling that she’s a genuine good person with a good head on her shoulders. And it’s exactly what he needs. Someone who has her shit together and doesn’t really need a man in her life because she has one on her own. It probably comes from being a single parent for so long, plus having a child with special needs. I just hope that she’s able to let go of her control when it comes to their new child.  

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“How’s the baby doing? And you? Are you ok flying?”

“I’m doing good, mostly just tired but sleeping I can do pretty much everywhere so flying ain’t really an issue. And the baby is doing good too.”

“Beginning of December, right?”

“Yes. But I’m hoping I don’t have to wait another month to be honest.”

“Yeah, I remember the last month really feels like a year. I can only imagine what it’s like for the woman who’s actually pregnant.”

“It sucks. So hard.”

“Are you ready?”

“No. And yes. I thought I was but along came this guy. Again. And right now I don’t know a damn thing it feels like.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, not necessary. I just need some time to let this whole thing sink in. I mean, I probably knew too that this was what he wanted but I’m still in a little bit of a shock I think.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel the same way.”

She says and turns towards my best friend again with heart popping in her eyes. And I just want to give them both a big hug and a kiss but I don’t wanna scare the woman. She might think I’m crazy. No, I need to make a good first impression on her. It’s weird though, because I know she’s a fan and that she probably “knows” me. This must be so weird to her.

“Is that why you called?”

It suddenly remembers the extremely weird conversation we had earlier today and put two and two together.

“Yeah.”

“You told him you love him?”

I’m not sure why it’s so obvious but I just have to look at them and it’s pretty easy to figure it out. They love each other and she nods at my question.

“And you didn’t believe her? That’s why you called me?”

“Something like that. I wasn’t really expecting it. Fuck, I didn’t even plan on telling her in the first place.”

“I guess it just slipped out, like it usually does, eh?”

Norman laughs and points towards me.

“You know me well, man.”

“I do.”

“You don’t mind if I ignore you guys, do you? I need to get some sleep. And I heard you’re staying at his house this weekend so I’m guessing we’ll have a chance to get to know each other later.”

“Yeah, of course. Go ahead and get some sleep.”

She doesn’t really wait for an answer but get comfortable on the couch and kicks Norman away from her so that she can stretch out a little bit. He moves at once and she puts her legs into his lap and his hand moves to her knee at once. She turns her head to the back of the sofa and it doesn’t even take a minute and she’s breathing deeply.

“That’s impressive.”

“Yeah, well she hasn’t been sleeping that well lately.”

He says and leans back a little as well and keeps caressing her knee absentminded. I want to ask how he knows that but I know he has called her sometimes several times a day since he left her.

“So you love her, huh?”

“Yeah, I love her.”

“And she loves you.”

“Yeah. Somehow she loves me too.”

“Somehow?”

“I fucked up, Andy. Big time, you know that and I’m not even sure I deserve her understanding and forgiveness.”

“Has she forgiven you?”

“Probably not 100 % but we need to get to know each other better before that can happen. I mean, really get to know each other and spend time together, not just text and call and fuck.”

“Did you? Fuck?”

“Yeah, of course! We can’t keep our hands to ourselves if you know what I mean?”

He says and winks at me as I look over at the sleeping blond next to him. 

“She’s a beauty…. God, you’re gonna have one gorgeous looking kid.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Her?”

“Damn, sorry. It’s fucking contagious. Kevin is convinced it’s a girl so he keeps saying she and so does Ems and now I guess I do too.”

“You want a girl though, don’t you?”

“I really don’t care, man as long as they’re both ok. But yeah, I’d be pretty stocked if it’s a baby girl.”

“Are you ok?”

He takes his time to answer this and I know he knows what I’m really asking. I can see that he’s ok right now but there’s so much more to this then this moment right here.

“I’m not sure I’ve had time to really wrap my head around it yet but yeah, I’m ok. Or I will be. It’s complicated and I know it’s not going to be easy but we’re gonna try.”

“Have you given it any kind of thought as to how you’re going to do this though?”

“No. I don’t want to get my hopes up…. I mean, I do believe she’s telling the truth when she says she loves me but I know I’ve fucked up too much and really hurt her so I just want to make sure she’s sure what she wants before I even start thinking about what might happen.”

I try to hide my surprise about the fact that he’s acting so much more mature about this but he sees right through me and snorts at me and rolls his eyes.

“What? I’m just… I’m glad you’re taking this seriously.”

“There’s a lot at stake here. There’s a baby involved and I really want to be part of their lives so I just gotta do this right from the start, you know?”

He moves his hand to her belly and she twitches a little in her sleep and groan as her entire belly moves right in front of my eyes. He sooths the kicking by caressing her belly and as he leans back I can see his eyes being to droop and he falls asleep shortly after, his hand still securely holding on to the unborn baby.  

And I can’t wait for him to get the chance to become a father again. I know it’s not what he expected but I also know how happy he is that it’s actually happening. He deserves this after everything that has happened. Most of it he has created for himself and I hope he can finally find some peace after all shit. And maybe she’s the right person to bring him down to earth again and give him something utterly ordinary and normal without a tone of drama and publicity. Just the things I know he wants and needs.

                                            -------------------------------

It’s a surreal, out of body, experience when we finally land in Atlanta early Friday morning. The sun is barley up and we’re met on tarmac, right outside the damn door, by a black SUV. Apparently, they’re in a real hurry to get Norman out to location and finish filming a scene. But I don’t want to go. I know it’s probably silly but I’m not at all ready yet to meet his friends. Not like that at least. Not in the middle of filming where they all know each other and are comfortable and where I don’t know anyone. So I’m being dropped off at Norman’s home before they continue to the set. Alone. And that’s insane! Firstly because he actually trust me to be alone in his house. Secondly that I’m actually going to be alone in his house. Thirdly because I‘ve no clue what I’m going to do. Being inside his hotel rooms is one thing but this… His fucking house! Alone! Well, I guess the cat is going to be there but as for other people, it’s just going to be me. For probably the rest of the day.

Andy spends the car ride and the time that we’re both awake, getting to know me a little bit better and I return the favor and feel that I start relax a little around him. Seeing him the first time was a bit nerve wracking but it turns out he’s the laid back and super friendly guy I’ve always pictured him to be. Norman doesn’t really take part in our conversation, he’s on the phone from the moment we land until we park the car outside the impressive house. Mansion really. For me, this is a mansion but then everything is bigger in the USA.

He’s in the middle of a deep and pretty serious it sounds like, conversation when the car parks and Andy takes charge. He finds the keys in Norman’s backpack, ask me to follow him and brings his own and my bag to the front porch. It’s a bit chilly but I’ve been told it’s still very warm during the day.

“Make yourself at home.”

Andy unlocks the door and quickly disarms the alarm inside the door and shows me inside the spacious entrance. Andy leaves our bags inside the door and I stop just a step inside and gawk at the place. This is huge and I’ll differently need all those hours alone to discover this place and take it all in. I mean I think my house is pretty big but I could fit two of those in this place. Yet it’s modest and very homey. I can actually see him live here without actually having to see the rest of the place. It’s Norman somehow. With pictures and art and sculptures and music everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a hand on the small of my back and I turn around and find Andy looking at me with a concerned frown on his face.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…”

I say slowly and take another step forward.

“Just a bit… It’s just weird.”

“Yeah, I get that. Well, maybe it’s good thing then that you get to be alone for a while.”

“I think so.”

“I will leave you to it then. Hopefully there’s some food in the fridge for you, if not, the keys to the cars should be in the top drawer by the door and there’s a GPS in the car so you can find your way around. Do you want my number? In case Norman doesn’t answer and you need help with something?”

“I’m a big girl, Andy I’m sure I can figure it out but yes, thanks, that’s really nice of you.”

“Hey, you’re family now, you better get used to it.”

He tells me when I hand him my phone and he enter his phone number, as well as the code to the alarm before he bids me a good day and walks back out the door. Silence surrounds me as the door is pulled shut behind me and I can hear my own heartbeats. Suddenly the door is thrown open again and I jump around, my heart in my throat, and expect to see Andy but instead its Norman. He leaves the door open and takes two giant leaps towards me and grabs me by the head and kisses me hard.

“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve to leave.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you’ve to leave, I know that. You’ve got a job to do. I’ll see you later.”

“Will you be ok?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“It’s just for a few hours, Norman.”

“But still. I’ll miss you.”

“Me too.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Andy gave me his number too so I’m all set.”

“Oh, good. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go before you’re late.”

“I’m always late.”

“Not on my watch, Mr. Reedus. Go, I’ll be fine.”

He grins and kisses me again and then turns around and runs out the door, calling back once again that he loves me. I wait until I hear the car move away outside until I dare move again. And out of nowhere, I give up a muffled shrike ala lovesick teenager. The shrike is short however and I compos myself quickly, telling myself that I’m a fucking adult and need to act like one! But it’s hard. Especially when I start going through the house, room to room and just try to orientate myself around the house. Mansion. Two story mansion with 4 bedrooms, 4,5 baths, a study, the biggest kitchen/livingroom I’ve ever seen, an absolutely gorgeous back porch with a pool and the best thing: the surrounding nature. It’s quiet and all I can hear is birds and the wind as I step out on the porch for a second time, almost an hour later. It’s getting closer to normal morning time and the sun is showing itself behind sweeping clouds as I find myself a sun bed and sit down and just listen.

My mind starts to wander and I’m not really sure where my thoughts end up but it’s not really important right now. I’m just glad that I’ve this time to let myself just absorb everything around me and everything that has happened. It’s not as easy to that back home where there’s so much to do and places to be and people to meet. Here, I don’t have all those distractions. I don’t know anyone. I don’t have anything I’ve to do or anyone I’ve to see. This is my time to try and make sense of what the fuck happened 20-somewhat hours ago when I suddenly gave up on being single and officially started dating Norman Reedus. 24 October 2018. That’s the date that’s going to be our date. Our start to this mess. Well, no, not the start, that happened already in March back in London, but the start to something else. Something way more serious than just sex. And something so much more complicated…

_How are u doing?_

He texts me close to lunch time and I leave the flour on the counter and pick up the phone and pause my brownie making. I take a picture of the mess in his kitchen and send it to him.

_I got a brownie craving_

_I can see that ;)_ _glad to see that u find ur way around_

_Do u even know u have all this stuff? They’re pretty much new…_

_Yeah, I don’t really spend that much time in the kitchen_

_I figured ;)_

_Would u be ok to do dinner tonight?_

_What does that mean?_

_U, me a couple of friends, good food, maybe BBQ after I’m done filming_

_Again, what’s does that mean? A couple of friends?_

_Jeff, Andy, Danai and Alanna. We’ll start on a small scale_

_Thanks. Maybe I should double up the batch for the brownies then_

_That would be awesome!_

_Is there a Cosco or something nearby?_

_About 45 minutes north_

_Great_

_But I sure as I hell hope that u’re not thinking about going there alone_

_Why not?_

The phone rings the second after I press send on my latest text.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to Cosco alone!”

He yells at me.

“Why-“

“Ems! Come on, just don’t, please.”

“If you’re planning on a BBQ tonight, you actually need food and this fridge of yours is pretty much empty.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Oh come on! I’m capable-“

“I know you are but you shouldn’t carry heavy and I’ll just worry and… Please, Ems.”

“Come on, Norman don’t be such a chicken.”

“What if someone recognizes you?”

I give up a deep sigh and my annoyance about this man start to show clearly and I hope I he can hear it.

“I’ll wear a damn wig. You had a bunch of them.”

“Seriously?”

“If it makes you relax a little.”

He lets out a surprised ‘oh’ and I can hear him calm down on the other side of the line.

“It would actually.”

“Good. I’ll do that then. I’m pregnant, Norman, not dying. I can still do everything I normally did before you stuck your dick in me.”

He laughs.

“Is that what I did?”

“Quite a few times I believe.”

“She’s made in London, right?”

“Most likely, yeah.”

I need to distract him to make him calm down and forget about all this and I remind him again about the first time he actually did stuck his dick in me. I can pretty much see him squirm wherever he is. And I’m pretty sure he’s not alone. In the background I can hear different voices but the only one I pick up on is Andy and a crazy idea springs to mind.

“Hey, what about Andy comes with me?”

It’s quiet for a few seconds.

“Yes!”

Andy is the one yelling the word.

“Yeah, he’ll be your true English knight in shining armor and swing by and pick you up in about an hour? How’s that?”

“Great, gives me time to finish the brownies.”

“Awesome. Thank you.”

“Feel better?”

“Loads.”

“You’re fucking hopeless, Norman Reedus.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. How’s your day been this far? Have you raided every room in the house?”

“Pretty much. And found your hidden porn collection.”

“Well, it’s not really that hidden.”

He snorts out a laugh.

“No, it really wasn’t… I’ve to get going, baby. I’m sorr-“

“Stop apologizing all the time, Norman. You’ve to work. Go beat some walker ass.”

“Yes, ma’am. Love you!”

“Love you too.”

We hang up and I go back to finishing baking.


	24. Chapter 24

“Do you see yourself being with him?”

Andy stops the cart by the veggies and we make it over to the tomatoes together. He has been keeping the conversation very casual up until now and he has clearly showed me that he wants to get to know me and make me trust him. And I think he’s doing the same, trying to get a picture of me and if he can trust me. I hope he can because I know he’s important in Norman’s life.

“Define being with him.”

I ask, mostly to give myself a little more time and I grab a box of cherry tomatoes. The black bob wig is itching and I once again have to stop myself not just rip the fucking thing of off my head. I feel him watching me from underneath his baseball cap.

“You know, being in a serious relationship. Dating. Being…. Partners. Parents.”

“Well, when it comes to parents, I really don’t have a choice. It’s his baby, he’s the father-“

“But there’s a difference between making a child and being a father. Everyone can make a child but not everyone can be or get the chance to be a father.”

“Does it have to be both?”

“What do you mean?”

I grab two boxes and put it in the cart before we move on to the next section.

“You don’t think he can be a father without us dating?”

“I’m not sure. I get the vibe that you’re not really onboard. At least not as much as he is. But that’s usually the case with him.”

“I don’t know him well enough to know that.”

“No, you don’t. This must be so fucked up for you.”

“It is.”

“Don’t fuck this up. For your own sake, don’t hurt him.”

“You really don’t have to make threats, Andrew.”

“I love him. He’s my brother, I’ve to make sure you know what you’re doing and that you’re serious about this.”

“I’d love him but it’s not going to be enough. It’s too complicated for that. But I don’t want to hurt him and it’s not my intention whatsoever. He deserves better.”

“Yes, he does. He’s serious about this, Ems about you and him.”

“I know that… Chicken or steak?”

“Both. I just want to make sure you’re ready to give him a chance.”

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

“Good.”

“But it’s fucked up…. So fucked up. I’ve known him on a personal level, since March and now we’re here and I’m knocked up and talking to you and getting ready to meet his family.”

“When you put it like that…”

“Yeah.”

“Take two chickens, we eat a lot.”

He reaches over me and grabs another one and his arm graces my belly just as the blub in there gives a giant kick. I curse under my breath.

“Do you mind?”

He asks, his hand hovering over my body. I shake my head and he waste no time and puts his hand on top where the little feet’s are moving like a damn drum roll. His face lights up just as Norman’s does and I’m thinking that this kid might be some weird kind of glue between everyone involved in this mess, although there’s a whole fucking ocean between us.

“You’ve a football player in the making.”

“Well, she’s hopefully ready any time soon.”

“Not just yet though, right? You still have at least a month to go. But I know it’s hard to wait, especially this late.”

“Yes it is.”

“What about dessert?”

“Already done. I got a brownie craving after lunch.”

He laughs and gives my bump a final gentle touch before leaning back from me and takes the groceries from my arms.

“I got to ask you one more thing.”

“You can ask how many questions you’d like, Andy. I’m glad you take your time to get to know me and I’d like to get to you know too.”

“Ok, good… Well, considering what happened with his last relationship, do you have any desire to have a public relationship with him?”

“Hell no! Not in any way, no! I got enough of that shit when the video leaked and I don’t want any more of that shit whatsoever.”

“So what was up with your Instagram post?”

“He never talked to you about that?”

“No.”

“It was some kind of… Staying one step ahead and make it my own choice because it would’ve ended up online in some way anyway.”

“Because?”

“Because she had the pictures.”

“Oh…”

I can tell that’s not the answer he had expected and I take a moment to ponder the reason why Norman hasn’t mentioned this to Andy before. But it doesn’t really matter now, we’ve so many other things to concentrate on. And maybe Norman doesn’t want to linger on any issues relating to his ex. I know he hasn’t talked about her at all since we got back together. And I don’t mind at all.

“Well, just don’t follow in her steps.”

“What? To sale another sextape to the rest of the world. No, not my plan. I’m keeping as far away from any kinds of tabloids.”

“Good…. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

He answers my unspoken question about why Norman hasn’t talked to him and I nod at him. Well, he kept quiet for quite some time so it’s not really a surprise he doesn’t like to talk about it. I’m just surprised he didn’t confine in his best friends.

“What was he like?”

He looks over at me as we make it to the dairy section for the store and he reaches out for the heavy cream.

“You mean after he left you…? Pretty much the same. Except that he didn’t share as much as he usually does. He’s a pretty good actor after all apparently.”

“What? You’re honestly saying you didn’t suspect any of this?”

“No. No one did. He really didn’t let anything slip but now… Now, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, he was the same but still not really. It’s hard to explain. I’m just glad he finally found it in him to talk about it.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m digging the wig by the way.”

“Overprotected asshole.”

I mutter, mostly to myself but Andy hears it and sniggers and nudge me a little with his shoulder.

“You better get used to it.”

“Oh, I’m not sure I ever will.”

“Learn to live with it then.”

“I could probably do that.”

“Good, cause he’s worth it.”

He says, smiling warmly at me and takes my hand for a moment before we move on and really concentrate on what to actually buy. 

                                            ------------------------------------------

I can smell the BBQ as soon as I step out of Alanna’s car and the owner and Danai follows me up to the front door. Jeffrey parks right beside us and leaves his car as well. The two women and Jeff seems a good start to this weekend and for Emma’s first encounter with my extended family.

“Be nice, ok?”

“We’re always nice!”

Alanna protests as I open the door and let the guests in ahead of me. The house smells amazing with a mixture of BBQ from the porch, freshly made bread, some kind of sweet and spicy flavored, I’m guessing marinade, and brownies. Loud laughing voices are coming from outside and my heart melts a little as I hear her laugh and although I’m in desperate need of a shower, I head straight to the backyard. I hurry past Alanna and Danai as they too are heading in the same direction. I hear one of them say something like ‘where’s the fire’ but I ignore it and make a left well outside as I’m assuming they’re gathered around the grill. Andy looks up first as he looks past her and as he redirects his attention, she turns around as well. Clutching a can of Coke, she spins around completely and faces me and the second she lays her eyes on me, she beams. And she’s so goddamn gorgeous, I feel my knees get weak and threaten to give in. She’s wearing a long marine blue dress that shows of her bump perfectly.

And I really want to just fling myself at her and start making out but something at the back of my head tells me to go a little easy. The two guests, who are both here to meet her for the first time, is right behind me and I’m pretty sure she would prefer not to get mangled before being introduced. I need to take things slow, damnit! This must be so insane for her.

But I return her smile just as big and for some reason my voice sounda a lot lighter and happier than usual as I greet them both.

“Hi!”

Andy frowns a little in my direction as they high pitch word comes out but I ignore him and he just grins and rolls his eyes to the heavens before turning back to the grill.

“Hi.”

Her greeting has just the same kind of enthusiasm as I hope mine has and she makes her way towards me with a smile on her face. But I see her eyeing the two women in the background and I think I detect a hint of worry and insecurity and her smile fades a little. I grab her by the arm and tug her into an embrace. She hugs me back but I can feel her looking over my shoulder.

“Don’t be so nervous, they’re my family.”

“That’s why I’m nervous.”

She whispers back and squeezes me hard once before letting me go but I manage to kiss her temple quickly before I turn us both around to face the two she’s so nervous about. Just in case I keep my arm tightly wrapped around her shoulder.

“Danai, Alanna, this is Emma. And, well… Yeah, our bump.”

“Wow, you’re so gorgeous….! I’m Alanna, it’s nice to finally meet you. You know, like for real not just on a convention.”

Alanna is the first one to approach and she even gives Emma a hug, something that seems to surprise her a little. And even more so when Danai does the same.

“You really are beautiful. I’m Danai.”

How I love these women! They’ve no reason whatsoever to be this nice towards her before getting to know her but the first thing they say to her is the thing she need to hear right now. Compliments and just a friendly smile will probably go a long way.

“Wow, look who has learned to take a compliment.”

I snigger close to her ear. She turns quickly towards me and jabs her elbow in my side, making me wince and laugh at the same time. Quickly I lean in and whisper a low ‘I love you’ to her that I’m pretty sure everyone else picks up on too but I don’t mind. Emma gives a nervous little chuckle though but is distracted when Alanna asks how the pregnancy is going and I let her go and turn my attention to Andy.

                                            -----------------------------------------

It might be one of the most gorgeous sights I’ve seen, when we’re finally alone, except for Andy on the top floor, and I find her in my bedroom. She’s crawled up on her side in the middle of the bed with Eye on her arm. Both of them are in deep sleep in the still lit room and she hasn’t even bothered to fully undressed. The dress is laying on the floor by the bed but she’s still in her tights and sports bra. It’s an hour left to midnight and she has been asleep for the past hour. I’m guessing the time difference must have kicked in. It should’ve knocked me out too but I’m probably a little too used to flying back and forth.

As I see them though, I feel the exhausting come over me and I quickly make myself ready for bed as well. This evening has been one of the most pleasant once I’ve had in a very long time. And I think I deserve a pat on the back for making the brilliant decision in choosing the two women as the first friends to introduce to her. I knew she would get along very well with Alanna. Most people do but they also share that special bond that can only come between mothers. And of course she had already met Jeffrey so I know that would work out just fine as well. I’ve enjoyed every minute of watching and listing to every conversation that has been going on during the evening. Honestly, I’ve kept myself in the background and allowed them to get to know each other in their own pace.

She has been cautious with me when it comes to being physical and although I can’t say that I like it, I get it. I know that I’ve to take things slow but it’s hard when I feel so much for her. I just want to hold her constantly. Touch her. Kiss her. Touch her belly. Talk to our unborn child. I climb into bed, lay down close behind her and wrap one arm around her and gently caress the hard bump. I get a kick in return and she grunts a little in her sleep and Eye jerks but doesn’t wake up either.

“I love you both so much.”

I lean in and kiss her belly, making her wake up for the fraction of a second. She grabs my hand and pulls my arm closer around herself.

“We love you too.”

She whispers in a low voice and I’m not sure she’s even awake but it doesn’t matter. I believe her either way. She loves me. And it feels like she always has but at the same time I can’t believe that she actually does. This whole thing is so fucked up. And so incredible wonderful. I’m happy again. It felt extremely dark at one point and I never thought I’d be allowed to even see my own child but here I am. Well, here she is actually. I can hold her and our unborn child in my own bed in my home and I know that she will still be here when I wake up. It’s a very reassuring thing to fall asleep to.

                                            --------------------------------------        

It sucks fucking balls to have to leave her. And I don’t even like the fact that she’s so casual and understanding about the whole thing. I wish she wasn’t so understanding and at least protest just a little bit when I’ve to leave for Atlanta before she’s ready. And I know I’ll be doing Photo ops and she won’t be able to be there anyway but it still sucks! So hard! I don’t want to leave her alone. But she’s far from done being transformed by one of our many talented make-up artists on the show to an unrecognizable pregnant being.

And I know I’m being grumpy and probably a lot more difficult than anyone deserve but I spend the entire car ride to the convention, moping in the back of the car.

_I’m done! I’ll leave in like half an hour. Hope u’re getting there safe and sound. Love u!_

The grumpiness vanishes with her text she sends as the car finally arrives at our destination. I wouldn’t know it’s her in the picture if I didn’t know her so extremely well already. I can barley make out her eyes through the incredible zombie make-up. Her belly is downright gross though and it really gives me the creeps to see it being torn open with bits of flesh and guts falling out. I know it’s all fake and just a piece of clothing hiding her bump but I want to see it and feel it all the time.

And I fucking pray that this works and she doesn’t get caught… She can’t get caught. Not now. Not here. But at the same time I can’t keep away from her when I know she’s here. It’s probably a bad move to go all this way and have her come to the convention but I need her close too much to think and care about the things that could happen. I’m just going to make up my mind that nothing is going to happen and that way it won’t. Right?

_I hardly recognized u! That’s one creepy prego_

_I know! Almost fainted at first sight. It’s fucking crazy!_

_Told u they were good_

_Fucking awesome! And I really think I’ll be pretty safe to roam the con without getting caught_

_I sure as hell hope so_

_I’m heading for the first photo ops. Let me know when u’re here_

_Sure thing_

_Love u_

_Love u 2_

Ok, I’m a little less grumpy now, knowing she will most likely not be caught by any fans and she will actually be able to spend some time with me. But before I head for signing, I have a whole bunch of photo ops to get through.

                                            ------------------------------

The city’s change but the fans are pretty much the same in every city or country we go to. You have the super excited first timers who are always so damn nervous they have no idea what to say or do. Then there’s the second timers who are usually pretty calm about the whole thing since the stressed themselves out so much the first time and don’t want to mess it up again. Then there’re those who go to every other con and come to say hi, almost like an old time friend. Most of them I barley remember but I think I’m pretty good at making them think I’d remember them. But no matter how many cons I do and although the security has gotten pretty fucking tight by now, there’s still those that slip through the cracks and act like assholes. They always show up at every con and at the biggest one of them all, they’re bound to make an appearance as well. I’ve gotten pretty good at just ignoring them through the years but some comments and questions sting more than others. And this is really the first big convention I’ve done since that infamously video hit cyber space.

_“What’s a girl gotta do to be in one of your videos?”_

_“How much money did you make doing that porno?”_

_“Must have been the biggest mistake of your life, right? She ain’t even pretty.”_

I’m not even sure why I’m still surprised people has the nerve to make comments like this but still I am. And it pisses me off! Especially the fact that people seem to think they know me inside out. It wasn’t a fucking mistake! Not making the thing, for it to end up online, sure but never making it. And never sleeping with her. It was a conscious choice.

My phone stays too quiet though and it takes too long for her to get here. It’s close to lunch time and she still hasn’t gotten back in touch to tell me she’s here. She should be here by now. But every time I sneak a peek it’s the same damn thing, still just as absent of texts from her.

“Oh my God! You look so freaking awesome! You must be pregnant for real, right?”

Something suddenly catches my attention in the line in front of me and I look up at once from the picture I’m signing. The couple in front of me is talking but I can’t really concentrate on what they’re saying. And I finally find her. She’s in the Platinum line, 3 or 4 people a head of her and its one of those women she’s getting compliments from. She gives me a sideway glance really quickly and beams when she sees me looking. And I beam right back, my heart starting to beat franticly in my chest.

“Thank you. My boyfriend is friends with some very talented make-up artist.”

 _My boyfriend…._ It’s silly how those words can make such a difference. We’re dating and I actually do have a girlfriend. And it makes me giggle quietly as I finish signing the picture. The couple looks weirdly at me but I just give them a small smile and they seem pretty pleased with their meet and greet as they thank me and leave.

“It’s really awesome. You should diffidently take part in the costume contest.”

“No, that’s not my thing.”

“Too bad, you would’ve won.”

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re really pregnant, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Congratulations! How far along?”

“I’m due in 6 weeks.”

“Wow, that’s brave of you to come here then. I could never have done that. My feet were like the size of an elephant the last month.”

It’s somehow easy to multitask when it comes to her. I love hearing her talk and laugh so much that I can easily make out their conversation although the line is still moving and I’m talking and signing. Have I really gotten that use to her already?                  

“Well, let’s just say that I’m fucking ecstatic that walkers don’t use heels. I’m pretty comfortable wearing sneakers this far but I get what you mean. I had the same the first time around.”

“It’s your second one? How old is the first?”

“He turned 10 this summer.”

“I’ve a 10-year-old too. And 7-year-old twin girls.”

“How neat!”

They’re so wrapped up their own conversations that neither of them seems to notice that they’re first in line but it doesn’t take long until one of the volunteers point this out and the two say a quick ‘nice to meet you’ and the woman I vaguely recognize, steps up to me. I know I’m rushing her a little more than she deserves but I can’t help myself.

“It’s about damn time, girl.”

I tell her in a low voice as I hurry around the table and give her some kind of embrace that is not nearly enough to fulfill my need to be close to her but it will have to do or now.

“How are you doing?”

I ask, keeping my voice as low as possible.

“Really good. I’m having an awesome time.”

She whispers back.

“When did you get here?”

“About 2 hours ago.”

“And you have been doing what exactly during that time?”

“Have you walked around this place at some point? It’s fucking huge and it’s so much to see and do and people to talk to.”

“And just didn’t think to text me?”

“I forgot! Jesus, just chill, will ya?”

She tells me and rolls her eyes. At least that what it seems like. It’s hard to tell with all that make-up and prosthetics on. Her eye color is different from her usual one and I don’t like it at all.

“You look really freaking awesome!”

“Thanks.”

“You look like you need to rest though.”

“I’d like that.”

“Come sit here with me.”

“Well, Mr. Reedus are you sure about that?”

She’s teasing me. What the fuck?! Not now! Just do as you’re told for once in your life, woman! She messes with my emotions and the worst thing is that she has already learned what bottoms to push.

“Are you really going to make me ask again?”

“It depends. Do you have anything to offer? I’m having a serious craving for pizza.”

“I could get you pizza.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Ok then.”

“You’re not really a hard sale.”

“Not when it comes to offering food, hell no.”

She walks past me and takes a seat in one of the chairs behind the table and I can hear her give a deep sigh and she puts a hand on her belly. And I so want to do the same right now but I stop myself and simply walk past her and find her a bottle of water and some snacks that I shove towards her on the table. She digs in at once and I’m so silly happy to have a girl that’s not afraid to stuff her face full.

_I’m undressing u inside my head right now, just so u know ;)_

The worst timed text starts coming in about half hour after she arrives and I think she might start to get bored just sitting there watching me. Or maybe frustrated is the right word for it. I’m sure as hell is frustrated that I can’t touch her!

_WTF would u tell me that???_

_Cause it’s true. I’m unbuckling ur belt right now…_

_U have no idea how much I wish that was true right now_

_Haven’t we had enough public sex?_

_No one has to see us_

_No thank u. half the people here has probably already seen us naked and fucking_

_Don’t fucking say shit like that. Makes me want to run to the exit_

_It’s true_

_I know it is but I don’t wanna think about it_

_I’m pulling down ur jeans right now_

_Stop…_

_And drop to my knees_

_For fucks sake Ems!_

I can’t do this. I can’t focus anymore. I just gotta take a break. Now. Right fucking now! I flag down Sean with a simple nod and he makes sure the line is stopped and I turn around to face her. She still has her nose in the phone though.

_Get ur ass up and cum with me now!_

She laughs out loud when I press send but doesn’t look up to find me. I’m glad she doesn’t because I’m pretty sure the way she would look at me would blow our cover sky high. I know I’ve to compose myself really hard not to start ripping her cloths of right now and she has already said she wants to do the same.

_I’ll come with u and make you cum _

Her replay comes in as I start walking with security all around me and I quickly make sure someone brings her along as well but at a discrete distance.

_Miss Smart mouth_

_But if u don’t want me to make u cum…._

_What the fuck do u think we’re doing? U’re fucking impossible, woman! I can’t concentrate when u start shit like this_

_Sorry ;)_

_I’m sure u’re_

_Not really. I’d like to blow u_

_Yeah I got that_

_Good_

She is a gift from the Gods this woman! I make a request to visit the closest, secluded restroom and my wish is granted within a minute. I’ve no idea how the security team pulls it of and I don’t care, but there’s just no way for anyone to notice her being smuggled into the same restroom as me. She’s suddenly inside the closed space and we’re alone.

At first, we just stand there, staring at each other and it’s so creepy that she’s a walker and I don’t want her have this make-up on anymore. But I can’t risk exposing her here and I stop myself. And she’s helpful and doesn’t tempt me and goes straight to her task.

“Ems, baby don’t-I don’t want you on-“

“Come on, Norman don’t be such a fucking chicken. I want to do this.”

She’s already halfway down crouching as she speaks and her flick fingers has already opened up my jeans without me noticing. I grab the side of her face and feel the sticky blood on my fingers.

“I’ve never gotten a blowjob from a walker before.”

“Really?”

“No. You’re my first.”

“I’m honored.”

“I love you, Ems.”

“I love you too.”

She wraps her mouth around my rock-hard dick and she’s so wet and hot and I can feel every nerve in my body relax and I let out a deep breath and close my eyes. She grabs me with one hand and start sucking hard while jerking me and I realize that she’s not going to let me last long. Not today. Which is probably a good thing, although I could stay in here for the rest of the day and not be bothered with anything else. But I would’ve a lot of pissed of people banging on the door after just 10 minutes. And I know I can’t really do that to the fans. I thrust my hips forward and she eagerly opens her mouth wider for me and takes me deep into her warmth. And I’m in fucking heaven! Gliding on the highest clouds and she starts moving slow but hard around me. She finishes me off with both hands and a paper towel and I’ve to muffle my moans by shoving my fist into my mouth and bit down on my knuckles. Especially when she keeps looking at me through my climax, licking her lips and slowly and carefully make sure she gets every last drop of my cum.

“Think you can concentrate better now?”

She teases, sticks her tongue out and licks the top of my sensitive cock, making me jerk and curse. She giggles.

“Fucking hell, baby… You’re out of this fucking world.”

I say, grab her by the jaw and tug her to her feet. She grabs me by the waist and looks at me with wide, innocent and extremely satisfied eyes. And she should be proud of this, she has all right to be. I feel fucking high right now! And very relaxed.

“Just glad I could help.”

“Well, you started it.”

“True, but I just couldn’t help myself. It’s frustrating and so fucking hot that I can’t touch you when and where I want.”

This put a smirk on my face and my hand on her face tightens a little as she bits her lip, looking up at me.

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll get to learn a lot about restraint this weekend then, babe.” 

She gives up a deep, annoyed sigh and narrows her eyes a little, making me crack up and laugh. How I love this creature!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gearing up to leave for Atlanta and Walker Stalker Con in 20 days!!!! :D Gonna try to wrap this up before then though.

I’m having the time of my life at Walker Stalker Atlanta. After our quick getaway in the restroom, we get back to the signing and I sneak back to my previous seat at the end of the table. I get a pleasant surprise when at least 10 boxes of pizza are placed right there and I let out a happy little shrike that makes Norman look around a me and laugh.

“Sorry, it ain’t brains.”

He says, making the first fans in line laugh. I look back at him as I open up the first box and I’m pretty much drooling by the smell. I let out a grovel and snap my teeth in his direction.

“I’ll find some later.”

I tell him and take a big bite of the pizza at the same time as the first fan comes up and asks for his attention. And the line starts moving again and I become the pizza delivery guy and offers everyone that passes me a piece of food.

“You know him, right?”

The first one with an actual question and a demand to get an answer, is a stern looking young adult woman cosplaying as Beth and carrying a _I love Daryl Dixon_ bracelet.

“Yes, we’re friends. Pizza?”

“No, thanks. How do you know each other?”

“I don’t think I’ve to tell you that.”

“What gives you the right to be here-“

I can’t believe this woman’s nerve! And my temper gets the better of me in just a second and I pin her down at once but in the same second that I just want to shout at her and tell her to go fuck herself, I remember where I am and I can feel Norman looking over at me. And the angry words get change in the middle of the words.

“You little-Thanks for coming by, I hope you have a great weekend.”

There’s a beefy, long haired, security guy that comes up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder. For a second it looks like she’s going to protest and maybe she even wants to punch me but as a second man shows up on the other side and people around and behind her start buzzing and pointing and she’s being swiped away into the crowd of thousands. And I know in that moment that she will be far from the last person I encounter that will have something to say about me being here. And I’m ok with that, I just have to keep reminding myself that I

have to control my temper and do my best to ignore them all. But as the two security men actually decided not to leave my side after the 4th person is being dismissed, it starts to get a little to me. At least my true identity hasn’t been blown or even come close to be blown. They have no idea who I am and I’ve already made up a fictional identity about a woman who leaves and work in New York and met Norman through Helena 10 years ago.

“You’re so good at this.”

He takes a short brake after a while and moves over to me, leaning with his back against the table and reach across me for the last box of pizza. Two slices are left and he takes one, makes a face when it’s pretty cold but he shrugs his shoulders and eats it anyway.

“I’m having fun.”

“Good. Sorry for the mean girls though.”

“It’s not your fault. And I’m really ok, I’ve Chip and Dale watching over me now.”

I nod behind me where the two men are positioned, facing the line at the moment and looking very important and dangerous. He gives a little chuckle and takes the last pizza as well.

“I’m glad you’re here. I haven’t seen you in forever.”

He gives me a wink as he speaks as he knows people can hear us and are most likely recording our conversation as well. The no camera rule never works.

“Yeah, I know it’s been pretty busy after the weeding and everything in the summer.”

I might as well lay it on thick here and keep the lying going. He looks confused for the space of a heartbeat before catching on.

“Yeah, how’s the husband back home?”

“He’s really good. He’s back home with Kevin, he hasn’t been doing that well this week or they would both have come with me. Kevin was really looking forward to seeing you.”

“I’ll make sure to come over when I get back to New York.”

“He’d like that. What about you? Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, absolutely. It’s nice to have some company, you know, except for these grumpy looking dudes.”

He says and nods toward the security and also Sean at the other end of the table.   

“When’s your next photo op? 2 o’clock, right?”

“Yeah. What’re you going to do during that time?”

“There’s a bunch of panels and other stuff going on. I think I’ll have plenty to do while you do photo ops.”

“Yeah, I’m not that worried.”

“Good.”

“I’ll have one of them guys follow you though.”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me?”

“Nope.”

He simply says and goes back to his spot at the other end of the table, leaving me glaring at the back of his head. He’s kidding, right? I don’t need a damn bodyguard! I don’t _want_ a fucking bodyguard!

_U don’t think u’re a tad overprotected?_

I text him when they’re getting ready to wrap up the signing and head towards the photo ops and he has already flagged down Chip or Dale, I’m not sure who’s who yet and instructed them to keep close.

_Not when it comes to my baby I can’t be protecting enough_  

And with those few words I’ve no replay at all. I think my heart just melts into a puddle inside my chest right there and I can’t argue with that. I think even my eyes fill up with tears as I look up from my phone to find him and he’s on his way to leave but stops as our eyes meet. He walks straight up to me and puts his hand on my face for a second and gives me a small smile and I nod back at him.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

“Take care of yourself.”

“I will. You too.”

I take his hand briefly and give it a quick squeeze before he moves on and I jump down from my seat and collect my things before leaving as well, Chip right on my tail.

                                            ---------------------------------------

“I’ll never get this stuff out of hair.”

I’m in the shower trying to wash away the blood and juke out of my hair and I can hear Norman walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“I’ll help you.”

He’s in there within half a minute and I turn around and face him, my eyes still half closed, water streaming down my face. He steps right up in front of me and our heads would probably have collided if it wasn’t for the bump separating us.

“Hi.”

He says, grabbing me by the hips.

“Hi.”

I wipe the hair and water out of my face and see him clearly.

“How are you doing?”

He puts one hand on top of my belly and caresses it gently.

“Good. Tired but I’m good. It’s been a long day. I’m not going do this make-up again tomorrow.”

“No? What’s the plan tomorrow then?”

“I’m thinking skeleton. You know, with face make-up and black hair and everything. Will work too, right?”

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ve a onesie you can use. Very comfy compered to what you wore today.”

He says and I nod and thank him before deciding it’s time to stop talking. I’ve done so much talking the past hour and mostly to other fans. Now it’s time for some serious quality time just the two of us. And it does not involve using my mouth to speak. Thankfully he has the same idea.

                                            ---------------------------------------

It’s a scary thing but I can see myself living in America again. Here in Georgia with him and Kevin. We could be a family living here and it’s scary that this thought even starts to form in my mind, Sunday morning when we’re sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. Andy and Norman are quietly chatting about the first day at the Convention. Today Andy is coming too and Norman is warning him about all the crazy people from the day before.

I can’t really concentrate though. I’m running through this new idea in my head over and over as I slowly eat my eggs. Could it really work? Do I even want it to work? Why would I even start thinking about this in the first place? Truth is though, if we started dating for real, like really seriously, I wouldn’t have to work another day in my life. What I could do with all that time! Doing research about ADHD and maybe educate parents and teachers and… Fuck! I need to stop thinking about this right now! I’m not even sure a relationship with Norman, is what I want. Well, yeah, I know that I love him but living with him? That’s a whole other thing. And is that what he really wants from me? Maybe after these few days, he’d change his mind. But what if he doesn’t? What if this is what he actually wants? A life with me, our child and my son? Here? Does it have to be here? 

Shit, I really gotta stop this! One day at the time, damnit! One day at the time. And today I’m going to enjoy the second day of Atlanta Walker Stalker with the two fine gentlemen sitting across from me.

                                            ----------------------------------------

“I need you to be careful today, ok?”

He stops me when we both leave the car at the venue, having arrived together today as my outfit didn’t take 1/10 of the time it did yesterday. And I’m so much comfier! He grabs my jaw and makes he look straight at him. The worry in those blue is both annoying and cute and I nod slowly to his request.

“Wouldn’t I be?”

“You tell me.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“Good. And come see me, please.”

“Of course. Same time as yesterday?”

“A little earlier, like half an hour earlier.”

“Ok.”

“See you later.”

He kisses me quickly before turning and walking off with Andy and Sean and I’m directed the other way to make my way into the venue without people putting two and two together. I’m alone today though, this far at least, as my Chip and Dale security from yesterday are on another mission this morning.

I’m grabbing my bag from the security check when my phone vibrates in my pocket and it’s a text from Norman.

_Forgot telling u, I love u_ ♥

_♥_ _u 2_

I’m not used to this either. There’re so any things that I’m not used to when it comes to being in a relationship. It’s been too many years and the one I had before wasn’t like this. It’s the little things that makes my entire body tingle and I just want to giggle. This man makes me feel all the fussy and warm feelings that no one has in pretty much a decade.

He really is a very sweet and very considerate human being and it’s the little things that he does that matter the most. Just a quick text like this means a lot. And when a text comes pretty much every 15-20 minutes, until I start making my way towards his table, like the first one, I’ve to remind myself that we’re not going public with this relationship. As I reach his table the platinum line is pretty crowded.

_I’m here_

I text him and I watch him as he takes out his phone and look up and around. He finds me, smiles and gets to his feet and without too much fussing and chaos, he gets to me and takes me by the hand and leads me back through the line.

“Ugly whore!”

I hear the words coming from somewhere to my left at the same time as my feet are kicked away from under me and I’m not sure what’s happening. I feel Norman hand tighten around mine and I see his chocked face as he turns around in the middle of a step forward. I collide with the side of his body and somehow find and grab the back of his hoodie in pure reflex.

I don’t have time for anything else but to make sure I don’t land to hard on my belly but I don’t have my hand to break the fall. My shoulder hits the concrete floor hard but that’s the only thing that really hits the floor hard. He breaks my fall and saves our bump with one hand and my head lands on his upper arm. I gasp, not knowing what the hell to do or say and everything happens in the matter of a second. And I’m lying on the floor and I can feel his body over me and I want to get up and ask what the hell he’s doing but he doesn’t move. He just keeps his arms and upper body pinned down over me. Next second, dozens of feet start moving around us in absolute chaos and I hear people shouting and yelling.

“Are you ok?”

His mouth is close to my ear and I try to nod my head but I can’t move

“Yeah.”

I manage to breath out. It shouldn’t be possible but half a minute hasn’t even passed yet and there’s a wall of security around us, having pushed all the fans in line out of the way. As I find some kind of focus, although a little confusing, I only see big, black booths in front of me and as I lift my gaze a little there’re all security clad men in a semicircle.

“Stay down.”

“No, I’m fi-“

I try to say when he gently removes his arm and my head lands on the floor. He keeps his other arm still securely wrapped around my bell though and he doesn’t want to hear my protest at all.

“Stay where you are, damnit, Ems.”

“I’m ok.”

“I’m gonna murder someone.”

He hisses, gritting his teeth together and make me turn around to my back as he looks up and around for something.

“Norman, I’m really ok. I need to get-“

“No, hold on. Karen is coming.”

“Karen? Seriously, I’m-“

“I don’t care what fucking words are coming out of your mouth right now, baby. You need to stay right where you are. Ok?”

His hand on my belly and his words are firm enough that I don’t make another attempt to get up. Instead, I start to work my way through my body, testing limbs and making sure that I actually am ok. My shoulder is the only thing that really hurts and I might have strained my ankle a little but I’ve had worse. Finally, my hands make their way to the bump and I meet his. Quickly one hand closes around one of mien and he squeezes tightly. Our eyes find each other and I try to smile but there’s nothing but absolute worry looking back at me.

He lets out a breath of relief as we both feel a powerful kick from the baby inside me. Once she starts, she doesn’t stop and it doesn’t take long before he’s actually smiling and the relief on his face is pronounced. He really worries and cares.

“She’s ok.”

I tell him, caressing his hand as I do. He looks back at me and I’m pretty sure there’s a tear making its way down his cheek but he smiles and nods. He mouths ‘I love you’ as the female from the plane is getting to her knees beside me and steals the attention.

“Did you fell?”

“Got tripped.”

“But you didn’t land on your belly?”

“No. My left shoulder took most of the hit… Well, yeah and him.”

I tell her and nod towards Norman who has moved down to a lotus position on the floor next to me, still making sure he can feel our baby move.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m good.”

“So your left side then?”

“Yes.”

“A fall like this rarely makes any damage to the baby, they’re well protected. And I can see that she’s moving.”

“She is.”

“Why don’t we get you on your feet? Is there somewhere more private she can-“

“Yes of course. Are you sure she shouldn’t go do to the hospital though?”

“Yes, Mr. Reedus I’m sure. She’s fine.”

I say a quick prayer inside my head for this understanding and not too overprotective woman. She seems to notice my relief because she looks over at me and nods in understanding and reaches out a hand to me. I take it and Norman grabs the other and slowly they make sure I get back to my feet. I feel a bit lightheaded and sway for a moment but Norman steps in front of me and grabs my head gently and steady me.

“How are you feeling?”

I want to kiss him. Right now. And I bite the inside of my checks to stop myself to follow through with this impulse. I can’t kiss him right now. And it sucks but I swallow it with a deep sigh and just nod back at him.

“I’m fine.”

He keeps his hands on me and looks over my shoulder and catches someone’s eye.

“Take her to the greenroom and guard her with your fucking life on the way there, ok? No stopping on the way, ok?”

He pins me down with a stern look that is pleading at the same time.

“Ok.”

I promise before he tells me he will come and check on me before heading for the next set of photo ops. And before I can even give a response to this, 4 security personal are surrounding me and Karen on all sides and Norman is gone and we start moving.

                                            ----------------------------------------------

I’m not sure why I do this to myself since it just annoys most of the time but I can’t help it. I want to know and some part of me is pretty smug too when I find the post about what just happened on one of the mayor Facebook pages. Someone has of course been filming the whole thing and post it not even 10 minutes after I managed to escape to the green room. The asshole bitch, who seems to be a few years older than me, who did the actually tripping is caught on camera and she’s getting so much (well deserved!) hate from fans. But then of course some are cheering her on as well and say that they would’ve done the same.

Since I became a well-known name and face I’ve of course been forced to make a secret Facebook profile and I decided to replay to one of the assholes wishing me to drop dead. There’s just a picture of Norman from _Ride_ on my profile and nothing else that can give away who I am. Unless you’re damn super hacker of course.

_You’re an awful human being from wishing someone close to Norman harm! You don’t even know who she is!_      

They’re awful, right?! Who the hell wishes someone else dies just because they happen to be close to the person you claim to care about?! It’s so messed up! That’s not my definition of love at all. When you love someone, no matter how you love someone, you want that person all that is good in the world. You want them to be happy, no matter what. So how in the whole fucking world is it possible for some “fans” to say they do and say things because they love him? How can you cheer someone one for hurting someone he obviously cares about?!

_Don’t matter! She’s a whore who will hurt him and someone has to protective him_

My fingers get stiff with suppressed rage as I get a replay from the woman and I just want to yell straight into the phone and hope she can hear me.

_WTF do you know about what he needs?! He obviously cares about this woman and whatever she is, a friend, girlfriend, sister, a fucking wife….! It’s all up to him! Newsflash: He’s a grown ass man who doesn’t need desperate little bitches “protecting” him. She’s pregnant for fucks sake! You wanna kill the baby too?!_

I can’t contain the rage that is bubbling in me and I know I shouldn’t get involved or care what the trolls say but this is so fucking insane! Thankfully the tread is closed after my last post because of all the threats and negative comments. But I’m bored and scroll on through the page and find the next discussion that is a lot more positive and speculative about who the woman actually is. This time I decided to just read and not intervene.

_She most be the one he talked about in that radio interview, right? The close friend? Never heard of her before though…_

_He’s not required to share everything with the world bc he’s famous ;)_

_She was with him the whole day during autographs yesterday as well. Apparently she lives in New York with a husband and a son_

_So no new gf? Too bad, he deserves someone after that nasty break-up_

_Yeah, I talked to her a bit yesterday after I got my auto, she was really sweet. I’ve a insane theory though_

_Do share please!!!_

_What if it’s actually her? Emma? The woman from the tape?_

_What makes u say that?_

_Dunno. Just thought I recognized the voice from somewhere… Yeah, I’ve been watching that tape a little too much but it’s so f-ing hot!!!!_

_No judgment here girl. That’s some wild theory though. That could mean Norman is having another kid, right? Cause the woman today seemed ready to pop_

_WTF?! What if it’s her? What if he knocked her up on that tape????!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!_

_A baby Reedus_ _♥♥♥ that would be beyond adorable. I hope this theory is true ♥♥♥_

This is a lot nicer to read, although I hate that they are actually discussing this and being right. I knew it was a bad idea to come out and see him. But either of us seem to want to spend time apart at the moment. And just as I start to form another longing text to him, he’s suddenly in my line of sight as his head pops up right in front of me and he crouches down next to me.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

I recoil a little by his sudden appearance.

“How are you feeling?”

He puts one hand on my bump and the other on my pulled-up knees.

“I’m good. Getting a little bit bored though.”

He chuckles and shakes his head at me.

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m heading over for photo ops. Why don’t you go back home instead? I’d feel a lot calmer if you did.”

“You’re a coward, Norman Reedus.”

“Yes I am. Please?”

“Yeah, ok I’ll go back to the house.”

I agree.

“Thank you. Could you go with her?”

He turns to Karen who is occupying the other sofa to our left. She nods quickly.

“Yes, of course.”

“Good, thanks.”

“Wait here and I’ll have someone pick you up and get you home.”

He says, glancing a little to both sides before he leans in and kisses her quickly and gently. Again he says that he loves me and gets to his feet and leave quickly. I think he does this to make sure he doesn’t go back for a second time. I know I do the same. And it’s silly and so fucking cheesy but I love it.

                                            -------------------------------------

We’re wrapping the very last episode today. Well, I’m doing my very last scene and then it’s just a whole other scenes where I don’t actually have to be physical present. I usual are anyway but this year I just want to leave before I’m done. I’ve been away from Emma for 2 whole weeks and I’m going absolute insane! Talking to her every free minute I get my hands on, isn’t enough. And I know I probably should stay and support cast and staff until the very end but it ain’t going to happen. I’m already counting down the minutes for my private overnight flight back to Europe that I’m sharing with a bunch of important business men.   

It's been two busy weeks for my part. I haven’t been doing anything else but work for 10 straight days now and the time I haven’t been on set, I’ve had to spend doing press and promo. And I’ve had to spend a lot of that time dismiss the rumors about a secret pregnancy. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job and it’s really just still a rumor that goes around without any real facts. It has helped a lot that Emma has been keeping herself well under the radar for the past 2 weeks

_I’m coming for u ♥_

I text her an airplane selfie minutes after we reach WIFI level. The business men are not at all interested in me and I’m left alone at the front of the plane while they  

_Good, cause my water broke like 2,5 minutes ago_

I choke so hard on my coffee that a flight attendant comes rushing over to make sure I’m still breathing. It takes me a moment of coughing and gasping but I manage to convince her that I’m ok. My heart is racing like mad and I’ve to read her message a few more times before I get what it into my head what it means. She’s going into labor! Now! Shit! And I’m 9 fucking hours away from her!

“What the hell do you mean? Are you sure?”

I know I’m probably shouting at her as I bring myself to call her on Messenger. I really need to get this woman an iPhone. She answers very calmly and seem to be lying in bed. I hear someone else in the background and I’m very relieved that she’s not alone as I hear Kristin say something.

“Hey, baby. Yes, I’m sure. Kristin is cleaning up my mess right now. I just stepped out of the shower and got the rug all wet.”

“But-but-but-What…? Are you having contractions?”

“No, not yet.”

“Have you called the hospital?”

“I’ve texted Maria.”

“And you’re going in-“

“Norman, calm your ass down, ok? No, I’m not going anywhere until I’ve to. I’m not even having contractions.”

“I’m keeping you on the phone until I land.”

“Sure but I’m going to sleep.”

She moves in the bed and somehow props the phone up beside her and I watch her beautiful face. She smiles and tucks some hair behind her ear.

“You’re beautiful.”

I tell her and lean back in my chair and put the phone up in front of me so I can sit there and watch her sleep.

“Talk to me.”

She asks.

“What do you wanna talk about?”

“I’m not going to do much talking here, I’m pretty tired. Just talk to me.”

“Jeffrey gave me a book to read. _A handbook for new dads._ It’s suppose to be pretty funny.”

“You don’t need a handbook. You’re already a great dad.”

“A lot has changed in 18 years.”

“Not being a father.”

“Did you want me to talk to you or not…? Shut your mouth and go to sleep, baby. You’ll need it.”

She rolls her eyes, giggles and blows me a kiss before snuggling into the pillow and shut her eyes. I hear her make a deep sigh and she smiles as I begin to read. And I say a fast pray to every God on the planet that this flight makes it there in time. I can’t miss my baby coming into this world.  

I should be ready for this but I’m not. I don’t know why I’m not ready because she’s close to her due date but it’s unreal that we’re here. Shit! What if I’ve a second child today? November 12th 2018 seems like a good day for a birthday. I wonder if it really is a girl. I hope it’s a girl but I’m just praying everything goes well. There’re so many things that can go wrong in a delivery room. I’ve to be there. I ‘ve to get there in time.  


	26. Chapter 26

Someone is moaning in my ear. Groaning and cursing. It’s weird and I wonder what’s going on. Then I open my eyes and realize that I’ve fallen asleep and I scramble to life quickly and pick up the fallen phone. She’s no longer in bed and I can’t see her but I can hear her pacing somewhere nearby.

“Ems?”

I call her name twice before a face shows up. It’s Kristin.

“Hey.”

“What’s going on?”

She grabs the phone and sit down at the foot of the bed and her best friend comes into view. She’s sitting on a gym ball and moans quietly with her head bowed. And I know what’s going on without Kristin having to tell me. She’s having contractions.

“Baby?”

She looks up and actually smiles a little but quickly drops her head back to the bed and breaths heavily.

“I want you to be here.”

She says and I’m pretty sure she’s crying. I try to locate what time it is and I’m shocked and so fucking thankful to find that we’re actually landing in less than an hour.

“I’ll be there soon. How are you feeling?”

I’m impressed that I can stay so calm. But I know I have to help her get through this and me freaking out won’t help at all. She doesn’t answer and I ask Kristin how intense the contractions are and how far apart.

“Not so frequent yet, 3-4 every 10 minutes. Getting more intense though.”

“Will you take her to the hospital?”

“When it’s time, yes of course.”

“Thank you. What time is it over there anyway?”

“Almost noon.”

“Am I heading straight for the hospital or home to you?”

“I would say come here first. She’s going to stay home as long as possible and I would guess she has a few more hours to go before it’s time. Jasper is coming to pick you up.”

“Thank you, Kristin.”

“Don’t think you get to run away from this, Mr. Reedus.”

I can’t help but to laugh at her comment as she tries to stay all serious but she cracks up too.

“I ain’t missing this for anything in the world.”

“You’re having a baby today, Norman.”

She says and the words make me bounce back against my seat and I’ve to hold on to my head for just a moment to make it stop spinning. I’ve having a kid today! Fuck! And while keeping the two women still on the line, although it’s the worst feeling not to be there, I start texting everyone about what’s going on. I’m probably going to be away from the States a lot longer than I had planned for.   

I’m not totally sure how it happens and I’m pretty sure I run over and hit a few of the other important men on the plane but I’m the first off and after somehow explaining the situation to customs, I’m allowed to run right through security checks. This is one of the best things with actually being sort of a big deal and although I hate taking advantage of my position, I’ll throw all of that away right now. I just need to get to her. Jasper is waiting for me and I’m not even buckled in before he drives off.

“She’s going to kill me if I don’t get you there on time.”

He tells me and speeds up just a little bit. I hear Kristin chuckle in my ear and I realize she must have heard her husband speak. I remove my headphones and put it on speaker. Emma is cursing at the top of her lungs and both of us jump when the loud noise fills the car. The youngest of their children gives an upset cry from the backset. I haven’t even noticed she’s here. But she quickly calms down and maybe even goes to sleep.

“Please tell me you’re on your way.”

Emma begs, her voice strained and full of pain.

“I’m coming, baby.”

“We’ll be there in 10 minutes, sweetie. Hold on.”

“What else do you fucking expect me to do, Jasper?!”

She yells, upsetting the baby in the back once more and I give up a nervous little giggle, wanting to apologize to the man beside me for my girlfriend’s bad temper. He laughs though and doesn’t seem that bothered.

“We’re coming as fast as we can, Ems. I’m going to hang up now though, ok?”

I tell her, thinking it’s probably safer for everyone if we don’t have to listen to her yelling and cursing every other minute.

“Just get here.”

She asks again and ends our conversation before I can. Jasper doesn’t make small talk and I’m thankful that he doesn’t demand any kind of conversation from me. I just try to prepare myself to what is to come. Mingus delivery was hell and so long I was afraid it was never going to end. I’ve a feeling this won’t be the same though. For starter I haven’t been able to be by her side from the beginning.

I’m out of the car before it comes to a complete stand still and I jump up the 3 steps in one big leap and sprint at the front door. I get it open and I kick off my shoes in a haste and throw my bag and jacket on the floor before jumping up the stairs. The door to the bedroom is open and I walk straight into the room. She’s in the same position as when our conversation ended, on the gym ball, bouncing lightly and leaning over the edge of the bed. Kristin is standing behind her, pressing her hands to her lower back. Both of them look around at me and our eyes meet at once and she beams and start crying all together.

Kristin backs away at once, walks up to me, puts her hand on my arm for a second and leaves the room. She pushes herself up to her feet and I want to ask her to sit down again but I change my mind when the need to hold her get too strong. I walk straight up to her, grab her around the waist and hug her as close as I possible can. She looks up into my face, tears streaming down her face and kisses me.

“I love you. I love you so much. How are you feeling?”

“Better now when you’re here.”

She says and puts her forehead against my chest and grabs my hips for support.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re here.”

“How far apart are your contractions?”

“About 4 or 5 minutes and they’re getting fucking terrible.”

She gives a quiet sob and moves her hands to the front of my chest and digs her fingers into the fabric.

“So maybe we should go in, huh?”

“Not just yet. I just want to be alone with you for a moment, ok?”

“Of course. I suggest a warm shower.”

“Yes, please!”

She says and looks up at me. I swipe away the hair from her face and kiss her gently.

“We’re having a baby.”

“We’re having a baby.”

She replays with a smile on her entire face.

“God, you’re so fucking gorgeous, woman. I can’t wait to see who she turns out to be.”

“It could still be a boy.”

“I know. Come on, let’s take a shower.”

I take her by the hand and we walk across the hallway and towards the bathroom. I can hear movement in the kitchen and low voices between the married couple and their youngest daughter. I undress the little she’s wearing, turn on the shower and make sure she’s comfortable under the hot water before I undress myself and join her. She’s standing with her hands pressed up against the wall and her body is tens and her face is screwed up in pain. Her lips are tightly pursed together and her eyes shut hard as she gently sways her hips.

“Tell me where it hurts the most.”

I ask her and step up behind her. She tries to say something but the pain is probably too intense at the moment and she just drops her head to the wall. I take a wild guess and assume what Kristin was doing, helps, so I put my hands hard against the small of her back and push hard. She gives an appreciated moan and within a minute she relaxes again.

“Thanks.”

“No need to thank me, baby. It’s what I’m here for. Tell me where it hurts and I’ll do whatever I can to help. I know you’re in pain, baby so if you need to yell at me or hit me, go right ahead.”

She chuckles and turns her head and looks at me over her shoulder while I keep massaging her back.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“It’s a one-time offer.”

“I might take advantage.”

“I’m counting on it. Where’s Kevin?”

“With my parents. I started to feel something was happening last night so I thought it’d be better if he spent the night with them. Kristin got here around midnight.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to get here quicker anyway. Right?”

“Yeah, I know but… I’m glad I got here in time.”

“Me too. How did your last day go?”

“Good. Pretty emotional but good. Don’t bother about that now though, baby. Focus on you and our baby.”

“I wanna hear about your day. Makes me think about something else other than the fact that a human being is about to make its way through my vagina.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Not really. Well, a kinda good nervous. Mostly excited.”

“Makes us two.”

“There’s another one coming.”

She says and can’t talk again after that as her body tenses up again and her belly goes rock hard. She gasps and curses loudly.

“They’re getting closer, aren’t they?”

She nods and there’s nothing I can do but simply keeping pressure on her back and hope it will ease a tiny bit of the hell she’s going through. She hits her fit against the wall and I’ve never wanted to take on someone else pain more in my life. I’m partly responsible for this pain. I wanted to have sex with her. I knocked her up back in London, almost 9 months to the day she first walked into my life. We’re in the shower a good half hour as the warm water sooths the pain and I even think she falls into some kind of trans at some point while I keep running my fingers gently over her back.

“Let’s go in now, ok?”

I ask her as I lean in over her and kiss her neck after the second contraction in less than 5 minutes hit her.

“Yeah.”

She agrees and reach out and turn the water off. I help her get dressed in the same sweatpants and shirt she wore when I got there.

“Kris!”

She calls down to her friend when we walk out the bathroom, me holding on to her to make sure she doesn’t fall. Movement can be heard from downstairs but Kristin doesn’t even have time to put her first foot on the stair before another contraction begins. She turns at once and grab me hard around the waist and buries her head in my chest and breaths heavily.

“We need to go.”

I tell her when Kristin rushes up the stairs but when she can’t get in contact with her best friends, she turns to me for an answer. She just nods, yells something to her husband and continue to the nursery and grab a packet weekend bag.

“Everything is packet?”

I ask her and she nods.

“Yes. Do you want your hoodie?”

Kristin address her question to Emma and although she can’t speak right now, I can feel her nod. Kristin returns with a familiar hoodie and it makes me crack up a little. She takes a deep breath and slowly turn around to Kristin and takes the Kojima hoodie I gave her in Germany. She most have caught my grinning because she chuckles as she pulls it over her head.

“Don’t smirk. I’m pretty sure this shirt is one of the reasons your girlfriend figured out what was going on.”

“ _Ex girlfriend_ , Ems. You’re my girlfriend now.”

I tell her firmly and she smiles broadly at me and turn back and grab me by the front of the shirt and kisses me.

“Yes, I am.”

She tells me before we make it down the stairs and out through the front door. We just make it halfway down to the already started car though as she has to stop to make it through another contraction. This is getting so real. So close. She can’t barley talk anymore as the pain is too strong. I remember this from the first time I did this. It was the same thing back then. Helena stopped talking too. I think most women do to be honest.

“I can’t do this! I can’t do this!”

She starts yelling as Jasper turns into the hospital area and finds the direction to the delivery. She’s standing on her knees in the middle of the seat and Kristin is talking quietly to her while I rub her back.

“You don’t have a choice, sweetie.”

“I don’t want to do this! It hurts!”

“I know it does. But you can do this, you know you can, Ems.”

“I can’t walk. I can’t move. It’s feels like she’s coming. I don’t want to move.”

At these words Jasper speeds up a little bit more but making him hit the brakes a little too hard when he parks. No one cares though. Kristin’s having a quick conversation with him and he nods before rushing out of the car and up to the entrance.

“I wanna push!!!” ¨

The sound that’s coming out of this woman, my woman, is something she shouldn’t be able to make. She roars and I can’t help but jump a little. I don’t know what to do and I want to ask Kristin why we’re still here but just then Jasper gets back with 2 nurses with a wheelchair behind him. When they get closer I notice that one of them is Maria. She sticks her head into the car on my side, smiles at me and reaches out and touches her patient on the shoulder.

“Emma?”

“I need to fucking push!!!”

She roars again but Maria remains calm. I’m in full blown panic at this point. It’s really happening but I can’t seem to find my voice. I can’t yell at everyone to just get the fuck out of the way! She’s about to give birth. Right here. She can’t give birth here, right? It’s too cold.

“I can see that but why don’t we try to move inside first, ok? You really don’t want to give birth in the car, do you?”

She shakes her head and turn it towards the midwife, looks past me.

“No, I don’t.”

“Good. Then let’s get you out. Come on.”

With a lot of curses and yelling from her part, I manage to help her out of the car and into the wheelchair. Once she’s in it, everything moves very quickly and we’re inside the building, take the elevator and make it to the delivery ward within a minute. Kristin is still by my side and I’m glad that I can feel her hand on my back like she reminds me to keep my head. I wouldn’t if she wasn’t here. I know she will kick my ass so fucking hard if I pass out now. I need to stay sharp for Ems sake. She needs me.

“Will you be ok if I leave you alone?”

We follow the running nurses through the corridors and Kristin speaks as we make it to a room in the far end of a corridor to the left. She pins me down before allowing me to follow them inside. And I stop for the space of a heartbeat and force myself to take a deep breath. I need to focus now.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“No… Maybe you-“

“Kristin, you’re fucking staying too!”

Emma interrupts us and gives us no choice but to walk into the room together. And I breath a breath of relief when I don’t have to be alone getting through this. They’re moving her over into the bed as we take a few quick steps into the room and the door closes behind us. I’ve never seen her in such a rage before. She’s really pissed and in so much pain at the same time that she’s crying.

“Emma, you need to calm down and try to breath, honey. I’ve to examine you before we know what to do, ok? Breath, sweetheart.”

Marias request doesn’t seem to reach her at all and Kristin gives me one quick look and nods her head towards her best friend. And I know I’ve to pull my own fears and panic aside and try to help her. I reach the head of the bed before Kristin appears on the other side and I grab her face with my hands and try to make her look at me. It’s not working at all though and she tries to move her head away from my hands and she’s close to hyperventilating. So I kiss her. It’s the only thing that comes to mind right now. I kiss her hard and at first she struggles but after a mere second or two, she takes a deep breath and kisses me back.

“Hey, I’m right here, ok? We can do this. You can do this but you gotta breath, baby.”

During the very short conversation we’re having and when she’s actually pretty calm, the nurse manages to get her shoes and sweats off.

“You got here in the nick of time, Emma. I can see the baby, you’re crowning so whenever you’ve your next contraction, just listen to your body and let it do the work.”

While Maria is talking, she scrambles around by Emma’s feet, trying to get some protective gear on and talking to the nurse at the same time. How she can just switch languages like that is incredible. The woman under my hands takes a deep breath and she hears what Maria says and some kind of extreme determination comes over her.

“Help me get this off, will you?”

She asks and starts tugging at her hoodie. In the middle of the moment of getting the thing over her head, she suddenly freezes and throws the shirt away from her.

“I gotta push.”

She says, her voice suddenly very clear and calm.

“Go right ahead, sweetheart. Gently, though.”

“Hold on to me.”

She turns to look at me, searching for my hand. I wrap my arm behind her neck and she reaches up her other hand and takes it too. She moves up a little, half sitting, leaning on me.

“Emma listen to me. Do you hear me?”

“Yes.”

She breaths out the world heavily, tossing her head back and forth and pressing her eyes and lips tightly together.

“You’re doing really good, honey. You’re almost done. Don’t push so hard though, you don’t have to, go gently, honey.”

I can feel her close to me and I know she’s real but this whole thing feels like a dream. Like it’s not really happening. I want to pinch myself but I don’t have to because she grabs my hand so hard the next moment that I let out an involuntary gasp. I’m not allowed to gasp because of she’s squeezing my hand for fucks sake! A human being is coming out of her body and I’m complaining?! Come on, Reedus!

“There you go, good. Keep going. Careful, honey. Excellent. You’ve got this.”

I watch her. She’s never been more beautiful then right now. She’s sweaty and panting but she’s absolutely gorgeous. Her face screws up and every muscle in her body tenses as she lets out a loud, long scream. In between the scream I can hear Maria talking and Kristin gasping and crying.

“Good job, sweetie.”

And it’s right there. Out of nowhere there’s a baby placed on her chest and she grabs it with one hand. It’s bloody and slimy and a little blue but I don’t even have time to count 2 heartbeats and the baby gives up a loud cry. I notice that I’m crying and I don’t even know when I started but the tears are fogging up my vision and I don’t want to miss this. Quickly I wipe away the worst tears and watch as the baby goes from slightly blue to brightest pink as it keeps screaming, filing its lungs with air. The nurse is beside the bed, placing a white blanket over the baby and start cleaning her up a little. Her? Is it a girl? For a moment I want to turn the baby over and check but next second, I don’t care at all. I just want to lay there and watch the perfect little head.

“I love you.”

I move into Emma’s line of vision and kiss her hard. She’s crying too and our tears mix as we kiss and hug hard.

“I love you too.”

She tells me and grab hold of the little thing on her chest tighter and tugs its up a little closer. The crying has stopped and it’s very quiet in the room. The two woman that is tending to the incredible woman in my arms, are talking quietly to each other and I can see Kristin hoovering in the background as well.

“How are you feeling, Emma?”

It’s minutes until Maria finally comes up next to the bed. She tares her eyes away from the kiddo on her chest and takes a calming breath and wipes away the last lingering tears.

“Fine. I’m good.”

“Do you want to know the gender of your baby?”

She asks, chuckles a little and looks from me to her. Emma sighs deeply, very content and nods towards me.

“Go ahead.”

She tells me and scoops the little thing into her arms and attends to hand her over but Maria stop the movement and tells us we’ve to cut the cord first. The baby cries as the blanket is taken away and Maria instructs me how to cut the last physical bond between mother and child. And as I do we both realize that Kevin was right all along. We’ve a daughter. A perfect little pink daughter with a tinny tuft of blond hair on her round head.

“Hey, hon? I’m gonna take off, ok? Leave you guys alone.”

Kristin says at the same time as I get to hold her in my arms for the first time. I can’t take my eyes away from the tinny human being in my arms but I listen while the two friends make conversations although I don’t understand any of it. She comes around to my side of the bed and leans in close to the child in my arms and runs a finger over her forehead.

“She’s perfect.”

She says and sobs quietly when I look up at her.

“Thank you for your help.”

“Of course. Take care of her. Them. Congratulations, Norman.”

“Thank you.”

She gives me a swift kiss on the side of the head before exiting the room and all is quiet again, except from the soft and low conversation between the two remining women. Now and then there’s a question directed towards Emma but within the next maybe 20 minutes, they seem all done and she’s finally able to move to her side and her eyes dart directly to mine.

“We’ll leave you three alone for a little while, ok? But just call us if you want any kind of help or have a question.”

Maria speaks as she walks up to us and the other nurse leaves the room. I try to thank her but Emma gets there before me and all I mange to say is a quick ‘thanks’ before she too leaves and we’re alone. The two of us together with our newborn daughter. We’re alone. We’ve been given the responsibility to care for this tinny human for the rest of our lives.

“She’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful.”

I have to say the words to make it more real. To somehow put words to what she is to make her more real. It’s so surreal that she’s here in my arms. I’m finally holding her in my arms and to be able to put to words what she is. Who she is.

“Kevin wanted to name her Charlie, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Charlie is a good name.”

“He’ll have to see her first though before we name her.”

“Of course. How are you feeling? Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Tired but I’m ok.”

“You’re the most amazing woman to walk this earth, Ems. You truly are and you’ve no idea who proud I’m of you.”

She puts her head back heavily against the pillows and smiles warmly and a little shily at me and I quickly lean in and kiss her.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Here.”

I hand her back to her mother and get to my feet, trying to shake some blood into my limbs again. I notice how tense I’ve been and I’ve to walk around a little to make my body start working again. I walk over to the big window and gaze out the gorgeous day full of sunshine. A cry from the bed makes me turn back around. Emma is sitting up in bed and is placing the crying child into a better position to give her, her first meal.

“Give me my phone, please.”

She asks and nods to the window where I’m at. I find her phone lying right there and I grab it and hand it over as I move into a comfy armchair close to her side. She makes sure the child latches on and quiet down before attending to her phone.

“I asked Kristin to record it.”

She tells me and show me her gallery that’s filled with pictures and videos from the past hours. And I’m so entirely grateful that she had the sense to ask for this because right now I can’t even remember how the hell we got here. Everything happened so fast and in a few days time, when we’ve had time to digest all this, I know we’ll be both be very excited to look back to this moment. Right now, it seems she’s looking for a good picture to send to her family and friends though. And I realize, I’ve to do the same. The once I texted on the way over here, will want to know what’s happened.

“I can’t shut up about this…. She’s so damn beautiful.”

I can’t keep my hands away from her. I put one finger on top of her tinny head and caress it lightly while she eats. Emma lean back against the raised bed and I feel her watching me. She reaches out a hand and puts it in the side of my head for a moment. I lean in to her touch and kiss her palm.

“You don’t have to shut up.”

She tells me and I see her text a picture of our little miracle to 4 different numbers. I’m assuming her mother, father, brother and Kevin. I reach out again and touch the top of the tinny hand that’s resting on top of her mother’s breast. Her hand closes around my finger and I’m surprised by her strength. I take a picture of her tinny hand around my finger and decided it will be the photo I send to my closest family and friends.

“I love you.”

I kiss her head lightly and say the words for the first time to her and knowing I’ll tell her the same thing every single day for the rest of my life.

“Do you think you and Kevin are ready to make room for a new man in your home? I mean, permanently?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean there’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to go back to the States now. I want to stay here with you. With her.”

“Of course. I just… We’ll figure it out. I don’t want you to go back either. It’s just… Complicated.”

“I know but we can work it out. I know we can.”

“Yeah.”

Once again we end up just looking at her and trying to take in this moment. It feels like times is standing still but I know it doesn’t and we’re only woken up from it when Maria stepped back into the room at some point, carrying a tray with a flag, coffee and sandwiches.

“Well, look at that. She’s a pro already.”

She says, puts the tray down and leans in to take a closer look at the infant who seems done with eating her first meal.

“Yeah, she got the hang of this pretty good.”

“I’m going to take her for a little while. We need to weigh her and measuring her. And maybe dad should practice putting on a diaper again.”

She looks over at me and nods from the baby to me and it takes me a moment but I finally realize what she wants from me and I hasten to my feet and bring the child with me. She’s so tinny in my arms and I feel like a damn giant. Putting on a diaper seems like an impossible job to be honest. I’m too clumsy, hands that are too big and rough She weighs 3120 grams and is 50 centimeters long and as I glance at the piece of papers Maria gives me once she’s all done, I notice for the first time, time of birth. 15.15.

“15.15? How long did it actually take?”

“How short did it actually take, you mean? From the time my brother rang the intercom to the time she was born, 18 minutes.”

“That’s fast, right?”

“I’m pretty sure she makes the top 5 of quickest this year. We’ll let you rest here for maybe an hour or two more before moving you to the maternity ward.”

Maria says as she hands me a diaper and instructs me wordlessly to attend to the baby on the table in front of me. Which I do. 

“Actually…”

The hesitant word from the woman in the bed makes me look around and I know it’s probably going to be something I don’t want to hear. Maria seems to think so too as I can see her raised eyebrows.

“Yes?”

“I really just want to go home. Like not right now but I don’t wanna spend the night.”

“You’re insane.”

I wasn’t planning on say the words out loud but I do and the room falls silent for a moment, then Emma burst out laughing, shaking her head at me.

“I just want to be alone.”

She says with an innocent little shrug of her shoulders. Maria takes a little breath and walks over and take my seat and I’m left along with the crying, naked baby that the midwife has just cleaned up. I listen with one ear on the conversation going on behind me but its hard when the beautiful girl at my hands are demanding my attention. It’s been so long since I handled something so small. George isn’t a baby anymore and I wasn’t around that much through her newborn period. But the diaper I can figure out.

“I’m leaving you guys now. Good luck, Norman and congratulations again.”

My heart jumps into my throat as I hear her speak. Is she really going to let us, me, take care of her all by myself? Am I really allowed to be alone with this this tinny creature without anymore supervision from a professional midwife?  

“What?”

She chuckles a little and puts a hand on my back and looks over my shoulder at the child. My child.

“You’ll get to stay here a few more hours, unless there would suddenly be an invention of mothers in labor and then you can go home and spend the night there. Tomorrow you’ll come back and let the doctor do the usual checkup.”

“Are you sure they’re ok?”

“Yes, they’re both doing really good.”

She says, gives me a path, nods towards Emma and leaves the room. And once again the silence is very welcome as I know it won’t be that quiet anymore. And I’m so lucky forward to it. Every. Single. Thing.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! But now i've finally finished this story. thanks for all your comments and kudos =)

She looks like her daddy. And Kevin. I can’t really decide but then again, I guess I don’t have to. She will probably change a hundred-time overs just in her first year of life. I can’t get it into my head that she’s right here in my arms. Everything went so extremely fast but now when she’s cleaned and dressed in her first set of clothes, a red and white striped PJ’s, and sleeping on Norman’s chest, I take my time to try to sort through what happened.

I know I talked to him when he got on the plane and that we both fall asleep. I remember Kristin being there, helping me get though when the contractions really started to get harder to handle. I’ve to remember to send the biggest bunch of flowers known to man, to Angela Kang. I highly doubt he would’ve been able to be here if she hadn’t arranged a private jet for him to get here. I’m so beyond happy and thankful that he’s here. And that he got the chance to be here. I’ve never seen a human being show such extreme happiness and pride before. He’s so beautiful and I can sit here and watch him watch her for a week without getting bored. He can’t keep his hands away from her. He keeps running his fingers over her face, arms, hands, legs, feet, just everywhere and keep telling her over and over that he loves her.

“Wait…! What are you doing?”

His call makes me turn around and look at him over my shoulder as I swing my legs over the edge. I honestly didn’t think he’d notice me moving but apparently, he can do two things at the same time.

“I’m going to go and take a shower.”

“Let me help you.”

He starts looking around, I’m guessing for somewhere to put our daughter but I quickly assure him that I can manage on my own.

“I’m ok, Norman I think I still remember how to shower myself.”

“I’m sure you do but let me help you. She’s sleeping anyway.”

He gets to his feet and puts her in the small plastic box on wheels and tucks her in with a blanket he must have brought from the States because I don’t recognize it. She doesn’t even stir but stays asleep and before I can even get to my feet, he has hurried around the bed and takes one of my hands and puts one arm around my back. Gently he pulls me to my feet and as I stand up straight, I’m actually glad he holds on to me as my head spins a little. At only last for 2 seconds and when it finally stops, I find him right in front of me, looking at me with most concerned eyes.

“Hi.”

He smiles and grabs my face and kisses me gently.

“Hey.”

He replays, running his thumb across my chin. He guides me to the bathroom and I try out my limbs carefully. Everything seems to be working just fine, although I feel like I’ve just gone through the most insane work out and every muscle is acing. It’s worth it though, although I really felt like I was going to be ripped in two at some point. I’m so thankful Kristin filmed a lot of the process as I can’t remember much of it right now. I remember Norman the most. Just that the fact that he was there, talking, hugging, touching, massaging, whatever he could do to help. And he keeps helping although I’ve probably pooped, peed and bleed all over myself during this process, he somehow still has the same look in his eye as he watches me.

“Are you hurting?”

He asks as he turns on the shower and he hear me groan as I remove my sexy hospital gown.

“Not really hurting, I feel soar. Like I’ve done an entire day at the gym.”

I look down on my naked body. The round, hard belly is gone, now it’s just a soft bump that I know will be there for a few more weeks, it probably won’t be completely gone. My body won’t look the same as it did before this pregnancy. And I wonder if he cares about that. Maybe it makes me less attractive to him?

“Don’t.”

He suddenly says, the word's harsh and demanding and it makes me snap my head up at him. As our eyes meet, he walks up to me and grabs me by the shoulders.

“Don’t even let that thought start to form in your head.”

What is he talking about? Can he fucking read minds? I frown at him, really confused as to how he can possibly know what I’m thinking about.

“Don’t think about what your body looks like. You made new life with this body, Ems. That’s fucking incredible. I don’t want you to think about it or worry about it. Ok? You’re beautiful, so beautiful.”

I can’t response to this. I mean, how the hell do you response to something like this? I know it’s something he doesn’t just say to make me feel good. He actually means it. At the moment I just nod at him and step around him, into the shower. I’ll probably believe him a little easier as soon as I get rid of all the blood and other body fluids from my body.

He stays behind, saying something about needing to pee and I tun my back to him to give him a little bit of privacy. The water is very welcome and I quickly rinse of the blood on my legs and belly, staining the water red. I managed to avoid getting stitches but I know I’ll be bleeding for days. It really is a very messy business, giving birth and I can count myself extremely lucky not to have experienced any complicating during labor.

I’m enjoying every second of this divine shower and I’m probably in there for almost half an hour. As I get dressed in my own cloths that somehow has appeared on the toilet seat, I can hear Norman talking in the room outside. It sounds like he’s talking to his mother. Usually you can tell when someone you know is talking to their parents. It’s something that changes in the voice and the way he talks. He uses a lot of reassuring and loving words. And he can’t stop talking about her. Our daughter. We have a daughter. And the need to just see her gets so overwhelming that I only have one arm through my shirt when I rush out of the bathroom. I take a quick look around the room and find her still sleeping where Norman left her. He’s sitting on the side of the bed, having her right next to him, one hand touching her tinny foot. He looks up when I come to sit down next to him and quickly wraps up his conversation, promising to send a lot of pictures. I lean over her as he finishes his conversation and I touch her little face with the tip of my fingers. She moves her head a little but remines asleep. I remember Kevin sleeping for almost a solid 24 hours after being born.

I feel his lips against my shoulder and one arms sneaks around my waist as he leans in close to my side.

“Mom sends a lot of love and wanted me to tell you that you’re one truly remarkable woman.”

“Woman give birth everyday.”

“They do and they’re all remarkable but you’re the most amazing. You made her.”

“We made her. Last I checked you had to be two to make a baby.”

“It’s pretty unfair when you think about it.”

“What is?”

I ask and look over at him but he doesn’t want to tare his eyes away from her.

“I get to do the fun part. You know, all I have to do is have sex and my work is done and then you’ve to carry it around for 9 month and push it out of your body. I get an orgasm, you get your body torn in half.”

“It’s worth it.”

I have to stretch a little but I take a peek at her before closing my eyes. He says something but I’m too tired. It comes over me out of the blue and I just want to sleep. Before I can even ask or say anything, he lays me down, kisses me hair and I’m out.

                                            ---------------------------------------

I’ve been dreading and looking forward to this moment since Kevin really grasped the concept of getting a little brother or sister. Norman was very hard to convince but now we’re finally home. It’s strange that I gave birth just hours ago and we’re already home. But it’s so damn nice to walk up the path and see the light come on inside the front door and I can see Kevin jump on the other side as he tries to unlock the door too quickly.

“Someone is excited.”

Norman says and turn the car seat around so that the sleeping baby sister is facing forward when the door opens. He really should be asleep but this night is probably going to be very sleepless for everyone in the house. There’s a moment of commotion with a lot of words being shouted everywhere but we make it to the other side of the door and Norman manage to bring our daughter into the living room without being tackled to the ground. He sits her down on the sofa and Kevin is right there in the same second. He really can’t contain himself and my heart swells to twice its size when I watch him. His eyes are just exploding with happiness and excitement.

“She’s sleeping.”

Norman says quietly and catches my son’s eye as he kneels down by the sofa. And by those little words, he calms down at once and moves in closer but very gently and quiet. I hear myself gasp and get teary eyed by this sudden understanding and compassion.

“She’s so small.”

He whispers and carefully reaches out a finger and touches her head. He runs his finger all over her face, so incredible gently and he just sits there touching and looking at her. For minutes.

“Charlie’s a good name.”

“Do you really think so?”

He asks Norman, who nods before he has finished asking the question.

“Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“So her name is Charlie?”

He turns to me for reassurance and I nod and lean in and touch his face gently.

“Yes, her name is Charlie.”

“It’s a beautiful name, Kevin.”

Kristin adds and joins the sofa as well. I spin halfway around and put a thankful hand on her thigh for taking care of my son. She just nods a little right back and pats my hand in return.

                                            -------------------------------------

I wake up to an absolute picture-perfect image our first night together. It’s dark in the room, or maybe it’s even late and I’ve actually missed the daylight. It doesn’t really get that light this time of a year. The new mother to be is laying on her side, facing me and our daughter on her arm. They are both awake. Well, Emma is anyway nursing the baby and I can’t tell if she’s asleep or not.

“Hi.”

She whispers.

“Good morning.”

“No, not really. It’s almost 3 o’clock.”

“Wow, really? Have you been up for long?”

“Been up and gone back to bed twice. We ate breakfast with Kevin and he spent some time with her while I took a shower.”

“Where’s he now?”

“In his room playing video games.”

“Has she eaten?”

“Just a little when she woke up the first time because she fell asleep again but now she’s really getting the hang of it. And my boob hurts so I guess it works.”

She gives a little chuckle and I reach out and brush away some hair from her face before leaning in to kiss the baby girl’s soft head. I smell her tinny head and nestle my nose into her neck. She has that special baby smell that is sweet and bitter at the same time and I can’t really decide if I like it or not. It’s just special and I know it will be gone too soon.

“I love you.”

“Shit…”

When I lift my head, I find her moving her face away from me, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“What? Are you ok?”

“Fine, just… Just fucking… Hormones and shit.”

She says, whipping her eyes with the knuckles of her that’s not resting under her head.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing, nothing wrong I mean, it’s just me.”

“Well, you’ll have to get use to hearing me say it. A lot. I love you.”

I kiss our daughter again, who seems to have been completely knocked out from her meal and again tears spill over but she looks at me and smile this time.

“I think I can do that.”

“Good.”

“I love you.”

This time the words are directed to her and I whip away her tears before leaning in to kiss her lips. She says it right back and I’ve never wanted time to stop as right now before. To remember this moment though, I grab my phone and take a selfie with the gorgeous woman next to me and our little miracle in between us. As I do, I notice all the texts and notifications I’ve missed during my hour’s unconscious. The well wishes and congratulations goes on forever and I realize my friends and family have talked to each other and spread the news because there were only a handful of people who I got in touch with last night.

“We’ve to get back to the hospital for her checkup. I can do it alone though if you’re-“

“No, don’t even think about it, baby. I’m coming too. Just let me take a shower and I’m good to go.”

“Ok.”

“And maybe some food.”

I add as we can both hear my stomach rumble. She sniggers and nods in my direction before getting up, leaving the sleeping infant behind. I get out of bed too but linger by the bed and watch her. I’m starting to ask if she’ll be alright, but she interrupts me before I can get the first word out.

“She’ll be fine. Go take a shower and get dressed and I’ll get us something to eat.”

She kisses me gently as she walks past me and continue out the room and down the stairs. I linger for a moment longer and watch the sleeping beauty in the middle of the bed. My sleeping beauty. Well, ours. Fuck! We made that. It’s pretty fucking wild when you think about it. I made another human! And I’ve to restrain myself not to scoop her up into my arms and take her with me. But instead I rush to the bathroom and cut the shower very short before getting dressed in a hurry. I’m back in the bedroom in less than 10 minutes probably but she hasn’t moved an inch and she’s still fast asleep. But I can’t leave her up her alone, it’s just impossible. And without waking her, I scoop her into my arms and make it down the stairs. 2 large frozen pizzas are baking in the oven but the mama in the house is nowhere to be seen. Or heard. I make it to Kevin’s room and he’s on his bed, playing a video game.

“Hey, buddy.”

He looks up as I speak and beams as he spots his little sister. He even pauses his game and gets to his feet.

“Hi.”

“Where’s your mom?”

He walks up to me but only has eyes for the sleeping bundle in my arms. He touches her hand gently and I’m just about to ask for a second time when he answers.

“Doing laundry. Are you staying here?”

He asks in the same breath, still not looking up at me.

“Would it be ok if I did?”

“Yes. Mom wants you to stay.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes.”

He says and lifts his head to look at me and the look in his eye, tells me more than the words coming out of his mouth.

“I hope I can stay for a long time but you know I’ve my family in America and I’d like to go and see them.”

“We can come with you.”

“Would you like that?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, I’m sure we can work something out but for now I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok, good.”

And with that he seems satisficed for the time being and he turns back to his game but make sure to kiss his little sister first. I’ve been a bit nervous because of this to be honest. His lack of control has been an issue everytime I’ve seen him but he’s so extremely calm and careful around Charlie. Maybe she can help him a lot more than I think even Emma expects. Charlie. It’s the first time the name passes through my head as her actual name. And I look down at her when I turn around and head back to the kitchen. She’s a Charlie, it’ll work and her middle name suddenly pops up in my head. As I sit down by the breakfast area in the kitchen, I hear Emma and turn to see her walk towards me through the hallway. She spots me and lights up in a huge smile which I return just as big.

“You couldn’t leave her, could you?”

“Nope… How about London as a middle name?”

I ask as she walks past me to check on the pizzas before taking a seat next to me. She puts a careful hand on top of the baby’s head and I can see her rolling the name around in her head a little.

“London, huh?”

“Yeah, you know it’s… She wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been for London.”

“That’s true.”

“Charlie London Reedus.”

She snorts out a little laugh and looks up at me.

“I don’t think so. She’s Charlie London Blom for now. You’ll have to put a ring on me before that changes.”

She says and laughs heartily and leans in to kiss my jaw. I can feel my eyes pop and my jaw drop to the floor in chock. I did not see this coming at all. She wants to get married?! Honestly?!

“You want me to put a ring on you? Cause I’ll do it, baby. Don’t fucking say that if you’re not serious.”

“I love you, Norman.”

“I love you too.”

“But you don’t have to run out and get one now. I’m sure the time will present itself in due course.”

“I already have one.”

I confess, making her jaw drop and she leans back from me in shock and she stutters out a protest, not at all counting on this at all.

“I’m not gonna propose to you right now, baby, don’t worry.”

“Good, thank you, cause I’m not ready for that right now.”

“I’ll hold on to it for a little while longer than.”

“Yeah.”

“But now when I know you want me to, I’ll-“

“Please, Norm don’t take this so damn literally, I didn’t mean-“

“Oh, no baby you can’t take this back now. You want to marry my crazy ass and I’ll make sure it happens but when that’s going to be will be my best kept secret.”

I tell her and grab her by the neck and kiss her hard. She laughs and kisses me back.


End file.
